Author krystalviolin Posted February 10, 2019 Author Share Posted February 10, 2019 I think he does like you based on this behavior. But he is, like another poster said, too Beta-like. Someone who wants something to happen takes actions to make it happen. That can't come from you, it can only come from him. So it can't come from me? I don't wanna make excuses for him but this situation is indeed kinda difficult. We live pretty far from each other and have practically no opportunity to see each other. We both are doing alevels rn and basically starting our careers so we're super busy. Especially him, he is auditioning and has events and so on. How could he fit in a girl that lives hours away from him and that he hasnt even seen often yet? Maybe he just hadn't thought this through when he first texted me or he is overly nice and sees me as a friend. And is it okay for me to sit back and wait for him to do something? And if he doesn't I will move on? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2019 Share Posted February 10, 2019 There is a fine line. You have to let him make the move but you can communicate to him that you would be receptive to him making that move. Link to post Share on other sites
Author krystalviolin Posted February 10, 2019 Author Share Posted February 10, 2019 There is a fine line. You have to let him make the move but you can communicate to him that you would be receptive to him making that move. and how do I communicate that without actually asking him out? If he asks me out I'm of course gonna say yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author krystalviolin Posted February 11, 2019 Author Share Posted February 11, 2019 So there is this guy who I have been texting and snapping with for almost 3 weeks now. We talked on the phone one evening for 90 minutes. I really like this guy. But our situation is kinda difficult to start dating. We live about 90 minutes by car away from each other (I can't even drive but he can). We're both in high school, he's 18, I'm 17. We both attend a seminar that is only about 7 times per semester (don't expect me to explain what kind of seminar that is) and it is in a town that kind of is in the middle of the route between us. We've met in person 3 times at the seminar by now. He won't be going there anymore but probably will move to another town from the upcoming summer semester if he gets accepted at the university there, which he probably will. I will still go to high school till summer and finish my a-levels. He will also finish his somehow. Now that town is like 4 hours away from where I live.. These are the facts. I think he likes me, too. Otherwise, he would've stopped texting me, right? (Don't worry, I pay attention to not texting him more than he texts me so I don't come across as needy.) And he compliments me from time to time. The flirting started per text and that was all after we saw each other three times at the seminar. There we also didn't have much conversation, he just complimented me once. Now I don't know if I should keep flirting with him and wait till he asks me out or if I should let him go because we don't know each other that well yet and it would be hard for us to date. Link to post Share on other sites
40somethingGuy Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 (edited) he's male. You know what he wants. Edited February 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of starting post. Member on moderation 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author krystalviolin Posted February 11, 2019 Author Share Posted February 11, 2019 he's male. You know what he wants. yes I do, I got the title wrong that was my old thread's title.. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 He's an 18 year old boy who has the same pressures on him that you do. School & music are important. Like you he's still trying to figure out life & love. He has fewer answers & less self awareness then you do. Keep communicating with him. Be a little flirty when you see him. Absolutely touch him. Eventually he will get the hint. For now you have to be patient. Thoughtful boys who study hard & practice their music did not spend as much time perfecting their dating skills. This is not going to be a romantic movie. But give him a chance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author krystalviolin Posted February 11, 2019 Author Share Posted February 11, 2019 (edited) He's an 18 year old boy who has the same pressures on him that you do. <snip> You're right. But when do I meet him? And how? When he asks me out? Edited February 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 Just concentrate on getting to the next seminar. Be patient. There you will be flirty. You will make it obvious that if he asked, you would be open to going on a date with him. I wouldn't ask out an 18 year old boy; he may misinterpret the offer of a date as an offer for something else. He's not going to ask you out in the interim because he's still trying to figure out if you like him. 18 year old boys need reassurance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author krystalviolin Posted February 11, 2019 Author Share Posted February 11, 2019 (edited) He doesn't come to the seminar anymore. Edited February 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 I thought you said you were going to see him in 2 months? While I don't think asking him out is a great idea, you could invite him to your next performance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author krystalviolin Posted February 12, 2019 Author Share Posted February 12, 2019 (edited) have you read my text? He will probably go to another university. He said he would come to a performance that is in 3 months even though I only play 8 minutes.. if he has nothing else important that day. he would have to drive for at least 90 minutes so I don't know if he actually means that. Edited February 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 He said he would come. That is all you can rely on. But if it's already a LDR perhaps it is best to give up hope because you don't see a meaningful way of being together easily. Link to post Share on other sites
Author krystalviolin Posted February 12, 2019 Author Share Posted February 12, 2019 (edited) But there are couples that have been texting for almost a year, living in different countries and THEN meeting for the first time. And they make it work! Edited February 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 And some people are penpals with prisoners and then get married. And some people win the lottery. And some lessons take years to learn, even when people are given the answers at the beginning. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author krystalviolin Posted February 12, 2019 Author Share Posted February 12, 2019 (edited) wow that's some great advice Edited February 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post Link to post Share on other sites
Author krystalviolin Posted February 16, 2019 Author Share Posted February 16, 2019 (edited) I have an update: We were talking on the phone last night and he asked me out! We’re gonna meet in the town where we meet in the middle, which means I need 1,5 to 2 hours to be there. He asked if I could come today already but I said I had an appointment because that was too quick for me, I need to be mentally and physically prepared :’D. He said we could meet next week some time.. My problem is: Of course the distance and time it takes. I mean, up to 4 hours travel time in total and the time we spend there. What do I tell my parents? Mom, I’m just gonna go to that town to have a date with some musician and then come back after about 7 hours. I have a trauma because back when I was 12, I tried to go to a date with my first love and my mom found out and immediately made me break off contact with him, took my phone away and stuff.. Okay, I was pretty young and now I’m 17. But I have a-levels coming up and should be studying all the time to get into med school, so my mom probably won’t be happy. I'm scared she might ruin this if I tell her. Plus, she always says: Never date a musician.. So maybe I should lie and tell my mom, I'm at my best friend's house? I really wanna go on a date with this guy. Edited February 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 You shouldn't go. This guy is a total stranger (texting means nothing, people do lie), you are meeting in a strange town ALONE, and if things do south what are you going to do? No one will know where you are. That trauma way back is actually a lesson you should have learned from. The internet is full of predators. There is a real danger to young teenage girls like yourself of being kidnapped into the sex trade. Your gut is telling you something...listen to it. You have to be responsible, and stick with your priorities. There will be plenty of opportunity to meet guys in uni, trust me. This dude will be no opportunity missed if you don't go, plus the only reason he is going out of his way to meet you is for sex. He don't care what your favorite color is or what your hopes and dreams are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 You are 17 and IMO making a mistake... If he wanted to take you out and at your age the least he could do is meet at your side of town and meet your Mom... The musician thing doesn't need to come out right away but you should not do anything risky with someone you don't know and you should also respect your Mom and keep her in the loop if you are driving that far out of town to meet a guy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 I agree with the others DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT travel away from home to meet a stranger without telling your mother where you are going. Your life could be in danger. Not just because of him but other predators. You can't be too careful at your age these days I'm sad to say. Please don't do this. Your studies are far more important than some boy. Soon you will be in college and meeting tons of boys and also will have your freedom from your mom. Please just wait it out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author krystalviolin Posted February 16, 2019 Author Share Posted February 16, 2019 wait wait wait guys, you misunderstood something. i know this guy. ive seen him three times just at seminars and not dates. And my mom in fact knows him, too. We were both playing at a concert. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 Do the right thing: Ask your mother. If you sneak around, then she FOR SURE will ban you from him. If you are up front, she will view it as less threatening a situation. I mainly dated musicians, and I love their minds and their art, but they nearly all have so much opportunity that they cheat constantly, but it depends. Is he in a band or just playing while in school at school things? Your mom isn't wrong about that. If he's in a performing band, he will be unable to resist women throwing themselves at him. But just do this up front. You'll be 18 soon enough that it won't be the end of the world if she says no. But you should also realize that you and he are at an age no one lasts as a couple. One or both go off to college and meet people unlike any people they've known before who interest them more than the ones they know now and they move on in another direction. And no, long distance relationships hardly EVER work out. And men, especially young ones, are "out of sight, out of mind" and will always be looking at other women. So don't let yourself get overly invested. Hold back. Ask your mom. Be mature about it. Don't get yourself distrusted because you snuck around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 wait wait wait guys, you misunderstood something. i know this guy. ive seen him three times just at seminars and not dates. And my mom in fact knows him, too. We were both playing at a concert. Your mom 'knows' him as far as chatting with him at a seminar. She doesn't "know" him and neither do you. You just know what he's texted you and that doesn't mean anything. And if you do go, DON'T do anything foolish (like having sex with and getting pregnant) which will ruin ALL your plans of going to med school, etc. I can see this guy trying to talk you into it because it will be 'your only chance since you both live so far away.' Don't fall for that if he pulls it. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 (edited) Just my opinion, if he wants to take you out so bad then he should come to you. Edited February 17, 2019 by smackie9 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 When I was your age and would go out with a girl I always picked her up from her home and also chatted up the parents each time too... Many times it was the Dad I had to sit down with for a few mins... It is what decent young men will do.. if he doesn't want to do that then he isn't someone who will treat you right and will most likely not respect your boundaries.. Don't do this behind your parents backs.... Link to post Share on other sites
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