preraph Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 I think when men who are already with you want "chasing," they're just complaining you don't initiate sex often enough. Men like to be flattered at any age, though, and will easily stray if they find someone who'll do that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 My ex-husband would complain that I didn't initiate sex or "make him feel wanted" enough. Then when I tried he would turn me down or ignore me most of the time. I NEVER turned him down, not even once. It was like he got off on holding the power in the relationship, having his ego stroked, and making me feel like I wasn't good enough. Watch out for guys like that. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 ^ Unfortunately, a lot of times, that is what it's about, power/control. A friend of mine got on the wrong side of that equation once and it didn't go well at all, total stalemate. But if you get with someone who just wants you to want something from you so they can hold it over your head, you're with the wrong person. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 FWIW, I've had women chase and I've done the chasing. Some women get very direct - simply invite themselves over (this was when I was younger) to my (parent's) house or dorm room and start seducing me. And there were times I did the chasing initially. Agree that it is much easier if there are some hints dropped, e.g. smiles, flirtation to overcome that nagging fear of rejection that for many folks never quite dies (even though the risk/reward ration is INSANELY skewed towards taking the risk). Assuming we're not hoping for a permanent lifetime relationship to come out of every hook up, think either way can result in a satisfying R. For my wife, I chased/initiated... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 Lmao and why do you think he married her im dying to know. well there is some type of strong emotional bond there for some reason - they've been married 19 years I'd wager a guess that she established dominance in the relationship (not sexual, more that she "wears the pants") and that he's ok with this as it makes life simpler in his case. Just my guess. Some guys go for a "maternal" type... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 Quite well actually I don’t have half of the dating/relationship problems women complain about for good reason ...... Listen I know the reason your on my posts so hard is that you defend the fact that you may have shamelessly chased your husband/partner and that you guys are happy and I am oh so happy for you. I really am. ..... I'm glad you have no issues in securing a long term loving relationship. This shows that there are indeed men who are happy to do the heavy lifting. FWIW, I didn't 'shamelessly' chase my husband. We slept together on the night of the day we met and have been an item ever since. I simply shared the load of planning and contact with him. It worked well for us because he's the kind who wouldn't bother with a woman who didn't show equal interest. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 I'd wager a guess that she established dominance in the relationship (not sexual, more that she "wears the pants") and that he's ok with this as it makes life simpler in his case. Just my guess. Some guys go for a "maternal" type... you are right that she is dominant, he's a pretty passive guy but has a lot going for him, he could have "done better" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted June 9, 2019 Author Share Posted June 9, 2019 My ex-husband would complain that I didn't initiate sex or "make him feel wanted" enough. Then when I tried he would turn me down or ignore me most of the time. I NEVER turned him down, not even once. It was like he got off on holding the power in the relationship, having his ego stroked, and making me feel like I wasn't good enough. Watch out for guys like that. Yes this does happen. I feel like those are some sadistic type men and I’ve had one or two of those in my lifetime. I pray I never meet or date anymore of them. They pose as “regular” men initially, until they don’t get what they want. That’s when they show their true colors. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
unevenXchange Posted June 9, 2019 Share Posted June 9, 2019 I also feel like, by women “allowing” the man to (not necessarily chase) pursue her makes for a more noticing relationship. Granted both, or at least one partner implement some sort of mystery every now and then to break up the monotony. There’s a balance that I feel needs to be maintained in order to make relationships work. The balance being of many things, e.g. personal time independent of the partner every now and then to keep things fresh. Sadly enough, some people don’t act engaged until someone ignores them. That on the other hand is just game playing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted June 11, 2019 Author Share Posted June 11, 2019 I also feel like, by women “allowing” the man to (not necessarily chase) pursue her makes for a more noticing relationship. Granted both, or at least one partner implement some sort of mystery every now and then to break up the monotony. There’s a balance that I feel needs to be maintained in order to make relationships work. The balance being of many things, e.g. personal time independent of the partner every now and then to keep things fresh. Sadly enough, some people don’t act engaged until someone ignores them. That on the other hand is just game playing. I agree that this does happen. The push/pull. It’s a bit much I’ll admit but it happens nevertheless. Balance of “effort” is key! Link to post Share on other sites
luvflower Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 Many times men do expect women to “chase” or at least put forth more effort in the beginning to gauge how much interest we females may have. Not sure why but that’s how it is. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted June 14, 2019 Share Posted June 14, 2019 I'm glad you have no issues in securing a long term loving relationship. This shows that there are indeed men who are happy to do the heavy lifting. FWIW, I didn't 'shamelessly' chase my husband. We slept together on the night of the day we met and have been an item ever since. I simply shared the load of planning and contact with him. It worked well for us because he's the kind who wouldn't bother with a woman who didn't show equal interest. I agree with you basil, I'd prefer some equal reciprocation in a relationship. I just find some women have it so easy that its hard to genuinely tell what works and what doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted June 19, 2019 Author Share Posted June 19, 2019 I agree with you basil, I'd prefer some equal reciprocation in a relationship. I just find some women have it so easy that its hard to genuinely tell what works and what doesn't. Can you expound on this Dispatch3d? (Some women having it so easy as in ...?) Thanks. Interesting post. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 Just in the initial dating phases women have a bit easier time with getting men attracted to them/interested. They take a totally different point of view with things - does this guy actually like me or want to sleep with me. Guys don't have similar experiences in that (usually) if a girl sleeps with you she does want a relationship/etc. Could be wrong I don't know. Also on dating apps women have it easier in terms of just getting swipes/likes. Guys are swiping multiples of times more often. I do realize its not a universal experience, women are highly varied, but I think on the average they have it easier in some ways.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted June 23, 2019 Author Share Posted June 23, 2019 (edited) .....I do realize its not a universal experience, women are highly varied, but I think on the average they have it easier in some ways.... As a female, I agree with you that women may have it easier in terms of expectations to put forth effort (in the beginning of dating). However, we have other expectations to be “everything”, e.g. sweet, body tight, upbeat, seemingly worry-free, feminine, cool, graceful, sexy, but not too slut-like, sensitive but not overly, domesticated, etc... varies depending on each situation of course. I can see how men like seeing their efforts somewhat matched, every now and then. Just was curious if any man would admit that they actually WANT a woman to do most of the pursuit in order to put him at ease. Edited June 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 ^^^ Latecomer to the thread Male, 65. And that may make a difference. I don't expect a woman to chase nor to 'do most of the pursuit'. What I react to is her demonstration of interest in the relationship. Show me you want to spend time with me and enjoy the time we spend. Respond with enthusiasm to my invitations to get together. If she takes the initiative to suggest things to do together, great, appreciated, but not required. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 The dynamic is guys chasing. I always thought it was somewhat hormones, it bothers me not to contact a girl I like every day, but usually the girl can go a week (or more) without saying anything. So I think the dynamic is just in the women's favour early on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted June 24, 2019 Author Share Posted June 24, 2019 (edited) The dynamic is guys chasing.... I agree about the dynamic. Some of us females can go a few days I guess without contact. I have a girlfriend though who is more “hands on” and likes calling and the whole “extra-regular” contact. For me it’s too much and can cause early burnout. To each her own... Edited June 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted June 24, 2019 Author Share Posted June 24, 2019 I’ll also add that, I DO mind pursuing , but I don’t mind reaching out. I just prefer using texting as an alternative to talk to prevent the burnout. Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 I have stated this before. From my observation of the men and women that I know. If the woman is the driving force of getting the relationship off the ground. It goes longer. If its the man. Not as much. No romantic relationship. Where I have been the driving force has ever worked out well. When a woman has been into me first. It works for a while. MK/JC. JC was the driving force. They are still together and are at yr 21 with 2 kids. MO/MM is the only couple that I see it was mutual. They are together 28 yrs no kids. JC/D JC is a woman. She was prompted to chase after D at the bar. They lasted one yr. D broke up with her. He was unemployed or worked very little. I don't think I could get away with that. BD/A I think she was the one that was the driving force. DT/CH. She is still technically married. She is DT's ex GF that found him on Facebook. Made the effort to romantically connect with him. They are 6.5 yrs together with 2 bio kids between them. Why CH can't get the divorce from her ex is perplexing. CH's ex-husband who she is still legally married to, has his own lady who lives with him. They do have two kids, but the kids are 17 and 15 turning 18 and 16 this yr. When the youngest is 18 in 2021. What then. I don't see the advantage of CH's ex staying married to her. If anything. DT should pull the Dudet I am out unless you see a lawyer. DT had CH fall into this lap. He is not a ladies man. So it's not like he could replace her off the hop. In my head. I actually think that if the woman does not make the first move, or is at least open to going out with the man. The relationship will not go anywhere. I think that from a mans point of view. Go about your life. I guess if there is a woman that is making an effort and your both single. You can go out with her. I just see it working out a lot better when the woman is making more of an effort, than when a man makes the effort for the most part. Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 As a female, I agree with you that women may have it easier in terms of expectations to put forth effort (in the beginning of dating). However, we have other expectations to be “everything”, e.g. sweet, body tight, upbeat, seemingly worry-free, feminine, cool, graceful, sexy, but not too slut-like, sensitive but not overly, domesticated, etc... varies depending on each situation of course. I can see how men like seeing their efforts somewhat matched, every now and then. Just was curious if any man would admit that they actually WANT a woman to do most of the pursuit in order to put him at ease. Surferchic. All a woman has to do when pursuing a relationship with me is to treat me well. Make plans to get together. I will do the same thing as well. I don't know what it is for me. When I want to explore a romantic relationship with a woman. There is always an obstacle. Ir when I was in my early 20's. I was more concerned about getting out of high school and making a living. So from 18 to 24. I really did not make that much of an effort. I had 2 GF that came towards me. It worked out for a bit. When I tried after that. Turbulence is at best or really shortlived. It's like my efforts are with women that are lacklustre towards me. If the woman likes me first. It's better. Even though Society says that I have to be the one to make an effort. I don't get it. In my head right now. My future with a woman is more based on a woman digging me enough to make a move on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted June 25, 2019 Author Share Posted June 25, 2019 (edited) Surferchic. All a woman has to do when pursuing a relationship with me is to treat me well. Make plans to get together. I will do the same thing as well.... Oh wow, I see. Well at least you seem to have a certain awareness of yourself and your dating dynamics. Do you initiate ANYTHING with women? Edited June 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Simply stated in the subject. I’m in a situation currently that I have this thought. Plus I’ve read several posts in here that lead me to believe that men want lots of solid PROOF that a woman is REALLY interested. Do men really expect women to chase in order to feel like she’s worth an investment, etc? I did not mind being chased if I was interested. It does feel good for someone to demonstrably want you. Sometimes though it's manipulation. Just last night in bed my wife reached over, grabbed my arm and put it around her and said lovingly, "Hug me, or sleep on the couch." Made me feel all warm inside. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted June 26, 2019 Author Share Posted June 26, 2019 I did not mind being chased if I was interested. It does feel good for someone to demonstrably want you. Sometimes though it's manipulation. Just last night in bed my wife reached over, grabbed my arm and put it around her and said lovingly, "Hug me, or sleep on the couch." Made me feel all warm inside. ? too cute. That’s the good stuff relationship are made of. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted June 27, 2019 Share Posted June 27, 2019 To say men that don't chase are cowards is absolute horse shyt… It could be a lot of things...Shyness, aloofness, etc....It has zero to do with what type of character he is or whether or not he's "brave enough"... Think of it this way....If a guy gets a lot of female attention, why would he be a "chaser".?? He is used to them doing all the heavy lifting...so the urgency is never really there.. TFY Interesting. Are there many women who appreciate this kind of passivity in men? I've never considered just sitting around on my butt waiting for women to do the "heavy lifting." Speaking for myself, I go for what I want in life. If a woman appears disinterested, I am unlikely to push it very far. Link to post Share on other sites
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