Do men expect women to chase? If so why?

[Curiousroxy86]

On a serious note

 

Some men will say they want woman to chase. Some men may operate in a way that they only deal with women who chase.....

 

But

 

On a more sub conscious level many (maybe most) guys take for granted quicker and get tired of women who chase.

 

So unless you want to prematurely kill the attraction and desire he had for you then don’t chase

 

Do however reciprocate his advances with interest. You can go too far on the other side of not chase to the point that you dont seem interested at all and come off stuck up, game playing, and trying to friend zone him which would also kill the attraction and desire very quickly

 

Good luck

Edited June 6, 2019 by Curiousroxy86

[alphamale]

every woman and man have their own courtship methodology

[TheFinalWord]

I think they look for an equal effort at some point. Not proof that you're interested per say, but some positive reinforcement.

 

You may not do this, but a lot of women send mixed signals.

 

And for a lot of men, it takes all they have to say something to a woman. There's a misconception that men are used to rejection so it doesn't bother them. It bothers men just as much, it's just our society is set up so that if the man doesn't chase nothing happens.

 

Also, with #metoo, men are leery to chase. We don't know where the line is these days. So, we look for clear consent before we continue with the chase.

 

We're supposed to chase, but not too much #metoo. We're supposed to be interesting conversationalists, but not mansplain. We're supposed to be manly but not manspread. We're supposed to pay, but not try to show off our success. We should text, but not too much, and not too little either. We're supposed be equals, but at the same time chivalrous.

 

No offense, but can you ladies make up your minds? LOL

Edited June 6, 2019 by TheFinalWord

[Curiousroxy86]

Op even with guys that don’t have to chase who may have women come on to them all the time would still pursue a girl they find attractive

 

Guys who won’t ever approach a women even if they like her and conditions are right are either extremely shy and inexperienced or they are against women in general and standing on a principal (neither you don’t want lmao)

 

If it’s not a shy guy or a woman hating guy refusing to approach when conditions are right then I would say he don’t like her enough. Many men will take women who offer themselves on a platter even if they are not that attracted to her (again something else you don’t want)

 

So don’t know about you but I really don’t see any benefits for a woman to chase

[alphamale]

So don’t know about you but I really don’t see any benefits for a woman to chase

 

after the dust settles it is the female who chooses the man she wants to be with not the other way around

[Curiousroxy86]

Final I have to admit that I wouldn’t want to be a dude lmao. Some guys get their heads straight bitten off if they try to be proactive and approach just simply because the girls not interested and he wasn’t even being disrespectful and I really do hate that. I can’t even imagine how that feels because I don’t approach. On the other hand some guys do need to learn to read a girl who is not interested and can sometimes not take what we say seriously when we try to say it nicely which can venture into #metoo territory

[Curiousroxy86]

after the dust settles it is the female who chooses the man she wants to be with not the other way around

 

Ehhh I don’t know about that one

 

If a girl wanted to be with you and you wasn’t interested in her then she is either not going to get pursued at all by you, or if she pursued you then you will not return her interest, or she could just get used by you.

 

So if you were her choice well that didn’t happen because you didn’t want her back

 

Both people have to choose each other I would think unless I’m missing something here

[preraph]

On both sides, it all comes down to being socially ept.

[alphamale]

Ehhh I don’t know about that one

 

If a girl wanted to be with you and you wasn’t interested in her then she is either not going to get pursued at all by you, or if she pursued you then you will not return her interest, or she could just get used by you.

 

So if you were her choice well that didn’t happen because you didn’t want her back

 

Both people have to choose each other I would think unless I’m missing something here

 

the woman's bar is set much higher than the man's. look who is doing the choosing on-line, its the women. same IRL

[basil67]

every woman and man have their own courtship methodology

 

This ^ As soon as people start talking about every man or woman operating the same as the rest of their gender, I know those people are talking out their rear ends.

 

When I was dating, I did not like being chased. If I'm interested, I will reciprocate. If you have to chase me, it means I'm heading in the other direction. Hubby tells me that each of his long term relationships were kicked off by the woman. He likes a woman who goes for what she wants.

[TheFinalWord]

On the other hand some guys do need to learn to read a girl who is not interested and can sometimes not take what we say seriously when we try to say it nicely which can venture into #metoo territory

 

 

Oh, for sure, there are creepy guys out there. A good 8-10% of the male population has some mental social disorder and they don't take a hint a lot of times.

[Curiousroxy86]

the woman's bar is set much higher than the man's. look who is doing the choosing on-line, its the women. same IRL

 

If you mean because women in general don’t pursue and women in general just don’t sleep with anybody who breaths and has a penis then okay I can see your point. But even if men generally are the pursuers and would have sex with anything and everything (for arguments sake) if we are talking about relationships/commitment/marriage that’s not exactly true. Seems like men get reeeeeaaaaal choosey when it comes to giving up their freedom, no?

 

I would even concur if you mean women are more choosey but to say there’s no choose aspect with men at all is where I’m like huh? Because men go after what they want generally speaking and men decide if they want to be in a relationship or marry a girl. “How can I get this guy to like me” “how can I get this guy to commit”. Still feels like there are some checks and balances to both sides realistically and there is some aspect of “choosing” on both sides. Men choose who they initiate and what they are initiating. Women choose by saying yes or no. Generally speaking.

Edited June 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[Lotsgoingon]

Here's a variation of the question of whether women should and do chase.

 

One of my hobbies is dancing, social dancing ... in my case, swing dance and lindy hop. Traditionally the guy asks the woman to dance ... So the women doesn't chase.

 

But ... what leads the guy, or me, to approach a certain woman to ask to dance?

 

Generally, I look around the dance floor ... and the people who want to dance with me will make eye contact ... or sometimes they'll look down and stand in place. If I look a woman's way and she moves in a different direction, that means she doesn't want to dance with me right then. Maybe she spotted another guy.

 

The funniest occasions for me are when a woman will walk across the dance floor and stand two feet away from me, looking up and interested. She may not make eye contact, but if she comes and stands right next to me, usually she wants to ask me to dance. I've had women do this many times and they never asked me ... but walking across the floor to stand next to me .... a pretty strong signal.

 

Who chased who in this scenario? BTW: I'm totally comfortable with a woman asking me to dance ... My main criteria is ... how good a dancer is she? If she's a fun dancer, then I'm definitely into a woman approaching me. It's that simple.

 

There's yet another variation of the approach dance on the dance floor. Say I dance with a woman and I have a good time. Well usually I let her know I'm having a good time, because in the middle of the dance I'll laugh or smile or comment on some great move she makes. And women who enjoy dancing with me will do the same. They'll laugh and smile. (The laughing comes from the creativity and surprise.)

 

After a great dance, the woman will usually say something like, "thank you. That was really fun." or ... "That was great." ... That's my cue to approach them again later during the night. The etiquette at these dances is to only dance once with a person and move on ... But you can always return to favorites later in the night.

 

The favorites I return to ... are people who made me feel great while dancing and who made clear at the end of a song how much they enjoyed dancing with me. Oh ... and when I approach favorites later, I barely have to make eye contact with them before they hold out their hand for me and step into my dance space.

 

There's a lot of mutual signaling going on.

[thefooloftheyear]

 

Guys who won’t ever approach a women even if they like her and conditions are right are either extremely shy and inexperienced or they are against women in general and standing on a principal (neither you don’t want lmao)

 

If it’s not a shy guy or a woman hating guy refusing to approach when conditions are right then I would say he don’t like her enough. :

 

Nope!!!

 

There are women and men, even when 100% available, aren't consumed with pairing up/hooking up, whatever...

 

I know guys that use a "shotgun" approach and basically hit on every woman on the street...Its a numbers game and it works for them....On the other side of the spectrum are the guys that are just fine with letting things just play out...They usually have options and know how to read body language, so there is no need to heavily pursue....Or he may indicate some interest, but not to the level of a hungry dog after a T bone..

 

It just seems like to me that you are putting a negative vibe to guys that aren't chasing women down...It cant be further from the truth...No two people are the same...

 

If you are a woman and like a guy, just standing around waiting for him to make a move, or calling sour grapes and labeling all these guys as dysfunctional, just because he wont go after you is kinda crazy......

 

TFY

[preraph]

^ That's a real good description of it. I've said on here before that guys need to pay attention out in public (not in a grocery line though) to women who move to their area because it's very likely the woman didn't just do it random since we automatically suss things out as far as not standing to someone who already looks like trouble. So if a woman comes and stands in front of or behind or to the side of you say at a club or concert or dance, she is probably hoping you'll notice her or at least not averse if you do. I've met a lot of people that way. But I will usually make a comment about whatever is going on eventually as well to see if they're friendly. They certainly are not always friendly, just like women, and will move off or look funny if they are not interested. It's not like only men go through that.

[chillii]

E

If a girl wanted to be with you and you wasn’t interested in her then she is either not going to get pursued at all by you, or if she pursued you then you will not return her interest, or she could just get used by you.........

 

Yep , 100%. No way known in my life have l ever gone with someone just because she felt it. lf l didn't feel it l didn't feel it full stop.

Goes both ways you both choose , if she doesn't she doesn't either.

l guess though on the chasing things it depends a lot too on your country , here not many women would chase anyway and not many guys would expect her too .

And the kind woman l'd go for wouldn't chase anyway.

But even so , have had a few sort of try but they were usually someone l wasn't into anyway and that would probably turn me off even more.

 

To me there are much classier ways for her to let you know she's interested than chasing you and you can usually tell if she was by those.

Edited June 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[basil67]

Guys who won’t ever approach a women even if they like her and conditions are right are either extremely shy and inexperienced or they are against women in general and standing on a principal (neither you don’t want lmao)

 

Or very likely he's not getting reciprocal signals. Personally, I would be grateful for not being approached when he recognises that I don't see him that way.

 

Rather than being against women in general, I see him holding back as a mark of respect. He should save himself for a woman who IS interested rather than making everything awkward with women who aren't.

[alphamale]

Seems like men get reeeeeaaaaal choosey when it comes to giving up their freedom, no?

.

 

many of my male friends married "down". one in particular is my friend Dave (not his real name) who married a woman 5 years older than him who doesn't want to work and is grossly obese and ugly to boot. he used to date some pretty decent women in his day...

 

I have more examples if you want

[preraph]

^ She's probably the most fun person he's ever been around.

[preraph]

One possible problem with women chasing or initiating is a certain amount of men will just take it as a sex invitation and like Curious said above, just use them. Of course, in fairness, they may genuinely think that's what it is since when they approach themselves, it is often just to get sex. But that is a problem. It can make you start off with less respect. I just think it's important to have something in common.

[alphamale]

^ She's probably the most fun person he's ever been around.

 

no one (including his family) can figure out why they married

[Curiousroxy86]

Nope!!!

 

There are women and men, even when 100% available, aren't consumed with pairing up/hooking up, whatever...

 

 

TFY

 

Key words from my bolded quote is “won’t ever approach”. Sorry but I stand by that opinion. I will agree there are moments that men won’t approach if they are not in the mind of wanting to hook up or date but men who don’t approach a woman ever are standing on some principal that is mgtowish or they are extremely passive. Both groups won’t ever approach, if a woman is chasing they would be in her pool, and to what benefit? Both groups go against women’s dating self interests. Other than that guys that get enough female attention would still approach a woman they like. They may not have to approach but they are not above approaching. Big difference. And you said it best they may read her body language. Most men would off positive signal.

 

I personally have nothing against guys who choose to not approach women at all. Do you. I just find the idea laughable to think that women who start chasing men as a solution to women getting what they want romantically as a whole. There are so many downsides that I personally don’t find appealing to a woman chasing that I don’t see it as wise. Flirting, giving signals, reciprocating interest yes. Chasing? no.

 

I mean if we want to talk realistic comparisons...

 

if a woman don’t chase she will either be single for awhile, get approached by toxic guys who shallowly love bomb (narcissist), get approached by guys she is not attractive too in general, get approached by guys who want sex, get approached by guys who are players, and get approached by a confident decent guy who are genuinely into her (it’s toss up if they remain attracted/together/compatible/continuing pursuing because of these factors which is just normal dating), and to be fair a decent guy who lose interest IF she doesn’t show enough interest because she may over do the not chasing to the point she come off unattractive.

 

If a woman does chase she could catch a guy who hates women or has a negative view of women in general which is part of his principal of never approaching, a guy who is shy and inexperienced and passive, a guy who is lazy, still can catch a toxic narcissistic who are notorious for triangulation and low hanging fruit (women who chase) are the perfect tools of triangulation, still can catch a player (remember women are throwing themselves at them so they don’t have to approach), a decent guy who reciprocates her interests but lose attraction and desire quickly on a subconscious because she chasing, a guy who was not that into her to begin with but thought why not (still get the just want sex type of a guy, and she may catch a decent guy as well (still a toss up if anything great come from it because of normal dating factor mentioned above)

 

So the way I see it women have to pick their poison and just be smart with boundaries to get rid of the don’t wants. I just don’t subscribe to the idea that chasing is going to be any better. Most of the women crying on LS have the very problems they have because they are chasing/over investing. No thank you I will stay where I am at. What exactly am I missing out on? The women haters, the passive, the guys I probably want but prematurely turned off by the chasing, the guys I probably want but misread their true interest in me, the lazy? Whether we chase or not We all still could run into narcissists, players, guys who just want sex, or the right guy lol. It ultimately comes down to what we are willing to deal with in dating imo and choose actions that are wise. Chasing to me is just not one of those actions that I see as wise.

 

But anyhoo lets agree to disagree you fool (lol forgive me couldn’t resist)

[Curiousroxy86]

Or very likely he's not getting reciprocal signals. Personally, I would be grateful for not being approached when he recognises that I don't see him that way.

 

Rather than being against women in general, I see him holding back as a mark of respect. He should save himself for a woman who IS interested rather than making everything awkward with women who aren't.

 

I agree that most guys won’t approach if they are not getting right signals. Guys who approach cold are either real confident or real aggressive. But that’s what I mean when I say “conditions are right”. If she is giving the right signals, there are no obstacles, he likes her....I don’t see a guy purposely hold back unless he is on that misogynistic sh*t or super timid. Again keyword is won’t ever approach.

[Curiousroxy86]

many of my male friends married "down". one in particular is my friend Dave (not his real name) who married a woman 5 years older than him who doesn't want to work and is grossly obese and ugly to boot. he used to date some pretty decent women in his day...

 

I have more examples if you want

 

Lmao and why do you think he married her im dying to know.

 

She probably makes him feel good emotionally in comparison to the pretty women he dated who made him feel horrible. I have seen people marry down because they traded looks, chemistry, and passion for emotional support, compatibility, and comfort. Lol your friend Dave still chose for a reason my friend. Unless your point is they don’t have their pick as much as they use to which still kinda applies to both men and women the older they get.

[alphamale]

Lmao and why do you think he married her im dying to know.

 

She probably makes him feel good emotionally in comparison to the pretty women he dated who made him feel horrible. I have seen people marry down because they traded looks, chemistry, and passion for emotional support, compatibility, and comfort. Lol your friend Dave still chose for a reason my friend. Unless your point is they don’t have their pick as much as they use to which still kinda applies to both men and women the older they get.

 

well there is some type of strong emotional bond there for some reason - they've been married 19 years