AutumnMoon Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 It depends on the guy and the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
lolita888 Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 I also think there is a high chance that he may come back but it might take time - months - maybe. But if he did, I do not think that means you are his one great love. That's just how he is... at least if he comes back then that will clearly show what kind of person he is. Cheating on his wife and abandoning his OW to fix his marriage - then cheat on his wife again. In this kind of situation, the best thing to do is to compare. Compare your pain to his wife. Imagine being with him for years only to find out that he's been cheating on her. Also if you feel that lonely, then why don't you pay attention to your apartment. Fix your relationship with your partner. Better yet, break up with him - so that he could find a new partner who will not cheat on him. He deserves that - to be able to choose whether to stay with you or not. That way you will have something else to focus your attention with instead of waiting for his messages that will definitely be painful and tempting to contact him. But then again, there is that chance that he may not come back. So while you are feeling this way, then put your attention with your own relationship right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 If he does come back, one tactic is to create a web based email ( gmail, etc.) that won't be used for anything but to send him a email that states you no longer wish to hear form him at all. No emails, texts, phone calls, anything, and you are putting him on notice that if he chooses to ignore that, you will go to the police for assistance. Send a copy to yourself at the same time, so you have a record of the warning. If he chooses to ignore your request, then stick to your guns and explore your legal options. A previous relationship doesn't give someone the right to harass you because it's over and they have come slinking back. Link to post Share on other sites
SpiceCat Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 That day will come soon, and you will be embarrassed for ever engaging with him. Trust you gut feeling, you know its for the best, just be patient with yourself and don't let him to crawl back to you. I can't believe his wife bought the excuse of "hacked" phone, wow. I seriously doubt she actually bought it. I'm sure she just pretended to swallow it in order to keep the peace. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HowToQuit Posted July 12, 2019 Author Share Posted July 12, 2019 I seriously doubt she actually bought it. I'm sure she just pretended to swallow it in order to keep the peace. On point. The storm is coming once she internalizes it. He will never cheat again if he chooses to stay in the sexless marriage with grown up kids. Sad way to enjoy being empty nesters. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 He will never cheat again if he chooses to stay in the sexless marriage with grown up kids. Sad way to enjoy being empty nesters. ....if he really is in a sexless marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiceCat Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 On point. The storm is coming once she internalizes it. He will never cheat again if he chooses to stay in the sexless marriage with grown up kids. Sad way to enjoy being empty nesters. I know it probably isn't fun to hear this but..you have no confirmation that their marriage is sexless unless you sleep in bed with them every night. This is a common trope from cheaters. You also have no way of knowing if you were his only OW. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Secretgal34 Posted July 13, 2019 Share Posted July 13, 2019 ....if he really is in a sexless marriage. Lol I had to jump in on this because it’s true. On both sides my own husband told his EA partner he was miserable and never had sex. He was getting it once to twice a week. MM also told me this “my wife doesn’t have sex with me” I believe it was a lie. My friend is having a full on A with a man who just had a baby he said “my wife only has sex with me three times a year” pretty hard to get pregnant only have sex 3 times a year. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRising8 Posted July 13, 2019 Share Posted July 13, 2019 Well it only takes once lol Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 Mine did but got pregnant again. my son now 9 weeks old. he wont be back his wife is watching him. that ship far gone to ever go back to ex mm I told his wife both times. she stays lol Link to post Share on other sites
lolita888 Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 Mine did but got pregnant again. my son now 9 weeks old. he wont be back his wife is watching him. that ship far gone to ever go back to ex mm I told his wife both times. she stays lol I hope she stayed not because she didn't want to lose to the OW - "See? He choose me not you" - as if he is a great award to be won. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 If the OW allows it - most do. Or they eventually find a new OW. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HowToQuit Posted July 18, 2019 Author Share Posted July 18, 2019 update: crumbs are coming in but no response from my end. Wondering if I should block him or sit and watch the show unfolding without being sucked in... Link to post Share on other sites
Naivewomen Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 Oh no @how to quit. What is he doing?? Remember it will never be more than crumbs. Its enticing but you have too be strong. How long have you been NC? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HowToQuit Posted July 18, 2019 Author Share Posted July 18, 2019 Oh no @how to quit. What is he doing?? Remember it will never be more than crumbs. Its enticing but you have too be strong. How long have you been NC? 10 days! Feels like eternity! Link to post Share on other sites
Naivewomen Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 Lol. Omg! That's not long at all. I feel for you! It's a major rush of a happy emotion but what he will continue to do is less and less. He has changed now and will never be the same. You will also change too. It's a vicious cycle. You can ask him clearly what is it that he wants?? He will never answer clearly though because he doesnt want to admit he wants BOTH women. The AP certainly doesnt want to hear that as an answer. Maybe you just need closure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 You can ask him clearly what is it that he wants?? Hasn’t he already demonstrated that when he cut all contact and ran home to his wife? The only reasons I can think why you would NOT block him would be because you have hope that’s he will return to your life (either as AP or perhaps, you still have hope he will leave his wife to be with you) or because it feeds your ego/buffers the rejection to know that he “still wants you.” Whether you block him or not will depend on what you want for your future and/or what you are willing to accept from this man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HowToQuit Posted July 18, 2019 Author Share Posted July 18, 2019 @BaileyB you are right, although I am not sure what exactly I am hoping for. One day, I will be ready and block him - but I do not feel ready yet. Link to post Share on other sites
InvisibleLady Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 First - KUDOS for posting here instead of replying!!!! Oh boy, he came back sooner than I thought he would considering the message his wife saw! Remember, NOTHING has changed - he is still choosing his W. He is still addicted to the A just as you are so he is throwing some breadcrumbs to get a fix. In what way has he reached out? Allow that he reached out to boost your ego if you need that, but please resist the urge to engage. He will disappear again and believe me, it is so much better to be the one that ignored him than to be the one who gets ignored...or even ghosted. He can't give you closure, it won't be closure it will be torture - make your own closure by deciding you are DONE. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 One day, I will be ready and block him - but I do not feel ready yet. That’s ok. Just be honest with yourself. And be aware, it is a slippery slope you are standing on... Be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
Abetterme Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 @how to quit - Yes, I would reiterate what the posters about have encouraged. When I look back and the many MANY poor choices I made, numero uno was engaging in any way when he popped back up. It was 100xs the pain of any hurt we’d had before. It might be feeding your ego to hear from him, but remember, you’ll just be feeding his by responding. You deserve to put your well-being ahead of his. Well done posting, keep it up when you need encouragement! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
InvisibleLady Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 I don't know what form of 'crumbs' he's throwing your way but...can you be certain it's not the WIFE!?!? Link to post Share on other sites
Beentheretoooften Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 @invisible. That’s an INTERESTING thought Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 It might be feeding your ego to hear from him, but remember, you’ll just be feeding his by responding. Put your well-being ahead of his! Well said. Brilliant post! If you don’t put your own well being first, who will? Link to post Share on other sites
SpiceCat Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 @BaileyB you are right, although I am not sure what exactly I am hoping for. One day, I will be ready and block him - but I do not feel ready yet. Understandable. But WOW..you are incredibly strong for ignoring the crumbs and posting here instead. I hope you're proud of yourself! Keep up the good work! Link to post Share on other sites
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