Highroller107 Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 (edited) I’m in my almost late 30’s, I’m at that point in my life that I want a man, I want someone. I’m sick of ppl telling me that I don’t need a man to make me happy. I know what makes me happy and that is having someone in my life. So why do ppl believe that lie that being single is great when it’s not??? What to make me feel better???? Reality check. Almost 40 is too old for a single woman . I want someone to come home to, cuddle, kiss, hold hands. We all need human affection not dumb affection from family members because they don’t count!!! Hobbies don’t make me happy. I’m not going to immerse myself with arts and crafts or photography and believe that I’m happy when I’m not. I want someone. And having a man will cure that loneliness. Because at the end of the day I’m sleeping in my bed alone. Can anyone understand my point of view? Edited January 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 Lmao I roll my eyes too when people get judgy and say "be happy single". Not because i think you can't be happy single. There are benefits to being single but some of us really enjoy being booed up more. I rather be happily married. I'm not ashamed about feeling this way either. So I understand where you coming from. I would Just be careful to not let this desire allow you to hold on to someone that's not good for you. But wanting to be in a relationship is a desire that you shouldn't feel ashamed about. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 Being in a good relationship is better than being single IMO, but being single is most definitely better than being in a bad relationship. I am very sorry for your family members that you view their affection as "dumb", though. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 What are you doing to change your situation?? Are you dating?? Are men approaching you?? Are they asking you out?? What was your last relationship like?? Do you know why it ended?? Usually when I set a goal and I cannot obtain the desired end result, I change the way I attack that task so I can complete it with the correct end result. Do you think you need to change the way you approach dating/men?? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 l'm not a single person either never have been even back in the day when there were just so many girls and so little time. l prefer life as a couple for a 100 reasons and l'm totally at peace with that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I’m actually happy being single. I mean it’s only been a few months but honestly I’m loving it. I was seeing 5 different girls and dropped 2 but I’m having a blast not having to deal with anyone complaining about nonsense, having to check in, having to be here and there and making time etc ... I’m getting all the benefits, I go on a date and drop them off at home, stay at their house or they come over but sure enough the next day I get to go my way and work on my errands or my personal things I’m really liking it. Yes there’s some times where I think about being in a relatisnhip but then I see or hear the drama my friends go through and I’m just glad I don’t have that at the moment. I’m just sharing because you said that anyone who claims is a liar and that’s not all true 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I’m also genuinely happier being single. Thinking of coming home to someone every day and then having to talk to them and ask what they want for dinner makes me feel suffocated. Having to run all my plans by someone is exhausting. Sleeping alone is a bliss. Even when I lived with a partner for a year, I didn’t get a single night of good sleep. The snoring, the bed hogging ugh. It’s nice having someone to do things with occasionally but the hassle and drama of a full relationship is not worth it. There are many people like you OP. There are almost none like me. Nobody actually believes that I prefer being single, I’m just learning not to care. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I understand your POV & it's valid. But . . . you have to have things you like about yourself & enjoy about your life in order to be in a good mental place where you can find a healthy, happy relationship. If you put out desperate vibes -- I want someone, anyone, a warm body -- just to not have to be alone all you are going to attract are other broken souls. Instead you have to see your life as fundamentally good & something that you want to share because having a partner will make it better. When the partner is seen as the only reason to be happy or have a life that is bad. Now take whatever those hobbies & interests are & use them to help you find a good match through the shared interest. It's called making the most of what you have & the laws of abundance. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 So you want a chap in your life, that's great. Can you brainstorm for us what exactly you need in a lad, and then - how the previous men have not been up to snuff? Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I waited until I was 35 before I married, which lasted a whole 6 months. When my marriage ended I swore I would never fall in love again. And avoided another relationship for the next 15 years. Truthfully I loved being single. I was never lonely. I could do what I wanted, with whom ever I wanted, when and where ever I wanted and had no one to answer to. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I’m in my almost late 30’s, I’m at that point in my life that I want a man, I want someone. I’m sick of ppl telling me that I don’t need a man to make me happy. ... Have you complained about it a lot or for a long time? If you have, maybe they just don't know what to say to you any more and are encouraging you to be happy with the life you have. If you haven't complained about it, I can't imagine why they'd even bring up the issue out of the blue. It always come down to pickiness, for everyone. People who are not in a relationship have chosen not to be because the vast majority of people could have a relationship if that was their top priority. They just don't want one with the people who want them. So what's a friend or family member supposed to say? They hope for your happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 But . . . you have to have things you like about yourself & enjoy about your life in order to be in a good mental place where you can find a healthy, happy relationship. If you put out desperate vibes -- I want someone, anyone, a warm body -- just to not have to be alone all you are going to attract are other broken souls. Instead you have to see your life as fundamentally good & something that you want to share because having a partner will make it better. When the partner is seen as the only reason to be happy or have a life that is bad. Solid advice. Highroller107, you seem to be waiting for someone to deliver happiness to you like it was a take-out pizza. As d0nnivain points out, the best way to find contentment with the right person is to be happy and healthy yourself. Like tends to attract like... Mr. Lucky 7 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I love being single 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I think *most* people who love being single have already had at least one very long term relationship in their lifetime. I don't think there are very many women in your demographic who truly love it, and you should not feel guilty for feeling the way you do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I feel this on a spiritual level. Girl, preach. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I don't think there are very many women in your demographic who truly love it, and you should not feel guilty for feeling the way you do. If I may add to your post... If the OP wants a different result, she has to try to change something to affect a positive result to her quest. Doing the same thing and venting about it to her friends/family, doesn't get you anywhere. My girlfriend has two nieces both in their early 30's. One is miserable because she is single and will call and complain to anyone who will listen to her. The main problem is the single one is overweight (200+ lbs.) and is a sad sack of a human being. The other niece is thin and bubbly, she got married a couple of years ago and just had her first child. The single niece is jealous of the married one, but does not want to change her appearance to secure a decent guy. My girlfriend has showed me pictures of the single one, commenting about what a pretty face she has. I told her guys are not going to limit what they find attractive to just her face, once they look further down they are going to be turned off and disgusted. I told my girlfriend the niece is never going to attract a decent good looking guy unless she loses weight and tones up. Nothing is going to change, unless the niece makes a change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 Anyone who says it's better to be single hasn't met the right person. There are so many advantages to having a significant other in your life who has your back, who understands and cares for you, who can scratch that itch you can't reach and listen to you vent about a bad day or assist you with a health issue or call your cellphone with theirs when you can't find it.. the list goes on and on. There's virtually no downside other than the typical compromises that go along with sharing your life with another person and if it's the right mix, the good outweighs the bad by so much it's not even a question. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. and everyone's different about whether they are happier with a person under foot or not. I love being on my own. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. I've heard that expression countless times. I get it, it makes sense but it's not complete or even all that accurate. Yes in order to be in a healthy committed relationship you need to be in generally good place mentally so you can give and take and resolve conflict and be a positive influence on the other person. But if we all waited until we were all happy and well adjusted and comfortable being on our own, then lots of us would be perpetually single. Me? I've ALWAYS been happier in a relationship, I don't think I've ever been single in my 56 year life for more than a few months at a time since I started dating almost 40 years ago and am currently in a 7 year relationship and things are going quite well. This past week the temperatures have dropped to close to freezing and it's been windy. Even with the thermostat cranked up nothing beats a warm body in the bed with you and I'm not talking about the dog. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 Tell us what you want in a lad? And what you have to offer in a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
SophieG Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 My girlfriend has showed me pictures of the single one, commenting about what a pretty face she has. I told her guys are not going to limit what they find attractive to just her face, once they look further down they are going to be turned off and disgusted. I told my girlfriend the niece is never going to attract a decent good looking guy unless she loses weight and tones up. Nothing is going to change, unless the niece makes a change. I am considered overweight (5’2 and 165lbs), but I « wear it well » and don’t seem more than a little chubby. I’ve never had any problem dating or finding sexual partners. Nobody ever referred to me as « disgusting »... I find that to be pretty offensive. Sure. I’m not everyone’s type and some men might be turn off by my weight, but it has never been an obstacle in my dating life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 OP, you like it better in a relationship? That's you're prerogative. It sucks being single for you. But not everyone is you or thinks the same way you do. For me, being single is what keeps me sane, I need to be independent like I need to breathe. I see friends around me, happy, stable, well matched couples have arguments over trivial stuff and ups and downs and drama and I'm glad my days wondering who's turn it is to take out the bins are over. I see them content and I'm happy for them, but I'm honestly puzzled and bemused at their definition of 'contentment'. True loneliness is what I've experienced in my marriage - nothing will ever come close to that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I've heard that expression countless times. I get it, it makes sense but it's not complete or even all that accurate. Yes in order to be in a healthy committed relationship you need to be in generally good place mentally so you can give and take and resolve conflict and be a positive influence on the other person. But if we all waited until we were all happy and well adjusted and comfortable being on our own, then lots of us would be perpetually single. Me? I've ALWAYS been happier in a relationship, I don't think I've ever been single in my 56 year life for more than a few months at a time since I started dating almost 40 years ago and am currently in a 7 year relationship and things are going quite well. This past week the temperatures have dropped to close to freezing and it's been windy. Even with the thermostat cranked up nothing beats a warm body in the bed with you and I'm not talking about the dog. Yes, and there's a LOT of dysfunctional couples and families, so it comes down to everyone is different. Some people would rather be dysfunctional and miserable and compromising a lot of the time than be alone. And some of us wouldn't. Some of us are more functional on our own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 some men might be turn off by my weight, but it has never been an obstacle in my dating life. 5'2 and 165 is more than a bit chubby by most standards. You might not know if it's been an obstacle in your dating life because the "better catches" might have simply clicked past your profile. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SophieG Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 5'2 and 165 is more than a bit chubby by most standards. You might not know if it's been an obstacle in your dating life because the "better catches" might have simply clicked past your profile. Got it! Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
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