How long until NC becomes bearable?

[Aloha123]

Thanks for checking in. I am doing the "slow fade" from my mm and it's actually kind of working. But for now I've decided not to share any more personal details or ask for advice or even vent about my particular situation, as it doesn't always feel like the safest place to do so here, particularly in relation to what to do about my marriage. Which isn't to say I don't appreciate the perspective of everybody on this board, even the harsh ones. But for now, that's just what I've decided to so. I am still commenting on other threads, obv., in general terms.

[heartwhole2]

I'm glad you've found what's working.

 

People can tell you to take drastic actions like confessing or going NC all day, but I'm of the opinion that things like that come more naturally after you've done work making yourself healthy and whole. Those actions themselves aren't going to solve your core problems.

 

I hope you're spending time in self exploration and self care, and figuring out who you want to be and how to be her.

[Naivewomen]

Well written @heartwhole2, Aloha is a strong cookie. She has her eyes completely wide ooen!!! Aloha, I'm sure at this point you are less in the emotional fog that consumes us!! Once I started to put my energies elsewhere I started to be able to genuinely smile again. I'm starting to feel more like myself. These affairs that are emotionally and physically intense change our moral compass and values. Hell I went so far as to want to change my outgoing friendly personality to meet MM's needs. He thought I was too friendly to people and I even stopped saying hello to people in the grocery line. We know who we are and nobody should have that kind of power over another. The entire thing makes me nausea now. I cant believe what I have done and I cant believe how superior i made him feel. There marriages are not suffering at all but i can tell internally they will miss a large piece of US always!! Stay strong and keep fighting this internal war.

[Aloha123]

Thanks Naivewoman. You are too kind

[Aloha123]

Heartwhole i commend you for your emotional maturity and introspection and compassion.

I think it's safe to say that none of us OW, married or not, ever dreamed we would sink to this level, but here we are.

[darkbloom]

Hi aloha,

 

I know the slow fade scenario and am there myself. I know it’s hard to share your situation with strangers but I’ve been following your thread and I appreciate your updates, even if you can’t share details. I still read even if I don’t comment as I find this site helps me tremendously. I think everyone is just trying to do the best we can and find ourselves in these situations that are difficult to get out of. You’ll find your way.

[conflictednhurting]

I think it's safe to say that none of us OW, married or not, ever dreamed we would sink to this level, but here we are.

 

 

This is exactly how I feel, never in a million years did I think I would be in this situation, so good to finally hear from other OW, don't feel as alone now

[Maria1956]

I too am currently NC. Over a week in and it hurts like hell. I’m staying strong but it’s so so painful. Focusing on my Dh and my family and trying to be grateful for all the good things in my life. But nothing, just nothing compares to how the OM made me feel and it’s breaking my heart.

[conflictednhurting]

I too am currently NC. Over a week in and it hurts like hell. I’m staying strong but it’s so so painful. Focusing on my Dh and my family and trying to be grateful for all the good things in my life. But nothing, just nothing compares to how the OM made me feel and it’s breaking my heart.

 

Yes Maria1956 it is so difficult when the feelings were so amazing, nothing seems to come close.

I am on day 3 only, and will probably see him at some point on Tuesday in my workplace. Dont know how I will manage that dreading the pain ahead

[DKT3]

I think with time you will realize that its wasnt him that made you feel great.