Is this the beginning of the end?

[Occitanie]

You are willing to be the back up guy? She is just going through the guys she wants 1st' date=' then is willing to come to you when things don't work out. Yeah I would play seconds.[/quote']

 

She’s basically told OP: “The Guy I was seeing ****ed up too many times. My interest in you has grown, so I’m telling you this in hopes you set up a date”

 

Unfortunately, OP is beating around the bush.

[dsprimal]

So based off my previous thread. I think I have begun to see the beginning of the end of our “relationship”. I asked her what her plans are this weekend and she said she had time saturday evening but didn’t specify specific times because she was busy doing christmas things for the family. So Saturday comes around and she tells me she doesn’t know when exactly she can meet but she’ll keep me posted. We usually always plan a set time but this is the first we didnt...

 

I played it cool because I was actually busy myself this day as well. So she texts me in the afternoon and said “so you can plan your day. I am really tired and feeling under the weather so i’m going to have an early night. (Because she has work related things to do on sunday) But I am available now to hangout now.” At this time I was busy and couldnt meet with her at that exact time so I said “lets just reschedule for another time. You seem busy! No worries”

 

We didnt actually reschedule because I feared if I am coming on too strong so I just left the ball in her court. So later that night I texted her “hey, hope you’re feeling alright”. And she said how she was going to text me and how she was tired then went on to saying how she was really looking forward to seeing me and that shes sorry we coudlnt meet up today and that she hopes to see me “very very soon”. I kept it cool again and just said no worries and good luck on her sunday work stuff and to get some rest.

 

Thoughts?

[SophieG]

At this point, I’d wait for her to contact you. You’ve tried enough. If in a week you haven’t seen her or don’t have a date planned, I’d give up.

Edited December 16, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[Simple Logic]

what she posted sounds logical. It is Christmas season and women over extend their themselves a lot.

[olivetree]

You might get better responses if you'd just continued your other thread, but based on this post, everything sounds fine to me.

She even told you she wanted to see you soon.

[Lotsgoingon]

She said she wants to see very soon ... great sign.

 

Your worry about coming on too strong ... bad sign.

 

That worry suggests that you don't feel prioritized. Unless you are at the extreme end of insecurity (and the post doesn't indicate that) the worry you have about not coming on too strong tells me you're working really hard to accommodate this person and that you don't really feel valued and treasured. Sounds like you feel 70 percent valued and treated. In reality, you want like 95+ percent.

 

In other words, you want the feeling of being valued and prioritized to be overwhelming and overwhelmingly clear. You don't want to be worrying about coming on too strong. In a good relationship, you can say I really want to see you without all that fear, and it's not coming on too strong because the person gets that you really want to be with them. Or ... the person would respond with more comfort (more praise, more a sense of connection) than this woman responds to you.

 

She says she wants to see you very soon ... but something about the exchange as you describe it ... sounds like you're the one "waiting" for her, waiting for her to fit you in. When I've had that feeling of waiting (however slight), things almost ended up badly. Usually it turned out that the other person just wasn't that into me.

 

Just my two cents. Continue on if you want but yes, don't lose sight of that intuition and worry you have.

[dsprimal]

You say “almost ended badly”. So did it end up badly? Or ususually whenever you felt the hunch I felt is usually a clear indicator to abort and jump ship befor she does? But then again she said she really wants to see me....maybe trying to be nice?? Ugh....torn. I hate letting someone comsume my mind like this!

 

Also if she hoped to see me “very very soon” shouldn’t she of just setup a date already?? Like hey lets meet this day because I will be free

Edited December 16, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[SophieG]

Like I said, wait and see... it if in a week she hasn’t reach out, move on.

I don’t know how she is, but my bf just can’t plan anything! Weekends are set in stone so we know we’re gonna see each other, but during the week, he drives me crazy. I’ll tell him : Hey Tuesday night would be good for me and he’ll answer: We’ll see how the week goes. On Tuesday evening, just a little before I leave work, he’ll text : What do you want for dinner... when the hell did you confirm anything!!! I’ve just learned to go with it. I know he doesn’t want to make promises he doesn’t know if he can keep (he never knows what time he’ll be off work).

Edited December 16, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[fred123]

why dont u ask her to spend new years eve together? see her response

[d0nnivain]

It's the holidays. Everybody is stretched thin. Calm down. Touch base once in a while but lower your expectations about the time she has available. Do ask her sooner rather than later if she will be your date for NYE. Between now & then if you can squeeze in 1-2 dates consider yourself lucky.

 

Stop with the doom & gloom already. Being too busy at this stressful time of year does NOT signal the end of your relationship. You making a pest of yourself will cause a break up though. Give the girl a chance to breath & understand you are not her priority for the next 2 weeks.

[dsprimal]

Ok so lets label the relationship we have as stable and off to a good start.

 

The only real red flag I can worry about is this guy she has been on and off with four a couple years and who she admittedly hooked up with between me and hers first/second date. He reached out to her last week in, which she then told me she told him off and that is over with.

 

But I do remember her saying she always gives multiple chances to people and always feels bad for hurting people.

 

Should I bring this guy up to her and talk more about it him next time I see her? Or just fully trust her since we are building something new together. She texted me how she loved spending time with me last night and it was the best.

[some_username1]

I'm going to tell you what you don't want to hear OP:

 

Many a wise man will tell you "Don't listen to what they say, watch what they do".

 

She say: "I'm not seeing this guy, let's be exclusive!!1"

 

She say: "I really enjoyed spending time with you blah blah blah blah"

 

She do: Cancels a date on a *Saturday* night and there is no offer to re-schedule.

 

Hmmm.......

[kendahke]

But are ALL girls that are afraid of commitment destined to hurt many guys???

 

Only guys who never heed red flags and want to think their millionth time doing something insane is suddenly the sane route to take.

 

this guy she has been on and off with four a couple years and who she admittedly hooked up with between me and hers first/second date. He reached out to her last week in, which she then told me she told him off and that is over with

 

OK, here's my question: so, earlier in this thread you said that she'd told this guy they were done already. Well, according to this latest installment, he's still able to reach out after you two have been on over 5 dates now and get ahold of her---why? Because she hadn't blocked his number. I'll bet it still isn't blocked. She was "breaking up" for show while not taking a proactive position about it: she left it up to him to police his access to her. Do you let others be in charge of protecting your valuables or do you do that yourself? That is what would be bothering me.

Edited December 18, 2018 by kendahke

[dsprimal]

Only guys who never heed red flags and want to think their millionth time doing something insane is suddenly the sane route to take.

 

 

 

OK, here's my question: so, earlier in this thread you said that she'd told this guy they were done already. Well, according to this latest installment, he's still able to reach out after you two have been on over 5 dates now and get ahold of her---why? Because she hadn't blocked his number. I'll bet it still isn't blocked. She was "breaking up" for show while not taking a proactive position about it: she left it up to him to police his access to her. Do you let others be in charge of protecting your valuables or do you do that yourself? That is what would be bothering me.

 

so what should I do? Bring it up the next time I see her to confirm if she blocked him or if she is being serious about it?

[d0nnivain]

If her behavior is above board trust her actions. If her behavior is giving you pause, bow out in favor of the OM/EX. You don't need all this drama

[dsprimal]

If her behavior is above board trust her actions. If her behavior is giving you pause, bow out in favor of the OM/EX. You don't need all this drama

 

I haven't spoken to her about scheduling or how often she would like to hangout per week. The times neither of us bring up hanging out I worry she could easily be living a double relationship with this guy. But only time will tell unfortunately.

 

Or could I somehow be able to ask her what her schedule is everyday and set specific days to the side for us? I hope in time we will progressively start hanging out daily.