Lotsgoingon Posted June 16, 2019 Share Posted June 16, 2019 She's a person who is really close to Steve ... thus ... sharing feeling and experience is a wonderful opportunity. I use the word "important" because you have this love with Steve ... but most of the world ... won't have met him ... Sharing stories with this woman can be really healing. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 16, 2019 Share Posted June 16, 2019 Never mind the fact that you are two lost souls right now who could form a lasting and lifelong relationship. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful legacy for your husband... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted June 16, 2019 Author Share Posted June 16, 2019 She's a person who is really close to Steve ... thus ... sharing feeling and experience is a wonderful opportunity. I use the word "important" because you have this love with Steve ... but most of the world ... won't have met him ... Sharing stories with this woman can be really healing. Very true, I admit she has this deeper love and bond with Ste more than I can ever have after everything they've been through. I could never take that away from her. Everyone he met in the airline world loved him. They all keep in contact with me, At times its crazy Never mind the fact that you are two lost souls right now who could form a lasting and lifelong relationship. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful legacy for your husband... It would. I'm not sure if she will want to be friends forever though. I'm at home and its fathers day, my mum and dad have fed me so much, Most I've ate in a long time! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted June 16, 2019 Share Posted June 16, 2019 Enjoy your family! It was very sweet of you to call Ste's dad, I'm sure that meant the world to him. You don't have to worry about what will happen in the future with Ste's friend, just enjoy the connection you have right now. The rest will take care of itself over time. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 16, 2019 Share Posted June 16, 2019 You don't have to worry about what will happen in the future with Ste's friend, just enjoy the connection you have right now. The rest will take care of itself over time. Exactly. Notice, I said “could.” Relationships evolve over time. You just never know what will happen, if you are both open to the idea. Whatever happens will take care of itself, with time. Parents really are the best. Enjoy the comfort they offer... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted June 16, 2019 Author Share Posted June 16, 2019 Enjoy your family! It was very sweet of you to call Ste's dad, I'm sure that meant the world to him. You don't have to worry about what will happen in the future with Ste's friend, just enjoy the connection you have right now. The rest will take care of itself over time. He did appreciate it. I am, she text me earlier asking for a chat, we've been on the phone for the last half an hour. She sounds a bit lonely. Exactly. Notice, I said “could.” Relationships evolve over time. You just never know what will happen, if you are both open to the idea. Whatever happens will take care of itself, with time. Parents really are the best. Enjoy the comfort they offer... I've not eaten this much in a while. Mum says I've become really skinny. I can see why Ste really did like her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 29, 2019 Share Posted July 29, 2019 Are you still here Shauna? How are you doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted July 29, 2019 Author Share Posted July 29, 2019 Are you still here Shauna? How are you doing? Hi Bailey I am still around, still feeling rather empty. I've lost my job. So I've been back home in Ireland for a month, Had Ste's best friend over. We talked about Ste and her. She let me in to some of their time in a care home together. When we come back she took me to their special place at the airport. I said as its public land we should plane a tree for Ste so he could always watch the planes. Our home depresses me, Ste's best mate said she would stay, We are becoming friends which is nice, but I don't know what I'm going to do. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 29, 2019 Share Posted July 29, 2019 Sorry to hear about the job Shauna. I’m glad to hear that you have been spending some time at home. Also glad you have been building a friendship with his friend. Grief is a long and winding road. You don’t have to have all the answers now. Be kind to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted July 30, 2019 Author Share Posted July 30, 2019 Sorry to hear about the job Shauna. I’m glad to hear that you have been spending some time at home. Also glad you have been building a friendship with his friend. Grief is a long and winding road. You don’t have to have all the answers now. Be kind to yourself. People have said I'm milking this situation. I don't get how I am when I just spend a lot of time thinking alone. I have flew to and from Ireland and I didn't get his flight book filled in. It felt like I was killing a bit of him (I wasn't trying to. I just felt the last message was the fitting final end to the book Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 People have said I'm milking this situation. I would suggest those those people have likely never lost someone they have loved. It takes time to grieve a significant loss, particularly because there was a lot of trauma experienced during his illness. Shauna, may I suggest that you do a little research on grief. Read some books, join a bereavement group when you are ready... You will find comfort in knowing that you are not alone. Grief has no timeline. Every journey is unique and it never ends, it simply changes over time... Take the time that you need to grieve this loss. These feelings never go away, but it does get better. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 Bailey is absolutely right. Where you are at emotionally is very normal. Be patient and kind with yourself. Those who don't get it have just never been in your shoes (and shame on them for being so insensitive!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted July 31, 2019 Author Share Posted July 31, 2019 I'm trying to be positive. I don't really want to do the grief counselling and groups. I'm just taking things one day at a time, I did go to one of our old haunts today, they asked where Ste was. Wasn't easy telling them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted July 31, 2019 Author Share Posted July 31, 2019 Lovely comment on facebook "Are you still cryin over your dead husband. Pack it in! You've got his cash now" Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 Hi Shauna. I’m sorry to read that comment. I have only one guess who posted it. I’m glad you’re still posting on here anyway xo Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 Well, the good news is that you get to chose who you want to be a part of your life, and who you do not want to associate with. Whoever posted that kind of rude and hurtful comment would definitely fall into the latter group for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted September 29, 2019 Author Share Posted September 29, 2019 Sorry for disappearing again. My head is still all over the place. I've started to go through my husbands things, I know he loved aviation and anything associated with it, he has so much stuff. I don't know what half of it is. I don't know if I should keep it or sell it or donate it to some aviation centre. I found a plane group and someone come and had a look. He said it was a fantastic collection and quite valuable then offered me £50. Retail (which I know I would never get) there is a lot more than that. He also has some with letters saying they are not available to buy but here is a gift. I also started going through his papers. He left me his stock in various airlines, haven't a clue what that does for me. I also have been reading his papers from when he was in care. How he was terrorised by the other children and how Ste would run away to the airport. He had careers advice and Ste said he wanted to be a pilot and was told "Children in his situation are not allowed to be pilots". When Ste started studying he was told he was "Studying pointless subjects, he is preparing for a life living on state assistance". The documents about his parents. Or should I say how his "mother" just left him. Thats where Ste's "Leave no one behind" mentality come from. It does raise the question if his mum ever thinks about Ste. My cousin has been taking me out "on the pull" I'm really not ready for that. I've not even took my wedding ring off. I wear Ste's on a necklace So I do feel a bit better. I'm also thinking about either moving back to Ireland still or becoming a contractor, Ste has kind of set me up to take my time recovering. Its his birthday soon and it will be hard for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 29, 2019 Share Posted September 29, 2019 Nothing wrong with taking your time about things when possible. You won't ever look back and feel like maybe you rushed through some things that shouldn't have been rushed. That said, I'd start working sooner rather than later (unless you're really not able). It will help you "normalize", which is something you eventually want to do (and what Ste would want no doubt). (If I misunderstood and you're still working now then you can ignore this part.) Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted September 29, 2019 Share Posted September 29, 2019 Suggestion: ask the older gentlemen from the Netherlands for advice on what to do with the aviation collectibles. Stock in airlines? If that is indeed what the documents are, they are investments (however always a chance they are collectible stock certificates of bankrupt airlines). Consult with (at least) TWO stockbrokers. Consultation 'should' be free. Or ask a trusted friend who knows about the stock market. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 Shauna, I was just thinking of you ... Literally, I was on the site checking on other threads ... and I thought, "hey I haven't heard recently from that woman whose boyfriend-then-husband died." And now here you are. Oh, so glad to hear that Steve hooked you up financially so that you don't have to rush things ... Grief and financial problems are not a good combination. Love that you're wearing the ring still and his necklace. Wear that for as long as you like ... Shauna ... I have to say: your story was an incredible story ... I could not believe it was happening in real time ... and you were so great ... so hard on yourself ... We'd tell you to take it easy ... you would go treat yourself and then report feeling guilty ... Loved how you guys got married. Loved how Steve handled it ... The guy handled his illness and his love for you and finally his impending death with such grace and smarts. I was so glad he had made you the beneficiary of policies and the person in his will. That inheritance stuff may seem tacky but it's not ... and the excrement hips the fan when a love one is left out of the will. Happened to a woman around here ... who was a man's second wife. Idiot guy didn't update his will ... gave her nothing ... After like 11 years of marriage. She got a lawyer and they sued and she did get something, but I think the woman was forever crushed that her husband didn't think to include her in his will! But your man did this right away. Love his whole interest in planes and how you showed support of that interest. So great to "hear" your voice again. I still remember you putting up photos of your various wedding gown options ... We voted our favorites!!!!! That was so cool ... Seriously one of the best, probably the best story I've heard about and read on LS. And so smart of you to come here and share with the rest of us ... Even though you were of course overwhelmingly stressed and there was the sad ending of Steve's death, you handled his last days just so well. And sharing here and getting our encouragement and advice ... was brilliant!!!!!! Have you gotten any massages recently?! Push that Shauna guilt aside and get some! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted September 30, 2019 Author Share Posted September 30, 2019 Suggestion: ask the older gentlemen from the Netherlands for advice on what to do with the aviation collectibles. Stock in airlines? If that is indeed what the documents are, they are investments (however always a chance they are collectible stock certificates of bankrupt airlines). Consult with (at least) TWO stockbrokers. Consultation 'should' be free. Or ask a trusted friend who knows about the stock market. That's a good idea, I just feel really cheeky asking him though. The documents are the same ones the bank have sent me with change of ownership documents of this stock. I don't know what this does for me. I guess they are good? Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 ^^^ Don't let feeling cheeky stop you. You can wait 'a while' though. Collectibles, even those as old school mundane as stamps and coins, are very esoteric. It helps to have a friend who knows to advise you. If the bank was involved, the stock is almost certainly of a solvent company. Again, get advise first from a trusted friend. Then confirm with a stockbroker. You could be holding something of 'significant' financial value ... or not. Best to find out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted October 1, 2019 Author Share Posted October 1, 2019 Someone told me to go to another bank called Natwest as they are big share dealers compared to Ste's bank. They said the share documents were legitimate, I have a certificate and they are in a French/Dutch airline and worth today €9.82 which is very good with the number I own. I've e-mailed Jaap, he said if I take some pictures he would give me an idea and he would come over when he could. He did mention I should go over and see him and his wife. I've still not been sleeping well, I got an invite to a wedding. Would really love to go but I really don't feel up to it. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 I just spent my afternoon reading your entire thread, ShaunaN. I'm still crying - sobbing, actually. I just want to sincerely thank you for sharing this part of your life. Your husband was an amazing man and you are an amazing woman. Your journey together was filled with both love and heartbreak - a love story for the ages - and you handled yourself with such grace. I just want to say one thing, there is no time schedule for grieving. You will find your way in your own time. Don't let other people make you feel like you should be "moving on." I just wanted you to know how much your story truly touched me. Take care of yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted November 10, 2019 Author Share Posted November 10, 2019 Thank you Today was Ste's birthday. I flew out to Lelystad to feel close to him, Kirsty couldn't come she wanted to be alone. I felt close to him, especially on plane he help rebuild. Felt like he was there and in Amsterdam. I had the urge to go to some places whilst I was there. I have the urge to spend some time with Kirsty. Then we have Christmas. I had a family reunion 2 weeks ago. first time in a while I smiled. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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