Feel like crying...A woman just can't get a break from her appearance

[Els]

like, can you find a pair of jean without hemming it? doesn't that bother you? Guess is nice, but can't wear it. have to do Gap petite to barely escape hemming. isn't that depressing for you?

 

 

Yes, I have to either hem or fold all my pants, lol. Though the ones bought from East Asian chains like Uniqlo ALMOST fit....

 

 

It bothers me more that I can't get my bag into the overhead baggage compartment of most planes without jumping!

[Chilli]

True. No sure how to increase self esteem. I can't change the facts that I am short and no longer young. but, I am slim and 34d and have no complaints of my facial features. but for a guy like him, I probably need to be perfect.

 

Not really , if he's within your kinda range or whatever you sound pretty cool to me dunno what your worried about unless he's 1/2 your age like another one you were talking about.

And forget this short stuff, l'm 6ft and 5'2's almost like tall to me.

Ex w was 5ft, gf's not much taller, it's fine.

[Realitysux]

You're selling yourself short by putting more effort into how you look as oppose to how you feel. Makeup and all that girl stuff should be fun it should make you feel good. If you don't feel like doing it then you shouldn't just because you may run into a guy. He should like you for you -but I do understand how society works.

What if you had a lifestyle that was supporting self care that made you feel good even in clothes such as jogging pants and no make-up. You can look good in those clothes too and then it would not matter. I use work out and some light tanning (although, I get tanned quick and loose it quick so I'm always struggling with too much tan or non at all to the point I do not tan any more). My point is I would try to look good without make up first and only use make up as a way to enhance your beauty.

[Springsummer]

Nobody stays young forever. Many tall women long to be petite. All flat chested women, me included, have always envied women with your curves. Perfect is an illusion.

 

What you need to be is comfortable in your own skin. Until you can manage to like yourself, warts & all, all the make up & hemmed jeans in the world will not make you attractive. True beauty radiates outward.

 

Read some self help books on improving self esteem.

 

Used to read a little and listen to Joel Osteen. Guess I have to keep reading.

 

A lot to think about...and to work on.

[Springsummer]

Not really , if he's within your kinda range or whatever you sound pretty cool to me dunno what your worried about unless he's 1/2 your age like another one you were talking about.

And forget this short stuff, l'm 6ft and 5'2's almost like tall to me.

Ex w was 5ft, gf's not much taller, it's fine.

 

He has some/a few white hair. so I assume not too young? I also have some, but I use henna, so they are red, so not very visible.

Edited September 21, 2018 by Springsummer

[Springsummer]

Oh, just saw Jack Ma on CNN. damn, he is got to be one of those no good looking people out there. but he obviously is not measured by his look.

 

maybe because I am 'superficial' and focus too much on physical and feeling...but I can't deny it. I just am into how things look and feel.

[basil67]

but for a guy like him, I probably need to be perfect.

 

When you say you'd have to be perfect for a guy like him, it makes no sense. The only thing you know about him is that he's hot and that he's taken to staring at your face...which is just weird. "Normal" would be if he smiled at you.

 

Anyway, he could be dumber than a box of hammers. He could have have really bad social skills. He could have a girlfriend. He could be gay. He might be a workaholic with no time to date. He might spend far too long gazing at himself in the mirror. He might stare at random women for no reason.

 

The fact that a guy is good looking means NOTHING about what kind of man he is.

[guest569]

You feel that you need to be perfect. Does the guy have to be perfect too? Why? Is this practical? Why do you feel you need makeup?

[Springsummer]

When you say you'd have to be perfect for a guy like him, it makes no sense. The only thing you know about him is that he's hot and that he's taken to staring at your face...which is just weird. "Normal" would be if he smiled at you.

 

Anyway, he could be dumber than a box of hammers. He could have have really bad social skills. He could have a girlfriend. He could be gay. He might be a workaholic with no time to date. He might spend far too long gazing at himself in the mirror. He might stare at random women for no reason.

 

The fact that a guy is good looking means NOTHING about what kind of man he is.

 

sigh...so many possibilities...what do I do then? try to talk to him first to find out and eliminate all possibilities before I go too crazy for nothing? I guess. but I am shy.

 

He has never smiled at me. so that means there is nothing? oh, man, forget about this. damn, I was really attracted, I supposed. I could not calm down for hours after I met him at the elevator.

 

yes, now a day, every half decent man is taken, especially in my city when women outnumbered men. What made me think he is not?

Edited September 23, 2018 by Springsummer

[basil67]

sigh...so many possibilities...what do I do then? try to talk to him first to find out and eliminate all possibilities before I go too crazy for nothing? I guess. but I am shy.

 

He has never smiled at me.

 

What you do is get your expectations in check. You've got yourself going crazy about a guy who you know nothing about based on nothing more than his looks.

 

After that, you've got two choices

 

1. be shy and let him approach if/when he's interested.

 

2. be proactive, smile and say "hi" if you see him in the building. If you're in gym gear and looking unpolished, have the confidence to not care.

[BaileyB]

What you do is get your expectations in check.

 

Absolutely.

 

This will also help you to be calmer and not as emotionally reactive.

[losangelena]

True. No sure how to increase self esteem. I can't change the facts that I am short and no longer young. but, I am slim and 34d and have no complaints of my facial features. but for a guy like him, I probably need to be perfect.

 

What's perfect? Please. Any man (or woman for that matter) who expects their partner to be physically "perfect" is not a good partner. Don't get hung up on superficial BS. Personality and values are much more important in the long run that body shape and breast size. Shallow people only emphasize the physical and that's pretty gross.

[Osmium13]

Springsummer, my gf is great at her makeup. She spends up to an hour some mornings and it looks amazing. But... I couldn't care less. She looks awesome to me with or without makeup. In fact I love her 'just woken up' look more than anything else, partly because I know it's only me that ever gets to see her like that, but mainly because I love everything about her.

 

The right guy will see beyond whatever decoration is applied and love you for who you are. He won't worry about how tall you are, how long it takes you to get ready, what clothes or makeup you're wearing. If he does, he simply doesn't deserve you. Quit thinking about what you need to do to get one particular guy's attention - and wait for the one who will love you in whatever form you come in

[Springsummer]

Springsummer, my gf is great at her makeup. She spends up to an hour some mornings and it looks amazing. But... I couldn't care less. She looks awesome to me with or without makeup. In fact I love her 'just woken up' look more than anything else, partly because I know it's only me that ever gets to see her like that, but mainly because I love everything about her.

 

The right guy will see beyond whatever decoration is applied and love you for who you are. He won't worry about how tall you are, how long it takes you to get ready, what clothes or makeup you're wearing. If he does, he simply doesn't deserve you. Quit thinking about what you need to do to get one particular guy's attention - and wait for the one who will love you in whatever form you come in

 

AWW......how sweet...

[bathtub-row]

You need to be who you are, whether he’s around or not. If you’re happy with your look, then be happy with it. If you honestly think you look bad, then change how you dress and look every day - not just when you think you’ll run into him. That’s silly. Besides, why aren’t you putting your best foot forward every day where your appearance is concerned? If you’re running from someone when they appear, then that means you’re ashamed of how you look. Why would you walk around like that? If it’s because you’ve been exercising or something like that, then I’m sure he would understand that. Otherwise, you should rethink that. And btw, glasses can be very sexy. Make up isn’t that big of a deal. It takes me maybe 10 min in the morning. If I could get away with not wearing it, I would, but I look too pale.

 

I mean, what would you do if you started dating this guy? Show him a fake side of you and when you get comfortable, start looking bad again? That doesn’t work. You should be authentic.

Edited September 25, 2018 by bathtub-row

[rovers14]

As others have said, just be yourself! A good man will be attracted to YOU, not your makeup.

[MountainGirl111]

Release your inner "Alpha Female", honey! Do what makes YOU feel good. Stay away from toxic people. Stay away from people who are controlling. Stay away from mean and vindictive people. That means you don't hang out with them....

 

BUT: If you by chance run into them, be proud of who you are and don't shrink away like a withering violet.

 

This is similar to not running away from someone you're attracted to. Just smile and say "Hi" or wave or something like that. You don't really know him, so don't get all excited over someone just because of looks/appearance.

 

I second what someone said about the 5 minute makeup application if that's for you. Some gals don't like to wear makeup and that's OKAY!! If you are CONFIDENT enough to go without makeup that says a lot about you. I wear makeup every day, but I put it on in such a way that I still look natural. Maybe that could be the look you're going for.

 

Anyhow...it sounds like to me you need to build up your self confidence a little...learn to be a go getter.....release your inner "Alpha Female". Yes, there are alpha female in nature and alpha males in nature too...same with human beings. .....

 

YOU have the power within you to decide what you want in life and go for it. For myself, part of that is I want to live in such a way that I garner respect. If I'm dating someone and they don't treat me with respect....or if they treat me like an object....no, that's not going to work. No, no, the alpha female decides what's best and people respect her. But, most of all...........an alpha female has SELF RESPECT....if a person respects theirself, it doesn't matter much either way...your OWN self respect is what is most important.

Edited September 25, 2018 by MountainGirl111

[MountainGirl111]

Honey, there is NOTHING wrong with wearing glasses.

 

I've worn glasses for most of my life. I still feel attractive. Try to pick out frames that are flattering and up to date. My frames right now are "Juicy Couture" tourtise shell...these days some people who don't even need glasses wear them just for fun because they like the look! I get new frames almost everything year. Two years ago I had Jimmy Choo frames. They have sparkles in them and a gal at work copied me and was inspired to get sparkle frames too. We had fun with that!!

 

At my last job, I used to set trends with my glasses. I'd get new up to date cute frames and others would do that too. We had fun with it.

 

Now then: If you wear glasses you are maybe going to be seen as being the intellectual type.

 

Glasses can also be sexy.

 

Here's a good motto I heard once: "Work hard, be nice, and have fun".

 

And remember: Alpha Females don't take crap off no one....err....maybe that was redneck girls that don't take crap off no one. That's what my Dad taught me. If someone is horning in on your life and starts dictating to you you tell them to "Get off my land!"...in other words: Go away.

Edited September 25, 2018 by MountainGirl111

[Springsummer]

Springsummer, my gf is great at her makeup. She spends up to an hour some mornings and it looks amazing. But... I couldn't care less. She looks awesome to me with or without makeup. In fact I love her 'just woken up' look more than anything else, partly because I know it's only me that ever gets to see her like that, but mainly because I love everything about her.

 

The right guy will see beyond whatever decoration is applied and love you for who you are. He won't worry about how tall you are, how long it takes you to get ready, what clothes or makeup you're wearing. If he does, he simply doesn't deserve you. Quit thinking about what you need to do to get one particular guy's attention - and wait for the one who will love you in whatever form you come in

 

 

However, I remember a comedian once said, a man is as faithful as his options.

 

Maybe you just do not have enough options. If you do, then you can come back and tell me you still feel the same to your gf.

[Springsummer]

Release your inner "Alpha Female", honey! Do what makes YOU feel good. Stay away from toxic people. Stay away from people who are controlling. Stay away from mean and vindictive people. That means you don't hang out with them....

 

BUT: If you by chance run into them, be proud of who you are and don't shrink away like a withering violet.

 

This is similar to not running away from someone you're attracted to. Just smile and say "Hi" or wave or something like that. You don't really know him, so don't get all excited over someone just because of looks/appearance.

 

I second what someone said about the 5 minute makeup application if that's for you. Some gals don't like to wear makeup and that's OKAY!! If you are CONFIDENT enough to go without makeup that says a lot about you. I wear makeup every day, but I put it on in such a way that I still look natural. Maybe that could be the look you're going for.

 

Anyhow...it sounds like to me you need to build up your self confidence a little...learn to be a go getter.....release your inner "Alpha Female". Yes, there are alpha female in nature and alpha males in nature too...same with human beings. .....

 

YOU have the power within you to decide what you want in life and go for it. For myself, part of that is I want to live in such a way that I garner respect. If I'm dating someone and they don't treat me with respect....or if they treat me like an object....no, that's not going to work. No, no, the alpha female decides what's best and people respect her. But, most of all...........an alpha female has SELF RESPECT....if a person respects theirself, it doesn't matter much either way...your OWN self respect is what is most important.

 

Thank you so much for all the advice. I really appreciate it.

 

Alpha female...go getter...um...I have never been any of these I guess. but I have always respect myself I guess....or not, in this case, if I think I am not adequate for a hot guy, then I am not respecting myself? um...My brain is spinning.

[MountainGirl111]

Thank you so much for all the advice. I really appreciate it.

 

Alpha female...go getter...um...I have never been any of these I guess. but I have always respect myself I guess....or not, in this case, if I think I am not adequate for a hot guy, then I am not respecting myself? um...My brain is spinning.

 

That's great you respect yourself. Adequate for a hot guy? What IS a hot guy? I mean really.....it's not about looks only. My own concept of what makes a guy hot has changed....

 

Your head is spinning...is that because you think he might like you, but you can't believe you could be "good enough" for the hot guy? My advice is just be yourself. If you feel self conscious, that can be worked on....you need to build poise. Poise is like being composed and might come in handy when you are in a situation where you are nervous....So, here is a way to build poise. Do something out of your comfort zone. Go to dinner at a nice restaruant alone. Go to a movie alone. Go out dancing and if no one will ask you to dance, dance by yourself. Who gives a Flying J? Learn a new skill....maybe there is something you've always wanted to do like play an instrument, but were not sure if you could. Try it out. Do something you always wanted to by were too afraid to. While you do whatever it is you decide to practice being composed throughout the whole process.

 

Another thing my dear: Beware the hot guy syndrome. Just because he's hot does not mean he's the one for you. Just sayin'.

Edited September 26, 2018 by MountainGirl111

[Noproblem]

In a nutshell:laugh:: The story of my life

 

 

But, yeah, you should make it a habit to wear light make up if you think it makes you look better.

 

However, I don't know, I wear sportswear all the time, I don't think it makes women less attractive!

 

Plus, you will be surprised how many men like short women! It's astonishing!

 

You gotta have more confidence, and if you like someone, go get him! He probably won't come to you since you are shy and shy is bad news in this life

 

I also noticed you think you are not good enough! With this mindset, you can't really get what you want!

[MountainGirl111]

What I'm hearing from you, OP is that you have set your "sights" on this cutie/patutie hot guy and it's you goal to look good in case you run into him. You want him to see you at your best-that's what I'm hearing. I can understand that.

 

But think about this: The one you should want to look good for and feel good for is yourself. And, it's not so much the outward appearance that is where good looks start. Happiness is an inside job. Good looks start as an inside job.

 

You can't do anything about your height. But you can play up your looks some and maximize your genetics. You can be fit and healthy.

 

I think men are attracted to a "good mind" as much as anything else, depending on the guy. Also, many guys are NOT attracted to "princess-bittiies"....but do really appreciate an genuinely kind person...

 

I always felt self conscious growing up because I was the tallest kid in my class until the boys started catching up in 5th grade or therabouts. I felt like a 'giant' and it made me feel self conscious for awhile. I wanted so bad to be petite like my friends were. I got over that, eventually and as the years went by and I grew up I grew to like and accept my height, which is tall but not too tall....and realized, "Hey, God gives us the body we have...we need to love it and nurture it and treat it right....AND....we need to ACCEPT it as God-given."

 

I'm not petite and I never will be. I've got bigger bones in my upper body; medium bones in my lower body. I could pass for a Scandinavian gal. I wish I could tan better. But, you know what...I just keep working with what I got....as it's indeed what I've got for now.....

[MountainGirl111]

If someone can still see the beauty in you even if you don't think you are looking your best...that someone is worth getting to know better perhaps.

[thefooloftheyear]

 

 

 

I think men are attracted to a "good mind" as much as anything else, depending on the guy. Also, many guys are NOT attracted to "princess-bittiies"....but do really appreciate an genuinely kind person...

 

.

 

As much as it sounds good to say this the reality is men want good looking women with good bodies..The "better" the man, the more important it is...

 

I've known well educated and accomplished guys that have happy marriages with women who are dumber than stumps, but have rockin bodies, etc..

 

Of course there are guys that are content with the frumpy all around kinda gal, but its usually because they don't bring enough to the table for the hotter ones...

 

TFY