Asked to kiss me but then...

[Logo]

I know, I just dont think I can take any more rejection. I felt sick after his text yesterday. Had to go out and didnt want to come back to my house. I was better today and don’t want to be so vulnerable again. I know I am overreacting but that is who I am.

 

 

 

No offense, this isn’t personal, it’s just an observation, but if that’s all it takes to make you feel rejected and discouraged then you have NO idea what men have to deal with on a regular basis.

 

 

Ask him directly. No need to beat around the bush. Your theory about your hair being a factor in his hypothetical lack of interest is no factor at all. It has been my experience that women’s default go-to explanation for a man appearing not to be interested is lack of physical attraction on his part.

 

 

I can’t begin to tell you the number of times women confessed to me at a later stage that when something happened in the beginning they immediately thought I wasn’t attracted to them when it was in fact something completely different, and it had nothing to do with the woman. There are so many external factors. People have bad days, they can be sleep deprived, they might have had a tough day at work, there could be a million reasons and the answers shouldn’t always be “I don’t think he’s attracted to me”.

[Lagoon1212]

His last text before we met started with “yeah” and somehow I saw it as “yeah I had fun too.” And that is how I read it the morning after and felt depressed.

 

And I am scared when I like someone this much, I always feel inadequate. I still think that he should have said something else. But, I am aware that he might feel rejected.

 

It is just so frustrating... two adults go on a date and can’t express their interest or even worse misunderstand each other (if that actually is the case).

 

Just to add, when he suggested where next, it honestly didnt feel like he wanted to extend the date... it rather felt as looking for a way to end the current one. The date was fun but towards the end it got slightly awkward with the server saying unnecessary things and approachinv our table frequently. So after he said where next, he also said “can I get a check” like being anxious to end a date but asking for my permission (we met arpund seven and I was in my car at exactly 9.

 

But the part about kissng that followed is still confusing

[Logo]

It is frustrating. It’s painful to read too. Why not call him?

[d0nnivain]

Why not call him?

 

 

Ding, ding, ding!

 

Lagoon1212 -- listen to Logo. He's a smart man. Men have doubts & insecurities too. The fastest most direct route through your quagmire is for you to act. So pick up the phone & ask the guy out already.

 

It's really easy to misread early dates. You don't know the person well enough to know what they are thinking. After my 1st date with my husband, I was heartbroken. I was convinced that he didn't have any interest in me & I blew it. I drove over to a bar where a childhood friend was working & sobbed. Thank heavens the bar was empty so I didn't make a fool of myself. My bartender buddy assured me that I was misreading my date & that he liked me. I didn't believe him. My buddy also had the good grace to wait until the middle of our wedding reception to say "I told you so."

[JuneL]

Not sure if you guys agree with me, but if OP had added something like “though I was a little nervous , haha” at the end of her “I had a great time text” as I suggested, then her interest would have been subtle yet clear Now that we know his reply was “hey, I had fun too” instead of “yeah I had fun too”, I think it doesn’t hurt to send him another text, checking on his weekend. He has to be blind to not know your interest if you send him another cute text. Personally I wouldn’t ask him out. But that’s just me.

[Sunnydaysandsome]

This guy does sound a bit pathetic, like he needs loads of encouragement.

 

I think men forget women are nervous too.

 

I know it is a personal view but I think men who ask for a kiss aren't very confident and I find that a turn off.

[Sunnydaysandsome]

Thanks for sharing, so nice to see I'm not the only one who has dated these types of men.

[Lagoon1212]

You know what is interesting: it happened to me twice. The other guy who asked to kiss me was also, just like this one, highly intelligent and somewhat good looking. He had his phd in math and finance from Hardvard and seemed very confident. To this day, sex with him was the best sex I’ve ever had... but when he wasnt with me, he barely communicated and I had to dump him.

 

This guy as well... graduate degree, tall, variety of interests, well-travellled... but asks to kiss me...

 

Out of all men I have dated, these two are actually the ones I wanted the most. Weird

[stillafool]

Exactly my thoughts. This was his text verbatim. After I texted that I had fun getting to know him he said “hey, I had fun too, thanks ” His text seems purposefully cold. I wonder if it is because he feels rejected or he feels uncomfortable since he doesn't want to see me again and doesn't want to keep in touch (so he doesn't have to reject me directly).

 

Again, it almost sounds mean, which is such an opposite from previous texts (all of them initiated by him)

 

I don't see anything cold or mean about his text. He was simply telling you he had fun too and with a smiley face.

[Lagoon1212]

I initially read it as “yeah I had fun too” but it was “hey, I had fun too.” But still, I thought he might keep conversation going.... but nope, nothing.

[guest569]

You had just spent 2 hours together chatting though.

[Lagoon1212]

You had just spent 2 hours together chatting though.

 

True but still “how are you this morning” how did you sleep? Anything...

[JuneL]

You know what is interesting: it happened to me twice. The other guy who asked to kiss me was also, just like this one, highly intelligent and somewhat good looking. He had his phd in math and finance from Hardvard and seemed very confident. To this day, sex with him was the best sex I’ve ever had... but when he wasnt with me, he barely communicated and I had to dump him.

 

This guy as well... graduate degree, tall, variety of interests, well-travellled... but asks to kiss me...

 

Out of all men I have dated, these two are actually the ones I wanted the most. Weird

 

For some reason, I know a lot of highly educated folks getting their PhDs or teaching in those top universities. Some of them are very nerdy and socially awkward. They might appear to be confident in certain things or at work, but some of them have the social skills of a high school kid :laugh:

[SevenCity]

You seem attracted to these types of guys (beta).

 

Nothing wrong with that, but don’t expect them to go for you aggressively.

 

When I go out with a woman, there is zero doubt in her mind if I like her. I always go for a kiss (and judge her interest by her action/reciprocation).

 

But guys with these characteristics would likely not be your type.

 

You really should ask him out. Or at least say you were nervous but would love to see him again.

 

Worst case you get rejected, best case you get married one day.

 

There was one girl I went on a date with I had super interest in. Tried the kiss and she dodged it. Despite that I was 99% sure she wasn’t interested, I asked her out again in a few days. She never responded.

 

I had a clear path now and eliminated any doubt. Much better than wondering IMO.

[Logo]

Despite that I was 99% sure she wasn’t interested, I asked her out again in a few days. She never responded.

 

I had a clear path now and eliminated any doubt. Much better than wondering IMO.

 

 

Those are my feelings too. If one is to walk away from a potential relationship, he or she might as well walk away knowing that they tried their best or that they eliminated any doubt. Why keep wondering?

[Lagoon1212]

You seem attracted to these types of guys (beta).

 

Nothing wrong with that, but don’t expect them to go for you aggressively.

 

When I go out with a woman, there is zero doubt in her mind if I like her. I always go for a kiss (and judge her interest by her action/reciprocation).

 

But guys with these characteristics would likely not be your type.

 

You really should ask him out. Or at least say you were nervous but would love to see him again.

 

Worst case you get rejected, best case you get married one day.

 

There was one girl I went on a date with I had super interest in. Tried the kiss and she dodged it. Despite that I was 99% sure she wasn’t interested, I asked her out again in a few days. She never responded.

 

I had a clear path now and eliminated any doubt. Much better than wondering IMO.

 

But wasnt he alpha before the date??? He even asked me where would I like to go (to pick a place), I fell asleep and never responded to that. He texted me again next morning with the name of the place he picked. Also, he initiated 99% of the conversations/texting

[d0nnivain]

This guy as well... graduate degree, tall, variety of interests, well-travellled... but asks to kiss me...

 

You like academic men. Unfortunately all that time they spent studying for their degrees, they didn't pick up many life lessons. Reading & understanding social cues was not their best subject. Here you admit that you are hard to read so based on that this guy probably was OK before the date but on it he may have wrongly concluded that you are not as interested as you actually are. There is one sure fire way to clear that up but you do not appear willing to take that step. Your loss

[Lagoon1212]

Ok, what should I text him?

[JuneL]

Ok, what should I text him?

 

Text him something cute related to your convo on the date (e.g., an inside joke). You can tell you’re curious to watch Avengers, if you can find company.

Edited April 28, 2019 by JuneL

[JuneL]

You seem attracted to these types of guys (beta).

 

Nothing wrong with that, but don’t expect them to go for you aggressively.

 

When I go out with a woman, there is zero doubt in her mind if I like her. I always go for a kiss (and judge her interest by her action/reciprocation).

 

But guys with these characteristics would likely not be your type.

 

You really should ask him out. Or at least say you were nervous but would love to see him again.

 

Worst case you get rejected, best case you get married one day.

 

There was one girl I went on a date with I had super interest in. Tried the kiss and she dodged it. Despite that I was 99% sure she wasn’t interested, I asked her out again in a few days. She never responded.

 

I had a clear path now and eliminated any doubt. Much better than wondering IMO.

 

Would it be off putting to you if the woman asks you out for the first or second date?

[devilish innocent]

True but still “how are you this morning” how did you sleep? Anything...

 

Ok, what should I text him?

 

Text him "How are you today?" Anything...

[TooBad]

I get the feeling that it's mostly you that makes his reactions happen. I mean, so you texted him you had fun, he said he had fun too, you expected more from him... Why not from you ? Why not say 'I had fun and it was nice getting to know you. Let's do it again.'?

 

 

The answer to that looks to me that you don't want to be rejected. And thus you get... to feel rejected.

 

 

I could be that guy. I wouldn't ask to kiss you, but I do need a certain sense you want it. I need some sort of invitation. After that, you can have all of me you can muster. But before that I'd be reserved.

[TheFinalWord]

For some reason, I know a lot of highly educated folks getting their PhDs or teaching in those top universities. Some of them are very nerdy and socially awkward. They might appear to be confident in certain things or at work, but some of them have the social skills of a high school kid :laugh:

 

You like academic men. Unfortunately all that time they spent studying for their degrees, they didn't pick up many life lessons.

 

Speak for yourselves

 

The guy just has no game...at all. That's not limited to academics. That's 80% of the male population. I have a PhD and all that, not that it really matters. But I've found it actually helps me out because I can talk about nearly any topic. I basically talk all day for my job, so talking to a woman and finding a common interest is not difficult. If we were out to eat, I would have requested a booth and sat beside you. I would have been gauging your interest and would have been getting close to you while we ate and kind of teasing. On the way out to your car, I would have grabbed your hips gently pulled you in and kissed you. I would have built up the tension during the date. There's no way to teach this, it's just about gauging whether the woman finds you attractive. I wouldn't have asked. I would have just went for it, when the vibe felt right.

 

The next day, I would have asked when I could see you again.

 

This guy either has no game, or he isn't interested. I get sometimes a shy, awkward guy can be kind of cute at first. But do you really want to pursue a guy that ends a date by shaking your hand? He's going to need a lot of guidance. But I know some women like those project boyfriends j/k lol

Edited April 29, 2019 by TheFinalWord

[Versacehottie]

What TooBad said makes a lot of sense. Both sides were kind of awkward. If it were me, i would want to fix my side of the awkwardness by 'fessing up to it or proving that it was just an occasional thing by bring my best, confident self to the next conversation, next opportunity. Regardless of whatever his next move is, I would rather go out by having put my best on the table if that makes sense.

 

I don't get why you OP would take a text response "yeah I had fun too" and expect the summation of his next move in his next ONE text response. Jesus that is a short attention span. How about giving a person some leeway? Maybe a chance to get a little traction there in the text conversation? I'm guessing both guys with game and those without are not going to pounce in the first text response immediately asking you out--and you didn't keep the banter going. Idk, I don't think it's all on him. Anyway, even if he is a dud, you haven't handled it well enough to omit your part as a contributor to this current outcome. That being the case, I would want to do you part to assure that at the very least IT ISN'T if you want a different outcome. If not for anything but research and practice for YOUR game, I think you should try to get a conversation with some flirtation and banter going IN WHICH the next date could be arranged by either of you. It's like create the right environment in which this would happen--that's up to both of you.

 

Good luck & i do think if you do this relatively soon and with a level of success from your end the outcome is bound to be good. I also don't see a guy who wanted to kiss you go to not being interested at all the next day.

[Lagoon1212]

I understand all of this, it is just that feeling that he doesn’t want me to text him. It is purely an assumption on my part. I also tend to always assume the worst possible outcome...

 

In this case, it is probably because there was no flirting between us during the date, it was really friendly (maybe because we have mutual friends), and in the end, he did ask to kiss me but then... it seemed like he changed his mind (like he wasnt maybe sure he liked me enough to even try)...

I get this feeling that he would rather be left alone. Also, it is so weird that we talked everyday before the date and now it is radiosilence.

 

And one more thing, every guy I went out with and that was interested in me, he either let me know during the date or texted me as soon as I got home.