Womanizer vibe

[stillafool]

In my experience women cannot determine a player from a relationship minded guy if he is very handsome and gets a lot of attention. They will just assume the worst.

 

Yes but isn't it interesting that it never stops them from dating these guys no matter what their gut is telling them.

[alphamale]

Yes but isn't it interesting that it never stops them from dating these guys no matter what their gut is telling them.

 

indeed saf, indeed

[d0nnivain]

Yes, we went to the cinema yesterday. And well, there was a lot of holding hands, cuddling and we were making out. He was acting more 'normal' and he was mentioning the future: "once you meet my friend", "in September we can go for a trip" etc. and even sometimes he was vurneable and a little awkward. After the date he texted me instantly if we can talk. I am still not sure but I feel like if I was on a date with different person. However, when we were talking on the phone he called me "honey". I didn't like it, it's too soon for me for these kind of names.

 

 

Most women would be thrilled with behavior like this. You hate it. No wonder guys are confused about us.

 

Because you are this unhappy with behavior that should make calmer & more secure, just walk away. Whether you are right & there is something off about him or you are dead wrong & it's all in your head, this is not a good fit. Stop forcing it.

 

Lemme guess, when he called you "honey" & you thought it was too soon, you did not speak up. You sat there silently seething & being mad at him for not knowing your preferences. That is so unfair. I bet he'd stop with the terms of affection if you told him. Instead you are just going to be annoyed but never tell him why.

[newyorker11356]

Yes, we went to the cinema yesterday. And well, there was a lot of holding hands, cuddling and we were making out. He was acting more 'normal' and he was mentioning the future: "once you meet my friend", "in September we can go for a trip" etc. and even sometimes he was vurneable and a little awkward. After the date he texted me instantly if we can talk. I am still not sure but I feel like if I was on a date with different person. However, when we were talking on the phone he called me "honey". I didn't like it, it's too soon for me for these kind of names.

 

Might just mean you aren't into him.

[stillafool]

OP, I'm curious, why do you keep dating this guy if you feel this way about him? Why waste your time?

[SurDeFil]

Most women would be thrilled with behavior like this. You hate it. No wonder guys are confused about us.

 

Because you are this unhappy with behavior that should make calmer & more secure, just walk away. Whether you are right & there is something off about him or you are dead wrong & it's all in your head, this is not a good fit. Stop forcing it.

 

Lemme guess, when he called you "honey" & you thought it was too soon, you did not speak up. You sat there silently seething & being mad at him for not knowing your preferences. That is so unfair. I bet he'd stop with the terms of affection if you told him. Instead you are just going to be annoyed but never tell him why.

No, I just asked him to use my name and he said he will do it. That's it. But yes, I felt it's too soon.

I keep dating him but I am not investing my emotions. And I do it because I have my own issues (e.g. I am scared of intimacy) and I want to make sure if my gut feeling is right or not. Also that's why I am asking what you guys think. I guess I will just meet him max. few more times and make the decision based on how he is acting. I hope I will be able to judge correctly. Also I have some issues lately and he was acting very suppotive. I don't want to reject him just yet only because of my gut felling.

Edited July 26, 2019 by SurDeFil

[d0nnivain]

Because you are scared of intimacy is why I keep telling you that your gut is wrong & not to be trusted. Your anxiety is making you nutty. We all get nutty sometimes & dating can be stressful but you have to rely on facts not feelings when you have a faulty gut.

[SurDeFil]

If your guts are saying there is something fishy about this guy then there is something fishy about this guy. But sometimes, our insecurities let us feel something that doesn't exist at the first place. A guy i dated 8 months ago, was very consistent, bought me flowers, called me everyday and texted consistently, met his family and friends, went out on real dates every 2-3 days, but i felt something was wrong and i was right; he fast forwarded things so he can feel right about himself, but truth is he was not ready to be in a relationship and he broke up with me after 2 months. Keep seeing him but make sure you don't invest a lot in him and don't put your expectations high. Know more about his needs, past, entourage etc....

Wow.. good you wasted only 2 months! I

[SurDeFil]

Because you are scared of intimacy is why I keep telling you that your gut is wrong & not to be trusted. Your anxiety is making you nutty. We all get nutty sometimes & dating can be stressful but you have to rely on facts not feelings when you have a faulty gut.

You are right, I will keep seeing him but also pay attention to how he treats me and people around.

 

And answering some other questions - I am attracted to him.

Edited July 26, 2019 by SurDeFil

[Sunlight72]

Most women would be thrilled with behavior like this. You hate it. No wonder guys are confused about us.

Thank. You.

 

Is there an emoji for a standing ovation and laughing while crying at the same time?

 

The best is when the same woman switches from loving the lovey-dovey, to running from it, to loving it, to running from it every so often. Who knows when? Who knows why?

Because you are this unhappy with behavior that should make you calmer & more secure, just walk away.

I especially love it when a woman who "thinks" this way acts as if she is the steady one, and the guy is a "mystery".

 

This thread is hilaaarious.

 

Not to say others don't have plenty of head shaking & laughs at my own self-induced 'problems'! Wheee hewww....

[SurDeFil]

I

Thank. You.

 

Is there an emoji for a standing ovation and laughing while crying at the same time?

 

The best is when the same woman switches from loving the lovey-dovey, to running from it, to loving it, to running from it every so often. Who knows when? Who knows why?I especially love it when a woman who "thinks" this way acts as if she is the steady one, and the guy is a "mystery".

 

This thread is hilaaarious.

 

Not to say others don't have plenty of head shaking & laughs at my own self-induced 'problems'! Wheee hewww....

i know, just some guys pretend to be sweet and serious while they just want sex...

Edited July 27, 2019 by SurDeFil

[elaine567]

In dating, I have actually found that men that do really well with women are not pushy about sex. Why? Because they are already getting plenty from multiple sources.

 

Exactly. they are not "desperate" for sex, like other guys can be.

They can afford to wait... a long time if need be.

[d0nnivain]

I

i know, just some guys pretend to be sweet and serious while they just want sex...

 

See. . . I think most guys want sex. Call a spade a spade. Wanting sex is NOT a bad thing. It's a human need.

 

The problem is people who lie or manipulate others to get what they want -- telling somebody they have feelings when they don't.

 

In the dating world you need to learn to differentiate between the good guys & the bad ones. If you are too paranoid & afraid of intimacy, that analysis has to be done without benefit of your intuition or "gut." When you been hurt in the past as part of self preservation your gut will tell you all men suck & they only want one thing. It's like trying to tell how fast you are driving with a broken speedometer.

 

I think most people past a certain age genuinely want companionship and somebody who loves & gets them, a feeling of belonging. Unfortunately I think too many people seek that too fast. There is no such thing as instant intimacy & the depth of the connection you have with somebody has to be allowed to grow over time -- I'm talking years. Too many people expect that within the 1st weeks & that just feels smothering. They also mistake daily text messages for true caring. Then they get disappointed & cry that they were taken advantage of when they weren't. They don't take responsibility for their own actions in moving too fast

[stillafool]

I keep dating him but I am not investing my emotions.

 

You are fooling yourself.

[OatsAndHall]

I

i know, just some guys pretend to be sweet and serious while they just want sex...

 

 

You are correct; there are men out there who will be deceptive and manipulative to get sex. But, it's a fallacy to assume that guys struggle to get laid without acting that way, especially via OLD. There's all kinds of threads on here where people describe their struggles in finding dates via OLD. But, there's many many folks who are open and honest about only looking for sex.

[SurDeFil]

I was right. He was telling me where we will go for trip in September and in the spring. He is on vacation right now and I saw he was using tinder. I was talking with him about us, as we are contacting every day, on dates acting like a couple etc. He said he is talking only to me and dating me exclusively. I told him I know he's still using tinder. He said he sometimes open but is not actively using. Yeah, right...

[Maggiemay1]

Some players will put the time and effort into bedding a certain girl because they like the challenge?

Doesn’t mean they aren’t getting it elsewhere though.

 

That’s when the player amps up his game. Easy becomes less of a challenge.

 

I’m not saying he is a player but it’s too soon to tell.

Hopefully you aren’t putting all your eggs in one basket and are dating others?

Because that’s how you will not overly focus on one guy and make poor judgement.

[OatsAndHall]

Just don't waste your time with this guy. At a certain point, whether it's spoken or unspoken, the dating site apps get put away. He's going out on dates with you, planning get-aways, and acting like your boyfriend but is still active on OLD.

 

 

 

Best case scenario; he's into you but he's keeping his options open as he doesn't feel you two are exclusive.

 

 

 

Worst case scenario; he's feeding other women the same lines he's feeding you.

 

 

Either way, it's not kosher. Someone who is serious about being with someone will put away the apps.

[elaine567]

I’m not saying he is a player but it’s too soon to tell.

Hopefully you aren’t putting all your eggs in one basket and are dating others?

Because that’s how you will not overly focus on one guy and make poor judgement.

 

Seems ironic that the guy is getting accused of being a player and dating other women simultaneously and the answer is to be a "player" and date other guys simultaneously...

[d0nnivain]

I was right. He was telling me where we will go for trip in September and in the spring. He is on vacation right now and I saw he was using tinder. I was talking with him about us, as we are contacting every day, on dates acting like a couple etc. He said he is talking only to me and dating me exclusively. I told him I know he's still using tinder. He said he sometimes open but is not actively using. Yeah, right...

 

 

I'm sorry you ended up being right. I was hoping that he was going to turn out to be a keeper. Maybe your gut is more reliable then you thought.

 

But how did you know he was using Tinder while he was away? You must have had the app open too. How does he know you weren't using it to hook up while he was away? If you were just using it to keep tabs on him. what does that say about you? It is a double edged sword.

 

You are right to cut him off for lying alone but it's tough out there.

[lurker74]

Not sure she ended up being right. It reads more like a self-fulfilling prophecy to me. If someone I was being kind and patient and sweet to felt this way about me after 5 or 6 dates and wasn't excited to be entering into a potentially new relationship, I'd probably start to move on too. That doesn't make me a womanizer.

[d0nnivain]

Not sure she ended up being right.

 

She feared he was a player. He told her she was the only woman in his life & he was making future plans with her. He's on vacation & on Tinder looking for other women. That makes her right -- he was a player & he was not somebody she could trust.

 

Look, when I was single, I enjoyed dating players because they gave "good date". There was always romance & while you are with these smooth charismatic guys, they can make you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. It's all glorious as long as you don't believe a word they say about fidelity or the future. The OP wanted more.

 

Remember most of my contentions with the OP was she was initially basing her assessment about the guy on her "gut" with no facts while conceding that her gut had been unreliable in the past. Because she had no other proofs I was encouraging her to give him a chance. She did & her gut proved accurate.

[Shining One]

Not sure she ended up being right. It reads more like a self-fulfilling prophecy to me. If someone I was being kind and patient and sweet to felt this way about me after 5 or 6 dates and wasn't excited to be entering into a potentially new relationship, I'd probably start to move on too. That doesn't make me a womanizer.

While I agree with your sentiment, the fact he lied to her is the deal-breaker. If a woman I was seeing was deliberately holding back with me, I would not be exclusive with her, nor tell her she was the only I was seeing. I would also keep my options open and seek out other women on dating sites. The man in question told the OP he was only seeing her and that they were exclusive.

[SurDeFil]

I'm sorry you ended up being right. I was hoping that he was going to turn out to be a keeper. Maybe your gut is more reliable then you thought.

 

But how did you know he was using Tinder while he was away? You must have had the app open too. How does he know you weren't using it to hook up while he was away? If you were just using it to keep tabs on him. what does that say about you? It is a double edged sword.

 

You are right to cut him off for lying alone but it's tough out there.

True, I had my app as well. But I was not planning vacations with him or saying I am thinking about him, texting him all the time etc. and he was the first one telling me today that he's dating only me. That's when I told him I know he's still using the app.

 

Now he tells me he will remove it but I cannot trust him. If he would tell me he's not sure and he needs more time I would understand. However after 1.5 months I think he should know more or less if he likes me or not.

[SurDeFil]

Not sure she ended up being right. It reads more like a self-fulfilling prophecy to me. If someone I was being kind and patient and sweet to felt this way about me after 5 or 6 dates and wasn't excited to be entering into a potentially new relationship, I'd probably start to move on too. That doesn't make me a womanizer.

I know he was using it when we were on our second date (he showed me something on his phone and I saw notification) so I think he didn't start to move on but rather never stopped.