Marrying a widower - can't stand his family's behaviour

[blueeyesblue]

I'm wondering if the OP's in-laws can sense that she looks down on them. This could partly explain their behavior.

 

No they can't. As I was writing I knew I'd get some bitter feedback. But this is about expressing our true feelings, right? Doesn't mean I treat them as such. But it is poor behaviour and I do think they have really bad manners. Ditto.

Edited June 3, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[heartwhole2]

When my dad died suddenly, we were estranged from my MIL because she was married to someone dangerous. She had hardly known my father, but she wrote a blog post all about her sorrow at losing my father.

 

These are weak, foolish people who cannibalizes people's true grief to gain attention and importance. All you can do is see them for who they are and reject any disrespect that happens face to face. The Facebook stuff I'd just roll my eyes at and share with supportive friends. If your husband won't talk to them about your boundaries, then you have every right to refuse to have them in your home and to limit your time in theirs. If he wants a better relationship with them, he'll need to learn to assert himself and communicate.

[elaine567]

You say you are not English nor American, are you from the same race/nationality/culture/religion/ethnicity... as your inlaws?

If not it could explain some of their animosity and why neither you nor your daughter apparently "fit in".

[JuneL]

More often than not, your body language can betray you

 

I suspect those behaviors might be the passive-aggressive protests from your “trashy” and “retarded” in-laws. The majority of communication is through social cues and body language.

[BettyDraper]

No they can't. As I was writing I knew I'd get some bitter feedback. But this is about expressing our true feelings, right? Doesn't mean I treat them as such. But it is retarded behaviour and I do think they have really bad manners. Ditto.

 

Nobody is "bitter." We are just telling you the truth based on what you have shared. You are coming across as unnecessarily defensive.

 

I am not offended by the word "retarded". However, that word is verboten in North America. It's referred to as "the R word."

The fact that you have continued to use that word despite a polite request to stop says a lot about your regard for the feelings of others.

 

How can you be absolutely certain that your in-laws can't sense your feelings of superiority?

If strangers online can sense your arrogance, then it isn't far fetched that your in-laws can see it as well.

[BettyDraper]

When my dad died suddenly, we were estranged from my MIL because she was married to someone dangerous. She had hardly known my father, but she wrote a blog post all about her sorrow at losing my father.

 

These are weak, foolish people who cannibalizes people's true grief to gain attention and importance. All you can do is see them for who they are and reject any disrespect that happens face to face. The Facebook stuff I'd just roll my eyes at and share with supportive friends. If your husband won't talk to them about your boundaries, then you have every right to refuse to have them in your home and to limit your time in theirs. If he wants a better relationship with them, he'll need to learn to assert himself and communicate.

 

The fact that her husband refuses to stand up for her is a red flag.

[pepperbird]

Just to set the record straight, in case it is really more offensive than I think. I'm not english, I'm not american, so perhaps it was a bad choice of word considering...? I don't mean any offensive conotation (if you're thinking people with slow comprehension or other behavioral issues health-related...).

 

 

What you are doing when you use this word is making fun of people who are intellectually challenged. That's really inappropriate, but it doesn't sound like you know that. It could just be a cultural thing.

 

Can you replace it with a different word that portrays how you feel in a less offensive way?