Author ShaunaN Posted May 18, 2019 Author Share Posted May 18, 2019 First time in days, I've eaten, Its eurovision tonight, used to love watching that with Ste, Ordered a chinese and a bottle of wine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 Maybe moving back home would be good for you if the memories there are unbearable. I’m glad you’ve eaten. Baby steps but at least you’re going in the right direction, you shouldn’t deprive yourself of proper nutrition. hugs xo Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 If moving back home has any appeal to it then it might be a good thing for you. If you're thinking about it to just not be alone, consider instead getting involved with a local support group, church, volunteer group, whatever fits with your beliefs and values. I know it sounds really hard now, but it would make a world of difference for you to have connections with other people. It will remind you there are still good things out there for you. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 Do you think you can get involved in some cause that Ste is passionate about? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 As the old saying goes, it’s best not to make any major life decisions for a year after a significant loss. That said, if there is nothing keeping you in the UK, and you have family/friends back home I would be very tempted to move home. I do hope you enjoyed your food and wine tonight. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 19, 2019 Author Share Posted May 19, 2019 Maybe moving back home would be good for you if the memories there are unbearable. I’m glad you’ve eaten. Baby steps but at least you’re going in the right direction, you shouldn’t deprive yourself of proper nutrition. hugs xo It's more this is Ste's house, its full of memories of him. I don't want to leave it as I feel very close to Ste and I feel I would be deserting him and I really don't want to. But back home, I have friends and family. Job prospects would be low. A "girl in IT" is unheard of. I don't know what I want, I know I just want Ste back. I know, doctor said I need to eat, I just don't feel like eating. If moving back home has any appeal to it then it might be a good thing for you. If you're thinking about it to just not be alone, consider instead getting involved with a local support group, church, volunteer group, whatever fits with your beliefs and values. I know it sounds really hard now, but it would make a world of difference for you to have connections with other people. It will remind you there are still good things out there for you. I do go church and to the Irish Centre, I didn't feel much like church today but I'll go to the Irish centre later on, there is an old lady there, she has been looking after me when I go. Do you think you can get involved in some cause that Ste is passionate about? He was so in to his planes and I just can't get to his level, he knew so much. He worked on them everyday. I do know he used to at the viewing park talk to the kids (it was all organised by the park) about the planes and where they'd be going to. I suppose I could carry on Ste's flight book, I knew Ste always wanted to fly on this plane https://www.flightradar24.com/data/aircraft/ph-bva so I want to take that flight whilst I feel Ste is still here, if you get me? As the old saying goes, it’s best not to make any major life decisions for a year after a significant loss. That said, if there is nothing keeping you in the UK, and you have family/friends back home I would be very tempted to move home. I do hope you enjoyed your food and wine tonight. Hugs. I did, it was nice. Wrapped up in a duvet watching eurovision (Made me think of Ste because of the plane montage at the beginning) I actually was happy a bit! As for moving I don't know what I want I need to start thinking about a headstone. I'd really love to get an aviation one for him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 25, 2019 Author Share Posted May 25, 2019 I really don't know what to do with myself. I've been restless for a few days, I spoke with Ste's best mate, she needed time to grieve and think about things. She said that everyone in her life has left her and she thought Ste never would "but even he has left me" I explained that he didn't want to go. She then told me about the times they always used to sneak out of the care home. When it was Ste's choice of picking a place it was always the airport. He also talked about his dream of becoming a pilot and ultimately the captain. Then he would end it with "They don't let care kids fly planes though. I'll do anything to be in the aviation world" eventually he did find a path in. She also talked about how she got enough money together to buy him a model plane for his birthday, Its one that got broke by the other kids in the home, Ste has all the bits. She talked about some happy times they had, it was so nice to hear. It brought some peace to me. I have said before they had a special deeper love for each other than we had. I'm not jealous. I'm more envious. The solicitor has also been in touch, to start closing up Ste's affairs. I feel this is part of the final things before Ste is "officially" gone forever I still feel so low Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 It sounds trite, but it's absolutely true - people we love live on in our hearts and minds, they are never gone forever. These are early days, but trust in time your memories will comfort you and bring a smile to your face. Maybe you and Ste's friend will develop your own special bond, it sounds like you both have something to offer each other. It's probably healing for her to talk to you about him knowing how much you loved him, and you get to learn more about him through her. Are you back at work yet? That will probably be a good focus for you to help you through the coming months. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 Two of my favorite quotes, from Antoine de Saint-Exupery. “Those who pass by us, do not go alone, and do not leave us alone; they leave a bit of themselves, and take a little of us.” “He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man.” Again, you are at the beginning of your grief journey. There will be moments of great sadness, desperation, fear, and longing... But, as difficult as it may be to believe, there will also be good to come from this experience. Perhaps, as FMW says, you have made a lifelong friend who will become family to you too - as you support each other during this very difficult time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted May 26, 2019 Author Share Posted May 26, 2019 We met up again yesterday for a few hours, She was telling me how she first met Ste. She was saying she was put in to this care home. Scared, Ste come and said Hi and he shared his sweets with her. She was also telling me when she had her only teddy bear stolen he went and got it back for her. She still has it which I think is really sweet. She also goes on to explain the whole "leave no one behind" phrase he used to come out with. She started showing me pictures I've never seen before. At Ste's graduation theres pictures of him/his best friend/mum&dad and lots of just those two. One picture shows his best friend next to Ste in his Cap and gown with a sign saying "Look what one of the care kids achieved!" then at her graduation, Ste was so proud and he has a sign too. "The care kids strike again". This actually made me smile. His best friend told me lots of stories about those two and what they got up to. It was so nice to hear. She is working today and tomorrow otherwise she said we could have met some more. She did say at the end "I feel like Ste raised me to be who I am when everyone else gave up. He would help me with my maths homework and not get angry when I didn't understand it. Regardless of where he was, if I needed him, he always answered the phone. Always helped me. He really was the best brother anyone could have asked for. Now he is gone and I don't know what to do." As for work, No I'm not back yet. Doctor I need time and signed me off work for a while. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 My mother would frequently say the worst part of grief ... is after the funeral and all the services and all of that ... THEN ... the loss hits and you have no ceremony or ritual to protect you. Yes, you're in grief ... Just keep and eye on it ... Don't be afraid to consult a counselor or find a support group ... Dig out ... find good books ... great movies... make yourself go for walks ... sleep ... lots of sleep ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted June 8, 2019 Author Share Posted June 8, 2019 Sorry for being quiet. I've been ill in hospital last few days. Things got to me. I collapsed and ended up waking up in hospital. Ste's best friend has been great. Shes been looking after me. She has to go away with work so it'll just be me. I've been told by "friends" I should get back in the dating scene, I'm not ready. Nor do I want to at the minute. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 Sending you my hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 I’m sorry that happened but at least maybe now you’ll take your nutritional needs a bit more seriously? You can’t exist on an egg roll a week or however it was that you were starving yourself. I hope you feel better soon xo Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 Hopefully well intended, the suggestion that you start dating again is totally unrealistic. You need to grieve your loss, and this will take considerable time. No rush. Your goal right now should be self care. And eventually going back to work and making a decision about your living situation. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 Would you consider spending a few weeks back in your home town with your family and friends around? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 Focus on yourself and deciding what you want to do, where you want to live, etc. Clearly now you see you must take care of your physical health. You certainly don't need to think about dating. There's a time for everything and now is not the time for that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted June 9, 2019 Author Share Posted June 9, 2019 I'm tempted to go back home for a bit. I am eating and drinking just seems I'm not eating enough. I really don't know what to do or think or feel. I'm at the Irish centre today and going back home does seem the right thing to do for the moment. Then I'd feel I'd be leaving Ste's best friend on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 9, 2019 Share Posted June 9, 2019 I'm at the Irish centre today and going back home does seem the right thing to do for the moment. Then I'd feel I'd be leaving Ste's best friend on her own. If she has any holidays, invite her to come to Ireland this summer. Show her a round, it will be good for both of you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted June 9, 2019 Author Share Posted June 9, 2019 If she has any holidays, invite her to come to Ireland this summer. Show her a round, it will be good for both of you... I will ask, she might not want to come or think its strange of me to ask. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 9, 2019 Share Posted June 9, 2019 I will ask, she might not want to come or think its strange of me to ask. She may be very touched. You don’t know until/unless you have the conversation... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted June 10, 2019 Author Share Posted June 10, 2019 She may be very touched. You don’t know until/unless you have the conversation... She said she would come for a week and see my home town but she couldnt do more than a week Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 10, 2019 Share Posted June 10, 2019 She said she would come for a week and see my home town but she couldnt do more than a week That is lovely. You go home for a few weeks and she will come and visit. Your friends and family can offer some TLC and you can think about what you want for your future. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 11, 2019 Share Posted June 11, 2019 She said she would come for a week and see my home town but she couldnt do more than a week Awesome! This woman is very important for you ... stay in touch ... She knows Steve and with her you can remember him and even learn more about him ... And she knows why you fell in love with him. You'll be good for her and she for you. And ... frankly, you don't want her for more than a week for a first visit! ... A week is enough. Totally great!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted June 16, 2019 Author Share Posted June 16, 2019 Awesome! This woman is very important for you ... stay in touch ... She knows Steve and with her you can remember him and even learn more about him ... And she knows why you fell in love with him. You'll be good for her and she for you. And ... frankly, you don't want her for more than a week for a first visit! ... A week is enough. Totally great!!!! She has been telling me lots about him. I've come back home. Its fathers day today so spending some time with my dad. I rang Ste's dad too. How do you mean she is important? She is an amazing person. She doesn't talk about her past though, only Ste and she is just as important as Ste Link to post Share on other sites
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