3rd date in a row canceled

[Maggiemay1]

I’d say I’m the one who’s had his time wasted. I set this date a week in advance and she still didn’t show up, whether you want to call it canceled or rescheduled. That’s happened with 3 women in a row.

 

What time was wasted? If they were no shows and you spent an hour getting ready , 30 minutes travel time to and from , then yes that’s 2 hrs wasted.

But that didn’t happen with any of them!

 

What was your contact in the week between scheduling the date and the date itself?

Too much contact / enthusiasm or not enough?

 

My best guess is that you do not deal with rejection easily / logically and after the first girl cancelled , perhaps you have displayed mistrust , lack of confidence?

 

I have been on a lot of first online meets but probably cancelled 50% and gave wishy washy reasons for doing so too.

Mostly the reason was something along the lines of on a Monday I arranged the date for a Friday. By Friday after work I wasn’t as keen as feeling a bit less enthusiastic about making the effort to get dressed up and travel to meet a stranger who may or may not be someone I would click with? If the online chat was great I’d make more of an effort , if not I’d cancel in favour of a glass of wine at home in front of tv in my pjs and chill with the dog.

 

But it’s nothing personal!!! I always assumed if I cancelled without rescheduling then I have burnt that bridge but that’s ok!!!

[Redguitar35]

What time was wasted? If they were no shows and you spent an hour getting ready , 30 minutes travel time to and from , then yes that’s 2 hrs wasted.

But that didn’t happen with any of them!

 

What was your contact in the week between scheduling the date and the date itself?

Too much contact / enthusiasm or not enough?

 

My best guess is that you do not deal with rejection easily / logically and after the first girl cancelled , perhaps you have displayed mistrust , lack of confidence?

 

I have been on a lot of first online meets but probably cancelled 50% and gave wishy washy reasons for doing so too.

Mostly the reason was something along the lines of on a Monday I arranged the date for a Friday. By Friday after work I wasn’t as keen as feeling a bit less enthusiastic about making the effort to get dressed up and travel to meet a stranger who may or may not be someone I would click with? If the online chat was great I’d make more of an effort , if not I’d cancel in favour of a glass of wine at home in front of tv in my pjs and chill with the dog.

 

But it’s nothing personal!!! I always assumed if I cancelled without rescheduling then I have burnt that bridge but that’s ok!!!

 

Well if you are only going out on half of the dates that you agreed to with guys just because you aren’t in the mood to make the effort, you are flakey and part of the problem and are not taking dating seriously. Your attitude about flaking on these guys like it’s no big deal (sure not for you) is offputting as well. But hey, maybe your dog is a great conversationalist.

Edited September 9, 2019 by Redguitar35

[Ruby Slippers]

Girls in their 20s are targeted by men of every age group. They have the most options of any age group of women and are hence the most likely to bail for a better option.

 

You can complain about their flakiness as much as you like - it won't change anything.

[SumGuy]

Well if you aren’t even willing to plan a first date, I now understand why girls you ’’’’’ask out’’’’’ cancel.

 

A guy who basically asks me to plan everything = HUGE TURN OFF. I HATE it when a guy asks me to choose the place and what we’re going to do. It shows a lack of interest and willingness to put efforts in the date.

 

If you’re not sure if the girl will like the place, make her choose between two places.

 

Now you have your answer. Next time, know how to properly ask a girl out AKA have a plan

As much as I filter for women who are true partners/not looking for a 1950s male/female dynamic, I think this is very true.

 

In fact when you plan out a date with her in mind, with respect to her location and proposing two places, it sends a very good signal I believe.

 

However, I see your age range is 18-37. I really hoping you are in your very early 20s, otherwise that can appear really creepy. I do know women I talk to it about do look at your criteria (such as when thinking about the date/getting "ready" for it a couple days in advance) and will make judgments about you based on it.

 

Did you mention the OLD site you are using? My limited experience is that makes a huge difference. The free ones I tried were utter crap, lots of fake profiles, weird interactions, and flakes galore. Don't think ever got a date from a free app, even from the women that were pursuing me and asking me out (they backed/flaked out).

[elaine567]

On OLD, does your potential date see your preferred age range?

[elaine567]

However, I see your age range is 18-37. I really hoping you are in your very early 20s, otherwise that can appear really creepy.

 

OP is "mid thirties" though I suspect from his username he was likely 35 in 2016 on joining Loveshack, which makes him ~38.

But I could be wrong, some just tag on random numbers to their user name to make it "unique".

[Ruby Slippers]

However, I see your age range is 18-37. I really hoping you are in your very early 20s, otherwise that can appear really creepy.

Good point. If I can see any indication that a man over 25 is looking to date teenagers, my interest drops to zero, as I find that super creepy. Just being honest.

[SumGuy]

Well if you are only going out on half of the dates that you agreed to with guys just because you aren’t in the mood to make the effort, you are flakey and part of the problem and are not taking dating seriously.

The problem is you are taking this more seriously than the people you are contacting. It may be flakey, or it may be where they and you are in life.

 

For me, I got kids and other serious demands on my time (in that others rely on me and if I'm not there things in their life suffer, not just their emotions). So if a woman cancelled last minute it kind of sucks because I have limited free time, and have free time only because I plan ahead.

Nevertheless, I don't get bent out of shape about it, realize that things happen, people change their mind, etc.

 

I've only been cancelled/flaked on a few times but learned that wherever you plan to meet, make it a place you would go to alone anyway and better yet a place your friends could meet up with you. Such planning ahead, thinking of contingencies, is part and parcel of getting ones sh*t together; better yet if you can get it all together and put it in a back pack, all your ****, so it's together, that helps so you maybe sell it or put it in a **** museum.

 

Then you could reply "no worries" just going to hook up with my friends there (if that is true); so you are not just some so-so guy but one who has a life going on, his sh*t together, her loss if she doesn't show up.

[vla1120]

I’m not interested in dating a single mom.

 

You sound like my daughter. She is 35 and has a list of deal-breakers. They cannot have been married before, no children, no one who works with her, no religious conservatives, no smokers (pot or otherwise), no vapers, no one who belongs to the NRA or owns guns they keep in the home, and the list goes on.....Oh! I almost forgot - no OLD! She absolutely refuses. She works long days and likes to stay home and chill on weekends. Where/how the HECK does she expect to ever meet someone who meets all of these requirements? I do understand some of her restrictions, but many are just too stringent.

 

When you put such stringent restrictions on who you are willing to date, it really limits your options. The pool becomes a mud puddle with nothing but tadpoles.

[SumGuy]

Good point. If I can see any indication that a man over 25 is looking to date teenagers, my interest drops to zero, as I find that super creepy. Just being honest.

Yep. I will say I only found out about this as I go up above my age about as much as below and got complimented on it; when 52 listed 44-60.

[Ruby Slippers]

Yep. I will say I only found out about this as I go up above my age about as much as below and got complimented on it; when 52 listed 44-60.

I don't mind men targeting only women their age and younger, as I'm pretty old-fashioned in dating and tend to date my age and older. But targeting teens when he's way past that is a complete turn-off.

[SumGuy]

I don't mind men targeting only women their age and younger, as I'm pretty old-fashioned in dating and tend to date my age and older. But targeting teens when he's way past that is a complete turn-off.

For me women I've gone out with much younger than that just don't get the cultural references. As attractive as they may be, I want the scintillating, flirty, enthusiastic conversation as well, before and after sex. Yes, I'm picky.

 

 

Now maybe being open to dating older women is the "secret." At my age a few years means nothing, it's all in how you've taken care of yourself. Maybe those 55 year olds want a young 52 year old stud. I'm happy to oblige.

[spiderowl]

Yes, yes, yes.

 

 

 

No. And I’d been talking to this woman for an entire week, in case you missed that. How is that moving too quickly?

 

 

 

Apologies, I do skim sometimes if in a hurry. I can understand how frustrating that must be.

 

Just a thought but are you coming across as too serious perhaps? A bit of fun and banter would not harm. If someone is very serious and sounds gloomy, it can be offputting. A bit of joking and teasing can make one smile even if you don't know the person all that well.

[basil67]

Now that I know your age differences, I will change my suggestion of why she cancelleled. I reckon she's told her family or friends that she was going on a date with a 35yo and they told her she was nuts and persuaded her to stick with guys who are closer to her own age. My daughter is about the age of this girl....and if she told me that she was dating a 35yo, I'd have more than a few words of caution for her.

[nospam99]

Girls in their 20s are targeted by men of every age group.

 

FWIW, not by me. No more babies for me (to raise OR to date), only grandbabies (should that time ever come). And the reality is that I get almost no interest from women under 60 anyway. I agree that if the OP is 35-38, good luck to him with 20-somethings. And IMO his outright rejection of women with children just cuts his odds tremendously. OP, I suggest a reality check. No surprise to me that the 'children' you want to date cancel on you.

[Redguitar35]

FWIW, not by me. No more babies for me (to raise OR to date), only grandbabies (should that time ever come). And the reality is that I get almost no interest from women under 60 anyway. I agree that if the OP is 35-38, good luck to him with 20-somethings. And IMO his outright rejection of women with children just cuts his odds tremendously. OP, I suggest a reality check.

 

If you wanna date baby mamas and get stuck raising somebody else’s kids, that’s your choice. I don’t want that and refuse it. It’s disqualifying.

[Beendaredonedat]

Charming.

 

So: Have you had a date with the woman that rescheduled with you yet?

[Redguitar35]

Charming.

 

So: Have you had a date with the woman that rescheduled with you yet?

 

Surprisingly she did show up for the reschedule date and we had a nice drink together. I really doubted she would even show right up until I came through the door into the bar. I’ve become so used to people canceling and not wanting to meet me. Anyway I thought we had some nice conversations. I’ve asked her if we wants to get together again and am preparing myself for whatever answer I get. One thing’s for sure, it was a lot of work just to get that one date. I don’t know if I could go back at it if she turns out not to be interested. But I’m very appreciative that she showed up.

[Happy Lemming]

If you wanna date baby mamas and get stuck raising somebody else’s kids, that’s your choice. I don’t want that and refuse it. It’s disqualifying.

 

100% Agree with you on this one.

 

I tried dating a single mother once and it was a disaster. NEVER AGAIN!!

 

That is RULE #1 on my deal breaker list, NO KIDS!!