nospam99 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 I am still old fashion in that I want the guy to have the balls to ask me for my number and to ask me out for a date... when I am out with him I want him to have the balls to lean in a make the first kiss. I want the whole experience of being courted. .. WTF??? Excuse me lady, not that you're going to get me to change my behavior, but I do NOT 'have the balls to ask' her for her number. I message her (very early - first or second message) that I'd like to meet and I give her my #. If she can't 'connect the dots' enough to either call me or give me her #, she's just jerking me around. And I only 'have the balls to lean in a make the first kiss' if her body language signals 'okay'. Counter examples (which I HAVE experienced on first dates) folded arms, staring off into space, lack of eye contact, rejecting a hand hold while walking to her car, keeping more than an arms length away. Just sayin' that I'm at least one guy who expects to be met 'close to' half way or I'm 'reading' that she's not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 You don't respond to canned questions?! I find that to be narrow minded. The question is just a start. You don't know what will happen when you respond. And you were boring in the conversation. If you want an interesting man, you need to be interesting woman, or else he'd be bored. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 wow nospam99 ...what a harsh reaction. Seriously... sorry you are so put off by what I WANT. Anyway... since this will be a 1st date tonight I will take into consideration the body language signals... so if I am interested in him... I will make sure not to do the above. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 (edited) You don't respond to canned questions?! I find that to be narrow minded. The question is just a start. You don't know what will happen when you respond. And you were boring in the conversation. If you want an interesting man, you need to be interesting woman, or else he'd be bored. canned questions bring out the boring me... I don't like canned questions. Nothing more than that. Edited January 29, 2019 by Rayce Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 In my experience with online dating, I would try for the first meet pretty early on. Even before you give out phone numbers you can meet in a VERY public place and see how that goes. If there's no chemistry, you can block and be done with it. I was never one for days/weeks/months of messaging. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 I agree caveman61 meetup asap if possible. My OLD profile says I am looking for someone locally just for that reason alone. The longer it takes for the 1st face to face the easier it is to be catfished. I've had that happen a time or two or more (I'm so clueless sometimes..lol) when I would engage in more than a week of back and forth of text exchange and no face to face date insight. I would prefer to meet in person before giving out my number but if that is how it played out the I am ok before we meetup. I can still block his number later. I've given guys my ## just to get them to leave me alone. When they call I never answer and block. It's dirty trick yes... but I have to consider my safety at all times and what I really want. The guy that wins my heart is getting a catch! I want him to think too... because in my eyes he will be a catch. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted January 30, 2019 Author Share Posted January 30, 2019 My date is in an hour. I am so nervous! Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 He's probably feeling exactly the same way, so don't worry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 My date is in an hour. I am so nervous! please tell us how it went! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted January 30, 2019 Author Share Posted January 30, 2019 (edited) Well that was a flop. The place he picked was closed so instead of suggesting somewhere else he had me sit outside in the cold for 40 mins before he said he had to go. so I took myself out to dinner. Edited January 30, 2019 by Rayce Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 Well that sux, on the other hand I hope your dinner was nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted January 30, 2019 Author Share Posted January 30, 2019 Dinner was good...yummy... so he has already blocked me on zoosk. lol... next... lol Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 Monday morning quarterback .... As a guy, I don't understand guys like that. And it pisses me off that they give 'guys like me' (yeah, I'm being 'holier than thou') a bad rap. Looking back on 'Monday morning', the first flag I see is several days of back and forth meaningless (probing?) texts. Then at least one fairly long dialog via text instead of on the phone. Finally, the date. Place closed? Forty minutes of wheel spinning? Sorry this happened to you OP. All signals to me are that this guy is a jerk. I gotta ask through - what was his reaction when he first saw you IRL? Happy face? Disappointed face? Occam's Razor suggests the latter. I have to say though, even with the one woman (from POF) who was 'meh at first site' for me, we sat in a coffee place for a good hour just having a friendly convo. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted January 30, 2019 Author Share Posted January 30, 2019 (edited) Thank you. He gave me a hug when he 1st arrived and was all smiles. We were at a strip mall type place so there were other place for food and drink right there... even next door! I am all about letting the guy take the lead in the very early stages in dating. So he chose to have me sit outside in the cold (40's F) so I think he made his mind up right away that he didn't like me. We did have a good conversation with lots in common and even as I was sitting there I was thinking I'd be open to a 2nd just because 1st date are so nerve racking for everyone... he didn't know the place was going to be closed. I am a little bummed out this morning. Oh well... There were some good suggestions on this thread about texting in general that I will use next time... lesson learned Edited January 30, 2019 by Rayce Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 Thank you. He gave me a hug when he 1st arrived and was all smiles. We were at a strip mall type place so there were other place for food and drink right there... even next door! I am all about letting the guy take the lead in the very early stages in dating. So he chose to have me sit outside in the cold (40's F) so I think he made his mind up right away that he didn't like me. We did have a good conversation with lots in common and even as I was sitting there I was thinking I'd be open to a 2nd just because 1st date are so nerve racking for everyone... he didn't know the place was going to be closed. I am a little bummed out this morning. Oh well... There were some good suggestions on this thread about texting in general that I will use next time... lesson learned well I suppose that it's his loss Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted February 8, 2019 Author Share Posted February 8, 2019 Hi LS community. Now that I have been here a few months I see how everyone wants to pitch in and help. I can use some. This is going to be my designated dating thread. I really haven't put much effort into the dating scene for too long and thanks to my ex I am ready to change that. In the past I would have very ridged gates for OLD... for example I won’t respond to just a heart or a flower. I will only respond to an actual message. This is not really working for me. So… I want to take a more liberal approach to this online dating stuff going forward by doing some of the initiating myself. I went through my Zoosk carousel and swipe and swipe. I got some guys picked out that look ok to me. Now I want to send out a couple of messages introducing myself and not the silly "hearts" or "flowers" or some other nonsense that I get. Ugg… those drive me crazy! I am not sure what to say other than my name. I am thinking maybe I need to have some sort of OLD opener that I can just use to make it easier sort of like my cover letter like I would use for job search. lol... I am looking for suggestions. Do you have "canned" opener that you use? How long should one be? What would kinds of opening messages get your attention? Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 Do you have ''canned'' opener that you use? How long should one be? What would kinds of opening messages get your attention? Male, 65, upstate NY within 2 hours of NYC but don't date there. Nothing canned. I read profiles carefully. No Meet Mes, no Likes, no hearts. If I see a profile that looks like it has potential, I send a tailored individual MESSAGE that refers to points in the woman's profile that makes me think we could be a match. I'm 'batting' .250 on match.com and .350 on POF for getting responses and people here have said that's good for a male trying to contact females. Length is what it is. All depends on the profile I'm responding to. I rarely get opening messages. Coincidentally I got one early this week: bad location (she lives more than an hour away), bad age (she's several years older than me), bad politics. But it got my attention because both the message and her essay 'spoke' to ME - she read my profile and took it seriously. We've exchanged messages, spoke on the phone, and have a first meeting/skiing date planned for next weekend. It didn't hurt (understatement!) that she's pretty and has a good body - healthy, well-preserved, and active in spite of her age. I don't expect it to go beyond a fun day on the slopes and some friendly banter in the lodge. But that is worth the trip AND I'm keeping an open mind. Typically the opening messages I get are from physical undesirables and I ignore them - yes, I'm an attractiveness bigot and that's not going to change. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted February 9, 2019 Author Share Posted February 9, 2019 (edited) tks nospam99 so no canned openers. lol... Edited February 9, 2019 by Rayce Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Can someone do a user name search for .... and tell me if they can see me out there? tks! I don't see you on a user name search. (Too bad - I wanted to read your profile ). POF has never responded to my emails for support and there were several threads on their forum that said others had the same problem. I suggest you try a totally new account with a different email. Link to post Share on other sites
GraceAndJoy Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Rayce, use an opening message that is personalized and short but will make them see you are a fun person, so they will want to respond. For example, I messaged a guy on Bumble who had "just a simple guy" in his written profile but had a photo of himself skydiving. This was my opening message to him: "Hi 'simply guy' who jumps out of airplanes. I am a simple girl who likes her seatbelt on at 35,000 feet...do you think opposites may attract in this instance?" He responded that my opening was the most creative opening he had ever seen and that my wit was very attractive. Everybody loves to smile. Everybody loves to feel that you examined their profile for more than 2 seconds. It's good to personalize your message and if possible, make them laugh or smile. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted February 9, 2019 Author Share Posted February 9, 2019 Thank you for checking. I modified my posting after reading their forums and I tried some of the suggestions... but no luck. I am not going to create another profile because they already have my personal information, several pictures and I took those assessment test. I am going to print it out and send them some snail mail. lol... I might even just apply for one of their open jobs just so I can submit a letter. lol... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted February 9, 2019 Author Share Posted February 9, 2019 (edited) Thanks GraceAndJoy for your response. Another poster felt I was boring in my texting and maybe I am. I guess I need some practice in trying to get my wit across better. I have a hard time texting... I have fat fingers (I make a lot of typos... I am not fat... lol) and I find I sometimes I type the opposite of what I want and sometimes things just come out backwards. Even if I reread it... it will look right and then I send it and then I reread it and its wrong! It's the dyslexia in me I think. Edited February 9, 2019 by Rayce Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted February 9, 2019 Author Share Posted February 9, 2019 @nospam99 You can look me up on zoosk… just drop the Ms lol... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted February 9, 2019 Author Share Posted February 9, 2019 I just got an instance message from POF that says I have match. But I can't even access my profile.. wtf???? Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 I just got an instance message from POF that says I have match. But I can't even access my profile.. wtf???? Any chance your email to them or their 'recover your password' email to you is blocked or treated as spam? For example, I have a problem where speed-dating can send me announcements but if I send them email from the same address it gets lost so I have to use a different email address to send to them. Link to post Share on other sites
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