Asked to kiss me but then...

[Foxhall]

He's feeling like a dork...smooth like sandpaper. You want to see him again, just send him an honest message like "I know we were both a little nervous which made things awkward between us, but I would like to see you again :)"

 

 

I like this viewpoint, give that a go.

 

 

and I like your passwords quote, makes me smile and think back to my first girlfriend., lol those were the days!!

[Versacehottie]

I was contemplating sending him a thank you follow up text but I am not sure he wants to see me again.

During the date there was no mention of the next date, no touching, and he didn't walk me to my car (it was close in the parking lot but still).

I feel like follow up text might put pressure on him if he just wants out.

 

Nice meeting you also sounded like "thanks for hanging out with me, friend"

 

You should say thank you regardless of what you are just speculating that he wants or doesn't want. A) because that is gracious behavior B) because YOU like him and want to see him again. To do anything is taking passive to the extreme.

 

Would add that if you mind is going to such negative places instead of hopeful ones at the beginning of something hopeful, you probably need to work on that personally.

 

Be happy & confident and go after what you want. The alternative is to live a life of regret for chances not taken. Good luck

[Lagoon1212]

I did thank him for a fun night, but his reply wasnt as engaging. See previous posts

Edited April 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Versacehottie]

Oops missed that. Well I think you did the right thing. I wouldn't be completely down on that response but yeah it was a bit lackluster. Sometimes in life you can just do your best and see what happens and/or learn from it for you. You can't control the other person.

Edited April 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Lagoon1212]

I like this viewpoint, give that a go.

 

 

and I like your passwords quote, makes me smile and think back to my first girlfriend., lol those were the days!!

 

Your first gf, hahahahaaha.... and to think we are two adults with stable careers and serious jobs.... and then we mumble “can I kiss you” and “yeah”

[guest569]

I interpreted this a bit differently..

 

Where to next?

*shrugs*

Oh.. Right. (no enthusiasm, she isn't interested)

 

Can i kiss you?

*laughs nervously and mumbles*

OK, she isn't into me. message received..

 

You did say you are hard to read and I am leaning towards this being a factor. If that was me, I would use my words. "it's getting a bit late, I better go to x, y, z" rather than shrug. That just seems rude imo.

[smackie9]

I was contemplating sending him a thank you follow up text but I am not sure he wants to see me again.

During the date there was no mention of the next date, no touching, and he didn't walk me to my car (it was close in the parking lot but still).

I feel like follow up text might put pressure on him if he just wants out.

 

Nice meeting you also sounded like "thanks for hanging out with me, friend"

But he asked you if he could kiss you....that says he was totally nervous, not disinterested.

[Lagoon1212]

But he asked you if he could kiss you....that says he was totally nervous, not disinterested.

 

True, but when I sent that thank you text yesterday, he didnt seem eager to respond or engage (unless he thought it was just a polite must-send text. I thought it would give us an opportunity to start a convo again but he shut it down.

 

Yup still confused but leaning toward that he decided he wasn’t interested.

[olivetree]

smiley1 has a good point.

You probably came off as disinterested in continuing the date and the kiss too (hence the hug).

 

I think you should give it time.

Maybe he's playing it cool so he doesn't feel rejected again.

[Lagoon1212]

I really hope so. That is crazy tho, considering how perfect I think he is.

[olivetree]

If you were good company on the date and he sees something special in you, then I think he would push through the uncertainty (if this is, in fact, the issue).

 

So either way, if he doesn't pursue it further, he wasn't interested enough, and who needs that?

[Kitty Tantrum]

I interpreted this a bit differently..

.

 

This is what I thought, too... also that a mumbled "yeah" can sound an AWFUL lot like "nah" or "no." I have to ask my kids for clarification all the time because I can't tell whether they're answering in the affirmative or the negative when they mumble.

 

He might have thought she said NO.

Edited April 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[nospam99]

I really hope so. That is crazy tho, considering how perfect I think he is.

 

Then for PHUQ sake, ask HIM out ... on a DATE. This is 2019 AND there's at least a 50% chance and probably more that he thought you mumbled NO to the kiss request.

[guest569]

Then for PHUQ sake, ask HIM out ... on a DATE. This is 2019 AND there's at least a 50% chance and probably more that he thought you mumbled NO to the kiss request.

 

He replied yeah had fun too, thanks. wow, a way to be rejected

 

After his response (was this verbatim?) I would be hesitant to ask him out. But hey, if you really like him and he doesn't ask you out in the next few days, then why not ask him. Sounded like a fun date, he wanted to continue it, he wanted to kiss you, but didn't. Now has gone cold, or is he? Hard to tell from a 5 word text. I still suspect he feels rejected, however your follow up text should have opened the door again and didn't seem to.

[Lagoon1212]

After his response (was this verbatim?).....

 

Exactly my thoughts. This was his text verbatim. After I texted that I had fun getting to know him he said “hey, I had fun too, thanks ” His text seems purposefully cold. I wonder if it is because he feels rejected or he feels uncomfortable since he doesn't want to see me again and doesn't want to keep in touch (so he doesn't have to reject me directly).

 

Again, it almost sounds mean, which is such an opposite from previous texts (all of them initiated by him)

Edited April 27, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[bachdude]

I find it hard to believe he could go from 'May I kiss you?' to not interested.

 

How about...

 

"I'd really like to see you again. Are you free next week Friday evening? My treat."

 

What's the worst that could happen? Even if he says no then you don't have to wonder anymore.

[Lagoon1212]

I find it hard to believe he could go from 'May I kiss you?' to not interested.

 

How about...

 

"I'd really like to see you again. Are you free next week Friday evening? My treat."

 

What's the worst that could happen? Even if he says no then you don't have to wonder anymore.

I know, I just dont think I can take any more rejection. I felt sick after his text yesterday. Had to go out and didnt want to come back to my house. I was better today and don’t want to be so vulnerable again. I know I am overreacting but that is who I am.

[TheFinalWord]

Guy has no game whatsoever...

[bachdude]

I know, I just dont think I can take any more rejection. I felt sick after his text yesterday. Had to go out and didnt want to come back to my house. I was better today and don’t want to be so vulnerable again. I know I am overreacting but that is who I am.

 

I see, OP. Look, maybe you just need to take a breather from all this. It sounds like it's really stressing you out. You did text him after the date. He seems pretty passive (asking 'what's next' and asking to kiss you). If he gets discouraged so easily, maybe you two are not the best match, honestly. Perhaps a guy that takes more initiative would be better for you. Not sure if that's what you want to hear but it just looks that way to me looking from the outside.

[bachdude]

Guy has no game whatsoever...

 

That's for sure.

[guest569]

Exactly my thoughts. This was his text verbatim. After I texted that I had fun getting to know him he said “hey, I had fun too, thanks ” His text seems purposefully cold. I wonder if it is because he feels rejected or he feels uncomfortable since he doesn't want to see me again and doesn't want to keep in touch (so he doesn't have to reject me directly).

 

Again, it almost sounds mean, which is such an opposite from previous texts (all of them initiated by him)

 

OK, I see a big difference between:

 

'yeah I had fun too, thanks.' (unenthusiastic, cold, sarcastic even)

 

and

 

'hey, I had fun too, thanks ' (polite, friendly, pleasant, I can't actually see an issue with this)

 

EXCEPT, you know him better than us and have seen how he normally interacts in texts. But personally I don't think his response was that bad.

 

Is it possible you may be just writing it off because of the nerves and how much you're into him?

[guest569]

He seems pretty passive (asking 'what's next' and asking to kiss you).

 

I agree, passive is really difficult especially in the early stages where you don't know if he's into you or not. I recently got to date 3 with a guy like that 'what do you want to do' I have to say, I felt the same way, concluding 'this guy ain't interested' when he apparently was. But I need someone who can show it and take some initiative (or at least 50/50 in taking the initiative!)

[CC12]

Hang on. You told us that he said:

 

yeah had fun too, thanks

 

But this was not verbatim, if what he actually said was:

 

“hey, I had fun too, thanks ”

 

Those are very different. The first response is pretty cold and disinterested, and I would be hesitant to even try to continue communicating at that point.

 

But the second response is friendly and seems open to more communication. He even threw a smiley face in there.

 

I'm wondering why you interpreted it as response #1, and told us that was what he said. It's almost like you wanted us to say, "Yeah, he's not interested at all" and validate your feelings of rejection. It's like you're trying to sabotage this and we just helped you do it, based on misinformation.

 

Why do you think you are trying to sabotage yourself?

 

Anyway, after his response of "hey, I had fun too, thanks ” I think it would be a great time for you to ask to see him again. "I'm going to see [new movie] on Friday. Do you want to come?" Just do it. You like him, and he seems to like you.

[d0nnivain]

I really hope so. That is crazy tho, considering how perfect I think he is.

 

Then take action. Ask him out.

 

If there is any chance that his seemingly lukewarm response was him being gun shy from having blown this and/or him being afraid of rejection because he took some of your mixed signals as lack of interest, isn't risking outright rejection better than sitting her not knowing & possibly letting a great guy slip through your fingers over a miscommunication? If you ask & he says no you are no worse off then you are now but you can go through life with no regrets because you tried. If you don't ask you will never know & you will miss out on a potential relationship.

[guest569]

I'm wondering why you interpreted it as response #1, and told us that was what he said. It's almost like you wanted us to say, "Yeah, he's not interested at all" and validate your feelings of rejection. It's like you're trying to sabotage this and we just helped you do it, based on misinformation.

 

Bingo. And it worked for the most part, with everyone saying he is weird or a coward or not interested. All I can see are big stop signs from OP.