When is a good time to raise my concern that hes losing interest?

[Redhead14]

You're so right, JuneL. Guys don't like to be put on the spot or reminded that they aren't giving/doesn't want to give a woman what she wants/is looking for yet won't do the honest thing. That is why there is a thing called "stringing along". And, 9 times out of 10, the women who ask guys questions like that, are the ones who will buy into whatever line he throws at her to keep her around until he's lined up another one.

 

A smart, savvy woman won't ask those questions. She will recognize that she isn't being treated the way she needs to be treated or just "not feeling it" herself because he just naturally isn't meeting her early dating needs and will exit of her own accord rather than trying to pull on him especially at only a month. But, she wouldn't be doing a ton of mental gymnastics because he didn't text her the way she wanted when she actually already has another date scheduled with him shortly.

 

OP, did you go on that date yet?

[LoverOfDance]

JuneL - i am assuming that the OP is a smart woman. If you ask a man if he is still interested and he lies because he doesn't like confrontation or doesn't like "being put on the spot", a smart woman would simply compare his words to his actions and try to see if they match.

 

I am saying OP, that if you ever feel the need to find out if a man is still interested in you, which you shouldn't if you are dating the right person, just ASK him instead of asking us. You can ofcourse choose not to be direct and choose another course of action that you think best suits the situation. It's really your choice to make at the end of the day.

 

Donnivain - sorry for the wrong spelling. When i speak of trapping a man, i am referring to faking confidence that isn't there at the beginning of dating, slightly changing your personality and maintaining this facade during the first few months of dating of being fun and outgoing in order to keep men around. This is probably why a lot of relationships don't make it past only a few months - a lot of people aren't being real. I don't blame them them though. The world is constantly telling everyone to pretend in order to blend in and survive.

 

Op, if you want something real, you have to be real yourself. From the get go.

[JuneL]

But can’t she just observe his actions? I can’t imagine being under this pressure that I have to text her first every single day. The guy is likely just getting to know her at this early stage; he might not be sure himself if there’s long term potential. But if being clingy and needy is the real you, then by all means be yourself and ask if he has lost interest and if he thinks you’re attractive. I bet you can save the guy some headaches down the road.

Edited May 16, 2019 by JuneL

[preraph]

Yes I, you're allowing yourself to have feelings too soon before you even know the person. You need to stop thinking of it as catching feelings like it's something you have no control over. maybe it would help if you sat down and wrote a list of standards that a person must consistently meet in order for you to give your heart to them. You shouldn't start giving your heart to any old person who's treating you any old way just because you've had a month with them.

 

And you need to remember that men are on their best behavior in the first few months of dating and you're not even seen their worst side. That can actually take two or three years until you seen them and how they act when they're not getting their way or when they have adverse circumstances. So if the person isn't palatable at one month on their best behavior, please just assume that they are going to go downhill from there once they stop trying to either bed you or impress you or both.

 

You need to make some standards for yourself. It's reasonable to have expectations of men and people in general and how they treat you. It's wise to pull those people out of your life if they're not treating you properly. However not all people are alike in something as trivial as texting habits and you shouldn't judge them on that.

Edited May 16, 2019 by preraph

[Redhead14]

Emotions/anxiety need to be balanced by logic. She actually had a date scheduled with this guy but she was stressing out that he wasn't texting the way he had been prior. If she didn't already have a date planned and was wondering if there would be another and this happened, yeah, I might think he might be fading. And, even then, so what?

[elaine567]

This thread reminds me of this.

 

"His and her diary from the same day...

 

Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

 

His Diary:

Motorcycle won’t start…can't figure out why."

[Versacehottie]

I think a good way to look at things is to turn it around. What if a guy asked you "you seem like you are losing interest in me, is that true"?

 

I can't imagine it going well honestly. If you are thinking with your logically mind, and take your anxiety out of that, I think (hope) you might agree. It comes from a really weak place, one that presumes that the person asking is just waiting for your approval. With one question, the person asking hands away their power to PARTICIPATE in vetting the other person. Ugh. The person asking puts the other person on the spot, often only to sooth their unreasonable expectations and arbitrary timelines/"things that must happen to prove interest" based on anxiety & feeling insecure. It's an extremely insecure question; has little chance of changing or influencing the outcome toward the way the asker wants it to go, only toward where they don't. It speeds up a NO answer and takes away the chance of a yes one (generally speaking). It's needy etc etc.

 

OP, why are you summing up the frequency of texting to something more major like "losing interest"?? If anything (which I still don't recommend), you should not let your anxiety take over and draw conclusion for you--the only pertinent question is why don't you text me as much as you did before (which i still don't recommend asking but hey let's try to get you to keep it in perspective). I honestly think your expectations are out of whack and you are creating problems when perhaps none exist. With some guys, now that he takes you on dates, the texting would drop off because he has something planned with you and puts his effort in there. Normal.

 

It seems like you want a guarantee that life can't give you. I think that's what a lot of people are referring to in that you should rely on yourself. Take the attitude that you will be fine no matter what happens. It's an exploratory period that you are in--see what he is about and if he meets your REASONABLE expectations. Realize that people are different so he's not going to be like every guy you've known before and there is no set pattern. It's also a fragile period at the beginning for a variety of reasons. this line of questioning does not strengthen it. Your strength is being able to confidently assess and depend on yourself which will help you feel less anxious in general or ask questions where you will likely not get an honest answer or will cause people to lose interest in you.

[SophieG]

OP, I’ve been in your position, and maybe my experience will help.

When I first started dating my bf, he was texting me ALL DAY LONG! It was non stop. Then after 3-4 weeks, it was more infrequent and I found myself initiating more. My anxiety shows it’s ugly nose and I started wandering: « Is he still interested »? « Did I do something wrong »? « Maybe he met another girl »! Basically, my brain was in overthinking mode. I could continue with the guessing, so I picked the worst timing ever and asked him « Are you still interested?! You don’t text as much ». That led to an argument, and for a few days, we didn’t talk at all.

We talked it out and explained each other. I had to come to terms that maintaining this kind of texting was unrealistic and I had to go with the flow a little more. So after that, I texted him whenever I wanted to and I accepted that he would sometimes take 6-7 hours to answer back. 10 months later, there are days where he’ll texting me once, at 6pm, and other where he’ll text more often. I’ve learned to go with... he always answers back, and always calls in the evening.

 

So if I were you, I’d sit back and just observe. But, that’s because bringing it up with him caused some friction after.

[h0000]

 

A smart, savvy woman won't ask those questions. She will recognize that she isn't being treated the way she needs to be treated or just "not feeling it" herself because he just naturally isn't meeting her early dating needs and will exit of her own accord rather than trying to pull on him especially at only a month. But, she wouldn't be doing a ton of mental gymnastics because he didn't text her the way she wanted when she actually already has another date scheduled with him shortly.

 

OP, did you go on that date yet?

 

I have no problem walking away when I'm not being treated right, I do have a problem with sitting back and chill. But once its past the uncertain stage (like the first three months) I become really cool cuz I'm secure lol

 

Yeah I had the date it was fine. Didn't sense anything different from him... yet.