Author TheRainbow Posted June 22, 2019 Author Share Posted June 22, 2019 Why didnt you hug him, tell him how amazing he IS, remind him why he's awesome and why you wouldn't take it for granted ever again? He'll want it, but never say it, because it has to come FROM YOU. I've told him for fourteen years he was an amazing husband, a great father. But that didn't stop me from doing the things I did. I still tell him those things every day, but what he needs is actions. Of course, I gave him a hug and it was received well. I can't force him to open up to me when he doesn't want too. Most of the time, we talk through what we are both feelings. But there is times where he doesn't want to be bothered, and this was one of them. Overall he's in a decent mood right now, just something, can't say for sure if it's related or not to what's going on, is on his mind. We are getting ready to go get some ice cream and go do some shopping. Link to post Share on other sites
emotionallybroken9 Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 Then I hope for all the best I hope he isn't like me and figuring out he doesn't need you anymore >.> Keep us posted! Good luck~ Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted June 22, 2019 Author Share Posted June 22, 2019 Then I hope for all the best I hope he isn't like me and figuring out he doesn't need you anymore >.> Keep us posted! Good luck~ I don't b want him to feel like he "needs" me in order to be happy. I want for him to want me for me. With codependency it's hard to find that balance. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 I don't have a good feeling for a future here. Having read both her threads here and her husband on another site I believe her husband is a bit of a KISA kinda guy. I also get the impression that he likes Rainbow broken. Think when a man loves a woman with Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia. I believe if Rainbow ever reaches the point she is working towards he may lose interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 Rainbow......have you ever considered leaving your husband for good? I know he wants to work things out but I don't know how healthy that is for everyone who is involved. Your children will likely be very damaged by the origins of your second daughter. Your MIL will not be able to stay civil for any length of time. Her justifiable hatred will undoubtedly affect your girls. I'm concerned that your children will not have any respect for you and also their dad because he stayed. I also worry about your baby daughter's self esteem as she grows and becomes aware of the situation. Her identity as an "affair baby" and also the child who is not blood related will hurt her deeply. I'm sorry but I don't agree that your marriage is good. Your marriage is on life support and maybe it's time to pull the plug based on the love you have for your husband and your children. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 I think some have forgotten that she stayed as a favor to her husband. She really couldn’t care less about whether her husband may change his mind in the future; in fact, she might even be relieved if he does. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted June 22, 2019 Author Share Posted June 22, 2019 I want to give it one honest last chance. Because I do enjoy his company and I genuinely this time want to be all in. If it doesn't work out, I know I tried. Link to post Share on other sites
emotionallybroken9 Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 (edited) I don't have a good feeling for a future here. Having read both her threads here and her husband on another site I believe her husband is a bit of a KISA kinda guy. I also get the impression that he likes Rainbow broken. Think when a man loves a woman with Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia. I believe if Rainbow ever reaches the point she is working towards he may lose interest. This. I was this. The separation helped me see it. I probably still am, but I'm working hard on not needing someone to rescue. I don't like that your husband wants you broken, if it's true. I want my wife to be happy, with OR without me. Right now, she's going to be whatever she feels without me. "If it doesn't work out, I know I tried." What a very nonchalant way to put it. BettyDraper's post pretty much says what we're all feeling. Maybe separation will let both of you see where you stand for each other. Has you husband considered divorce for real? No right? So I'm guessing in the back of your mind he hasn't left you. Maybe that's why you're so nonchalant about this whole thing. Maybe. But others who've read all threads would probably know more. Edited June 22, 2019 by emotionallybroken9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted June 22, 2019 Author Share Posted June 22, 2019 I didn't mean for it come across as nonchalant. I know my marriage is fragile. Heck I'm emotionally fragile. I'm working through years of things I never dealt with before. But I do think it's possible to have a good marriage. I have more to say but I'm heading out, but will post more later. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 I don't have a good feeling for a future here. Having read both her threads here and her husband on another site I believe her husband is a bit of a KISA kinda guy. I also get the impression that he likes Rainbow broken. Think when a man loves a woman with Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia. I believe if Rainbow ever reaches the point she is working towards he may lose interest. I've read his threads and I agree. With respect to Rainbow's MIL, it could be helpful to remember that sometimes mothers' impression of prospective partners are correct. Mothers can be psychic when it comes to picking up on anything to do with their children. Some men only feel comfortable with damaged women because it makes them feel powerful and needed. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 I think some have forgotten that she stayed as a favor to her husband. She really couldn’t care less about whether her husband may change his mind in the future; in fact, she might even be relieved if he does. I read the other threads but I never saw any indication that she was staying as a favor to her husband. I could have missed something though. Link to post Share on other sites
emotionallybroken9 Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 Rainbow, just remember that we're here for BOTH of you. Just because you cheated it doesn't mean you're not a human that deserves love. I don't believe your marriage was perfect. Both of you deserve to be happy, with OR without each other. What we say is to help you both <3 Have fun with ice cream and shopping! I hope it's a good day! Hope it's a good family day Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 Rainbow, just remember that we're here for BOTH of you. Just because you cheated it doesn't mean you're not a human that deserves love. I don't believe your marriage was perfect. Both of you deserve to be happy, with OR without each other. What we say is to help you both <3 Have fun with ice cream and shopping! I hope it's a good day! Hope it's a good family day I agree that Rainbow is human shouldn't be deprived of love. She also deserves to be happy just like anyone else. So does her husband. We should also remember that Rainbow's infidelity was not an isolated incident. Link to post Share on other sites
emotionallybroken9 Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 @Betty, someone needs to link all the threads lol. Isolated as in she cheated more than once? Or she cheated for an extended period of time? Or she cheated with multiple people? Or she chated, got caught, then cheated again? Just for others like me that don't have the full story that's apparently spread across multiple threads and sites. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 There was more than one man. There was a one night stand the night before her wedding. The affair with her boss was for an extended period of time. This affair resulted in a child. No, it was most definitely not an isolated incident. Link to post Share on other sites
emotionallybroken9 Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 Did the husband know about the one night stand, then she had the affair with the boss? Or was that a secret that came to light after having the boss's baby? This poor husband If he stays, it'd be a miracle. Unfortunately, Rainbow isn't showing that commitment that he'll need. But hey, he might wanna stay to help her. What a bad situation this is. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 If he stays, it'd be a miracle. Unfortunately, Rainbow isn't showing that commitment that he'll need. I actually think Rainbow has done all she can to re-commit to her marriage. She has dedicated herself to her family and to counselling. She asked for a separation, he chose to stay. If this marriage ends, it will be because there is too much water under the bridge and the betrayal was too much to move past... Link to post Share on other sites
emotionallybroken9 Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 @Bailey I'll take your word for it. Not sarcastic. How does the husband sound in the other thread? Did he figure out WHY he wants to stay with her? Or is he a White Knight? Maybe it'd be better for Rainbow to leave HIM... Or just try to help him heal before leaving? Leaving him doesn't have to be permanent, but it'll help him figure out himself. Maybe he's just afraid of being alone again. Or just wants the family life that's typically plastered all over this society. Is he still posting in the other thread, wherever it is? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 Maybe it'd be better for Rainbow to leave HIM... Or just try to help him heal before leaving? Leaving him doesn't have to be permanent, but it'll help him figure out himself. She did. He did not want the separation and he insisted that he wanted to reconcile. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 I read the other threads but I never saw any indication that she was staying as a favor to her husband. I could have missed something though. They were separated for a few months at her insistence, and he kept begging her to move back in. She finally gave in when she had a rather difficult pregnancy and wanted some company and convenience. I think she genuinely feels bad for having taken him for granted and doing all those terrible things to him without much thinking. I think she understands she owes him much and is trying to do the right thing out of duty. Link to post Share on other sites
emotionallybroken9 Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 @Bailey Yeah, but she didn't leave him. They're still together. She didn't want to leave either, or else she would've been gone. It's not like he physically restrained her, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted June 22, 2019 Author Share Posted June 22, 2019 I haven't looked at the comments since I got home. But I want to continue on where I left off. I do think I can have a good marriage. There is a lot that is good all ready. The most obvious is our sex life. 5-6 days a week good. It's satisfying so my infidelity was never about sex or lack of. We communicate in important issues such as finances, big purchases, and child parenting. I can count on less than one hand where he had undermined me and vice versa. There has been very few major disagreements over the years. I think where we need to really work on as a couple in general is setting healthy boundaries. He has codependency. Some think he wants to be broken but I think he just feels powerless and I think if he can stand back and let myself deal with the consequences and fix my own problems, he'd be happier. He always said he was attracted to my bold personality. That I was exciting, out going and funny. That I was a good cook and kept a clean house. I was attracted to him for how kind he was. I wasn't used to being treated with respect. He complimented and did things without requiring things in return. He is good looking, loyal and hard working. I rambled on enough. I don't know what the right answer is. All I know is that I want to try. I'm really working on being Ba better person. My husband and girls are getting the best version of me. Link to post Share on other sites
emotionallybroken9 Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 (edited) So what WAS your infidelity about? If you had such a perfect man, aside from him being codependancy, what attracted you to the boss, or the guy before the wedding? This was probably covered in your other threads, but can you just write one liners about what you were escaping from? Oh, and people are saying that he wants YOU to be broken so HE can rescue YOU. When that happens, he'll feel like a big man. So why should he stay with you, aside from the kids? Have you considered releasing him so that he can grow as a person and a man? He might be staying with you simply because he doesn't want to be alone or lose his "investment." Edit: How was icecream and shopping?? Hope it was a good day Edited June 23, 2019 by emotionallybroken9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted June 23, 2019 Author Share Posted June 23, 2019 This was probably covered in your other threads, but can you just write one liners about what you were escaping from? I'm escaping from myself and my own self-destructive behaviour. I always found it hard to connect to people. I was bullied badly in school by my peers and from teachers. Then I was abused by an ex-boyfriend and became an exotic dancer. I had no self-esteem. Through therapy I've discovered that I used my husband as a safe place, someone to turn too when I needed support. That how I felt about him and him about me was kind of irrelevant because I was detached to a point that I was looking for something to fill the void I felt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted June 23, 2019 Author Share Posted June 23, 2019 shopping and getting ice cream was good. We stopped at the farmer's market and I got some vegetables and organic goat milk. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts