Author Sugarkane Posted March 12, 2019 Author Share Posted March 12, 2019 (edited) My husband still goes on and on about it everyday though. I can't wait until my dad expects me to care about him, after the years of his verbal abuse, controlling behaviour and selfishness. And doing everything "just because it happened to him". Instead of getting therapy about his own upbringing. With respect, you sound like a child throwing a tantrum. I vision you stomping your feet and waving your fists in the air when you say this... . Edited May 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 When your husband goes on about it, tell him "I am not discussing this any further". Each time he raises the issue, repeat exactly the same words. "I am not discussing it any further" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 12, 2019 Author Share Posted March 12, 2019 Also disappointed in my mother- who was there when he made this grand promise. Who acts dumb and wont answer. And for my dad for getting my sister to call me liar- even though she wasn't there at the time. I was really pissed off at her. Of coarse my parents "helped" her for 8 weeks because it was just an excuse for my dad to go overseas. Mind you she doesn't need help with anything. And unlike me was able to get a grad job in her field. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 I always tell my daughters that when push comes to shove, you really have only yourself to rely upon in life. I think you'd be much less resentful if you came to that realization yourself and struck out on your own to forge a future for yourself, and maybe for your child once you show that you are capable of caring for your child's needs on your own. .....Just to reiterate what I said before. If I were you, I would go to the ends of the earth to prove to my father and everyone else that I do not need them. Period. The best revenge is success, after all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 Sugarkane, you really need to let this go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 Sugarkane, you really need to let this go. You really do need to let this go. And if you are having a hard time doing that, then I would encourage you to get some help for your mental health. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 14, 2019 Author Share Posted March 14, 2019 Quite hard to let this go when I've got my husband telling me to cut off my father, every hour of every day. But my dad is part of the supervision orders and I've tried talking to him- he goes off his head, storms off or threatens me. And I still can't understand why my husband saw info from a lawyer about getting custody, on his dads laptop AND still promised me that his parents weren't going to take custody. As I mentioned before You really do need to let this go. And if you are having a hard time doing that, then I would encourage you to get some help for your mental health. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 16, 2019 Author Share Posted March 16, 2019 Still being harassed 24/7 to the point where we can't run this business together and my husband then goes and complains to his parents- in text or in front of me, that I'm not working with him. And only telling them half the story- not including his refusal to communicate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 18, 2019 Author Share Posted March 18, 2019 ???????????? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 ???????????? What kind of magic advice are you looking for, exactly? It’s untenible. Your father is unreasonable. Your husband is unreasonable. And you are unreasonable. This has been going on for a LONG time, it’s not going to get any better unless someone makes a MAJOR shift and walks away from this crazy situation. Given the length of time you have been complaining about this, and given your complete unwillingness to consider any of the advice that has previously been offered, I don’t see things changing anytime soon. If I was you, I would find myself a doctor, a counsellor, and a divorce lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 Sugarkane, you really need to let this go. Agreed. She makes it sound like she thinks about it because her husband brings it up a lot, but the passion with which she speaks on this matter shows she would fixate on it even if he weren't talking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 ???????????? What kind of help are you wanting? You've been complaining about EVERYONE for a long time. When are YOU going to stand up and take responsibility for the choices you've made? When are YOU going to decide once and for all to divorce your husband, and work your butt off to regain custody of your child. Constantly blaming EVERYONE else for the circumstances you are in just sounds exhausting. If it is exhausting to you, how are you going to fix it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted April 28, 2019 Author Share Posted April 28, 2019 (edited) What kind of help are you wanting? You've been complaining about EVERYONE for a long time. Well I've been doing therapy for a long time now and the therapist hasn't helped me with deciding whether or not to end this marriage or not. I just feel like I'm repeating myself over and over. And I'm always willing to put 200% into therapy because I want my moneys worth. My husband keeps going back and forth on whether to keep working on the business. I'm sick to death with working with the business and not saving a cent. Then if I try and work somewhere else, his parents insult me for it. Edited May 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 28, 2019 Share Posted April 28, 2019 (edited) Well I've been doing therapy for a long time now and the therapist hasn't helped me with deciding whether or not to end this marriage or not. I just feel like I’m repeating myself over and over. We feel the same way... If your therapist is encouraging you to stay in this very unhealthy family dynamic, then you need to find a new therapist Sugarkane. Edited April 28, 2019 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted April 30, 2019 Author Share Posted April 30, 2019 (edited) I'd like to add he lied that he needed to "help my sister overseas". So that was an other excuse for yet another overseas 8 week holiday. He's had sevral now. With respect, you sound like a child throwing a tantrum. I vision you stomping your feet and waving your fists in the air when you say this.... Edited May 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 You are responsible for your own life. If you want your life to be different, change YOURSELF. Otherwise, it would be good for you to stop complaining about and blaming other people. Frankly, your lack of accountability seems pathological. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 You are responsible for your own life. If you want your life to be different, change YOURSELF. Otherwise, it would be good for you to stop complaining about and blaming other people. Frankly, your lack of accountability seems pathological. This. It hurts when people we trust disappoint us. There comes a point, though, where you defer too much to the actions of others to account for your place in life. When continually passing the buck to someone else for why your life is the way it is, we find ourselves helpless and feeling as though life happening to us rather than us having any agency about what happens. OP, it seems like the months and years have slipped by and you're no closer to not blaming everyone else in your network for the situation you find yourself in. Self-reflection isn't always easy, as it can make us face some uncomfortable truths. The alternative, as you're finding out year by year, is feeling like a grain of sand being tossed around by the elements. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 18, 2019 Author Share Posted May 18, 2019 (edited) Not true- I've blamed myself every single day since this has happened. I've tried relentlessly applying for work on and off. For a variety of roles. I don't know why I'm getting rejected. I'm not fussed what sort of work to do. Also what happens is I do a large job for my small business with my husband- brand new houses. This builder is EXTREMELY DISORGANISED. I do the job but it keeps being pushed back. It's always when I get call back from jobs I applied for. Then I don't know when this large current job will be finished. Making it awkward when I'm trying to do job interviews for other jobs. I get disillusioned when every reply is "WE HAD A LARGE NUMBER OF APPLICANTS, SORRY YOU DIDN'T GET THE JOB". Again I'm not fussed about what sort of job I do. This. It hurts when people we trust disappoint us. There comes a point, though, where you defer too much to the actions of others to account for your place in life. Edited May 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 22, 2019 Author Share Posted May 22, 2019 ????/???? Without any feedback, I don't know why I'm, getting rejected for jobs? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted June 7, 2019 Author Share Posted June 7, 2019 Please elaborate We feel the same way... If your therapist is encouraging you to stay in this very unhealthy family dynamic, then you need to find a new therapist Sugarkane. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted June 7, 2019 Author Share Posted June 7, 2019 Also If I say I want to send this marriage, my husband threatens to sue me and take me to court. Because he says he can't afford this place by himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 Also If I say I want to send this marriage, my husband threatens to sue me and take me to court. Because he says he can't afford this place by himself. You can't successfully sue someone for divorcing you in Australia. Again, unless there's something you're not telling us. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted June 7, 2019 Author Share Posted June 7, 2019 Well sue me because he can't afford the apartment on his own. You can't successfully sue someone for divorcing you in Australia. Again, unless there's something you're not telling us. Link to post Share on other sites
TheRainbow Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 Well sue me because he can't afford the apartment on his own. That is usually discussed in divorce proceedings. ALso if he can't afford to live in his current apartment, he can move. Link to post Share on other sites
Cyndyrr327 Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 If someone makes an allegation that u aren’t taking care of your child there would be an investigation and they wouldn’t charge u for that. They would report their findings to the court. Assuming they find nothing alarming, you wouldn’t really need a lawyer to fight anything. The fact that your husbands family’s concerns haven’t just gone away in the investigation and court process does seem that there might be some issues with your parenting style. Courts don’t require supervised visits bc the mother is poor. Can I ask how old u are? Link to post Share on other sites
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