It honestly sucks being single. Anyone that claims its great, are liars

[d0nnivain]

Okay, well for those of you that are single and happy what do you do for the sex? Have you lived a celibate life for 5 years or so?

 

When I was single & looking, I had a FWB.

 

the lack of sex is one of the yuckiest parts of being single.

[T-Rexus]

When I was single & looking, I had a FWB.

 

the lack of sex is one of the yuckiest parts of being single.

Going without sex is such a pain.

 

I had a FWB a few years ago after my ex-GF dumped me. Even if the whole experience wasn't as fulfilling as having a GF the FWB certainly kept me sane.

 

I'm not sure how I'm getting by now but I am!

[Nilfiry]

Okay, well for those of you that are single and happy what do you do for the sex? Have you lived a celibate life for 5 years or so?

 

Honestly, it depends on your lifestyle. Some people can go indefinitely without even thinking of sex by keeping their minds occupied by something, be it work, hobbies, studies, or whatever. Others can be satisfied with just their hands and then move on with their life until the next time urges hit.

[FMW]

I have a FWB for sex and I have other guy friends that I hang out with platonically. Those relationships/friendships take the edge off of being completely uncoupled. I'm sure it also helps me not to get involved with someone that isn't right for me just to temporarily settle those needs.

[Highroller107]

I need to look for a fwb, at least I will be getting what I need temporary better than not having anything at all. I had a fwb before , however I may not be wired to do that again, I told myself I wouldn’t , but it’s been months since I’ve been on a date and No sex. I have no choice but to look for one now. I’ll still be open to dating , but who knows when I’ll be dating again

[some_username1]

Okay, well for those of you that are single and happy what do you do for the sex? Have you lived a celibate life for 5 years or so?

 

Pretty much. Lots of masturbation interspersed with the odd first date hook up that I'm usually too drunk to take a full part in. But then sex is not a big deal for me- I probably like the idea of it more than the reality. The reality of two or three times a week having to put a lot of time and effort into pleasuring a woman who takes a while to climax is one of the silver linings to singledom. Masturbation happens when I want for as quick as I want and that's it. The companionship is the bit that stings but then having watched my loved up friends end up in dead marriages where one or both was cheating means I don't have much faith in relationships in the modern digital age.

 

Singledom is all about perspective. You *could* be happi*er* but then given how regularly marriages fail and the digital pitfalls (social media) that lead couples into temptation it's more likely that it won't work out in the long run. I've read a certain infidelity forum cover to cover and man am I glad I haven't (and most likely won't) go through that!

 

On the rare occasion when I lament my singledom I then flip it around and think I'm probably the luckiest man in the world- I just can't prove it!

[preraph]

I'm female, older. When I'm not interested in someone, then I'm also not very sexual. I can get off when I want, but I don't think about it that often. If I totally neglect it for maybe a month or so, then my body would probably have a wet dream and take care of itself. Because there is a strictly physical component, but it mostly takes emotions to trigger excitement.

[2.50 a gallon]

Being single, what do you do about a sex life?

Hunh?

The world is full of beautiful women, and if you are in a relationship you can only kiss one. If you are single you can kiss as many as you want.

Can you dance? Learn!

Can you cook? Learn! And learn how to cook some gourmet meals like Coq au Vin. And they don't have to be gourmet, I had a way of cooking dumplings, that had them begging for me to cook it for them.

I married and separated from my Ex-W at age 35 and finally got back into a relationship at age 50.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that simply baking cut out Christmas cookies got me laid a good 2 dozen times. I also had cut outs for Halloween, thanksgiving and valentines day.

Some 20 years ago I brought over a gal who was totally out of my league in the looks department for our third date to bake Halloween cookies and we have been baking them ever since.

FWB's. I had several over the years. Many of them divorced and had kids. When the kids spent the weekend with their dad, I was having sex with their mom. They missed having a good sex partner so we would hook up. Maybe once a month or sometimes once every two months.

I repeat if you are in a relationship you can only have sex with one partner. However if you are single the skies the limit.

Edited January 26, 2019 by 2.50 a gallon

[littleblackheart]

Because of natural selection. In the evolutionary process, those less likely to reproduce--such as those that actually prefer to be single--will inevitably be selected out of the population in favor of those more inclined to have sex and reproduce. If the majority of people were not driven by urges (sexual or otherwise) to seek relationships, then our population would only be a fraction of what it is now. This does not imply that there will be none left of the group that prefer to be singe, but they will be the minority at best.

 

The mental processes of humanity have made relationships more complicated, but it has not stopped the overall desire for relationships.

 

 

Instinct and natural selection are one thing, socialisation is another; it's difficult to tell to which degree the instinct to 'doi what everyone else is doing' is influencing our behaviour.

 

The mental process of humanity is the exact same as it always was, imo - evolution has made it less necessary to obey our instincts, has allowed to be more evolved as people, to understand that having children/a partner is only one option of many set-ups, that being a slave to your instincts isn't necessarily being true to yourself.

 

The world revolves less around heterosexual parameters - we are more fluid, a little more understanding of how our brains work and we now know that following the crowd is not always the best course of action for us as individuals.

 

'Procreating' is no more an urgency or a fait accompli. When given a choice, not all women want to have kids. They used to be seen as the 'crazy cat ladies' but no more. There is less of a stigma too around men who never married or had kids.

 

Imo, all of this is a good thing. Maintaining the human race doesn't just mean being blind slaves to our 'urges'.

Edited January 26, 2019 by littleblackheart

[preraph]

Not to say l don't get someone liking single , l don't care what anyone does or prefers good luck to them,

Best to just know ourselves though and be true in whatever we genuinely prefer and want with our lives and hopefully whatever that is makes us happy.

 

ps , dunno what 200pounds is in kg but it sounds bloody heavy.

But there's plenty of heavy guys around so as long as she bats on her field good luck to her.

What l found really insulting though when a heavy girl expected me to be interested because that ain't gonna happen. l'm in good shape and l insist on exactly the same back.

Even had a girl say to me once so what difference does it make she's overweight , ahh, could she really be that blind to the female body.

And does she really expect to treat herself like that yet a guy in good shape to not complain.

l dunno , talk about see no evil hear no evil.

Ain't happening in this lifetime.

 

I can kind of speak from both sides. I stayed thin for decades but am huge fact now at 66 and been this way for awhile. I'm not trying to date at all, and don't care.

 

But just like we see guys on here who can't accept that they aren't attractive enough to get the pretty girls, you do see women the same way, though I must say they don't whine about it nearly as much as the guys on there do.

 

There are also some people, whether men or women, who just seem to have entitlement, like no matter what, they are meant to have what's in the movies, the fairytale. I would hope most of them are over it by age 30.

 

And then there are some people who just have issues and I know one woman who NEVER looks at herself in the mirror. She is always surprised when she can't get in her pants anymore. I know on some level, she knows she's real big, but she also is kind of in denial about it. And yes, 10 years ago or so, she had a flirtation with someone online without mentioning it and was destroyed when he found out. I remember talking to her about it. I said, Did you send him photos? Yes, but she sent him photos that were 30 years old. I said, Seriously, you never told him you were fat? Honestly, she was just living in a fantasy world and it didn't crumble until the worst happened. There are people who just aren't real healthy that way and allow themselves to wallow in attention online under false pretenses. It's sad, but also infuriating.

 

Fat women can get men. You see them all the time out and about. I know one woman who is about 30 and had rolls of fat and wears tight clothes anyway and is a single mother who is quite popular with guys because she also has fairly large boobs, though not over the top ones, not enough that you can blame it on that. And the two guys I saw her with, neither was overweight or real disgusting looking, though both kinda ratchet. They were both a little short, but not extremely so.

 

Like short guys or guys who can't function with women, a lot depends on if you're prone to crushing on people way too attractive for you. It's sad, but that is the bottom line. Male or female, if they get hung up on a certain type or a certain person that's way more attractive than them, they are going to be unhappy a lot. But if they don't and they just get along with people and make friends and aren't being unrealistic, they can all find a mate if they want.

[chillii]

Oh yeah l've had friends that love big women,

One guy was only around 5'5'' , just loved them, the bigger the better. He was in good shape to a karate instructor .

lost touch with him in our 30s but l often think of him all settled down somewhere with some nice big yummy as he use to describe it , wifey .

[alphamale]

chilli willy: I also met some dude a dozen years ago who was in good shape and had a good job and he was really into obese women. he said to me "the bigger the better". to each his own I suppose

Edited February 14, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact quote of prior post

[Nilfiry]

Instinct and natural selection are one thing, socialisation is another; it's difficult to tell to which degree the instinct to 'doi what everyone else is doing' is influencing our behaviour.

 

The mental process of humanity is the exact same as it always was, imo - evolution has made it less necessary to obey our instincts, has allowed to be more evolved as people, to understand that having children/a partner is only one option of many set-ups, that being a slave to your instincts isn't necessarily being true to yourself.

 

The world revolves less around heterosexual parameters - we are more fluid, a little more understanding of how our brains work and we now know that following the crowd is not always the best course of action for us as individuals.

 

'Procreating' is no more an urgency or a fait accompli. When given a choice, not all women want to have kids. They used to be seen as the 'crazy cat ladies' but no more. There is less of a stigma too around men who never married or had kids.

 

Imo, all of this is a good thing. Maintaining the human race doesn't just mean being blind slaves to our 'urges'.

 

To the first sentence: a whole lot more than people are willing to admit. As a matter of fact, that is what the bandwagon effect is all about.

 

Oh sure, we are becoming smarter and all that, more accepting and what not, but behavior-wise, we have not changed as much as one would like to think. If anything, people have become less aware of themselves and what really drives their urges as their lives become easier and more complacency settles in. As a matter of fact, the simplest proof that people are at the mercy of their social behavior is isolation. A bit of isolation and people will start to go nuts. There is a lot of science on this topic that you can look up. If people were really in control of themselves, this would not be the case.

 

People are naturally social creatures and have a need to fit in. Because of this, they will inevitably start doing what everyone else is doing, else they will become socially isolated. Socially isolated people will be more likely to develop all sorts of problems like poor health and depression. This is the same with social animals in the wild, and it is the same with us. Mating is an integral part of the social interaction, and so people will be drawn toward it. I do not mean mating as in strictly procreation--only finding partners.

[chillii]

Never ever been that way , black sheep from birth and proud of it haha

Buttttt, l do know too, seen it 1000 times , most or many anyway , people have a real shift around 30ish and just start to want that stuff. if not sooner or a bit later.

l think it's a very natural thing and just human nature to eventually just feel like stopping , marrying and raising a family, getting responsible that whole deal.

lt even happened to me , of all people, imagine that.

 

Not sayin everyone and l hate the word but on average l suppose you could say.

But there's also a lot of denial and confusion these days too messing up many.

lt's a confusing world and society now for anyone silly enough to take any notice of it these days but especially for women with careers and media and all the bs fkg with everyone's heads and what were once just natural instincts and urges. . It seems your suppose to be almost ashamed of those these days

Edited February 6, 2019 by chillii

[Otter2569]

I’m actually happy being single. I mean it’s only been a few months but honestly I’m loving it.

 

I was seeing 5 different girls and dropped 2 but I’m having a blast not having to deal with anyone complaining about nonsense, having to check in, having to be here and there and making time etc ...

 

I’m getting all the benefits, I go on a date and drop them off at home, stay at their house or they come over but sure enough the next day I get to go my way and work on my errands or my personal things

 

I’m really liking it. Yes there’s some times where I think about being in a relatisnhip but then I see or hear the drama my friends go through and I’m just glad I don’t have that at the moment.

 

I’m just sharing because you said that anyone who claims is a liar and that’s not all true

 

I have been living this single life for over 8 years (since getting divorced) and there is no way I plan on ever getting married. My married friends are all miserable or cheating or both. I have a GF but I have several woman friends and could go out on dates almost every night of the week if I really want to...or stay home and watch TV, have drinks with friends, hang with my kids, work on hobbies, whatever. Married life was ok but it was stifeling. The only time it sucks being single is when you get sick. Even then, no regrets!!!

[littleblackheart]

People are naturally social creatures and have a need to fit in. Because of this, they will inevitably start doing what everyone else is doing, else they will become socially isolated. Socially isolated people will be more likely to develop all sorts of problems like poor health and depression.

 

This is true for neuro-typical people, probably. Not the case for neurodiverse people, sorry; at least not all of us. One reason ASDs may become depressed is because they are being told as a fact that we are social creatures, so feel bad for not complying and try our hardest to fit in when really, they shouldn't have to.

 

Any socialisation I make is learned behaviour or borne of compliance with 'the rules'. I have great long-standing friends, I'm close to my family and my bond with my kids is unbreakable but I can categorically say I don't seek a partner, actively or passively. I was married because I felt like I had to follow the 'social codes', and my poor social instincts meant that I married a very dysfunctional person.

 

On paper, I think I can be a good partner, I don't lack 'options' as they are called but ultimately, I'm not interested. I'm not an anomaly either, there are others just like me.

 

Aristotle was a great man, but he got this one wrong.

Edited February 7, 2019 by littleblackheart

[alphamale]

I love being single. But then again I am very close with my family so I am rarely alone

[gaius]

I love my wife. She brings a large amount of incredible things to my life. All the things we've experienced and done together while I've been with her wouldn't have been as bright and enjoyable without her.

 

That being said, before we were together I was celibate for about 2 years. I jerked off and found ways to be happy. We eventually ended up getting together because we were so good together, not because one of us was desperate to just be with someone. She certainly wasn't desperate to be with me. And coming at it from that angle, rather than just needing a warm body I think really ended up being a good thing.

Edited February 7, 2019 by gaius

[Otter2569]

Its about being happy with yourself, IMO. I enjoy a healthy mix of social, family and alone time. I have always been self sufficient, had/have several friends and not much trouble ever getting women.

 

Believe it or not I do better with women now in my 50's (and in my 40's) than ever before. Maybe if I was truly alone, I might feel differently...but I don't

[Nilfiry]

This is true for neuro-typical people, probably. Not the case for neurodiverse people, sorry; at least not all of us. One reason ASDs may become depressed is because they are being told as a fact that we are social creatures, so feel bad for not complying and try our hardest to fit in when really, they shouldn't have to.

 

Any socialisation I make is learned behaviour or borne of compliance with 'the rules'. I have great long-standing friends, I'm close to my family and my bond with my kids is unbreakable but I can categorically say I don't seek a partner, actively or passively. I was married because I felt like I had to follow the 'social codes', and my poor social instincts meant that I married a very dysfunctional person.

 

On paper, I think I can be a good partner, I don't lack 'options' as they are called but ultimately, I'm not interested. I'm not an anomaly either, there are others just like me.

 

Neuro-diverse people are still the minority. The estimated total of all types combined is under 25% of the population. Significant number indeed, but it is not like all neuro-diverse people are exempt from the same social needs either. On the contrary, they may need social acceptance even more than others because any social rejection will inevitably be attributed more or less to their differences, regardless of how they feel about it. To put it modestly, people are more aware and wary of anomalies and will act differently toward the anomaly. That different treatment creates an exclusion, which more often than not makes people feel left out.

 

You are not an anomaly at all. You are just slightly more away of some of your social conditioning than others.

 

Social behavior is not expressed exclusively through sex and procreation. That is merely one part of our inherent social nature, but those who are more likely to pursue sex and procreation will inevitably make up most of the population because of natural selection.

[alphamale]

Believe it or not I do better with women now in my 50's ...

 

that's cause you have more experience with them

[littleblackheart]

Neuro-diverse people are still the minority. The estimated total of all types combined is under 25% of the population. Significant number indeed, but it is not like all neuro-diverse people are exempt from the same social needs either. On the contrary, they may need social acceptance even more than others because any social rejection will inevitably be attributed more or less to their differences.

 

Social awareness, for neurodiverse people, means accepting that we are fine single.

 

The majority, we know that extensively through history (eg voting morons in on a regular basis), isn't always right so waiting for the majority to 'accept' outliers is a strange concept, to me. From my perspective, I don't need to be 'accepted" like I'm being done a favour; I do feel like lots of people need to be educated on neurodiversity, though. I have poor social instincts because I don't really need them. There seem to be la lot of 'rules' people seem to obey without question, which I find strange.

 

Anyway.

 

Being literal, I understood the OP as saying people who enjoy being single (not social) are liars. Based on my experience, no they are not!

Edited February 7, 2019 by littleblackheart

[Timshel]

My son (15) is asd and I touch base with him frequently regarding his social interactions at school. We were talking about lunch and who he hangs out with and he said that he has a guy friend that he talks to regularly but 'mom, I'd like to talk to a girl sometime.' Anyone in particular, I ask?

 

 

 

This is fine and further exemplifies how unique/individual/diverse people are from any neuro-perspective.

 

 

 

I was fine when single, I am fine being married. When I was single, being horny did not have me in search of a hard on. Some people will have casual sex, others will masturbate until they meet a compatible partner they want to have sex with.

 

 

 

Liars, I don't think so...a different perspective certainly.

[littleblackheart]

My son (12) too has ASD. He has a couple of friends and a gf (she asked him, obviously!). He tells me that while he feels more socially accepted with a gf, even at his age, he could take it or leave it.

 

Social pressure affects everyone in different ways.

 

Some people really do think being single is great. I've only ever had one LTR, I don't want another one.

[SweetCharity]

I agree that being single sucks. But being in a bad relationship sucks more. Right now I'm still legally married but separated from my husband. I go to therapy, NA, movie screenings, etc. I spend time with my family and friends. I feel like people see me. I'm doing everything right in terms of healing and living a full life.

 

And YET... there's an awful gnawing feeling of lonliness that cuts into me. Especially when I speak to my "husband." Sometimes when I speak to my therapist, whos attractive and definitely off limits. It's like I'm single without the benefits of being single. So I understand.