My father does not want to sponsor my university. Help!

[basil67]

In my country most university students get a student loan and pay off their debt once they get their degree and get a job.

 

Or at a pinch, their parents may contribute to the university debt when the child graduates. This could possibly have been an option for your father, but you'd need to demonstrate a long term strong work ethic to take the chance on you.

[sprotz]

Do you contribute to that community?

 

They mostly share among each other , they have extended families where the adults take care of the weak and elderly, and the rich and successful provide for their poorer relatives, everyone loves each other regardless, but rapid industrialization is making this kind of communal living to disappear and to transform into a dog eat dog society of the developed world, something humans never evolved to live like.

Edited May 26, 2019 by sprotz

[JuneL]

In that case, why do you want to move to such a country (one that is highly developed and industrialized)?

[Veronica73]

They mostly share among each other , they have extended families where the adults take care of the weak and elderly, and the rich and successful provide for their poorer relatives, everyone loves each other regardless, but rapid industrialization is making this kind of communal living to disappear and to transform into a dog eat dog society of the developed world, something humans never evolved to live like.

 

So what are you doing to contribute again?

[JuneL]

So what are you doing to contribute again?

 

He is supposed to be the weak one mooching off of the others.

[sprotz]

So what are you doing to contribute again?

 

I am the less fortunate one. Just because I made mistakes in the past does not mean my father should make cold, calculated decisions to deny me as if I am a liability, saying he can't take a risk as if I am some sort of commodity, I'm his Son. This is not what a father who loves his son would act like.

[Veronica73]

You own real estate. You say that’s just enough for upkeep. Do you mean the upkeep of the real estate, or the upkeep of you and your family?

 

I’d be ecstatic if I owned enough real estate to provide for my living expenses. Asking for college tuition on top of that (at the age of 35 or so!!!) sounds greedy. At best.

 

(Edit) And yes, why do you want to move to a greedy, capitalistic country if they are so awful? Or why don’t you learn the language of your mother’s country better, if that is an impediment to finding a decent job?

 

I have never lived in an undeveloped country, so I imagine my thoughts don’t mean much. But I have a feeling most of the people on this forum are from developed countries and work to support themselves and their families. So it is a bit hard to understand your viewpoint, to say the least.

Edited May 26, 2019 by Veronica73

[sprotz]

Do you mean the upkeep of the real estate, or the upkeep of you and your family?

My family.

[Veronica73]

So what do you do all day?

[sprotz]

 

(Edit) And yes, why do you want to move to a greedy, capitalistic country if they are so awful?

 

 

Not every developed country is like this, some are best places to live, also the high standards of living, human rights, low crime and also I haven't really lived anywhere that I feel at home. so I am looking for one.

[sprotz]

 

I have never lived in an undeveloped country, so I imagine my thoughts don’t mean much. But I have a feeling most of the people on this forum are from developed countries and work to support themselves and their families. So it is a bit hard to understand your viewpoint, to say the least.

 

That is understandable, they were raised into this system and can survive better. But have you at least visited a third world country? It can give you a better understanding of how things are there.

[sprotz]

So what do you do all day?

 

I Sit home doing nothing, sit on my computer.

[Veronica73]

Not every developed country is like this, some are best places to live, also the high standards of living, human rights, low crime and also I haven't really lived anywhere that I feel at home. so I am looking for one.

 

Yes, that’s certainly understandable.

 

But I’m still curious as to what you do all day.

[Tamfana]

I am the less fortunate one. Just because I made mistakes in the past does not mean my father should make cold, calculated decisions to deny me as if I am a liability, saying he can't take a risk as if I am some sort of commodity, I'm his Son. This is not what a father who loves his son would act like.

 

Quite the contrary. A loving parent makes choices that will make his or her child strong and self-sufficient, not keep the child dependent. Once a child is an adult, the parent ought to back off so the adult child becomes responsible and can survive after the parents die. It's nature not an economic system.

[Veronica73]

That is understandable, they were raised into this system and can survive better. But have you at least visited a third world country? It can give you a better understanding of how things are there.

 

No, I haven’t really. I’ve visited resorts in very poor countries, but most of my time was spent on the resorts or in touristy areas. I did drive through some hovels on the way to the resorts.

 

So yeah, I probably can’t really understand. But still...not having to work and having income from real estate profits seems like a pretty good thing. Seems like it puts you ahead of a whole lot of people. I question how much a bachelors degree is going to be some wonderful gateway to a good job in a first world country. Where I am, bachelor degrees are a dime a dozen. You’d at least need to get one from a top notch university, and do really well there. And top notch universities aren’t that easy to get into. Or to do well at.

[Veronica73]

Also, it seems in my greedy, capitalistic country, immigrants work their tails off to make a better life for themselves and their families. And they seem pretty happy to do so. I don’t know. I do know I am lucky that I was born here and not in the majority of the world.

[sprotz]

I am lucky that I was born here and not in the majority of the world.

 

You are mighty lucky indeed, but with all those opportunities, your fellow citizens don't realize how fortunate they are and don't take the opportunities, lacking the incentive in a country where even the unsuccessful can earn a lot and live like kings. The immigrants you speak of are mostly unskilled from poor countries and are hardworking because they are not used to the wealth they earn that would be impossible to earn in the poor countries they came from, after growing up in poverty.

 

I grew up in a third world country but to a middle class/wealthy family, I lived in a poor friend's house for 2 days and even I could not bear the horrendous conditions these poor people live in.

Edited May 27, 2019 by sprotz

[d0nnivain]

You say this time will be different but your behavior -- sitting home & doing nothing -- says to your father than this time won't be different. You have already been given 3 chances. That is not a cold, heartless father. That is a man who has been taken advantage of & run out of patience.

 

You say that the properties barely pay for the upkeep of the family. What can you do to decrease the overhead & increase the profits. Perhaps if you closed your computer & went to work for the family, you could earn more. If you should industriousness, then your father may be willing to throw more money down the drain that is your life.

 

At this point, you really need to find another way to fund the changes you make.

[sprotz]

You say this time will be different but your behavior -- sitting home & doing nothing -- says to your father than this time won't be different.

 

It is just that I wanted to somehow reverse time and correct my mistakes, I prefer to restart things just like those past years, it is just how I am.

[Veronica73]

... your fellow citizens don't realize how fortunate they are and don't take the opportunities, lacking the incentive in a country where even the unsuccessful can earn a lot and live like kings. The immigrants you speak of are mostly unskilled from poor countries and are hardworking because they are not used to the wealth they earn that would be impossible to earn in the poor countries they came from, after growing up in poverty.

 

I agree that a lot of people don’t realize how fortunate they are and don’t take advantage of the many opportunities that have been afforded to them. Probably myself included to a certain extent. But I question the assertion that even the unsuccessful can earn a lot and “live like kings”. I guess that phrase is open to interpretation. But most people I know work quite hard and don’t live like kings. And yes, most people I know have college degrees. And there are plenty of immigrants who have advanced degrees and move here for better opportunities, but still have to work at “lower level” jobs because their degrees aren’t worth much here.

[gaius]

If it makes you feel any better there are plenty of people in first world countries who flunk out or quit school not once, not twice, but three times and still expect their parents to pay for them to go back again. That's actually a very first world attitude you have there.

 

As d0nnivan mentioned, the fact you're still demanding your father pay for school and being manipulative, talking about starving and hanging it you don't get what you want, shows you haven't really changed or grown up. Grow up and make your own way and success. You'll feel so much better and more complete if you do.

[Mr. Lucky]

in a country where even the unsuccessful can earn a lot and live like kings

 

There are obviously parts of the "developed world" you haven't seen.

 

where the adults take care of the weak and elderly

 

Which one are you? Op, it's unclear to me what stops you from getting a job today and pursuing the goals you say are important?

 

Mr. Lucky

[basil67]

It is just that I wanted to somehow reverse time and correct my mistakes, I prefer to restart things just like those past years, it is just how I am.

 

It may be just how you are, but it's not how the world is. You lost your chance and have done nothing to demonstrate that you have changed. It's no suprise that your father isn't giving you more money.

 

If you want help, start by proving yourself worthy.

[Els]

You own real estate. You say that’s just enough for upkeep. Do you mean the upkeep of the real estate, or the upkeep of you and your family?

 

I’d be ecstatic if I owned enough real estate to provide for my living expenses. Asking for college tuition on top of that (at the age of 35 or so!!!) sounds greedy. At best.

 

(Edit) And yes, why do you want to move to a greedy, capitalistic country if they are so awful? Or why don’t you learn the language of your mother’s country better, if that is an impediment to finding a decent job?

 

I have never lived in an undeveloped country, so I imagine my thoughts don’t mean much. But I have a feeling most of the people on this forum are from developed countries and work to support themselves and their families. So it is a bit hard to understand your viewpoint, to say the least.

 

 

Nah, the OP is talking out his arse. Many of the 30+ yo people I know who live in developing countries are SUPPORTING their parents, not the other way around.

[anika99]

You are mighty lucky indeed, but with all those opportunities, your fellow citizens don't realize how fortunate they are and don't take the opportunities, lacking the incentive in a country where even the unsuccessful can earn a lot and live like kings. The immigrants you speak of are mostly unskilled from poor countries and are hardworking because they are not used to the wealth they earn that would be impossible to earn in the poor countries they came from, after growing up in poverty.

 

I grew up in a third world country but to a middle class/wealthy family, I lived in a poor friend's house for 2 days and even I could not bear the horrendous conditions these poor people live in.

 

You have no idea what you're talking about. The unsuccessful DO NOT live like kings. When I was very poor and raising kids we used to live in a large townhouse complex that was a slum. There were many immigrants living there. The units were only big enough for about 3 people but they would have about 6-8 people squeezed into 1 unit and then all of the adults each worked 2 or 3 low paying jobs.

 

I had a family like that right next door to me. They were from Vietnam. After pooling their money together for a couple of years they had saved up enough to make a sizable down payment on a little house. So they purchased a home and all moved together into that house. I never saw them again but I presume they continued on working their very many jobs until each of them had a home. I was very impressed by both their work ethic and the way they all helped each other. However not one of them was lazy or unwilling to work hard at menial low paying jobs and nobody was living like a king. We lived like the poor people we were.

 

Also I worked for a year cleaning rooms at a nice hotel. I was shocked to find myself working along side many highly educated people from other countries. Doctors, scientists, biologists, etc. They all held impressive degrees that were not accepted in my country so they also had to take low paying jobs here. Even though they were employed in jobs well beneath their abilities they still worked their butts off. You sit around all day on your computer. Is it any wonder that your father doesn't believe that you have changed?