kendahke Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Thoughts? Keep your roll slow because just as quickly as she came to that decision, she could just as quickly change her mind. When she starts talking about being "confused", which she will considering the speed at which all of this has fallen out in experience, that means she's still in touch with this guy and she hasn't cut him loose. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Hell no! STOP TALKING about it. Seriously. If you can't shut up, she will dump you. She doesn't want to talk about. She wants the dating you have. To use your car analogy, she isn't done shopping. If you need her to be, then she will automatically decide to get a different car. ^^^This, I couldn't agree with more. Nothing would turn me off like constantly talking about this. Just have fun with her. It's only been a month why are you getting so serious, so soon. Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 ^^^This, I couldn't agree with more. Nothing would turn me off like constantly talking about this. Just have fun with her. It's only been a month why are you getting so serious, so soon. im confused i thought its good to clarify from the beginning what people are looking for? Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 im confused i thought its good to clarify from the beginning what people are looking for? Clarifying what you're looking for in general is a lot different from constantly talking about your relationship to that specific person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alamo657 Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 What should I do? Respect myself and cut it off? Or proceed and hope I don’t become another one of her guy friends she doesnt want to committ to??? When a girl tells you she doens't want to commit, she's being honest with you (which is rare these days, people prefer to lie or ghost). Take her words at face value and go date other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dsprimal Posted December 11, 2018 Author Share Posted December 11, 2018 we only spoke firmly about the relationship once. I will leave it at that. But now that she has brought up how she ended a long term "friendship" with a close friend after the fact of not wanting to be exclusive has me thrown off. I genuinely do enjoy where we are and the pace things are going. Her confirming that the guy she considered a close friend and has been on and off with for a couple years is now officially over. She closed that chapter she says with him yesterday in order to start a clean slate and test the waters with me. This still has me a bit cautious. So I am believing in her...and trusting her....and will be patient with her. Letting her take the driver seat and trusting her lead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 im confused i thought its good to clarify from the beginning what people are looking for? It is good to talk about things but here the OP asked about exclusivity & the woman squirmed. She said she wants to see her other male friends & doesn't want to have to talk to the OP about this. The OP wants more then this woman is willing to talk about just yet but she has said she wants to keep dating him. Her actions show she's slowly moving toward exclusivity but the words scare her. She has broken off contact with one of her friends; an action that shows she's serious even if she doesn't want to deeply discuss stuff just yet. My advice was that if he wanted to make things work, he had to slow down to her pace & her pace is no discussions. If he wanted confirmation that she was agreeing to his terms about exclusivity then she is not his girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Stop wasting your time and life... it sounds like this ran its course. Real simple she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you and that could be because she’s going after someone else or maybe the guy she’s pounding. Save some face and invest that time into a girl who’s actually mentally ready and mature to date you exclusively. Many posters have told you to move on and I agree. Giving her space and chasing like a puppy dog is only gonna make you look like a floor mat while she goes out on dates looking for someone she wants to be exclusive with Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 He wants her to at least stop seeing other people and has told her that, she doesn't want to. That should tell him everything he needs to know and OP should have accepted her decision and stood up for what he stands for and moved on at that point. Back pedalling and deciding he can go along with it for now is weak and shows a lack of decisiveness and if she was on the fence about him before, seeing him accept the opposite of what he wants is going to kill the last vestiges off. A man who can't back up his words is one of the most unattractive things a woman can encounter. I agree with this. It is clear she still wants to see others and it is weak to continue on with someone who isn't looking for the same thing you are. I doubt if she will change and you probably should stop seeing her before you get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dsprimal Posted December 11, 2018 Author Share Posted December 11, 2018 Am I really that blind?? so many people are saying to abort and run from this girl. It really is discouraging to assume relationships are instantly faulty if both parties are not on board even if its been relatively early in the relationship. I know i'm trying to find justification to make myself feel better. But are ALL girls that are afraid of commitment destined to hurt many guys??? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Am I really that blind?? so many people are saying to abort and run from this girl. It really is discouraging to assume relationships are instantly faulty if both parties are not on board even if its been relatively early in the relationship. I know i'm trying to find justification to make myself feel better. But are ALL girls that are afraid of commitment destined to hurt many guys??? Very few things are all or nothing propositions. I didn't say abort. I said hush. Just let things flow & don't talk it all to death so early. I don't think you can't ascertain anything beyond date 6, maybe 7 at the end of date 5. I think talking about exclusivity before sleeping together is a good thing but don't be in such a rush to define the whole relationship Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Am I really that blind?? so many people are saying to abort and run from this girl. It really is discouraging to assume relationships are instantly faulty if both parties are not on board even if its been relatively early in the relationship. I know i'm trying to find justification to make myself feel better. But are ALL girls that are afraid of commitment destined to hurt many guys??? Those who vocalise the fact they are not looking for commitment or are commitmentphobes need listened to. Too many ignore this to find themselves dumped or cheated on or in "casual" or "open" relationships months down the line to their disappointment. They believed that somehow he/she would change their minds and commit eventually. BUT is it their ego talking, the commitmentphobe carries on regardless, they put their cards on the table early doors, it is hardly their fault if someone is stupid enough not to listen... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dsprimal Posted December 11, 2018 Author Share Posted December 11, 2018 Very few things are all or nothing propositions. I didn't say abort. I said hush. Just let things flow & don't talk it all to death so early. I don't think you can't ascertain anything beyond date 6, maybe 7 at the end of date 5. I think talking about exclusivity before sleeping together is a good thing but don't be in such a rush to define the whole relationship We spoke of it before then we had sex shortly after. Those who vocalise the fact they are not looking for commitment or are commitmentphobes need listened to. Too many ignore this to find themselves dumped or cheated on or in "casual" or "open" relationships months down the line to their disappointment. They believed that somehow he/she would change their minds and commit eventually. BUT is it their ego talking, the commitmentphobe carries on regardless, they put their cards on the table early doors, it is hardly their fault if someone is stupid enough not to listen... Unclear of what you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 But now that she has brought up how she ended a long term "friendship" with a close friend after the fact of not wanting to be exclusive has me thrown off. No, she reluctantly ended a sexual relationship with someone she's been messing with for some time in order to keep you quiet and remain around her. She is putting you on notice that she's miffed that you made her cut her smashboy loose to be with you when she wasn't ready to cut him loose. That's going to cost you... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Unclear of what you mean? Their ego gets in the way. "I am just so awesome that the commitphobe will be bound to fall in love with me." As for the commitmentphobe, they feel no guilt when they dump or become unpredictable or cheat, as they already said who they are, not their fault if the other didn't listen... Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 It is good to talk about things but here the OP asked about exclusivity & the woman squirmed. She said she wants to see her other male friends & doesn't want to have to talk to the OP about this. The OP wants more then this woman is willing to talk about just yet but she has said she wants to keep dating him. Her actions show she's slowly moving toward exclusivity but the words scare her. She has broken off contact with one of her friends; an action that shows she's serious even if she doesn't want to deeply discuss stuff just yet. My advice was that if he wanted to make things work, he had to slow down to her pace & her pace is no discussions. If he wanted confirmation that she was agreeing to his terms about exclusivity then she is not his girl. so he can sleep with another girl tomorrow and she shouldnt be pissed. hes allowed to right? Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 You aren’t blind you are just in love.... maybe it’s because you can’t have her that you chase with more determination but in the end you can’t blame her because she has told you and she has shown you with all these little stunts of hers She just wants to pound and be free until she finds the “one” Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 so he can sleep with another girl tomorrow and she shouldnt be pissed. hes allowed to right? Permission isn't part of the equation. It's about boundaries and what the parties in any given relationship agree is fair & what they are willing to put up with. Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 Permission isn't part of the equation. It's about boundaries and what the parties in any given relationship agree is fair & what they are willing to put up with. well if they arent exclusive he can do what he wants Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 Ok so last night she texted and said that her guy friend who she has been on and off with for a couple years reached out and she told him it is over and that she wants to see where things go with ME now. She said that chapter is finished. I kept it cool asked her which guy exactly she was talking about and that was the only one I really needed to worry about because they had history. So I kept it cool and told her I appreciate her letting me know. She said “ok i’m glad I thought about you today...!” Thoughts? You are willing to be the back up guy? She is just going through the guys she wants 1st, then is willing to come to you when things don't work out. Yeah I would play seconds. Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 Am I really that blind?? so many people are saying to abort and run from this girl. It really is discouraging to assume relationships are instantly faulty if both parties are not on board even if its been relatively early in the relationship. I know i'm trying to find justification to make myself feel better. But are ALL girls that are afraid of commitment destined to hurt many guys??? Most people on here are giving that advice have more then likely experienced the same thing. Its hard not to be caught up in feeling sorry for the person who can't commit, but you don't want to be dragged on an emotional rollercoaster. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dsprimal Posted December 13, 2018 Author Share Posted December 13, 2018 update - do girls that are naturally quitter eventually open up? We had sex for the 2nd time and it was OK....I will admit I didn't perform to my capability. She likes it insanely rough to the point where it hurts. So I believe she has now transferred her addictions in the past into insane sex now. She is totally straight edge now and a bit too proper. She is classy at face value and very smart and mysterious....but she is a freak in bed. I honestly feel like my lack of performance may have made her think otherwise of me. I know this can be an insecurity but us men always want to be at our best in bed. So I reevaluated the entire thought of her. She is extremely proper in her text messages (texting isnt her thing). In person when we talk the first couple dates were whatever....buttoned up and asking basic info. Now after we had sex I am now getting comfier/lacking patience of being proper all the time around her and just RELAXING and being myself fully and just ask or say whatever. Which can be a great turn around. But overall....when its quiet she makes an effort to ask me things. But like i've spoken about what i've done for the day, or activities i'm into, music i listen to. I just don't want to come across rude but I want to dive into her mind and be like WHO ARE YOUUUU?! Because this is makign me act out of my element and could be ruining it for us. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 Holy **** I could not do the start of this thread. I couldn't stand her sleeping with other guys while I dated her, having coffee with other guys that she slept with (or at all), etc. etc. Anyhow to each his own I guess.... I would have just hit abort on her, but anyhow I'm never dating anyone so don't take my advice. Just saying I couldn't hang with this.... Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 It is good to talk about things but here the OP asked about exclusivity & the woman squirmed. She said she wants to see her other male friends & doesn't want to have to talk to the OP about this. The OP wants more then this woman is willing to talk about just yet but she has said she wants to keep dating him. Her actions show she's slowly moving toward exclusivity but the words scare her. She has broken off contact with one of her friends; an action that shows she's serious even if she doesn't want to deeply discuss stuff just yet. My advice was that if he wanted to make things work, he had to slow down to her pace & her pace is no discussions. If he wanted confirmation that she was agreeing to his terms about exclusivity then she is not his girl. question. hypothetical or maybe not as u know from my ex. but what if the girl responded like my ex did when i suggested dates and staying the night or holding hands and she replied it felt like a commitment and coupley? how do u then respond to that? i feel OP is stuck between a rock and a hard place because even if he didnt discuss stuff everything he suggests could be interpreted as "commitment" Link to post Share on other sites
Occitanie Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 That sounds like an exact quote from Corey Wayne! But ok. I feel like that would have been too soon to ask out again after such a deep conversation we had. So I felt like it wasn't right to instantly ask her out again off of her 1st message after our talk. I will give it time....next time she reaches out or whenever I will gauge off that then ask again. Or am I wrong? should I just ask her out ASAP? now i'm unsure of what is TOO MUCH! It’s what I’ve learnt from Corey Wayne. His stuff works. I thought he was a bit of a prat, but after reading his book, I can tell you it’s worth trying. I’ve backed off the a point where my GF is initiating most contact and has actually booked us a trip together in January. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts