Marc878 Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 I say this is a positive step...but don't completely let it rule your opinion on things. You can also learn to have a thick skin. I've been through abusive relationships and situations. I have learned to let things go. I know no one is perfect, not even myself. what !!!!! You aren't perfect ???? You have crushed me !!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 I missed the part about the girlfriend's opinion being truth just because she said it. It's HER truth. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 I do wonder how the comments here would read if the genders were reversed, and the man said it to his gf in front of his friends after she got her haircut. It's a very hurtful thing to say to somebody, especially in front of others. If you look back in the thread, you will find Bailey and I talking about our experiences as women. We are used to guys not liking our choice of hair and we don't take it to heart. Saying it in front of others is a next level up though. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 A friend of mine actually dumped a woman over a haircut and I layed into him because she was a good woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 I would say the gf dodge a bullet. Can't you imagine being with someone that you can't just say the truth? someone who is so judgmental and critical of every little thing you do and say? It's hard to be with someone you always have to pamper and flatter. A haircut is not a personal character assassination or anything. A haircut is just a haircut. You didn't even cut it yourself. so why doe it offend you personally? I have experienced personal attacks, character assassinations, belittled, yelled at. Talk about real offences. What should I do with those people? kill them? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 I would say the gf dodge a bullet. Can't you imagine being with someone that you can't just say the truth? someone who is so judgmental and critical of every little thing you do and say? It's hard to be with someone you always have to pamper and flatter. A haircut is not a personal character assassination or anything. A haircut is just a haircut. You didn't even cut it yourself. so why doe it offend you personally? I have experienced personal attacks, character assassinations, belittled, yelled at. Talk about real offences. What should I do with those people? kill them? No but you have no obligation to be in a relationship with them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 A friend of mine actually dumped a woman over a haircut and I layed into him because she was a good woman. I would say your friend is an idiot and the woman dodge a bullet. Clearly he values a haircut, which will lasts a few months more than a real human being who loves him. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 I would say your friend is an idiot and the woman dodge a bullet. Clearly he values a haircut, which will lasts a few months more than a real human being who loves him. I fully agree. She is happily married today and I am glad for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 No but you have no obligation to be in a relationship with them. of course, I run away from anybody who does not respect me the first chance I get. but a haircut is different. I will not take a comment about my haircut personally. heck, sometimes I do not even like my own haircut. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 After my divorce, my sister had a sole criterion for judging every man she met that I was dating. That was whether or not he was the type to make little digs "in the name of fun" or "just kidding." Basically, if I was being respected or disrespected. She saw me endure this treatment a lot during my 14-year marriage and it was not cool....because it always means "deeper issues...." and "worse treatment" behind closed doors. And when you're constantly told "oh, don't be so sensitive, I was just kidding...." you start to believe it, but that doesn't make it OK. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 Springsummer, I am exactly the same on not always liking even my own haircut Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 (edited) After my divorce, my sister had a sole criterion for judging every man she met that I was dating. That was whether or not he was the type to make little digs "in the name of fun" or "just kidding." Basically, if I was being respected or disrespected. She saw me endure this treatment a lot during my 14-year marriage and it was not cool....because it always means "deeper issues...." and "worse treatment" behind closed doors. And when you're constantly told "oh, don't be so sensitive, I was just kidding...." you start to believe it, but that doesn't make it OK. Totally agree. Your sister is very wise. Nobody is saying that anyone should ever stay with someone who makes them feel “less than” or disrespected. If making rude or demeaning comments is a pattern of behavior - especially in front of other people- it should not be tolerated. What is unclear after all this discussion is whether this actually was a pattern of behavior or a one off - an unfortunate foot-in-mouth moment that got a little blown out of proportion. While you should never tolerate someone who is purposefully rude and disrespectful, it is also important to recognize that people make mistakes and learn when to forgive and let things go sometimes... Edited May 23, 2019 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
emeraldgreen Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 It's HER truth. That's the problem with the world. Truth doesn't belong to anyone. It's not a thought you conjure in your head. If it is, it's my truth that she's a bitch and I'm glad he kicked her to the curb. Therefore, it is now fact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 A friend of mine actually dumped a woman over a haircut I am not really surprised, some people have very fixed types, and a haircut can change attraction levels. If he was into for instance long haired brunettes then cutting her hair short and dyeing it blonde is a completely different look and one which he may not find that attractive. If you do not find your partner attractive, then dumping is often the next step... especially in shorter term relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 She got a short pixie haircut and he freaked out and said he was no longer attracted to her. He didn't tell her this was the reason but it was. No woman treated him as well as she did and he just threw it away over a haircut. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 (edited) I grew up with parents that would have no issue telling you that they disapproved of something you did, said, whatever....Id imagine this was true for a lot of people growing up at that time, but I cant speak for them..The way people have been brought up over the last few decades though, where everything they do, say, whatever is never challenged......well....you have what you have here... I would literally hate to be in a relationship with someone that unilaterally approved of everything I have ever done...I like some pushback...Now, I may not agree with it, but it I care about that person, then there is really nothing off limit, and my threshold for having my feelings hurt or getting angry start at probably butchering my beloved pet dog for no reason...You even see it displayed on forums like these or FB...If you dare disagree on the smallest thing, or for some reason dislike something said, the person gets offended and hurt.. I would have said to this woman that commented on my new haircut..."Duly noted" and then moved on with my life and relationship...Or I would have joked it off...and that would have been the end of it...I may also decide to next time keep it the way she likes it, but I cant say, it depends on the situation.. Bottom line, the level of thin skin shown by a lot of people these days really should be dialed back...Ive had employees completely come apart(males no less) over the slightest deserved criticism....Its pathetic...and usually starts from youth, when their parents never bothered to explain that the world wont always think that everything you do is glorious or wonderful... TFY Edited May 23, 2019 by thefooloftheyear 6 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 (edited) I think a lot of people are really missing the point here. The issue isn’t his haircut or that she didn’t agree with him. It’s about her tactless put down in front of others. What she did was incredibly disrespectful and showed her lack of social skills. This is the type of person who would have no problem arguing in public or around friends. Then, to worsen things, instead of admitting she blundered and simply apologizing, she tried to cover it up with superficial words. Everything she did in those few moments was wrong and spoke volumes about her character. Edited May 23, 2019 by bathtub-row 4 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 I think a lot of people are really missing the point here. The issue isn’t his haircut or that she didn’t agree with him. It’s about her tactless put down in front of others. What she did was incredibly disrespectful and showed her lack of social skills. This is the type of person who would have no problem arguing in public or around friends. Then, to worsen things, instead of admitting she blundered and simply apologizing, she tried to cover it up with superficial words. Everything she did in those few moments was wrong and spoke volumes about her character. Really?? I mean, he could have jokingly said something like...."I did it to deliberately irritate you" the others would have laughed, and that's that... You are making it sound like she told the friends he had a 2" dick when he arrived...Its a haircut, and it was the first time she saw him...She didn't say it looked like shyt, she said it looked weird...She probably just not used to it and caught her off guard.. TFY 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 I'm wondering how she took the news of the breakup.... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 thefooloftheyear wrote: "She didn't say it looked like shyt, she said it looked weird...She probably just not used to it and caught her off guard.." That was my interpretation too. Equivalent to "OMG what the hell have you done to your hair..." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 I think a lot of people are really missing the point here. The issue isn’t his haircut or that she didn’t agree with him. It’s about her tactless put down in front of others. What she did was incredibly disrespectful and showed her lack of social skills. This is the type of person who would have no problem arguing in public or around friends. Then, to worsen things, instead of admitting she blundered and simply apologizing, she tried to cover it up with superficial words. Everything she did in those few moments was wrong and spoke volumes about her character. We will agree to disagree. With respect, we do not have enough information to make any judgment about her character. We know she made one, rather rude and foot-in-mouth comment. Unfortunately, it occurred in front of others. She then attempted to smooth the insult when she realized it was rude and was not taken well. Of course, she offered words of apology and tried to make it better. She saw that her words offended and she was learning about OP - that he was very sensitive and she needed to take more care. Again, with respect, are you so perfect that you have you never made a rude or foot-in-mouth comment to anyone before? What would you think if nobody gave you the benefit of the doubt and passed judgment on your character - from ONE awkward moment. Nobody is saying that he shouldn’t have been watchful and if this is a pattern of behaviour for this woman, to end the relationship. But - based on what has been shared here and to the best of my limited knowledge - it was one moment in time. One, very awkward and unfortunate moment in time that I’m sure, she would take back if she could... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 I wonder the reaction if it were her approaching him and a group of his male friends and he made that comment about her new hair cut. Oh Boy! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 (edited) I'm wondering how she took the news of the breakup.... Me too! 10 characters Edited May 23, 2019 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
some_username1 Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 I wonder the reaction if it were her approaching him and a group of his male friends and he made that comment about her new hair cut. Oh Boy! The rules of engagement would certainly be very different that's for sure. 'Her truth' () of "It's weird" when transposed to him would be the biggest character assassination ever and she would be encouraged to dump his ass (to loud whoops and hollers of "you go grrrl" etc from the public gallery). Guys are just expected to put up and shut up because...well, because they're men. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 some_username1 wrote: "Guys are just expected to put up and shut up because...well, because they're men." Well kind of true. Men are the dragon slayers. They are not really supposed to be thin-skinned over a hair cut... BUT The OP was "triggered" here. He needs to do some more work on his self esteem. Partners are always going to throw some barbs, he needs to be able to shrug them off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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