At what point do you give up?

[ZA Dater]

to the opening writer,

 

 

your first question- well never give up anyway that is the main thing,

 

 

You seem to have plenty of knowledge -current affairs and so on, you should be well able to hold a conversation then which is always a good starting point,

 

 

the more intellectual type of women you may be more suited too, although most women Id say would rather speak to a knowledgeable guy than the opposite,

 

 

perhaps drop your level in the looks department, the really good looking girls will always be harder, so you have to find a few first that "are not too hard pleased" in order to get yourself on the table as it were,

 

 

there are also very many beautiful women who are easy to talk too, I am thinking Mexicans, Hungarians, Malaysians, but I am sure there are many more!

 

 

and of course women can be beautiful of soul too, it is not always physical beauty,

 

 

"every good man needs a good woman"

 

Overweight people don't interest me at all. Let's just put that out there.

 

Had 3 so called dates with someone I do find attractive, all I got was friend zoned because she doesn't find me attractive, o simply do not have the requisite skills to charm anyone, I cant sell in other words. Worse still is she is looking for something casual and I can't get that right either.

 

Again I just take the positive she is pretty and I like spending time with her so it's better than having someone who does like me that I don't find attractive.

[Foxhall]

Have you tried joining something like a hiking club or a group that would research historical issues or something like genealogy,

 

 

I am just guessing at the type of woman (personality wise anyway) that might suit you,

 

 

attraction is a two way thing,

 

 

your not charming them simply because you are not meeting the right girl yet,

 

 

when you find someone you connect with, you may be able to charm them,

 

 

it is a two way thing, you have to get a carrot dangled from the other party too.

so that you can bite!

[JuneL]

The hypocrisy is strong with you. You have always been very choosy about who you date. But you've always been down on women who are choosy.

 

It’s actually much worse than that. He wants a mainstream popular girl like a hot cheerleader or model type who has amazing social skills. And yet, he’s whining big time about why people are so judgmental about a weirdo like himself I think it’s a gross misunderstanding when posters suggested places for him to meet intellectual and quiet girls.

 

ZA Dater: This is the first time I agree with you; I don’t understand why it’s taking you such a long time (and so many threads) to figure out that you shouldn’t be wasting your time on Tinder in particular or dating in general.

[spiderowl]

Obviously, I do not know you or how you come across in person, but you sound intelligent and thoughtful about all this.

 

The only thing I would say is that people have responsibilities - they go to work, they pay bills, they do housework, they put the bins out. You might ask what this has got to do with dating? Well, basically people want more fun in life, more play.

 

Dating is serious, of course, you are seeking someone special, hopefully to share a lot of your life and to be there for you (and vice versa). However, it also needs to be playful. Examples of playful might be, some jokes, humour, great food, nice surroundings, being spoilt a bit, doing something spontaneous - whatever you and she finds is fun.

 

I am not talking about sex here, although that is fun and some gentle flirting and teasing can make dating fun. Generally a bit of teasing (not about sex) takes a date from serious to fun. It has to be the right kind of teasing though, cannot be personal and insulting. Think about how you would be with family you know and get on well with.

 

Is it possible that your disappointment with dating generally is coming across to the women you see? Are you feeling downcast from the start and maybe not able to laugh and lift the atmosphere?

 

I just think playfulness can really help. We've all had enough of austerity and misery.

[ZA Dater]

I hope you realize that your opinion is rather skewed and there are lots of happy people in healthy relationships. You just don't happen to be one of them for reasons that may or may not be within your control.

 

Are they really? Ok let's assume they are, how many settled?

[ZA Dater]

it seems you take great delight in rejecting women and then complain when the "hot" women don't want you.

Not a huge difference.

 

Only because I realised it's senseless trying to buck the trend so I might as well do to others what is done to me. Apparently according to miss 3 dates I am not upbeat enough and should change my hair style. My response was "ok if I do that would you like me" instant change of topic.

 

One thing I have learnt attraction cannot be created it either there or it isn't.

[basil67]

Miss 3 Dates gave you constructive criticism - something that so many here wish they received. You'd be a fool to not take notice.

[Foxhall]

Spiderowl makes a good point there,

 

 

Following on from that perhaps work on your small talk, you need to be able to make small talk on a date to lighten the mood, make a girl feel relaxed and then things will flow better and opportunities will arise,

 

 

just a few of my silly examples now lol,

 

 

I like that colour on you, what is your favourite colour?

 

 

what is your favourite ice cream?

 

 

what are your thoughts on the afterlife- reincarnation- what animal would you return as?

 

 

your most embarrassing moment- well let me share mine

 

 

do you prefer crowds or small groups,

 

 

you can get mileage out of these- follow up then sharing your own experiences and so on- get a conversation moving,

 

 

two main things are- to lighten the mood and to keep conversation going.

 

 

then just speak normally about her family, interests, aims and so on,

[basil67]

Are they really? Ok let's assume they are, how many settled?

 

When you say "settled" do you mean "how many make compromises?" Thing is, all relationships involve compromise. And nobody is perfect. Yet many of us have wonderful relationships despite this

[elaine567]

... how many settled?

 

EVERYONE settles.

[Veronica73]

there are also very many beautiful women who are easy to talk too, I am thinking Mexicans, Hungarians, Malaysians, but I am sure there are many more!

 

This might not be a bad idea. OP, have you ever watched 90-day fiancé?

 

There are a lot of unattractive, awkward, older men on that show who land attractive, young, fit, childless women from less affluent countries.

[basil67]

EVERYONE settles.

 

But we don't call it 'settling'. We call it 'being a relationship'.

[Normm]

One thing I have learnt attraction cannot be created it either there or it isn't.

 

 

Sure it can. You simply refuse to believe it or take any steps towards real change. Confidence sells. Self pity and bitterness is a turnoff. You lack the first and if anything you're more bitter than ever before. You think it doesn't show? Of course it does.

[JuneL]

ZA Dater:

 

Have you heard of something called a growth mindset, as opposed to your fixed mindset? I know you get a kick out of whining and self-victimizing and arguing with us on why absolutely nothing can be done in your situation. But if you truly believe that’s the case, you wouldn’t have been here for so long and totally ignored my endorsement that you should quit dating and finding a girlfriend for good.

[chillii]

EVERYONE settles.

 

 

Are you serious ?

[chillii]

This might not be a bad idea. OP, have you ever watched 90-day fiancé?

 

There are a lot of unattractive, awkward, older men on that show who land attractive, young, fit, childless women from less affluent countries.

 

 

 

 

Told him this mths ago , but not because they were easy cheap women , that's a different thing,

but because they're better quality women than these things he meets at home.

And he did meet a few , one swede l remember.

He is meeting a lot of women though , he must have something at least, seems to be after the problems start.

ps , you should take the hair tip she gave you to btw za , why not , might look great.

[JuneL]

Told him this mths ago , but not because they were easy cheap women , that's a different thing,

but because they're better quality women than these things he meets at home.

And he did meet a few , one swede l remember.

He is meeting a lot of women though , he must have something at least, seems to be after the problems start.

ps , you should take the hair tip she gave you to btw za , why not , might look great.

 

Is his head balding or does he have receding hairline?

[chillii]

Is his head balding or does he have receding hairline?

 

 

haaa, l dunno , you got much hair za ?

[Mike800]

EVERYONE settles.

 

No we just mature and realize what’s important.

 

The perfect person doesn’t exist.

[ZA Dater]

Is his head balding or does he have receding hairline?

 

My hairstyle for what it's worth is pretty much slicked back Wolf of wall street style.

[ZA Dater]

ZA Dater:

 

Have you heard of something called a growth mindset, as opposed to your fixed mindset? I know you get a kick out of whining and self-victimizing and arguing with us on why absolutely nothing can be done in your situation. But if you truly believe that’s the case, you wouldn’t have been here for so long and totally ignored my endorsement that you should quit dating and finding a girlfriend for good.

 

The only reason I keep going in a hair hearted manner is because.

 

1. I am lonely

2. I actually want to experience things.

3. I want that great experience.

 

However, how I go about doing any of that is a point I cannot decide on. This girl says I should try younger ladies for the experience but how exactly? Bucket loads of charm and equal measure of bs is needed to get them attracted.

 

There is not one answer to this which is irritating, I cannot get the matches I want but if I did, then what. It's look trying to prepare a meal without ingredients, I don't have those ingredients or know what they are supposed to be.

[thefooloftheyear]

Tom Brady doesn't settle....

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

I cannot get the matches I want but if I did, then what. It's look trying to prepare a meal without ingredients, I don't have those ingredients or know what they are supposed to be.

 

 

 

You will eventually realize that in life you don't get what you want, you get what you deserve...

 

FY

[ZA Dater]

Sure it can. You simply refuse to believe it or take any steps towards real change. Confidence sells. Self pity and bitterness is a turnoff. You lack the first and if anything you're more bitter than ever before. You think it doesn't show? Of course it does.

 

Well I am sincerely glad you have the pick of women you desire. I am not going to hide the fact I am bitter, if they cannot appreciate honesty then so be it.

 

All Then again how often do I meet someone I actually find attractive, almost never and some part of attraction is about how difficult the idea may be.

[nospam99]

Tom Brady doesn't settle....

 

TFY

 

But Gisele did!