Husband is cheap on me but spoils himself

[BaileyB]

I think OP doesn't feel valued in her marriage and therefore as a distorded view of the golf set purchase.

 

And is looking to feel valued, by the purchase of an expensive handbag - as if somehow, this is somehow a reflection of his love for her and her own self worth.

 

It’s also about respect and consideration in a marriage. And I think, if there was more respect and consideration in this marriage, she wouldn’t be looking for validation with the purchase of a handbag.

[salparadise]

 

OP views the golf set as her husband spoiling himself but if indeed he makes 'good' money in South America then I assume he makes his money being in business, and businessmen make their deals on the golf course often, so it's in his interest to not show up there with a run down golf set.

 

I think OP doesn't feel valued in her marriage and therefore as a distorded view of the golf set purchase.

 

I agree with this entirely. If golf is key to his career/business, then it could certainly be viewed as a business expense rather than extravagance.

 

But I also think that if he's working hard and enduring stress to bring home an income that allows her to stay home and not have to work, then she shouldn't begrudge him a set of golf clubs... paid for with money HE earned. Yes, I said that... if he's the one bringing home the bacon, I don't see why he shouldn't be able to make a decision to buy a set of clubs.

 

This notion of the clubs vs. the purse being equivalent, inexorably linked and having the precise meaning she attributes –– that he loves himself $3k and her only $150 –– is terribly flawed.

 

Spending $1k on a handbag, from any practical perspective, would be throwing money down a hole. The only difference is some designer label. No real value, imaginary. As is the belief that it's proof of anything related to how much cares for her or the marriage.

 

 

 

And is looking to feel valued, by the purchase of an expensive handbag - as if somehow, this is somehow a reflection of his love for her and her own self worth.

 

It’s also about respect and consideration in a marriage. And I think, if there was more respect and consideration in this marriage, she wouldn’t be looking for validation with the purchase of a handbag.

 

Could be, but we don't really know that. I think it's obvious that it's a self-esteem issue, but whether it's inherent or caused by him is pure speculation.

 

When I was married, my wife and I had similar differences in how we viewed money matters. She somehow acquired the notion that money spent on durable, practical items didn't count as something she should appreciate, but making money vaporize on indulgences was her idea of money well spent, in terms of meaning something (similar to OP). For example, one summer I wrote a check for $6k to put a roof on the house, which was necessary. She took no pleasure in knowing that we had that taken care of for the foreseeable future, and saw it as neutral because it was necessary and practical. So I was thinking we'd be conservative for awhile to recover. She then turns right around and wants to take a trip to Disneyworld, which cost nearly as much. Somehow her brain reasoned that since I spent a relatively large sum of money that gave us no endorphin rush, that we should blow a similar amount on something fun, and that we'd have nothing to show for but a good time. It was a constant struggle with her... trying to convince her that having some money in the bank was a good thing, and that it didn't need to be blown just because it was seemingly available.

 

My experience was very similar, and is why I see it the way I do. But people have different ways of seeing things... if I had a hundred million dollars, I'd still be against blowing money for the heck of it, and I'd still live in a nice, average cost house and drive Honda.

[d0nnivain]

Bottom line is she doesn't feel appreciated in her marriage.

 

I'll give you a silly example that just happened. I have been awake for a while. DH was sleeping in. I came upstairs to shower & he was awake but laying in bed. I pounced on him . . . .literally. He closed his eyes & pretended to ignore me as I set out the plan for today's activities. I know the difference between him playing (which he was) & him actually wanting to be left alone. I pestered him for a few minutes, then climbed off & pouted calling him "mean" for ignoring me. He scooted closer, enveloped me in a hug, sweetly kissed my temple & softly whispered "shut up." in my ear. I feel valued & loved by my husband because I am valued & loved. That level of emotional intimacy is missing in the OPs life

 

The difference isn't about the money. It's about how OP feels. She doesn't feel heard or valued. Hence the two of them need to talk. Even if her husband bought her the handbag she asked for that would only be a temporary Band-Aid to a much bigger problem.

[BaileyB]

The difference isn't about the money. It's about how OP feels. She doesn't feel heard or valued. Even if her husband bought her the handbag she asked for that would only be a temporary Band-Aid to a much bigger problem.

 

Absolutely. All this debate about whether they should/should not spend the money if they have that kind of disposable income or that a handbag is/in not worth the cost is inconsequential. There is an underlying problem here and it won’t be solved by a new handbag...

[Els]

But I also think that if he's working hard and enduring stress to bring home an income that allows her to stay home and not have to work, then she shouldn't begrudge him a set of golf clubs... paid for with money HE earned. Yes, I said that... if he's the one bringing home the bacon, I don't see why he shouldn't be able to make a decision to buy a set of clubs.

 

 

Really? Should she make all the decisions regarding the children's upbringing and how much time dad is allowed to spend with the children as well, since SHE is working hard as the sole childcarer to ensure that he is able to have his career while still being a father?

 

 

If anyone views marriage and parenting in this manner, they shouldn't marry, let alone be parents.

[JuneL]

Really? Should she make all the decisions regarding the children's upbringing and how much time dad is allowed to spend with the children as well, since SHE is working hard as the sole childcarer to ensure that he is able to have his career while still being a father?

 

 

If anyone views marriage and parenting in this manner, they shouldn't marry, let alone be parents.

 

That kind of mindset was not uncommon, especially in the 50s. In these guys minds, raising kids (even kids with special needs) and taking care of the household is absolutely stress free. I grew up witnessing how one of my uncles treat his lovely wife that way.

[Els]

That kind of mindset was not uncommon, especially in the 50s. In these guys minds, raising kids (even kids with special needs) and taking care of the household is absolutely stress free. I grew up witnessing how one of my uncles treat his lovely wife that way.

 

 

Maybe it's a personality issue? All the older couples that I know had completely joint finances, moreso than the younger generation. My grandfather would say somewhat jokingly that he'd had the easier job, working in a factory while my grandmother was struggling to cook with a baby strapped to her front. My parents don't even have individual accounts at all, and my dad (who made more money by far) has always tried to convince my mum to spoil herself more since they could afford it. He never held her income against her, just as how she never held against him the fact that she always had to take me back from school and fix dinner since he worked longer hours.

Edited June 2, 2019 by Elswyth

[JuneL]

Maybe it's a personality issue? All the older couples that I know had completely joint finances, moreso than the younger generation. My grandfather would say somewhat jokingly that he'd had the easier job, working in a factory while my grandmother was struggling to cook with a baby strapped to her front. My parents don't even have individual accounts at all, and my dad (who made more money by far) has always tried to convince my mum to spoil herself more since they could afford it.

 

My late grandpa was like that too. He was one of the kindest and cutest (in terms of personality) elderly men I have ever met. He was very frugal himself, but would tell my grandma to spoil herself

[Els]

My late grandpa was like that too. He was one of the kindest and cutest (in terms of personality) elderly men I have ever met. He was very frugal himself, but would tell my grandma to spoil herself

Sweet guy. I once listened to a talk from a woman who had been married to her husband for 60 years (and going), who said that he did that with her, too.

 

 

I think that in a good relationship, both people WANT to "spoil" the other person. It's not just all me, me, me.

[S2B]

Ive been married for 7 years, and the first 4 were really hard. I was sure we will divorce.. but 2 kids later, things have improved and we have a good happy marriage.

My second daughter is 6 months old and I am a stay at home mom for now. I do everything around the house and with the children since my husband works long hours. He makes good money and often buys things for himself.. a few months ago he spent 3k on golf things. I dont ask for much because i save more.. but after seeing him spend so much i asked him to buy me a bag. He said of course what would you like. I gave him brands that cost about 1k. I wanted a nice bag. He went on a trip last week and came back with a bag for me. He spent $150 on a bag. He lies and says it was so expensive but its not the brand i wanted and i know the price. The bag is nice but i thougbt since i NEVER buy anything... he really would spend more on me.

I thanked him.. but now the more i think about it.. i wonder.. i doubt myself and my marriage... i think that maybe im not the kind of woman thst a man buys something really expensive...

Or maybe again this marriage isnt good and the man i married doesnt love me as much. If it was the other wsy around id get him the very best...

This is obviouly not about a bag in the end.... but makes me again recall the first 4 years of our marriage (his selfish ways) and think of a backup plan for myself and my kids.

Am i ovverreacting?

 

Yep, the backup plan is you work full time and pay for the childcare, cleaning and cooking - then buy whatever you want with your leftover money.

 

What kind of work can you do?

[Mr. Lucky]

Maybe it's a personality issue? All the older couples that I know had completely joint finances, moreso than the younger generation.

 

My wife and I have a separate but equal approach. We each have our own accounts but get the same amount each month for discretionary spending. Funny thing, I spend a lot of "my" money on her, and she spends "hers" on me ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Els]

Yep, the backup plan is you work full time and pay for the childcare, cleaning and cooking - then buy whatever you want with your leftover money.

 

What kind of work can you do?

 

 

What on earth does he pay for? You do realize that full-time childcare for 2 children (with one being 6 months old) generally exceeds the cost of the average mortgage, let alone groceries, cooking and cleaning? Plus then the husband should be expected to take on 50% of the childcare and household chores that fall outside the scope of daycare and cleaners, just like what couples do when both of them work...

 

 

 

Actually, that sounds like a good idea. Maybe the OP should ask about that.

 

 

 

My wife and I have a separate but equal approach. We each have our own accounts but get the same amount each month for discretionary spending. Funny thing, I spend a lot of "my" money on her, and she spends "hers" on me ...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

Sounds like a good setup!

[heartwhole2]

I'm happy to see these stories of partners who love to shower each other with gifts and appreciation!

[Veronica73]

Spending $1k on a handbag, from any practical perspective, would be throwing money down a hole. The only difference is some designer label. No real value, imaginary.

 

You clearly don’t know what you are talking about. Compare the average $150 bag side by side to the average $1000 bag, and if you can’t see a huge difference...well...you don’t know what you are talking about. But there are plenty of people who think crap is wonderful and can’t appreciate quality things made out of high quality materials and crafted with care. So you’re not alone.

 

Compare both bags 5 years later, both having regular use, and the difference will be night and day. I already explained this, but you either didn’t believe me, or didn’t read me. But if you have had experience with both, the difference would be VERY clear. Somebody else pointed this out as well.

 

Bottom line is she doesn't feel appreciated in her marriage.

 

I'll give you a silly example that just happened. I have been awake for a while. DH was sleeping in. I came upstairs to shower & he was awake but laying in bed. I pounced on him . . . .literally. He closed his eyes & pretended to ignore me as I set out the plan for today's activities. I know the difference between him playing (which he was) & him actually wanting to be left alone. I pestered him for a few minutes, then climbed off & pouted calling him "mean" for ignoring me. He scooted closer, enveloped me in a hug, sweetly kissed my temple & softly whispered "shut up." in my ear. I feel valued & loved by my husband because I am valued & loved. That level of emotional intimacy is missing in the OPs life

That is absolutely adorable

 

Really? Should she make all the decisions regarding the children's upbringing and how much time dad is allowed to spend with the children as well, since SHE is working hard as the sole childcarer to ensure that he is able to have his career while still being a father?

 

If anyone views marriage and parenting in this manner, they shouldn't marry, let alone be parents.

No sh*t!!! It’s kind of awful that people still think this way. It’s like she’s an employee instead of a partner.

 

Maybe it's a personality issue? All the older couples that I know had completely joint finances, moreso than the younger generation. My grandfather would say somewhat jokingly that he'd had the easier job, working in a factory while my grandmother was struggling to cook with a baby strapped to her front. My parents don't even have individual accounts at all, and my dad (who made more money by far) has always tried to convince my mum to spoil herself more since they could afford it. He never held her income against her, just as how she never held against him the fact that she always had to take me back from school and fix dinner since he worked longer hours.

Yeah, maybe. My mom was a SAHM. My dad took pride in spoiling her. I’m sure partly it was an ego thing. But even the house, which he paid for, he put in her name only. He wanted her to be taken care of. And he made sure if anything ever happened to him, she, and his kids would be taken care of. He loved buying her jewelry. He took a lot of pride in being a good provider for his wife and family. And I do think part of it was a control issue. But still..... This idea that SAHM don’t deserve luxury items, but the husband does because he’s the one who is going out and earning the money is kind of disgusting. I hope I never have the misfortune to date anybody like that.

 

My wife and I have a separate but equal approach. We each have our own accounts but get the same amount each month for discretionary spending. Funny thing, I spend a lot of "my" money on her, and she spends "hers" on me ...

 

Mr. Lucky

That sounds like the ideal situation to me.

[heartwhole2]

There were a couple of replies that said something like, "When I was still married, my wife was like this and this is why it was bad." For some, this may be an irreconcilable difference. But since there are hardly any people out there who don't have a hobby or collection of status symbol of some sort, I would suggest that viewing your spouse as an autonomous person whose desires are innocuous, so long as they are not putting you in the poor house, will lead to what I like to call the "virtuous cycle." You're happy when your spouse is happy. Your spouse is happy when you are happy. There's so much happiness you don't know what to do with yourself!

 

Or you can poo poo and micromanage your spouse's desires and expenditures. You can assign your own value system to how she spends time and money. You can claim ownership of more than half of your assets because, by your own calculations, you deserve more. I'm not seeing a recipe for long-lasting marital happiness here, so the "when I was married" is no surprise. For a marriage to be happy and long-lasting, the vast majority of interactions must be positive. So if you're going to sweat the small stuff, you're not going to get those ratios right.

[MsJayne]

It's not about a bag, it's about sexism and control. He wants golf equipment and in his mind it's perfectly reasonable to spend a lot of money on it, but he sees his wife's wants as trivial and not to be taken seriously. The wife has as much right to be interested in fashion as he does being interested in sport. This marriage is unbalanced because he's a sexist. Tiger Woods wife knew what to do to a sexist golfer.

[salparadise]

Or you can poo poo and micromanage your spouse's desires and expenditures. You can assign your own value system to how she spends time and money. You can claim ownership of more than half of your assets because, by your own calculations, you deserve more. I'm not seeing a recipe for long-lasting marital happiness here, so the "when I was married" is no surprise.

 

 

Money attitudes are such an individual thing that you can only generalize so much before it becomes generic and no longer applies to anyone. Yea, I am the guilty party with the "when I was married" story. I am telling you though, in the most sincere and realistic way... if I had not put limits on what she spent, the electricity would've been off half the time. Literally. I remember the first time it happened, in our first year of marriage –– electricity was turned off late one Friday afternoon because she was trying to stretch it out 'til her next paycheck instead of paying it when due. Of course, her therapeutic shopping had not been postponed.

 

I'm telling you, she had no larger perspective. If there was a dollar available, she'd be determined to spend a dollar fifty. I set up 529 college savings accounts for both of us, which we agreed on and could afford at the time. When our daughter started school (after we were divorced) I had half of it covered. She had zero because she had defaulted on her savings plan, took what little she had saved thus far and used it to pay on her credit cards. She was always robbing Peter to pay Paul. It wasn't that we didn't have enough; it was that a) the priorities were backwards, and b) her account was going to zero before the end of the month no matter what, so prioritizing trips to the mall caused chaos.

 

And in response to Elswith and June, it's not an all or nothing type of thing. She should have a say in money matters, just as he should have input into child rearing. But the way they divide it up, it naturally falls to each to manage the majority of their area of responsibility.

 

If it were simply a matter of her getting her $1,000 handbag and living happily ever after, then by all means that would be a sensible, economical solution to marital bliss and worth every damn dime. But you know... for people who believe that happiness can be found via extravagant spending and designer labels, one expensive handbag is merely the tip of the iceberg. The little endorphin pop lasts five minutes, and then they're craving the next dose.

 

This topic has no resolution, and as I've experienced many times before, it has turned into a teeny-weenie snarking contest divided around gender, so I'm done with it.

[JuneL]

I’m not sure why you brought up your ex-wife’s story like gospel. The OP’s situation can’t be more different...

 

“He makes good money and often buys things for himself.. a few months ago he spent 3k on golf things. I dont ask for much because i save more...The bag is nice but i thougbt since i NEVER buy anything... he really would spend more on me.”

 

I also wouldn’t bring up how my uncle mistreated or abused my aunt (his wife) in other areas of their marriage, because those were irrelevant.

[Els]

 

And in response to Elswith and June, it's not an all or nothing type of thing. She should have a say in money matters, just as he should have input into child rearing. But the way they divide it up, it naturally falls to each to manage the majority of their area of responsibility.

 

I had no idea that spending $3000 on a hobby and nothing on your wife was part of "managing their area of responsibility". That would be kind of like the OP feeding her kids two large pizzas and three nutella milkshakes every day and then insisting that that was "managing her area of responsibility"...

 

I mean, if we're going to play the "who can be more calculative and self-centered?" game, shouldn't she bill him for $200k right off the bat, since that's what it would cost him to hire two surrogates in the US to give birth to his children? Clearly, you can see how approaching children and finances in a competitive instead of collaborative approach ("me vs you" instead of "us as a team") would benefit nobody, especially not the man.

 

If it were simply a matter of her getting her $1,000 handbag and living happily ever after, then by all means that would be a sensible, economical solution to marital bliss and worth every damn dime. But you know... for people who believe that happiness can be found via extravagant spending and designer labels, one expensive handbag is merely the tip of the iceberg. The little endorphin pop lasts five minutes, and then they're craving the next dose.

I don't personally believe in buying designer handbags, any more than I believe in buying $3000 golf clubs. That's not the point of this thread, though.

 

This topic has no resolution, and as I've experienced many times before, it has turned into a teeny-weenie snarking contest divided around gender, so I'm done with it.

It's not "divided around gender", unless you believe that everyone who has a dissimilar viewpoint to you is a woman, even if they happen to have a "Mr." in their username...

Edited June 3, 2019 by Elswyth

[Mr. Lucky]

But you know... for people who believe that happiness can be found via extravagant spending and designer labels, one expensive handbag is merely the tip of the iceberg. The little endorphin pop lasts five minutes, and then they're craving the next dose.

 

Not sure why you're focused on her spending and "want list" to the exclusion of his?

 

Plenty of good, barely used sets of golf clubs on Craigslist...

 

Mr. Lucky

[BluEyeL]

OP, I believe your husband sees value in the golf clubs and does not see value in a $1,000 handbag, thus, to him, it's fine to spend that much on the clubs and not $1,000 on a handbag. If he's a businessman and if he plays golf, he needs those clubs, while you stay home and don't really need a $1,000 handbag.

 

Second, as unfair as it is, when you don't make your own money, no matter how much we say that "it's our money", it'll always be more "his" money than "your money". That's how human nature is, not the idealistic notions we have about how "it should" be.

 

A woman's work in the home is not valued the same. Look how much are working women, in traditionally female dominated professions, get paid, compared to the male dominated professions.

 

Thus, he likely feels he is more deserving of large purchases than you are.

 

Lastly, you are inviting trouble by asking him to buy you stuff to test his love. It's a silly game you play and it backfires. Buy yourself the things you want. But wanting a $1,000 handbag just becuase he spend $3,000 on himself is rather childish.

 

I am not sure how rich you folks are, but my H and I are pretty well off and my H would never buy me a $1,000 handbag, and not because we can't afford it. Not that I'd ask him to "buy me" stuff. I'd buy it myself. I don't buy such handbags, because if you wore a $1,000 bag, you'd also need to be dressed from head to toe with garments that are valued in the thousands. Otherwise, if I'm in clothes from Kohl's, that handbag doesn't match the rest and it looks just tacky.

 

My 2 cents. Work on your marriage and communication, and stop playing games. it is clear what you did comes from accumulated resentment.

[salparadise]

OP, I believe your husband sees value in the golf clubs and does not see value in a $1,000 handbag, thus, to him, it's fine to spend that much on the clubs and not $1,000 on a handbag. If he's a businessman and if he plays golf, he needs those clubs, while you stay home and don't really need a $1,000 handbag.

 

Second, as unfair as it is, when you don't make your own money, no matter how much we say that "it's our money", it'll always be more "his" money than "your money". That's how human nature is, not the idealistic notions we have about how "it should" be.

 

A woman's work in the home is not valued the same. Look how much are working women, in traditionally female dominated professions, get paid, compared to the male dominated professions.

 

Thus, he likely feels he is more deserving of large purchases than you are.

 

Lastly, you are inviting trouble by asking him to buy you stuff to test his love. It's a silly game you play and it backfires. Buy yourself the things you want. But wanting a $1,000 handbag just becuase he spend $3,000 on himself is rather childish.

 

I am not sure how rich you folks are, but my H and I are pretty well off and my H would never buy me a $1,000 handbag, and not because we can't afford it. Not that I'd ask him to "buy me" stuff. I'd buy it myself. I don't buy such handbags, because if you wore a $1,000 bag, you'd also need to be dressed from head to toe with garments that are valued in the thousands. Otherwise, if I'm in clothes from Kohl's, that handbag doesn't match the rest and it looks just tacky.

 

My 2 cents. Work on your marriage and communication, and stop playing games. it is clear what you did comes from accumulated resentment.

 

Thank you BluEyeL –– finally a voice of reason speaks up.

 

And I'm going to make one last attempt (short) to explain my thinking. First, as BluEyeL said, and as I also said in an earlier post, she should buy the purse if she really wants it with HER money as opposed to expecting him to bestow it upon her while magically intuiting all the meaning she attaches to the will he or won't he and why equation. If she doesn't work and doesn't have a reasonable amount of discretionary funds from his income, that's a problem. If she did have discretionary funds that she could use, I seriously doubt that she'd blow it on a $1k purse (but then she might). I also said before that I thought $3k was way too much to have spent on golf clubs.

 

I gave some of my history with respect to differing money attitudes to try and show that I actually relate this problem, as opposed to just sitting back and passing judgement without any practical understanding. Sorry if you think that's irrelevant (JuneL), but I disagree, and I disagree with a lot you say but try to refrain from the snarky responses in the interest of productive conversation.

 

I generally disagree with the attitude that women should expect men to be their ATM based on gender roles, whether we're talking about first dates or expectations within a marriage like OPs situation. It's largely an individualized thing, but women and men are people first, and if women want to be treated like whole people then they need to quit this thing of expecting to be groomed and fed like prize livestock. In equal partnerships people work together to achieve common goals. Equal is a two-way street.

Edited June 3, 2019 by salparadise

[heartwhole2]

I wholeheartedly disagree with the previous two posters. Some marriages have completely joint finances. Some marriages have separate savings and discretionary spending. There is more than one way to have a healthy marriage. What works for you doesn't have to work for everyone.

 

Frankly, I am finding it humorous that people think my husband should lay claim to more than half of our money because I am a SAHM. I'll be sure to let him know! He'll be psyched.

 

The OP's marriage obviously has more issues than figuring out finances, but I encourage everyone to stop assigning their own value systems on her desires and preferences. If gifts are her love languages and he could have spent 1/3 of what he recently spent on himself to make her happy, then picking apart why she should just not want anything, or could want something different but not what she wants, is beside the point.

 

I've never bought a handbag that costs more than $350, but is that relevant? Should we all type up a list of everything we've spent money on recently and then critique each other? Will that help OP?

 

My husband is actually pretty spendy about some things. My friends had a good laugh that our housekeeper washed his "do not wash" $250 jeans and ruined them. He was so sad. I can buy 4 pairs of jeans for his one. Does he "deserve" the jeans because he earns so much? Do I not deserve expensive jeans because I don't? Really this is a small matter in the grand scheme of things. If we can afford it, I don't sweat it. If he likes the jeans, great. Likewise, if I want to spend on something he doesn't see the value in, he puts himself in my shoes. You can either say, "Oh, you like your new golf clubs/handbag? I'm so glad honey," or you can be miserable and contrary and tell your spouse they're undeserving. I'm going with the former.

[BluEyeL]

I’m a woman. I did not read the gender war responses. To me, regardless of whether it’s a handbag, jewelry, sporting equipment, a car or whatever , OPs approach to ask for something expensive just to match his spending and to test his love is playing a game that is childish, unproductive, and as we could see, it backfired. It is clear that she feels she is not valued and she’s resentful, not that she wants a bag.

 

These deep problems in their marriage are guaranteed not to be be resolved this way. They need to sit down with a marriage counselor , or with each other , and may down their wants and needs. If the wife wants to be treated as an equal she needs to act as such and not make whiny demands. She wants something, she says she has access to money, don’t ask your daddy to buy it for you. Buy it. But it’s not about that, is it?

 

As far as sexism , yes it’s there but in reality in a relationship, who has the money has more power, to a higher or lower extent, no matter how much the SAHM moms or dads cry bloody murder over that. It’s not even about gender. Maybe it’s not always as obvious if the relationship is good but if it’s not great , it shows.

[littleblackheart]

The OP's H is equally guilty of bad communication by agreeing to buy this bag in the first place. This clearly indicates the issue is two-sided and not as simple as who pays what for whom.

 

We need to try and see this in as balanced and fair a way a as possible based on the little info we have. I'm a hard working mum with no interest in pricey bags and an abusive, shallow ex who has a passion for spending anyone's money on himself, and I can't relate to anything in the OP on a personal level. Still, I don't think it's fair to dump it all on the OP and her role as a SAHM.

Edited June 3, 2019 by littleblackheart