What is better for kids? Divorce? Roommates?

[preraph]

You are doing the right thing. You can't fool kids. They feel the energy and they see and hear everything. My parents fought, and they never told me what to do with myself when they did. I was petrified I'd do the wrong thing while they were both shrieking at each other and would creep into my room and just sit terrified and frozen until I thought it was safe to go outside. Once I crawled out the window. I never got any reassurances or anything like "It's something adults all do, have disagreements." As far as I was concerned, they just acted like I was invisible and like it should have no effect on me. At night when my dad got up to go to the bathroom, I worried he was going to take his deer rifle and go down the hall and kill her. I even got up once and crept into his closet to see if the rifle was still there.

 

Be nice around your kids. You can do it. Minimize involvement and maximize cooperation during the divorce and custody proceedings and don't get led into "getting the most" by the attorneys, who just want to run up a big bill. And be ready to have joint custody and realize you'll have to be maybe more flexible at work and like that to do your part if she's been picking up the slack on that. Good luck.

 

And don't forget to reassure your child the most basic thing: Don't worry, both me and Mom are always going to take care of you and be with you, just maybe not always at the same time, which isn't that different than when we were at work all day.