Happy Lemming Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 My suggestion... Stop trying to meet women on these "on-line dating" sites. Go out into the world and try to meet women in real life. On-line dating just seems like the lazy/non-confident man's way of dating (in my opinion). Also (in my opinion) on-line dating just feels like you are hiding behind a keyboard and begging for a date. I did try it (briefly) and it was a disaster. Although three different women canceling isn't a disaster, it is a good start towards one. Face to face just seems more natural and rejection is more immediate, rather than waiting a week to be rejected at the last minute after you planned the date. Last minute canceling means I got a better offer. I never put up with it. My time is valuable, as well and if I go through the trouble of planning a date (even if it is just drinks); she should show up and be on time. Just my two cents. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 My suggestion... Stop trying to meet women on these "on-line dating" sites. Go out into the world and try to meet women in real life. That is not an option for me. I work long hours in front of a computer screen all day. I did try meetup’s, yoga classes etc. and it never lead to anything. Everyone I met was taken or not interested. People in this town are also very cliquish and most women are not open to setting up dates with some random they meet at the supermarket. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 I didn't mean to invalidate your feelings about it. You feel how you feel and anyone would be disappointed about it. It's how you choose to move forward. Statements like this give a lot of insight into how you handle disappointments in your life: "Some of us aren’t ever going to find ourselves in successful relationships and I’m one of them." I am in my mid 30s. Most people are married by my age, and yet I can’t even get women to show up for one drink. I’m just being objective it’s not working out for me. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 I can’t even get women to show up for one drink. Why do you think that is? What do you feel you offer that makes you a good catch? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 Why do you think that is? What do you feel you offer that makes you a good catch? Apparently nothing. I’m not a superstar professional athlete or rock musician so I guess I’m just not interesting enough to get a date. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 Oh dear.... Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 I did try meetup’s, yoga classes etc. and it never lead to anything. Everyone I met was taken or not interested. How about your local pub/sports bar?? Used book store?? Coin-op laundrymat, parties, sports activities, etc. Get creative. If you spend long hours a day working behind a keyboard for your job, all the better to try to meet people out in real life. And yes... face to face rejection is part of the game, and yes sometimes you lose, but sometimes you WIN!! When I'm trying to find a girlfriend, I'm constantly looking and trying, everywhere I go. I met my present girlfriend while swimming in pool at an apartment complex. I never expected to meet a woman that day, was just going for a swim. I noticed her, swam up to her, chit chatted a bit and asked her out for drinks later that night. My point is... you never know where you are going to meet "the one" unless you are putting forth the effort. Tapping on a keyboard is minimal effort at best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 I’m not a superstar professional athlete or rock musician so I guess I’m just not interesting enough to get a date. Give me a break. I'm far from anything "superstar" and can't carry a tune in a bucket. I've had no problems getting dates or a girlfriend, and I've dated A LOT of women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 Give me a break. I'm far from anything "superstar" and can't carry a tune in a bucket. I've had no problems getting dates or a girlfriend, and I've dated A LOT of women. Good for you. I have had a different experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 Good for you. I have had a different experience. My point is... If I can do it, you can do it. Have a little confidence in yourself and keep trying. So what if you are rejected 20 times in a row, number 21 might be a success. Moreover, women like a confident man, not someone who is meek or shy. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." - Thomas H. Palmer Edited to add: In my opinion... As far as dating, tapping on a keyboard isn't trying, its mailing it in. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 Good for you. I have had a different experience. Red I'm going assume you play guitar. I also play. I play acoustical and study classical guitar. I have always found, even at my age, that it is a draw for women. Is this something you have found not be true or is it because you never perform in public? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 Not sure what you want us to say - you seem to be very defensive and even a bit combative about every suggestion. Maybe you're just venting to get it off your chest and don't want/need suggestions. I'm sorry you feel so hopeless about the situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 If the first two women canceled on you and didn't attempt to reschedule, you haven't lost anything. No doubt it's always easier said than done but this one at the very least rescheduled. Give her a shot and go on the date when it happens. Have fun. You can't throw in the towel just because of two canceled dates. This one can very well stick. Keep your chin up. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 Good for you. I have had a different experience. Look if you are scared, I understand, but its an unjustified fear. Face that fear, bit by bit and take its power away. Show the next woman that you are a confident worthy male and not a second choice for a date. Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 My point is... If I can do it, you can do it. HL, you know I respect you and your opinions. But ... just because you can do it, doesn't translate to OP or any other 'romantically challenged' person, male or female. Everyone's circumstances are different. OP is not the only poster on LS (you can name names as well as I can) complaining about lack of success meeting potential dates. To put it the way you did insults the OP rather than encouraging him. Fine to offer suggestions but IMHO foul to compare a successful dater to an unsuccessful one. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 HL, you know I respect you and your opinions. But ... just because you can do it, doesn't translate to OP or any other 'romantically challenged' person, male or female. Everyone's circumstances are different. OP is not the only poster on LS (you can name names as well as I can) complaining about lack of success meeting potential dates. The OP has had nothing but failures on "On line Dating" sites, so try something different. You have been the poster individual for failed on line dating and have posted thread after thread about how they are rip off, the algorithms are rigged, the false profiles that are designed to lure you in and the women who are bots and not real. You have posted that you prepared spreadsheet after spreadsheet of contacts that never responded. I would offer you the same advice, throw in the towel on the on-line dating site, turn off your computer and go out into the real world. Your next "Natalie" is out there, get up, turn off the computer, go out into the real world & meet her. Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 ^^^ As much as you correctly point out that I post about the pitfalls of OLD, my intent is to promote realistic expectations (yeah, and to complain, too ). If a 'hit' is defined as meeting a good potential 'partner' and an 'at bat' as sending an unsolicited message, I'm 'batting' about .050. If an 'at bat' is a response to an unsolicited message, then my batting average rises to about .200. So OLD is not 'useless', but definitely neither as good as it's advertised to be nor the only way to meet dates nor 'nothing but failures'. That said, I agree that OP (and I) 'should' be trying other tactics. Indeed, turn off the computer and go out in the real world. That's much better - a constructive suggestion rather than a somewhat belittling comparison to your success. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 We can only do so much from our computers because we can't physically see you or interact with you....Have you tried a dating or life coach? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 I forgot the double standard on this forum, if a guy gets canceled on he’s supposed to be a man and suck it up. But if a woman is canceled on by a man — it’s considered a crime! It's not a crime if a man cancels. I can't recall a time when anyone said it was a crime or that the guy was a bad guy simply for cancelling. We usually just tell the woman to keep on with her life, continue to accept other dates and don't think about the one who cancelled unless he reschedules. The same applies for you with women. Yes, it's disappointing when a date gets cancelled, but you shouldn't take it personally. They don't know you well enough for it to be mean't to be "personal". In other words, if they haven't met you, it can't be that they think you're a jerk And, as far as looks go, they accepted the date to start with, so you couldn't be too terrible to look at. You seem to take these things a little too personally. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 That's much better - a constructive suggestion rather than a somewhat belittling comparison to your success. My post was never meant to be "belittling"... It was meant to instill confidence that you and the OP can do this. Look I'm no prize and I've got a lot of strikes against me, but if I can find a happy long term relationship with a woman, anyone can. Do you remember the old Home Depot slogan... "You can do this, we can help" Well I liken that slogan/adage to dating, as well. You (and the OP) are confident men, you can go out into the world & you both can meet that woman you desire. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 Look if you are scared, I understand, but its an unjustified fear. Face that fear, bit by bit and take its power away. Show the next woman that you are a confident worthy male and not a second choice for a date. Has nothing to do with fear. I’ve tried meeting women in real life and it just does not work organically like that for me. Maybe you are extremely outgoing or attractive but it’s an extremely low return inefficient approach in my experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 It's not a crime if a man cancels. I can't recall a time when anyone said it was a crime or that the guy was a bad guy simply for cancelling. We usually just tell the woman to keep on with her life, continue to accept other dates and don't think about the one who cancelled unless he reschedules. The same applies for you with women. Yes, it's disappointing when a date gets cancelled, but you shouldn't take it personally. They don't know you well enough for it to be mean't to be "personal". In other words, if they haven't met you, it can't be that they think you're a jerk And, as far as looks go, they accepted the date to start with, so you couldn't be too terrible to look at. You seem to take these things a little too personally. I don’t know enough about these women to know what they’re thinking. My point is it’s frustrating to keep scheduling dates that always get canceled and keep having my time wasted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 My post was never meant to be "belittling"... It was meant to instill confidence that you and the OP can do this. Look I'm no prize and I've got a lot of strikes against me, but if I can find a happy long term relationship with a woman, anyone can. Do you remember the old Home Depot slogan... "You can do this, we can help" Well I liken that slogan/adage to dating, as well. You (and the OP) are confident men, you can go out into the world & you both can meet that woman you desire. This sounds almost like PUA stuff. I don’t know any guys that met their partner through some random pairing off the street. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 I don’t know enough about these women to know what they’re thinking. My point is it’s frustrating to keep scheduling dates that always get canceled and keep having my time wasted. What time has been wasted? This is all just part of the "business" of dating. . . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 What time has been wasted? This is all just part of the "business" of dating. . . Have you not had 3 or 4 dates cancel on you in a row. Would you not find that irritating? Link to post Share on other sites
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