Womanizer vibe

[d0nnivain]

but yeah, the gut feeling is there

 

If your gut is generally reliable, go with what you subconsciously feel. You know him. You see him. You can read his body language & eyes, the windows to the soul. All we have to go on is what you posted.

[PRW]

there are many different kinds of "players" PRW. each has his own M.O.

True. Maybe they can give me some tips eh?

 

But in this case, my gut, my intuition, my "vibe detector", says I don't think he is one. But it is a moot point, he will walk away. No matter what he is or isn't,...he is probably not going to go on to date #5 & #6 without a positive response and progress from her. An after-date kiss is just a kiss,...it isn't "sex",...it is one of the mildest lowest level displays of affection between a man and woman,...it is just barely one step above "holding hands",...and he hasn't even gotten that.

[PRW]

I am still hung on him being so tolerant of the platonic way the dates go (no kissing). Not only do I think this guy is not a player, I think he is a recovering "nice buy" beta male who is just getting himself to a good place, but not 100% yet. The "nice guy" betas will keep hanging on forever without the kiss thinking progress will eventual come at some point. I think he has gained confidence, learned some emotional control, and learned to do it without acting like a jerk. But he still lacks the emotional fortitude to either go for the kiss or to just write it off and walk away,...he seems caught between the two. This creates a certain level of confusion for anyone watching him,...he has a little inconsistency there and inconsistencies will cause people to misinterpret a guy's motives.

[alphamale]

True. Maybe they can give me some tips eh?

 

well, in my youth I used to date a woman for 2-3 months and used to act like I was totally into her. it was just a ruse on my part cause I just wanted to have sex and I knew how to get into their pants. the idea was for me to get them to fall for me and then I would unceremoniously dump them when we had a fight or argument. sometimes I would have to create a disagreement out of thin air and then ghost her. ghosting was my hallmark. I was a serial monogamist. If the girl was really fun in the sack I would extend the "relationship" for a few more months. Meanwhile she's falling in love with me and I am thinking about how to ghost her.

 

I know this is "mean" but that's the way I was back then. I must have gone thru some trauma in childhood that I don't remember

[PRW]

I know this is "mean" but that's the way I was back then. I must have gone thru some trauma in childhood that I don't remember

I understand. But I just don't think this guy is doing that.

[SurDeFil]

True. Maybe they can give me some tips eh?

 

But in this case, my gut, my intuition, my "vibe detector", says I don't think he is one. But it is a moot point, he will walk away. No matter what he is or isn't,...he is probably not going to go on to date #5 & #6 without a positive response and progress from her. An after-date kiss is just a kiss,...it isn't "sex",...it is one of the mildest lowest level displays of affection between a man and woman,...it is just barely one step above "holding hands",...and he hasn't even gotten that.

It's not that I would not let him kiss me after let's say 3 dates, just I am fine with the pace. I agree kiss is just a kiss, not a big deal.

[PRW]

It's not that I would not let him kiss me after let's say 3 dates, just I am fine with the pace.

He won't be fine with the pace much longer. You either have to figure out what you may be subconsciously communicating that is holding him back,...and get to doing some kissing,...or he will be gone and you won't have to worry about what you should be doing about it.

[SurDeFil]

It's not that I would not let him kiss me after let's say 3 dates, just I am fine with the pace. I agree kiss is just a kiss, not a big deal.

 

If your gut is generally reliable, go with what you subconsciously feel. You know him. You see him. You can read his body language & eyes, the windows to the soul. All we have to go on is what you posted.

I have mixed feelings. One minute I think he may be actually genuine and ready to settle down, another that he is totally a player. I cannot say 100% which one is true. But overall I am not good at reading people

[smackie9]

If women's intuition were 100% accurate, wouldn't women never make any mistakes whatsoever?

How many time have you seen on here..."I saw the red flags but didn't want to believe it.......because they weren't listening to their gut feeling.

[Logo]

Let's assume he is a player. Are you afraid of getting attached? Wasting your time? What do you stand to lose?

[SurDeFil]

Let's assume he is a player. Are you afraid of getting attached? Wasting your time? What do you stand to lose?

I think wasting my time and potentially a heartbreak. For now I am not emotionally invested but at some point I might become.

[SmartDude]

In my experience women cannot determine a player from a relationship minded guy if he is very handsome and gets a lot of attention. They will just assume the worst.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Your gut is probably right, however you will need to see this one through for yourself. I have excellent instincts about people. I can read them regardless of what they are saying or how they are acting. In fact, at work every single boss commented on this and I'm even invited to meetings when they need me to get a read on someone. This makes life a lot harder for me because people are more dishonest and insincere than most realize.

 

In dating, I have actually found that men that do really well with women are not pushy about sex. Why? Because they are already getting plenty from multiple sources. Last player I posted about, everyone on here said I was paranoid. He was super romantic, organized picnics, brought me gifts and flowers, talked to me every day. He never attempted to have sex until date 7 when I ran out of patience and invited him over. He faded out soon after.

 

I have found that the best test is to ask him (In person) to add him on Facebook. Watch his reaction. If he is a player he likely has a mix of women that were past or current FWBs, that think they are his GFs, that he is multi-dating etc that he doesn't want to cross paths. If he sincerely doesn't want to add you because he wants to get to know you better first, he will look you in the eyes, explain this without any sign of shifty behaviour. This test is not foolproof, there are people that genuinely don't use social media. Either way, try to get his last name. I usually glance at his credit card when he is paying and see what I can dig up. Also look for numerous Facebook profiles of him - he can have one just for this purpose.

 

As my dad puts it, my gut is not 100% (nobody's is) but it's about 98% which is good enough. However, even I don't end things based on a gut alone, I'm just more aware and do it when actual evidence comes to light.

[d0nnivain]

I cannot say 100% which one is true. But overall I am not good at reading people

 

 

If you are not good at reading people look at his actions rather than your interpretations. Do not ignore your gut feeling but do not make decisions solely based on your unreliable gut.

[SurDeFil]

Your gut is probably right, however you will need to see this one through for yourself. I have excellent instincts about people. I can read them regardless of what they are saying or how they are acting. In fact, at work every single boss commented on this and I'm even invited to meetings when they need me to get a read on someone. This makes life a lot harder for me because people are more dishonest and insincere than most realize.

 

In dating, I have actually found that men that do really well with women are not pushy about sex. Why? Because they are already getting plenty from multiple sources. Last player I posted about, everyone on here said I was paranoid. He was super romantic, organized picnics, brought me gifts and flowers, talked to me every day. He never attempted to have sex until date 7 when I ran out of patience and invited him over. He faded out soon after.

 

I have found that the best test is to ask him (In person) to add him on Facebook. Watch his reaction. If he is a player he likely has a mix of women that were past or current FWBs, that think they are his GFs, that he is multi-dating etc that he doesn't want to cross paths. If he sincerely doesn't want to add you because he wants to get to know you better first, he will look you in the eyes, explain this without any sign of shifty behaviour. This test is not foolproof, there are people that genuinely don't use social media. Either way, try to get his last name. I usually glance at his credit card when he is paying and see what I can dig up. Also look for numerous Facebook profiles of him - he can have one just for this purpose.

 

As my dad puts it, my gut is not 100% (nobody's is) but it's about 98% which is good enough. However, even I don't end things based on a gut alone, I'm just more aware and do it when actual evidence comes to light.

We are friends on facebook, it says he's single. He gave it to me easily

[JuneL]

I don’t understand this facebook thing. If one has such great gut feelings, then why does s/he need to resort to such an intrusive thing? If a guy I’m just starting to date (before becoming exclusive) asks to friend me on fb, then it’ll be a red flag to me.

[DrNo1962]

Having read your first post OP I'll give you my 2 cents.

 

If your gut is telling you something is off, it generally means that something is mismatched. From my point of view it seems as though you see something inauthentic in his actions;

 

1. He's over-confident yet hasn't escalated physical intimacy in 4 dates (not even a kiss). I know you said you're not very 'touchy-feely', but any man with a sense of self-worth would not put up with 4 dates and no physical intimacy with a romantic interest.

 

2. He's buying you flowers and talking about relationship labels (to reassure you I guess) yet you aren't his girlfriend. Buying trinkets/gifts for dates is kind of weird to me. It's as if there are strings attached to those gifts (I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine?)

 

Frankly, I'm surprised you haven't friend-zoned this guy yet.

 

Genuine courtship is a good mix of romance and friendship (a 70/30 mix if you will). He's got to want to escalate the romance/physical intimacy each time he wants to see you, but also wants to form a deeper connection with you through laughter, creating great memories and asking great questions about yourself and your character.

 

If you feel he's wining and dining you, buying you gifts, saying all those words of reassurance yet isn't doing all the other things I mentioned above, then it can seem as though he has some sort of agenda (is he playing the long game to get me in the sack?)

 

Never doubt your gut. It's the best BS detector you'll ever get.

[newyorker11356]

OP I totally get what you mean. IMO you should go with your gut. I know that gaze too, and the hint of arrogance is enough to have my stomach churn. The guys on here can call you insecure all they want...but you can't question a woman's intuition.

 

Except a woman's intuition isn't always correct (and proven).

 

Sometimes, it just means looking for problems where they don't exist.

[smackie9]

Except a woman's intuition isn't always correct (and proven).

 

Sometimes, it just means looking for problems where they don't exist.

We don't know that yet with this one now do we? I have to say that the majority who sabotage their chances of getting into a relationship, has nothing to do with a woman's intuition gone wrong.

[OatsAndHall]

You have one of two choices here; call it off because you're getting a bad vibe or stick it out for awhile longer and see if he's genuine or not. I would suggest the second option as a guy who is "playing the game" will show his true colors pretty quickly. It isn't a facade that these types of people will keep up for very long as they're in it for the short-game. A guy I worked with "played the game" well and he wouldn't have hung on past three dates without physical contact.

 

 

 

This guy might be throwing off a different vibe as it sounds like he's experienced at dating. Some women aren't used to this as they've either dated guys who aren't experienced (i.e. scream "insecure") or are boorish. It can be easy to mistake self-confidence for arrogance if you don't see it out of people very often. I've run into this issue from time to time as I'm self-confident and I'm sarcastic; that combination can be misconstrued as arrogance.

 

 

 

The "gaze" might just be him holding eye contact when conversing. This isn't something that comes naturally to people and can be off-putting. This can be a bit more unnerving if someone has particularly sharp or distinctive facial features or expressions. I tend to "grin" more than "smile" (i.e. show teeth) and that fact, coupled with my facial features, is either attractive to women or sends off a bad "vibe". I've had to be more cognizant of actually "smiling" during a date to calm this one down.

 

 

 

So, I would suggest taking a step back, looking at another perspective and then work from there.

[preraph]

4 dates and no kiss?? Maybe he's actually the opposite of a womanizer and is a near-virgin and he copied something to his profile from some "how to" site.

 

Anyway, he says he wants a relationship, so he better get the ball rolling -- but it does not sound like he is a womanizer, though that wouldn't stop him from being a cad and a cheat when the time comes.

 

Have you ever like put your hand on his arm or something to make him think you don't mind getting a little physical? To me, not kissing in 4 dates is a red flag that he's hiding something. I would say keep going out with him and if he doesn't kiss soon, he's not got it in him.

[smackie9]

any updates?

[SurDeFil]

any updates?

Yes, we went to the cinema yesterday. And well, there was a lot of holding hands, cuddling and we were making out. He was acting more 'normal' and he was mentioning the future: "once you meet my friend", "in September we can go for a trip" etc. and even sometimes he was vurneable and a little awkward. After the date he texted me instantly if we can talk. I am still not sure but I feel like if I was on a date with different person. However, when we were talking on the phone he called me "honey". I didn't like it, it's too soon for me for these kind of names.

Edited July 24, 2019 by SurDeFil

[Gretchen12]

I think you are just not attracted to him. But you think you should be, at least you do want a man in your life, and there he is, nothing really wrong with him, and he is pretty nice. You're kicking the tires, you're not convinced.

 

Attraction is not a logic. We tend to trust people we click with (sometimes mistakenly). You didn't click and no amount of analysis can help it.

[toomanyquestions123]

If your guts are saying there is something fishy about this guy then there is something fishy about this guy. But sometimes, our insecurities let us feel something that doesn't exist at the first place. A guy i dated 8 months ago, was very consistent, bought me flowers, called me everyday and texted consistently, met his family and friends, went out on real dates every 2-3 days, but i felt something was wrong and i was right; he fast forwarded things so he can feel right about himself, but truth is he was not ready to be in a relationship and he broke up with me after 2 months. Keep seeing him but make sure you don't invest a lot in him and don't put your expectations high. Know more about his needs, past, entourage etc....