Should I ask this guy what he wants or just wait?

[Versacehottie]

Well yeah I would just say congratulations to him and not just give him much to continue the conversation on. Do you see how he is now giving you the attention and compliments you wanted a week ago? You want to be careful about playing games but being indifferent to people who don't treat you well is a good thing. And then still show your character--like not getting angry or vindictive and being ok to give a polite congratulations---never hurts. It usually makes people wonder if they've messed up with you.

 

The key is that YOU are still the stop gate of whether someone has access to your life and to which level: acquaintance, friend, romantic, family.

 

I'd lay off sentimental posts on social media about 2019 when it is July (!!!) because that is a cry that you are having some crisis or reflection and like you've been greatly affected by him. If you posted it because you got into your school, say that so it is clear that it's not about him. Anyway that's done--hahha but i did warn you about it before

 

I'd be fine not blocking him but i could handle it--can you? I don't want to be throwing you a lifeline by saying to do that if you truly are going to be yanked around by this guy. It all depends on how you interpret and manage your reactions to any future contact he makes. Good luck

[dispatch3d]

So this is what's going on with someone that takes a very long time to respond. I could never get into the thought process.

 

If it were me I either stop responding, say in hopefully polite terms I'm not interested in continuing further, or I just text as normal (cause I'm interested). I don't understand the one word answer etc. thing.

 

Anyhow sounds like this is concluded a dud anyways.

[faithandfood]

Well yeah I would just say congratulations to him and not just give him much to continue the conversation on. Do you see how he is now giving you the attention and compliments you wanted a week ago? You want to be careful about playing games but being indifferent to people who don't treat you well is a good thing. And then still show your character--like not getting angry or vindictive and being ok to give a polite congratulations---never hurts. It usually makes people wonder if they've messed up with you.

 

 

Lol yeah I wished him congrats and made a joke. He responded like in a hour. i usually post reflections on my Snapchat since. Was not directed towards him at all. But thanks for the advice! Just gonna keep playing this.

Edited July 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote edited

[faithandfood]

Weirdly enough, he asked to meet again.

[stillafool]

Why do you want to keep wasting time with this guy?

[Versacehottie]

Weirdly enough, he asked to meet again.

 

I think he's a player. However, you see by learning how to pull back some and not offer yourself up on a platter and ask about a relationship that this guy had no way earned, you still find yourself in the game with him and having his attention.

 

I think it's still a game to him though so don't get too excited and proceed with caution. Make him really prove things to you.

 

BTW, for someone who sounds pretty sheltered and inexperienced, a player type guy is probably a huge mistake for you to proceed with. IMO, you should scrap him and start all over. He can remain an admirer from afar

[LoverOfDance]

I've been following this thread because i'm curious to see how this ends.

 

You complain about him playing games but do you realize you are also playing games too? You are already hooked. I don't think you even realize how hooked you are. You even stalk him on social media. The fact that you know about the girl who replied to his status means you know way too much about his online activity.

 

I don't think this boy is serious at all. I'm not going to tell you to distance yourself because you are hooked on him already whether you admit it or not. Have fun but do be careful so that you don't get hurt.

[faithandfood]

Yeah. You guys were all right. Learned my lesson.

So we met three days ago. We first got burgers and caught up. Then things took a sharp left once we went to the park. He wanted sex and a blowjob & got mad when I was refused. Said he couldn't wait, that he's past the foreplay level (we made out and got to second base), how we're just friends (when I asked him what is he looking for), how he can't wait for me, how having sex will bring problems (gaslighting, when he pushed for it), and how I'm too tight.

 

When I asked what he wanted, he said that he doesn't know, that it depends on how he feels. I then asked if he just wanted me for sex? He said that sex isn't the top thing he thinks about when he sees me. So I was like ??? What are we doing then? He couldn't even answer. I told him I don't have time for all this, that I know he has plenty girls so he can find one to match his level. That I already told him that I was virgin. He was saying how he's annoyed at himself for forcing me. That I'm not showing him much sexual attraction like he is to me. I was like, wtf.

 

Despite all this, he then asked, so we'll talk later? and asked for a hug... I didn't answer and then just told him bye. Haven't talked since then.

[faithandfood]

Feeling real stupid but I learned my lesson.

 

Gonna state my intentions the first time & if the other party's doesn't align with mine, then it's over it.

 

The fact he asked to still talk depsite telling me all that & blaming/gaslighting me. Have told told my cousins and friends & they agreed he's hella toxic. And to make things worse, HE DIDNT HAVE A CONDOM. Imagine if I agreed.

[Versacehottie]

I'm not really a fan of black and white thinking or saying all a guy wants is sex but no matter what he has said, I think 100% obvious that is what is going on here with him.

 

I think since you are very inexperienced, here would be the lessons I would advise you to take from this:

 

a) don't tell a guy you're just beginning to talk to your sexual status or history, i.e. you're a virgin. With player or bad guys like this, it just becomes a challenge/a conquest that is bigger than a normal relationship with you. There is a right time to tell them but they don't need to know when you are just talking, not even dating, not even bf/gf.

 

b) if a guy says that he wants a relationship but pretty much only talks to you about sex, that's typically his motivation, i.e. he wants sex in spite of what he says.

 

c) this goes for pretty much everything in life: look at the actions OVER TIME (repeatedly) to determine what someone wants from you rather than rely on words or a statement. My suggestion, is at any point in life, to not ask that question. You will rarely get a straight answer--and even if you do and they mean it at the time, i.e. "yes I'm looking for a relationship", that will not be the case when they decide they don't want one with you. You just have to take these beginning stages as a discovery period of time. You each are learning about each other and building trust. It can all fall apart no matter what either person says. So as it applies to this situation, this guy and a lesson from it if you had a chance to do over: a guy that knows you are a virgin and really likes you will usually/almost always want to prove that he really cares about you and is usually willing to wait a while. That's pretty common, so a guy who won't is pointing himself out as a fraud or someone who doesn't care about you so this should be a red flag.

 

Sorry it happened. I don't think you should talk to him. He considers himself really suave and knows you like him. I can almost guarantee if you talk to him again, he will just try another approach for the same thing. Guessing he will come back trying "softer" with you--telling you he really likes you and then the same night or very soon after will be pushing you for sex. He's pretty much a loser. You shouldn't talk to him at all. Good luck

Edited August 5, 2019 by Versacehottie

[faithandfood]

Thank you girl for the advice. I haven't talked to him since that day. He messaged a hour ago, but I didn't open.

[Maggiemay1]

Sorry stepping into the thread late but geez girl , why did it take you so long to figure this all out?

 

My biggest concern is you , not him!

He is a guy trying his luck!

What bewilders me is why you told a stranger that you were a virgin??!

None of his business!!!

 

If any chat prior to dating is about sexual chat , then you need to realise this is ALL they want! He even said so publicly on Twitter!

 

The ONLY time you should be having chats about sex is after you have dated and YOU know where you stand and YOU want to have sex!!

 

Btw , telling a player you are a virgin, simply makes you more of a challenge .

Telling someone who has spent time getting to know you , dated you , is different.

 

Please have a little more self respect. Sorry!

[faithandfood]

Yeah you're right... I do need to work on my self respect. Plan to start therapy soon. I didn't plan to tell him before, but he asked. Now I know though.

[stillafool]

He asked if you were a virgin? Odd, you should have told him it is none of his business.

[faithandfood]

I ended up deleting him from my Snapchat two days ago. He really posted this on Twitter today "Did I get blocked? **** oh well"

[ajequals]

reading though your post I feel your maybe 15 going on 16 , way too young to be playing this game , therapy might be the best choice , what does your Mom say about this?

[faithandfood]

reading though your post I feel your maybe 15 going on 16 , way too young to be playing this game , therapy might be the best choice , what does your Mom say about this?

 

I'm 21... And I don't tell my mom about the guys I've met or what I'm going thru.

[Watercolors]

21 years old? You need to be CAREFUL about the information you post online about yourself with these guys. You have no way of knowing what their true story is about who they are, and why they are online looking for girls/women to chat with.

[smackie9]

My suggestion is to stay away from online stuff until you get some experience. Those people are seasoned daters. You can get more of a handle on things if you go out more and meet people irl. Have a good friend or two in tow to guide you along and share the experience. Having a good circle of friends, and a solid social life can play a positive part in meeting/ finding a nice man for yourself IMO.

[spiderowl]

Can I ask how old you are? I get the impression you are younger than him. It sounds like he is just looking for fun and he is not pushing things because he suspects you are looking for something serious.

 

I do not think this guy is a good bet for anything but a hook-up. He has not been specific about when you will meet him again. I get the feeling he knows he is just after hook-ups at the moment and so he is not encouraging you.

 

He seems confident and used to women. His twitter post suggests that too.

 

I would not advise falling in love with this guy. He has probably got several girls on the hook.

[faithandfood]

21 years old? You need to be CAREFUL about the information you post online about yourself with these guys. You have no way of knowing what their true story is about who they are, and why they are online looking for girls/women to chat with.

 

You're right ? yeah I have deleted my Tinder account last month. I regret even making it in the first place, but lesson learned.

[faithandfood]

My suggestion is to stay away from online stuff until you get some experience. Those people are seasoned daters. You can get more of a handle on things if you go out more and meet people irl. Have a good friend or two in tow to guide you along and share the experience. Having a good circle of friends, and a solid social life can play a positive part in meeting/ finding a nice man for yourself IMO.

 

You're right. I have deleted my online dating account since last month. I only have about two good friends, but they're mostly working on the days of social events so it's hard ? I do go to some social events alone, but I'm very shy at first.

[faithandfood]

Can I ask how old you are? I get the impression you are younger than him. It sounds like he is just looking for fun and he is not pushing things because he suspects you are looking for something serious.

 

I do not think this guy is a good bet for anything but a hook-up. He has not been specific about when you will meet him again. I get the feeling he knows he is just after hook-ups at the moment and so he is not encouraging you.

 

He seems confident and used to women. His twitter post suggests that too.

 

I would not advise falling in love with this guy. He has probably got several girls on the hook.

 

I'm 21 and idk if you saw my previous post, but that was basically all he wanted. I regret even meeting him again as he asked to hang about two weeks ago.

 

This was what I posted two weeks ago:

"We first got burgers and caught up. Then things took a sharp left once we went to the park. He wanted sex and a blowjob & got mad when I was refused. Said he couldn't wait, that he's past the foreplay level (we made out and got to second base), how we're just friends (when I asked him what is he looking for), how he can't wait for me, how having sex will bring problems (gaslighting, when he pushed for it), and how I'm too tight.

 

When I asked what he wanted, he said that he doesn't know, that it depends on how he feels. I then asked if he just wanted me for sex? He said that sex isn't the top thing he thinks about when he sees me. So I was like ??? What are we doing then? He couldn't even answer. I told him I don't have time for all this, that I know he has plenty girls so he can find one to match his level. That I already told him that I was virgin. He was saying how he's annoyed at himself for forcing me. That I'm not showing him much sexual attraction like he is to me. I was like, wtf."

 

After that, I decided I wasn't gonna talk to him again until he messaged me like last week. I regret that too because he ended up purposely ignoring until I deleted him. That's when he sent me another message, which I haven't opened. And he also posted on Twitter that I blocked him.

[smackie9]

You're right. I have deleted my online dating account since last month. I only have about two good friends, but they're mostly working on the days of social events so it's hard ? I do go to some social events alone, but I'm very shy at first.

You can also make new friends through work to hang out with. Maybe find some activities to do that involve interacting with other people. I know getting out there is awkward, but once you make more friends it will get easier.

[Watercolors]

FAF, you're 21 and you have your whole life in front of you. Don't waste it swiping left or right on Tinder, or paying a monthly subscription fee to an OLD website. Just...don't waste your youth by spending 24/7 online looking for guys to date.

 

I recommend joining Meetup groups in your area with activities that interest you. You are bound to meet other 21 year old or 20-something young people to become friends with, which increases your social circle over time, and this will give you the opportunity to meet guys in your age-group in person, in a Meetup group doing something you two have in common. That is a MUCH BETTER way to meet guys, I think.

 

So, that's my recommendation: Meetup groups. Since you are shy, you can use Meetup to help bring yourself out of your shell to meet new people. It's much safer to meet people in person, than connect with them online before you meet them in person.

 

You deserve to be happy and surround yourself with people you feel safe around; especially concerning guys to date. Stay away from Tinder (yuck) and any OLD right now. Focus on ways you can meet people your age in person first. Don't waste your 20s with OLD. There's so much life out there to be had that's offline. Don't forget that, ok?