Are his intentions good & I'm letting my insecurities take over?

[h0000]

Yes. worst thing you could possibly do. But Im not talking about asking, Im talking about setting up your boundary but not sticking to it. Now he knows he can do whatever and you will let him. You basically just let him walk over you.

 

"Why you never ask me out"

"My life before you and I aint putting you in my life"

"oh sure im so sorry please forget I asked"

"cool. now i see you whenever i see you ok?"

 

Look, you either ask him that, and tell him it's not good enough. And date others if he doesnt change. Or you dont ask, just date other men. Worst thing you can do is ask, then keep giving in. And you did exactly that. Now he has the green card to keep it casual

 

Sorry OP, this conversation did not get you anywhere. He wont start planning dates, you will continue being frustrated. One day you will boil up and ask the same thing again, he will give you the same answer. Then repeat till one of you have enough and break it off.

[toomanyquestions123]

@h0000 No, what's gonna happen now is I'm gonna pull away, focus on other things, make plans over the weekends, pretend like he doesnt exist and see the effort that he is going to do after bringing this subject up. I am gonna fade away if he doesn't make an effort. Although, it's only been one month, but I am not into texting the whole time to build something real. That's me, i like to see the one I'm dating more than texting him. He lives nearby, we like each other, why not go out more i dont get it? If he can't make it, then we are not on the same page then it's not gonna work out, simple!

[h0000]

Yes. Please dont ever ask him anything again, and live your life and please open your heart to other men too. He hasnt offered anything promising so dont lock yourself down on him.

 

Before I met my current BF, I was too talking to a guy who checked in with me daily but never asked me out. Then my BF came along and wow, did he show me what a top level GF treatment is lol We talk everyday, he plans 3 dates a week to see me, he introduced me to his parents in 2 months and planned a holiday with me next year. Had I hung myself up on the first guy, I would have missed out on what is by far the best relationship I ever had.

 

So, again, please date other men. Your Mr.Right may be right at the corner

 

 

P.S. found out why the first one dont ask me out. He was seeing other women and was in no hurry with me lol

[toomanyquestions123]

@h0000 Haha that's so cute!!! See? That's why i hate mind games and take things slowly and bla bla bla... IF HE IS REALLY INTO ME, HE WILL MEET ME, HE WILL WANT TO SEE ME!!!

Although, i don't think he is seeing someone else, but maybe is he chatting with someone else and wants to see what's on the side too. I am open to date other men, but now since i deleted OLD apps and would never go back there again, possibility of meeting new men has shrunk but I'm definitely open to meeting new guys if any. I don't like him to the extent that i would not act based on my standards; if you don't show enough effort then it's really your loss.

 

But I am kind of annoyed this guy exactly is acting this way because he is a nice guy and he seems normal and a gentle one, anyway let's see.

[elaine567]

I get being "busy", but as he can only see you at weekends, then why would you fill them all up?

 

Last time he asked you out you were so "busy", you couldn't see him...

 

He is obviously one of those busy guys who needs a woman who is going to fit into his busy schedule at short notice, he more or less already told you that.

If you want this particular guy, then being busy with friends and family or having your own "plans" on a weekend or asking him to do stuff when he is busy is not going to hack it.

Seems to me he is not going to fit into your life, you are going to have to fit into his, or you can just forget it.

[toomanyquestions123]

@elaine567...

 

Last Saturday, when he asked me to join him with his friends, he did it while we were both at different weddings. Couldn't have done that before, on the morning he told me he is going to this club post wedding but did not ask me. Anyway, he has his busy schedule too, i have my busy schedule too, if he wants to work things out with me, he could go to the gym for 3 hours till 9, have a shower then see me at 10. Plan ahead on weekend plans, not same moment plans because he is "spontaneous". I let out what is bothering me, now the ball is in his court.

[elaine567]

... i have my busy schedule too, if he wants to work things out with me, he could go to the gym for 3 hours till 9, have a shower then see me at 10. Plan ahead on weekend plans, not same moment plans because he is "spontaneous". I let out what is bothering me, now the ball is in his court.

 

I guess after a hard session at the gym, the last thing he wants to do is entertain you.

He doesn't want to plan ahead either, does he?

You either fit in or you don't, he is NOT going to change, just because you don't like it.

This is a guy who has been married, not some naive, besotted guy willing to jump when you say jump.

He has figured out what works and what doesn't work for him.

After this "talk", he has not immediately fixed up a date. No, instead he told you he hates routines and you will go out... sometime...

 

We date to find compatibility. You want a guy that you can pencil into your diary, days even weeks ahead, he wants a girl he can call up and say, "You coming out tonight? I'll be round at 8." Or "I'm in a club down town, get a cab and I'll meet you there..."

 

My guess he has done all that running around and all it got him was a cheating wife and a failed marriage...once bitten, twice shy...

[kendahke]

" Why you never ask me out'?

Him: Lol expected.

Me: Expected?

Him: yes, i expected that u would ask this.

him: Well maybe because I am stingy, maybe because i don't like you, maybe because i am show off. (with a sarcastic emoji)

 

There's an old saying: there's truth in jest, sarcastic emoji or no.

[toomanyquestions123]

So last time i wrote here, i was complaining about his pace of asking me out. The next day, he asked me out with his friends and cousins and the day after also we went clubbing with the same group. That was last Thursday. On Monday, he went with a group of girls and boys to Malta for a 5 days vacation. Before he left, we were chatting and we were talking about him being OCD and then i threw a comment that oh god i can't, and he said what do you mean you can't, i told him "cant be together jokingly" and he was like do you want us to be together? and i told him are you really asking me this question before jumping on a plane to a beach destination? he said "Yes", I told him to talk about it once he comes back from his vacation so he can have fun and enjoy it. He said i will enjoy it anyway but this does not mean we cant talk about it now, implying that he doesn't cheat when he is official with someone, i insisted to talk about it later on when he is back.

 

Why do you think he asked me this? isn't a little bit too early? When he threw the bomb of being together i suddenly also felt im not ready to say yes because we still need more time to know each other.

 

Now that he is on a vacation, he texted me once he landed and told me please come ASAP its beautiful, and then we exchange voice notes then i stopped texting because i do not want him to text me while he is on a vacation. Anyway, i am checking his stories and his friends' stories, obviously he is meeting local girls there and following them on insta, that was exactly why i didnt want to talk about us being together before this so i wont be mad when i see that.