basil67 Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 If a woman does chase she could catch a guy who hates women or has a negative view of women in general which is part of his principal of never approaching, a guy who is shy and inexperienced and passive, a guy who is lazy, still can catch a toxic narcissistic who are notorious for triangulation and low hanging fruit (women who chase) are the perfect tools of triangulation, still can catch a player (remember women are throwing themselves at them so they don’t have to approach), a decent guy who reciprocates her interests but lose attraction and desire quickly on a subconscious because she chasing, a guy who was not that into her to begin with but thought why not (still get the just want sex type of a guy, and she may catch a decent guy as well (still a toss up if anything great come from it because of normal dating factor mentioned above) This is silly. a woman who doesn't chase is just as likely to find herself with a man who hates women/lazy/narcissist/player or a guy who loses interest quickly. To be honest, I don't understand why you're using such dreadful labels for guys who don't chase. Someone mentioned earlier about 'man hating' - I know you denied it, but being so rude about men who are doing nothing to hurt anyone doesn't reflect well on you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 Most 'traditional' men prefer to chase, but some who rather be chased to validate their own ego. But face it, most everybody wants attention either by chasing, or being chased. Either way you slice it, it's a win win when someone's chasing you. It just feels good to be noticed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 (edited) many of my male friends married "down". one in particular is my friend Dave (not his real name) who married a woman 5 years older than him who doesn't want to work and is grossly obese and ugly to boot. he used to date some pretty decent women in his day... I have more examples if you want Why on earth did he marry her ? ps'er , oops , l see next page it was answered , as you were . Edited June 7, 2019 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 Lmao and why do you think he married her im dying to know. She probably makes him feel good emotionally in comparison to the pretty women he dated who made him feel horrible. I have seen people marry down because they traded looks, chemistry, and passion for emotional support, compatibility, and comfort. Lol your friend Dave still chose for a reason my friend. Unless your point is they don’t have their pick as much as they use to which still kinda applies to both men and women the older they get. Yeah l mean who knows she could be the nicest person he ever met. My ex bro in law had no problem at all with women even friends had crushes on him but he married someone like that. Funny , everyone was gobsmacked but on he's wedding night no less we were having a drink later and he came right out and said to me, must've smelt it. Said A is the coolest person he's ever met , they think and live the same and he feels really comfortable with her and they just have this really happy theng. l thought to myself , hmm , fair enough then that's what it's about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 Those are cowardly men. I also agree. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 (edited) This is silly. a woman who doesn't chase is just as likely to find herself with a man who hates women/lazy/narcissist/player or a guy who loses interest quickly. To be honest, I don't understand why you're using such dreadful labels for guys who don't chase. Someone mentioned earlier about 'man hating' - I know you denied it, but being so rude about men who are doing nothing to hurt anyone doesn't reflect well on you. you clearly did not read. that was the first thing I wrote before I talked about women who do chase so I could give a fair comparison I said women who do not chase would get approached by a narcissist who love bomb, a player, and a guy who lose interest because she doesnt show interest. and I made the point already that whether she chase or dont chase she still going to run into narcissists, players, guys who just want sex etc . I mean if your not going to read fine but dont pick and choose and complain about points that I didnt even make. and again I have nothing against men who dont chase. I just dont like that people try to make it seem like chasing is a viable solution for women. it is not. chasing goes against many of our self interests for the exact reasons I laid out. also dont act like there are not men out there like this who dont chase. I admitted in that paragraph you quoted that women who chase could still catch a decent man. but dont act like she wont have all what I listed in her pool as well. you want to pretend like these guys are not out there. sorry but that is silly ugh read Edited June 7, 2019 by Curiousroxy86 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 If you get bad people who chase and bad people who don't chase, surely your whole argument is a moot point. I don't understand the need to label people and pretend that chasing or not chasing actually makes a difference. People stay with those they gel with and move on from those they don't. Why can't we just live and let live without this over analysing? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 But anyhoo lets agree to disagree you fool (lol forgive me couldn’t resist) Sorry.....couldn't resist, either.... Look....Ok...better yet, let me relay a quick story... About a year ago, my mother ran into a woman about my age...She does business in the same town I grew up...Anyway, this woman noticed my moms last name and because its not a common name, asked her if she knew a guy named (X)….Of course she did....It was me... So this woman goes on to tell my mom how she had this enormous crush on me in senior year of HS, we shared a few classes.. She just couldn't muster up the courage to drop a note in my locker, have a friend call me(no cell phones or internet then), whatever...She said she drop little hints, but I don't remember, in fact, I had to go and dig out my yearbook as I didn't remember her or what she looked like...It was decades ago...30+ years..and I was heavily into sports at the time.. Looking at her picture, she was very pretty, and I would have easily gone for her...So in her case, she lost the opportunity by not putting in any effort, or expecting me to read all the cues... I know there are women who stand firm on the guy needing to do all of the heavy lifting....I know some personally....Its like if a guy wont drag his nuts over a mile of broken glass for them, he's not worth it, lazy, etc...Its nonsense, really and a big reason for why a lot of these women never find suitable guys... TFY 3 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 This is silly. a woman who doesn't chase is just as likely to find herself with a man who hates women/lazy/narcissist/player or a guy who loses interest quickly. To be honest, I don't understand why you're using such dreadful labels for guys who don't chase. Someone mentioned earlier about 'man hating' - I know you denied it, but being so rude about men who are doing nothing to hurt anyone doesn't reflect well on you. Well, at least it makes for an entertaining read... I keep cycling back with the notion that there must be a key phrase in there somewhere that ties it all together logically. What I've learned is that to chase, or not to chase is a man's defining characteristic; it determines all one needs to know about character and life's outcomes... #42, the epitome of revelations. I am relieved to know that things are simple-simple after all. No need to be bothered with perceived complexity ever again. All we have to do is ask the question, does he chase? The answer has been right in front of all along –– when I was a kid I had a dog that chased. Little did I know that he had all the answers. He didn't last long enough to impart his wisdom, but man was that a good dog... he chased and chased, until one day it didn't work out so well, and he ceased to chase. I'm sure he was trying to teach me the answer to everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted June 7, 2019 Author Share Posted June 7, 2019 Uh ... if you can't communicate through enthusiasm that you are really interested in the guy, I seriously question whether you are interested in the guy. Are you sure you're interested in these guys with whom you are so laid-back? Yep. I’m absolutely sure I’ve been interested in these guys, even though I’ve been laid back. It’s just my nature. And perhaps it’s just the abundance mindset. Men approach often. Lots are full of BS. Some are very sincere. Sifting through the BS requires laid back stealthiness ;-) . My current BF seems pretty sincere and we even talked openly about how women have to deal w/ discernment when we get approached by men every day. It’s a fact, we do... especially if we’re even half way attractive. The issue I have with him is that I feel like he sometimes tests me to see if I will “chase” him a bit or show a bit more urgency with regard to our communication frequency(if that makes sense). So in saying all that, I’m only saying that it’s not even about me being laid back in a cocky sense. It’s laid back in a confident, stealthy, cautious sense because there’s lots of “stuff” out there to sift through from men. I love men. So I don’t knock them for an approach. But again I am pretty observant. Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted June 7, 2019 Author Share Posted June 7, 2019 I think you're right and when reading your post you remind me a lot of myself. I've had guys get pissed because I wasn't jealous enough. They think being jealous is a part of being a female and if you aren't interrogating them you don't care. I'm laid back also to the point of being lazy:laugh: so I could never muster up the energy to chase anyone. ? so funny yet sooo “me”. Not sure where or why some men(people) feel this way but it’s so true. If you’re not jealous or questioning them often it equates to us not caring. I’m gonna give you and myself a lil bit more credit by saying I don’t even think it’s about us being lazy. I think(for me personally) I’ve just matured a bit. I have been jealous back in undergrad years... even then though the feeling of questioning some dude or being jealous was draining and left me feeling pathetic. People will do what they want to do. They will ***** test you. They will try breaking you down, etc. All just to see if you really “care” for them and how intense you display that care. I will say this... when you’re laid back, be it male or female, people target you to merely get a response. I know this to be (quite) sad, but true. Straight FACTS! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 I think most people just need some reassurance that their interest in reciprocated. I think you can give somebody a green light without sacrificing your own dignity 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted June 7, 2019 Author Share Posted June 7, 2019 So don’t know about you but I really don’t see any benefits for a woman to chase Neither do I. To be clear, my BF has been so chivalrous and lots of work to persue me/ court me. I just think that after a certain point, he felt like my communication style is so laid back to point where, either: 1-I (most women)have several men approaching me so I don’t feel I need to put forth much effort 2-i May take him for granted in terms of contacting me ( I prefer texting more than talking and I don’t blow up a man’s phone. I like to go at a sustainable pace to avoid a too early plateau). He calls more. He’s even come right out and said verbatim after one of our little situations, “I just WANTED you to call more”. (More about this situation in a previous thread). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted June 7, 2019 Author Share Posted June 7, 2019 Neither do I. To be clear, my BF has been so chivalrous and lots of work to persue me/ court me. I just think that after a certain point, he felt like my communication style is so laid back to point where, either: 1-I (most women)have several men approaching me so I don’t feel I need to put forth much effort 2-i May take him for granted in terms of contacting me ( I prefer texting more than talking and I don’t blow up a man’s phone. I like to go at a sustainable pace to avoid a too early plateau). He calls more. He’s even come right out and said verbatim after one of our little situations, “I just WANTED you to call more”. (More about this situation in a previous thread). Neither of these hypotheticals are true by the way. I (and perhaps several women) just have the mindset where I like moving at a sustainable pace and there’s no need to “do too much”. E.g., my bf and I are very affectionate toward one another but I don’t mind initiating affection some times in the day because I see how much it encourages him to give even more affection & attention in return. Plus I see how it brightens his mood and almost adds an extre pep in his step. ? there are certain things we both do that I feel give the relationship balance. Still ...every now and then, y’all men will TRY us! ...smh... and you know it. ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted June 7, 2019 Author Share Posted June 7, 2019 (edited) Here's a variation of the question of whether women should and do chase. One of my hobbies is dancing, social dancing ... in my case, swing dance and lindy hop. Traditionally the guy asks the woman to dance ... So the women doesn't chase Love the DANCE metaphor. That’s definitely a passion of yours! Edited June 8, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 Several offers don't even come into it if l wasnt the only thing on her mind l wouldn't be interested anyway . Personally l think anyone should go by that one or they're probably wasting their time anyway unless they don't mind being second best or some option bs, or just wanna play. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 (edited) Funny thing though, since l've been hanging out a bit in relationship forums the last year or two, l think l'm convinced American guys are in the middle of retraining women to come to them these days. The ctm movement , come to me :bunny: , think it's working to fellas if the women are as forward out there as the stories in forums. Edited June 7, 2019 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 Yeah l mean who knows she could be the nicest person he ever met. My ex bro in law had no problem at all with women even friends had crushes on him but he married someone like that. Funny , everyone was gobsmacked but on he's wedding night no less we were having a drink later and he came right out and said to me, must've smelt it. Said A is the coolest person he's ever met , they think and live the same and he feels really comfortable with her and they just have this really happy theng. l thought to myself , hmm , fair enough then that's what it's about. Yep, I envy people who can get past what a person looks like and just marry someone they really get along with. You know, I had a gay guy friend, big tall guy, nice looking enough, nice dresser, good cook. Well, I didn't know it the years I was friends with him, but he would also "cross the aisle" for a woman with big boobs. Anyway, he met and just instantly fell for this really obese woman and married her. They just loved the same things, the same lifestyle. I went and stayed with them a few days in Arizona and they had made a beautiful home together, shared the same taste, loved their kitties, and she was a very nice and fun person. He ended up with big physical problems (two new hips and a back fusion) and later died of undiagnosed cancer, so he was in pain a lot and sex had to be shelved, but they were strong right through it. I wish I was more like that, honestly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 Expecting women to chase is reasonable, if you want a woman who tends more toward assertive/dominant/leading behaviors (in the relationship and in general). What kills me is when a guy talks about how his perfect wife would be submissive, docile, demure, etc... and then goes on to talk about how he expects women to chase him, and how lack of chasing means she's not interested. And then complains because his girlfriends are all "not marriage material" because they're too domineering/not traditionally feminine enough. Closest I ever got to chasing a man was by confiding in my first husband's sister and mother that I liked him. Thereafter, I thought that HE was chasing ME, but it turned out his mom had just put the screws to him REALLY HARD to marry me. That's how I ended up married to a man who expected me to wear the pants all the time thereafter. NEVER AGAIN. The idea that ALL women will chase if they're interested enough is a lie, straight-up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 The idea that ALL women will chase if they're interested enough is a lie, straight-up. some women will chase and some won't, that is the reality Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 some women will chase and some won't, that is the reality This is true. There are a lot of thirsty females out there. Which to each it’s own. But unfortunately you get a lot of unnecessary problems that reek all over this forum by women who do chase smh. Truly unnecessary indeed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 I don't expect her to chase, but I do expect her to show interest or indicate that she wants me to chase. If I make an overture and there isn't interest shown, I'll move on. On dating sites, I expect women to message, wink, or something if they are interested, otherwise I may not even notice them. I've never lacked for prospects, so I'm not going to pursue if the interest isn't reciprocated. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 Surferchic, could you define "chase"? I wonder if some of the discussion is being lost in semantics. Are you talking about women who pique a guy's interest and initiate the first date? Or are you talking about women who show reciprocal interest? Seems to be random discussion of both here but they are entirely different things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 Basil makes a good point because when I think of chasing I’m thinking asking him out, asking for his number, calling him, texting him, asking for exclusivity.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 some of these women who take the lead can be very pushy and aggressive and don't take no for an answer, sort of like #metoo but in reverse 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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