thefooloftheyear Posted June 27, 2019 Share Posted June 27, 2019 (edited) Interesting. Are there many women who appreciate this kind of passivity in men?.... And what makes you think that there aren't plenty of women that also"go for what they want in life"? the point being it matters not how "aggressively" a guy pursues or how much he "goes for it" when determining what type of guy he is.. The "passive" guy could easily be a far better candidate than the opposite...He just may be flooded with options so he doesn't have to jump through hoops for anyone..The tables then turn from the "traditional" guy that has to go after as many women he can, because he knows most of them wont want him.. Â….and here is something else to consider... Unless a guy is a loser of so inept that he cant get out of his own way, many women will entertain guys they even have lukewarm affection for if that guy is chasing them down...It feeds their ego, so they run with it...When/if it materializes into a relationship it could easily be that once the attention wears off, then she starts to question why she went with a guy that's physically not her type and it fizzles out... When you are picking from a group of women that have shown interest or are doing the chasing, the guy now has the power...He knows at that point that the previous scenario is likely not going to happen...There is no ambivalence on her part and she wont doubt herself afterwards .. TFY Edited June 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 27, 2019 Share Posted June 27, 2019 When you are picking from a group of women that have shown interest or are doing the chasing, the guy now has the power... TFY pay attention ladies. when a guy tries to tell women they should chase its soooo not in your best interest. it is in the guys best interest nothing against the guy by the way. he has to do what he has to do and what he has options to do. not mad at it at all. I just dont recommend "chasing" for women to do as good dating advice for women. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
crispytoast Posted June 27, 2019 Share Posted June 27, 2019 (edited) pay attention ladies. when a guy tries to tell women they should chase its soooo not in your best interest. it is in the guys best interest... Either way it's about power dynamics. I want a woman to put in at least some effort. Maybe for tfoty he's trying to maintain power. I could care less about having more power but I am also not trying to jump through hoops like some game. For me it's about respect. When a woman makes me do all of the work, it tells me that she thinks she's too good and doesn't respect men. I prefer the chase to be mutual because it conveys mutual respect. Would you want a man who doesn't respect women? Edited June 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 27, 2019 Share Posted June 27, 2019 You people aren't getting it.... Maybe the word "power' was the wrong word....If you are the type that always had a lot of attention from women, what are you going to do now...?? Start chasing ones that aren't already giving you attention?? That would be like casting a line when the fish are jumping into the boat... Point being, when I say it gives more power, in the sense you are already closing active and qualified leads... There is no "sell" or "cold call" involved, hence that gives a feeling of power or control of the outcome... When you are the average shlub, trying to earn some woman's attention, you chase them down, don't know if you are seen by her as a 3 when she is actively putting her effort into 8's and up...Those guys on the other end are the one's with the 'power" in the sense, because she already qualified herself to them...If that makes any sense... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted June 27, 2019 Share Posted June 27, 2019 You people aren't getting it.... Maybe the word "power' was the wrong word....If you are the type that always had a lot of attention from women, what are you going to do now...?? Start chasing ones that aren't already giving you attention?? That would be like casting a line when the fish are jumping into the boat... It would be like more like going for the job you really want rather than accept whatever was offered to you by your buddies in the hood, or planning a trip to Paris when you've already been to Las Vegas. Or for that matter, casting a line when fish are jumping into a boat - if you like the experience of fishing, that is. So good analogy. Plenty of guys who are attractive to women still feel inspired to put in the effort when we find one to be compelling, even if she doesn't happen to be super aggressive. The passive role isn't for everyone; also I'm not generally attracted to women who come on strong. Whatever works for you but I think you're unusual in this respect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bradt93 Posted June 27, 2019 Share Posted June 27, 2019 I've had women who liked me back in high school, but don't know. It's very strange. Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted June 27, 2019 Share Posted June 27, 2019 It would be like more like going for the job you really want rather than accept whatever was offered to you by your buddies in the hood, or planning a trip to Paris when you've already been to Las Vegas. Pretty much this. The thing is, as a reasonably attractive woman, there's no such thing as chasing a man, unless he's obviously "out of my league." Either he's pursuing me - because he sees me as a compelling prospect, or I'm throwing myself at him - because he doesn't. MOST men would hook up with me in a heartbeat. But I am under absolutely no delusion that I'm going to score a relationship with a man who already has women of a similar caliber throwing themselves at him. If he's got a bunch of women of a much lower caliber throwing themselves at him and is content enough with this quantity-over-quality arrangement that he's not motivated to pursue me even though I'm arguably a much better catch - I don't want that either. So I don't see a single practical benefit to chasing a man. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 27, 2019 Share Posted June 27, 2019 (edited) It would be like more like going for the job you really want rather than accept whatever was offered to you by your buddies in the hood, or planning a trip to Paris when you've already been to Las Vegas. . It would be more like take the NFL job, because its attractive, pays well, and they want you bad, or decide to try out for the WFL the CFL, or some other league that may or may not be around in a year or so... Again... If a guy is getting steady attention from quality and attractive women(doesn't have to be the come on strong type), why on Gods earth would he now have to go for the wallflower that makes him jump through hoops?? Or better yet, put himself through the nonsense game of having to drag his balls over hot coals for the luxury of her presence?? Nah...eff that shyt... Makes absolutely no sense to me, but like you said...do what you want and chase away... TFY Edited June 27, 2019 by thefooloftheyear 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted June 27, 2019 Share Posted June 27, 2019 Well, there's "quality" of the general/objective/surface-level sort - and then there's the more subjective "possesses the specific qualities and traits that I am looking for in a spouse." A man can get plenty of attention, even unsolicited, from women who are hot and sexy - and not have any interest in a relationship with any of them, in spite of wanting very much to marry and start a family, etc. That man certainly might be inclined to pursue a more passive woman, in spite of his surplus of attention from other women - if that woman possesses the specific traits that the women who are throwing themselves at him are lacking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 27, 2019 Share Posted June 27, 2019 Either way it's about power dynamics. I want a woman to put in at least some effort. Maybe for tfoty he's trying to maintain power. I could care less about having more power but I am also not trying to jump through hoops like some game. For me it's about respect. When a woman makes me do all of the work, it tells me that she thinks she's too good and doesn't respect men. I prefer the chase to be mutual because it conveys mutual respect. Would you want a man who doesn't respect women? No I would not date a guy who doesn’t respect women and I encourage women to not date men who are disrespectful to women. And I understand your concern which I personally think women should not play games and they should show genuine interest and reciprocate when a guy pursues. But I don’t think they should chase. A woman chasing (imo) can put her in the position to be devalued. And that’s is not what she wants or needs..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted June 28, 2019 Author Share Posted June 28, 2019 It would be more like take the NFL job, because its attractive, pays well, and they want you bad, or decide to try out for the WFL the CFL, or some other league that may or may not be around in a year or so... Again... If a guy is getting steady attention from quality and attractive women(doesn't have to be the come on strong type), why on Gods earth would he now have to go for the wallflower that makes him jump through hoops?? Or better yet, put himself through the nonsense game of having to drag his balls over hot coals for the luxury of her presence?? Nah...eff that shyt... Makes absolutely no sense to me, but like you said...do what you want and chase away... TFY Ok gotcha! You’re definitely full of examples. Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted June 28, 2019 Author Share Posted June 28, 2019 For the sake of clarity of starting this thread, I have NO intentions of chasing ANY man. I’m probably at the extreme of my perspective at that. However, I do want to make sure I understand my bf who has orchestrated a thing or two to make me go “hmmm. He’s definitely trying to orchestrate a PHONE CALL vs a text. The responses here are awesome and the energy is great! However, I’m also interested in finding out what lengths some men go to, to try changing a woman’s mind or to try getting her to say....CALL more than she TEXTS. Just a little reference to my previous thread.In that thread I spoke about an incident where my bf and I had phone issues and little contact one day. His issue was worse because of his procrastination in getting a repair done to his phone. So this day I called him ONCE to check on him. In his mind I should’ve been blowing his phone up or popping up at his house. But that’s NOT my style. So he ended up popping up at MY house that day and actually saying to me, “you couldn’t call and check on me more?” At that point I knew without a doubt he was game playing and trying to milk the situation to get a certain reaction from me. He knows that I don’t do a bunch of calls or contact initiation. So I told him that day, that “it’s frustrating when you try doing things like this to try and MAKE me call. I did call once but after that I called myself (no pun intended) giving you time to respond. It was about 3-4 hours that day by the way that we were out of contact when we usually are in contact every hour or two. I feel like after that incident, he tried to shift his MO by throwing my words in my face and even sometimes starting an argument because he probably feels like it makes us closer. Sad but true that some people actually believe that arguments makes them closer. Boi bye:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 To me, "game playing" and "milking a situation" are terms which I would connect with being devious and hurtful in getting needs met. I get the feeling that you're seeing a clumsy attempt on his part to get you to call him more and turning it into a scenario of considerable manipulation. You say that he starts an argument to make the two of you closer. It doesn't make sense that an argument would bring a couple closer. Why do you think he's doing this deliberately - as opposed to simply being frustrated with you? Tell me, if you were clumsy in getting your needs met and a partner painted you as approaching the issue in a devious manner, would you be mad at them and possibly have an argument? Because I know I would. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 yea I wouldnt feed into his games. scenario: you call to check on him he doesnt answer you dont call again and rightfully so he makes that comment about "not calling more" if it was in question form like "why dont you keep calling" I would have simply said "you saw my call the first time and when your not busy you can call me back" and leave it at that. if he makes a comment thats not a question then simply dont answer it lol. .... I feel like this game playing to soothe his bruised ego and get you to call more is who your boyfriend is considering you mentioned it multiple times. you can accept it as one of his flaws and either stand firm and not feed into the games or you may have to give him a warning shot if it goes too far into deal breaking territory and if he dont turn it around then you have to break up. all you can do. "babe I am not okay with xyz". dont ask questions. "why do you do xyz". just give one statement. if he responds with deflection and not taking ownership then you going to have cut him loose if your truly not going to tolerate it anymore. you can show him better than you can tell him. then if he wants to turn it around its your prerogative to give him ONE more chance. I dont think that people who play games sometimes are trying to be malicious. some people dont know what to do when they are feeling frustrated and they resort to games. whether you stay with him or leave him you have to show your intolerant regardless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted June 28, 2019 Author Share Posted June 28, 2019 To me, "game playing" and "milking a situation" are terms which I would connect with being devious and hurtful in getting needs met. I get the feeling that you're seeing a clumsy attempt on his part to get you to call him more and turning it into a scenario of considerable manipulation. You say that he starts an argument to make the two of you closer. It doesn't make sense that an argument would bring a couple closer. Why do you think he's doing this deliberately - as opposed to simply being frustrated with you? Tell me, if you were clumsy in getting your needs met and a partner painted you as approaching the issue in a devious manner, would you be mad at them and possibly have an argument? Because I know I would. True I guess. And yes I’d be offended if my SO claimed I was painted that picture of me. He didn’t even deny it though when I said it ... in that very moment... because he knew I was right. So I feel like since then, he’s been trying to save face and rebuild his ego. He’s been super sweet other than the ego /time together /me calling thing.. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 I am put off by women who "chase"; it comes across as needy and insecure. With that being said, I don't enjoy doing all of the work either; a little bit of reciprocity goes a long way when dating a woman. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted June 30, 2019 Author Share Posted June 30, 2019 I am put off by women who "chase"; it comes across as needy and insecure. With that being said, I don't enjoy doing all of the work either; a little bit of reciprocity goes a long way when dating a woman. Point well taken. I agree there should be some reciprocity, albeit varied in nature. Many men though, like to feel like they’re conquering something. Sometimes I wonder if men need to feel a constant state of “pursuit” in order for the relationship to stay fresh with the woman... just a thought. For example. “I say to my bf, I’m not big on talking on the phone. I’d rather text.” He’s been trying to balance out this particular characteristic since we’ve been dating. When I do talk, he sounds almost relieved and just...happy. In turn I’m happy I’m allowing myself to be open to talking more. I sometimes revert back to my texting preference, but overall I try meeting him in the middle. Also, I’ve seen men constantly try chasing ”approval”... like in bed. This seems to be another compartment of pursuit for men(my boyfriend) especially with regard to me being pleased at the end. I have been overall, but for some reason it’s more challenging for me to get MY HAPPY ENDING than it is for him. He’s always like “you are amazing every single time!” I’m like you too baby... and he is. But we both know and try various ways to make sure I’m equally pleased. He’s even said, “I’m gonna figure you out... I am. To make you *** easier” Just some thoughts... Link to post Share on other sites
luvflower Posted July 1, 2019 Share Posted July 1, 2019 I try to never say never, but I can’t see myself chasing, pursuing or initiating much with a man. I just like them to take the lead and feel in charge. I’ve heard several men say they are turned off by women trying to take charge or control like men. Cool by me. I don’t want to be “in charge” unless I absolutely have to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted July 1, 2019 Author Share Posted July 1, 2019 I try to never say never, but I can’t see myself chasing, pursuing or initiating much with a man. I just like them to take the lead and feel in charge. I’ve heard several men say they are turned off by women trying to take charge or control like men. Cool by me. I don’t want to be “in charge” unless I absolutely have to be. Yep. I feel you on this. This is one reason I prefer falling back on means of communication as well as frequency of it. Also in bed, I like him leading. Once we get started though... I can be a force to be reckoned with! And it’s pleasantly surprising to him because it’s unexpected and a contrast from my laid back overall demeanor, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted July 3, 2019 Author Share Posted July 3, 2019 To me, "game playing" and "milking a situation" are terms which I would connect with being devious and hurtful in getting needs met. I get the feeling that you're seeing a clumsy attempt on his part to get you to call him more and turning it into a scenario of considerable manipulation. You say that he starts an argument to make the two of you closer. It doesn't make sense that an argument would bring a couple closer. Why do you think he's doing this deliberately - as opposed to simply being frustrated with you? Tell me, if you were clumsy in getting your needs met and a partner painted you as approaching the issue in a devious manner, would you be mad at them and possibly have an argument? Because I know I would. Sorry I realized I didn’t respond directly to some of your points/questions. I’m sure part of him was sincerely frustrated with me especially with the lost contact scenario. He wanted me to call more than once and I didn’t. However, it was his fault to begin with because of something he procrastinated on getting done. He admitted it. On top of that, I really HATE discord. I despise it. It forces me to deal with things in a manner that disrupts my “Chi” and that peaceful place that I like to stay in. So perhaps that one reason I feel the way I do about the whole manipulation thing with regard to the scenario I mentioned and regarding any form of manipulation. It could be harmless sometimes but the fact hat someone has been sitting back planning on how to try and get someone to behave a certain way, just seems like so much work and a bit “off”(in a not so subtle way). Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted July 3, 2019 Author Share Posted July 3, 2019 Sorry for the symbols and what not that distort words in my previous post. ? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 I am put off by women who "chase"; it comes across as needy and insecure. With that being said, I don't enjoy doing all of the work either; a little bit of reciprocity goes a long way when dating a woman. dating and relationship are two way streets, as many women can attest to Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted July 3, 2019 Author Share Posted July 3, 2019 dating and relationship are two way streets, as many women can attest to Yes, but is there anything you’re making specific reference to? Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted July 7, 2019 Share Posted July 7, 2019 Simply stated in the subject. I’m in a situation currently that I have this thought. Plus I’ve read several posts in here that lead me to believe that men want lots of solid PROOF that a woman is REALLY interested. Do men really expect women to chase in order to feel like she’s worth an investment, etc? Yes on all points. Political correctness, social engineering/programing aside, the way it works biologically is the man initiates the chasing. If the woman is interested she will pick up the chase after a short time (whether she believes or admits she is doing it or not). When she starts to pick up the chase that is how the guy knows she is interested. Once her efforts become more prominent the guy can back off and let her chase more. As they move into a more solid exclusive relationship it becomes more balanced and integrated and you don't really notice any chasing at all,..it is more cooperative and symbiotic (but you have to survive to that point first). The guys who over-persue end up being Incels, FA's, or just end up with needy necrotic women who are always hungry for the attention of being pursued. Women who refuse to chase and have the "I don't need no man" attitude end up lonely & bitter or end up settling for the weak "yes ma'am" beta males because the stronger more solid men reject them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted July 7, 2019 Share Posted July 7, 2019 I see it as less of a "chase > catch > be chased" scenario, and more of a "chase > catch > lead" scenario - ideally, anyway. "Chasing" in relationships implies a measure of uncertainty and risk in putting your neck out there and taking initiative. Reciprocity is different. Reciprocity is a giving-back-in-kind of what you've already been given, more or less. I am 100% comfortable following a man's lead in a reciprocal way once he has established his interest in me. I am 0% comfortable "chasing" a man who leaves the ball in my court as a means of forcing ME to establish MY interest first. In my book, real men don't do that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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