My father does not want to sponsor my university. Help!

[Mrin]

The best thing that your parents could do to you would be to kick you to the curb and go make you work to support yourself. You had three chances and you squandered them. You sound like a helpless manchild. You've never taken responsibility for yourself. You need to grow up.

 

Believe me. It will suck. But you will be better for it.

[sprotz]

Advice with First world mentality, is there any other advice from a different mentality? What you are suggesting is technically suicide.

[beatcuff]

Advice with First world mentality, is there any other advice from a different mentality? What you are suggesting is technically suicide.

fine, what person NOT in the 'first world' can: not work, not support their family and go back to school --- time and time again?

[Els]

Advice with First world mentality, is there any other advice from a different mentality? What you are suggesting is technically suicide.

 

 

I grew up in a third world country and you would have been disowned, kicked out of your parents' house and viewed as a social pariah after your second failure.

 

 

What other excuses do you have? If all you want is advice from lazy, entitled, immature spoiled brats in their 30s, I'm afraid you won't find too many of them because most of them have been kicked out by that point.

[amaysngrace]

That too costs money we don't have yet.

 

What do you mean by “we”??

 

According to you your father has to pay for university, not trade school.

 

I have children and I’m all about helping them become self-sufficient but only to a point. I’d have lost my generosity for you to pursue a career probably a long time ago if I were your parent.

 

The mere fact that you’re still expecting them to foot your bills at this stage in your life would probably top my list of reasons to say “enough”.

 

And I’d hope that a judge would agree.

[Whodatdog]

You've blamed everyone but yourself for your inability to finish anything you start, to take responsibility for yourself, and you have run out of people to mooch off of. And you're too good to actually work a job.

 

Good luck.

[sprotz]

The unsuccessful DO NOT live like kings.

 

But they can, That's not what I meant. I meant that the uneducated (unsuccessful in education) can earn highly in developed countries which they would remain poor in the third world. So a sweeper, mechanic or any unskilled job in the UK can earn highly enough to live comfortably and afford maybe a car. In the third world, the wages are much lower so even a highly educated, high skilled job only earns the equivalent of a sweeper in UK.

[basil67]

Mechanics are not unskilled. These guys have been to trade school and made far more effort than you ever have. Not to mention that it's good, honest work. With your current attitude, you're nowhere near the level of a mechanic.

[Mrin]

Advice with First world mentality, is there any other advice from a different mentality? What you are suggesting is technically suicide.

 

Are you that unmotivated or that incompetent that you wouldn't be able to survive? And yet in your non-first world you can just sit around all day on your computer and do nothing? You're being dead weight. Embarrassing.

 

Come on man! You can do better.

[sprotz]

Mechanics are not unskilled. .

 

In Africa, it is a very low paying job, mechanics in an African country are often illiterate and uneducated. Haven't you been to Africa?

[sprotz]

And yet in your non-first world you can just sit around all day on your computer and do nothing? .

 

I am actually in a semi developed country now, my mother's country, and I'm alone, mom and my bro will come in July.

Edited May 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[basil67]

In Africa, it is a very low paying job, mechanics in an African country are often illiterate and uneducated. Haven't you been to Africa?

 

You were talking about mechanics in the UK. Go back and refresh your memory.

[S2B]

So I can move to any developed country I want, and for prestige, I have high ambitions, my father has a PhD and now a professor. It may be too late for me to match and surpass his educational level.

 

Stop competing with your Dad.

 

He paid and you kept leaving... what was your personal problem that made you leave school?

 

If you REALLY want that education you can work and do school. We used to always do it that way when I grew up.

 

Work work work! It’s amazing - when you work - you make money!

 

Why are you not wanting to work? You are 35 years old - how long is your family supposed to support you?

 

Work! And go to school - pay your own way. You’ll be proud of yourself for doing it - AND when it’s YOUR money you’re less likely to quit in the middle of it.

[Veronica73]

I’m probably being stupid. But according to you, floor sweepers and mechanics (Who don’t require college degrees, but just to be clear, I’m not denigrating them in any way. I respect anyone who works and pays their way and makes a better life for themselves and their family.) can live like kings in first world countries. But you need a college degree for some reason. But you are unwilling to actually work. I don’t get it.

 

Edit: Is it that you can’t move to a first world country without a college degree?

Edited May 28, 2019 by Veronica73

[Veronica73]

I meant that the uneducated (unsuccessful in education) can earn highly in developed countries which they would remain poor in the third world. So a sweeper, mechanic or any unskilled job in the UK can earn highly enough to live comfortably and afford maybe a car. In the third world, the wages are much lower so even a highly educated, high skilled job only earns the equivalent of a sweeper in UK.

 

So...it sounds like you think you are above what a sweeper in the UK makes. (I’m not even sure what a “sweeper” is. Is that even a real job?) Which is enough to have a home and maybe own a car. Even though he works hard. And may not have a degree (or may very well have an advanced degree, based on what other people who live in first world countries say.) While you do nothing besides sit in front of your computer and think you deserve more. I’m confused as to why capitalistic, developed countries are being denigrated by you. Most of us, besides the very wealthy or indigent, are expected to pull our own weight. But maybe it is because in your country, you ARE the very wealthy. And HERE you wouldn’t be the very wealthy. You wouldn’t cut it and would have to stand on your own merits. I don’t know. And I suppose you’ll say that I’m from “a first world mentality”, so my opinion doesn’t matter. Or I don’t care about family. But it sounds like you are wanting to move to a first world country. So...maybe our cultural outlooks do matter? Also, good mechanics do very well here. A good mechanic is hard to find and they are becoming a rare breed.

[justanickname]

I'm from a developing country, and I am amazed by the way op mentions about the 3rd countries.

What I have seen here, as everyone already mentioned, a greedy and (sorry to be harsh) lazy man, complaining about things but do not act on anything that he said "important".

Let me tell you a real story about my cousin. She is a single mom, 34, born in rural region. She was not a good student, failed few times to college (her capacity of learning at the time was bad), but now she has her own pharmacy store, raising a kid by her own, and, at the same time, studying 2 degrees (working-studying degrees for working adults).

Each person has his/her own life. If you already know what you want and if it is IMPORTANT to you, you will do your best to reach it, not sitting and whining like you are doing now.

Anyway, I hope you can clear your mind with those negative thinking and START WORKING to find your way.

[Miss Clavel]

baloney. a father might not want to keep throwing his money down the pipe. he might pay back your loans for your, after you graduate.

 

after.

 

you did this to yourself.

 

talk to your father about getting loans that he might repay, after you show him you really mean it this time.

Edited May 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude

[sprotz]

First, I am a boy at heart. A small part of this was my fault, a bigger part was my father's fault, but mostly it was FATE. Life is unfair, and it has been especially unfair to me. My core personality traits include that I prefer the course of events to happen exactly how I want them, so if Fate denies me, doing nothing or wanting to die is a natural response.

I am lazy but don't call me greedy, because I don't desire much and don't want to be rich. Someone said I am already rich where I grew up but that translates to nothing when I came to the UK. They are Right

 

How would you react if your personality dictated that you wanted a girlfriend at a specific point in time in your life, but you couldn't get one because of where you grew up, and because of your awkwardness that prevented you from getting one, while everyone else has had one except you, then time passes and what you desired all your life is gone forever?

Edited May 28, 2019 by sprotz

[d0nnivain]

Every unfairness you describe can be overcome by sheer will.

 

I am inherently lazy & like you prefer that things unfold as I want them to but that isn't life. Instead I worked for my grades & my successes. If I failed, that was on me, not my parents.

 

You are a grown man. Nothing in your life will improve until you take responsibility for your own actions & put your nose to the grind stone.

 

IF your father actually sees you working, he may help you but not before. Your present circumstances are entirely your fault -- not your dad's fault & not fate. When you acknowledge that & make real effort -- not just empty promises -- to change then an only then might your father come around. Until then he'd be a fool to continue throwing good money after bad.

 

Swallow your pride & take a job, any job, no matter how menial or demeaning to show your dad that you are willing to work.

[amaysngrace]

We make our own FATE. Sure you may have been born disadvantaged compared to some, I was too by not being born a Hilton or a Kardashian, or having model-type genetics or a money-making singing voice or being born not a football star man, but so what? I’m thankful for what I have been given rather than being pissed off by what I wasn’t born as.

 

You should try that sometime.

[stillafool]

But they can, That's not what I meant. I meant that the uneducated (unsuccessful in education) can earn highly in developed countries which they would remain poor in the third world. So a sweeper, mechanic or any unskilled job in the UK can earn highly enough to live comfortably and afford maybe a car. In the third world, the wages are much lower so even a highly educated, high skilled job only earns the equivalent of a sweeper in UK.

 

Then move! If you can't get a gf it's because women like men who can work and support them or at least ones who can support themselves. Don't plan on getting a gf until you get a job.

[anika99]

We all have personality traits that sometimes hold us back. I'm a low energy introvert. There are people in my family who are high energy extroverts. They simply can't sit still for too long or they get bored so their days are always jammed pack with activities. They love running here and there, doing this or that. In contrast I can laze about for hours. A day spent at home doing nothing but entertaining myself with things I enjoy is my favorite way to spend my time. So I have always had to push myself to get things done. I learned long ago that while I like being lazy, I also like being independent and having money. I like the rewards of working, which isn't only money. It also gives me a sense of accomplishment and self esteem. Being lazy is fun in short spurts but it becomes self destructive if it's not limited.

 

Awkward boys usually don't get girls when they are young but a lot of them turn into hard working successful men and then the women flock to them. Had you spent the last six years working hard, even at menial jobs, you would be better developed now, personally and socially. Furthermore your father might have believed you when you told him you are better than you were six years ago. As it stands now you have given him no reason to believe in you. By reading what you have said in this thread I think your father is right to have doubt. School can be very hard work and you want easy. I think if you went back to school you would just quit the moment it becomes challenging.

[heartbrokenlady]

So you had 2 paid for opportunities to go to uni?

 

I grew up in a very dysfunctional family but aspired to more than my family. Due to the family issues I grew up with, I didn't graduate high school. I took evening classes to finish high school and worked 3 jobs to put myself through university and grad school.

 

Get off your butt, get a job and pay your own way. Or don't. But your AGEING fathers been clear with you. No more from him.

 

You're an adult. You need to start taking responsibility for yourself.

[S2B]

First, I am a boy at heart. A small part of this was my fault, a bigger part was my father's fault, but mostly it was FATE. Life is unfair, and it has been especially unfair to me. My core personality traits include that I prefer the course of events to happen exactly how I want them, so if Fate denies me, doing nothing or wanting to die is a natural response.

I am lazy but don't call me greedy, because I don't desire much and don't want to be rich. Someone said I am already rich where I grew up but that translates to nothing when I came to the UK. They are Right

 

How would you react if your personality dictated that you wanted a girlfriend at a specific point in time in your life, but you couldn't get one because of where you grew up, and because of your awkwardness that prevented you from getting one, while everyone else has had one except you, then time passes and what you desired all your life is gone forever?

 

Your father doesn’t owe you anything at this point. You’ve lived half your life and are squandering time now... by not working.

 

Work! And if you want more education you can pay for it yourself.

 

Quit thinking anyone owes you. They don’t!

 

Earn things yourself.

[whichwayisup]

It is just that I wanted to somehow reverse time and correct my mistakes, I prefer to restart things just like those past years, it is just how I am.

 

You can't change the past, only the now and your future. DO NOT make the same mistakes. Change your mindset and attitude -- Get counseling to help you become less lazy and volunteer somewhere so you gain self satisfaction! Learn hard work and let it motivate and push you forward. Sitting at home on your computer isn't helping, it's hindering and holding you back. You're not a 'boy' you're a grown man over the age of 30. Whatever Country you're in now probably has jobs you can do to make some money.

 

Stop comparing yourself to your father, stop beating yourself up about past choices. All you can control is yourself and how you choose to handle life overall. That's on you and nobody else.