Author Sugarkane Posted October 18, 2018 Author Share Posted October 18, 2018 (edited) I actually do live on my own. I only expected my parents to share because they PROMISED in the first place. Is that so hard not expect someone to actually keep a promise? Considering my dad likes to make out that he's a good guy. <SNIP> I don't understand why you feel so entitled to what you parents have. You mentioned they had a couple of inheritances and used them for themselves rather than given the money to you. You sound as if you are honestly shocked that they didn't just fork it over. <SNIP> Edited October 18, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 (edited) So what do I do about my dads blatant lying and gaslighting? Also bragging about not taking us on the holiday and as I said my WHOLE EXTENDED FAMILY ALL WENT (as my uncle and aunt actually shared with my cousins). Who wouldn't be pissed off? Again, your focus is warped. You keep going on and on about how everyone is failing you. No, YOU are failing you. Your anger should be towards the fact that you have lost custody of your child. The fact that you can't provide for her. The fact that you made mistakes in your life that are affecting you today. Stop being mad at the world and start focusing internally on what you need to do to make your life better. You said your father is a toxic man but you're surprised and upset that he isn't acting fairly. Stop looking at his behavior and start looking at your own. The only person you can depend on is yourself. I learned that at 19. So stop pointing fingers at who did what and point the finger at yourself. Find a job regardless of your husband's objections. Edited October 18, 2018 by Zahara 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted October 20, 2018 Share Posted October 20, 2018 I had post natal depression when I had my daughter. There was never neglect or abuse. Obviously birth control isn't 100% affective and my daughter is proof of that. Postpartum depression isn't a reason (in the eyes of the law) to remove a child from it's mother Plenty of Moms have postpartum depression and keep their children Only in cases of abuse or neglect are kids taken away 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 20, 2018 Share Posted October 20, 2018 So what do I do about my dads blatant lying and gaslighting? Also bragging about not taking us on the holiday and as I said my WHOLE EXTENDED FAMILY ALL WENT (as my uncle and aunt actually shared with my cousins). Who wouldn't be pissed off? Cut him off. It's pretty clear that you don't like or respect him, so continue your life without him. Link to post Share on other sites
Carpe Diem Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 You say your husband is on the Spectrum, have you ever considered that you yourself may be as well? Your level of writing, thinking and self reflection is not indicative of a 31 year old. When I read your posts you come across as a pentulant, teenage girl with one-track thinking and no ability to take both advice and/or responsibility. It is possible you may have a personality disorder that is undiagnosed? Getting help with serious psychiatric conditions can allow you to move past a lifetime and litany of people from teachers, to bosses, to family, to friends etc. That have all done you wrong and caused all your grief. P.S. please don’t respond with how your father has done you wrong by not giving you money and enjoying his trip to Europe. (Rubbing it in your face.) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted December 10, 2018 Author Share Posted December 10, 2018 No I'm not on the Spectrum. You say your husband is on the Spectrum, have you ever considered that you yourself may be as well? Your level of writing, thinking and self reflection is not indicative of a 31 year old. When I read your posts you come across as a pentulant, teenage girl with one-track thinking and no ability to take both advice and/or responsibility. It is possible you may have a personality disorder that is undiagnosed? Getting help with serious psychiatric conditions can allow you to move past a lifetime and litany of people from teachers, to bosses, to family, to friends etc. That have all done you wrong and caused all your grief. P.S. please don’t respond with how your father has done you wrong by not giving you money and enjoying his trip to Europe. (Rubbing it in your face.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted December 10, 2018 Author Share Posted December 10, 2018 Well that's the reason. At the end of the day, I've got the report, you don't. Cut him off. It's pretty clear that you don't like or respect him, so continue your life without him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted December 10, 2018 Author Share Posted December 10, 2018 Problem is I've got my husband going on and on about my dad lying EVERYDAY for the last 2 YEARS. He harasses me asking why he did it, but I don't know why because he (my dad) never explains himself. My husband emails my dad and my dad never answers. My dad seemed to get off saying that he needed to help my sister overseas for 8 weeks- who actually didn't need help at all and is doing a working visa/ holiday. Again, your focus is warped. You keep going on and on about how everyone is failing you. No, YOU are failing you. Your anger should be towards the fact that you have lost custody of your child. The fact that you can't provide for her. The fact that you made mistakes in your life that are affecting you today. Stop being mad at the world and start focusing internally on what you need to do to make your life better. You said your father is a toxic man but you're surprised and upset that he isn't acting fairly. Stop looking at his behavior and start looking at your own. The only person you can depend on is yourself. I learned that at 19. So stop pointing fingers at who did what and point the finger at yourself. Find a job regardless of your husband's objections. Link to post Share on other sites
TheRainbow Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 Everyone has given you plenty of good advice. What exactly are you looking for? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 Well that's the reason. At the end of the day, I've got the report, you don't. I advised you to cut your dad out of your life and you respond with this. What report are you talking about and how is it connected to cutting/not cutting off your father? Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 You are an adult. I realize life is tough, but you needed to have yourfinancial affairs in order before you started a family. Other family members are not responsible to bail you out. You and your husband are going to have to grab the proverbial shovel and dig yourself out of your financial hole. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted December 19, 2018 Author Share Posted December 19, 2018 Problem is he supervises one of the days with us and my mum. I'm not sure what would happen if I cut him off. If my mum would still continue supervising for us? If not, I don't currently have the money to go back to the lawyers and change it. I advised you to cut your dad out of your life and you respond with this. What report are you talking about and how is it connected to cutting/not cutting off your father? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted December 19, 2018 Author Share Posted December 19, 2018 It's also hard having an unstable marriage and having enough of this business with my husband. I advised you to cut your dad out of your life and you respond with this. What report are you talking about and how is it connected to cutting/not cutting off your father? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted December 19, 2018 Author Share Posted December 19, 2018 Just can't decide whether to stay in this relationship because of the 24/7 arguing ever since this happened. And letting his parents be extremely controlling and refusing to give back our child. Link to post Share on other sites
Tristian Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 After clean up I'm going to ask that everyone assume an OP to be truthful in what they have chosen to share when it comes to writing your replies. If you are unable to do that, you are not required to respond. As always, any accusations of lying or trolling should be sent to moderation and not posted on the open forum. Future accusations on this thread will be treated as a troll call-out with immediate time on moderation for the accuser. Those looking for more information on the OPs arrangement with their in-laws can refer to the consolidated past threads here. My in laws filed for custody of my daughter, now we are living separately Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 I think that at this point you need to let go of the resentment towards your father and the money/vacation thing and really take a moment to focus on your end goal. Do you want to get your child back full time in your custody? What do you need to do in order to achieve that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted December 31, 2018 Author Share Posted December 31, 2018 Still being harassed 24/7 from my husband about my dad lies and my husband wanting me to talk/ cut off my dad. To the point where we can't even work together. Like every week, my husband says he's going to have a go at my dad and then doesn't (when my parents supervise on Sundays). Then my husband says "I want to get you pregnant". Despite our financial situation and arguing about money 24/7. I got angry and asked if has he learnt nothing from this situation at all? and stormed out. I don't know whether to get divorced. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted December 31, 2018 Author Share Posted December 31, 2018 As always never did get an apology and yet my dad can fly across the other side of world and "help" my sister out for 8 weeks. Who only had the flu. So how does that work out? I'm being harassed 24/7 from my husband to do something about my dad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted December 31, 2018 Author Share Posted December 31, 2018 I try and tell my husband this, but he doesn't listen. My father was the same kind of man, likely worse in that he was physically abusive as well. But I never asked him for any sort of help after I moved out to the city at 19. I found my own way. Even when I was living in the city and had no money to buy food, I pushed through without his help. I’d rather starve than hear his abuse. If your father are all those things, then 1) you should not expect his help 2) you should not ask for his help 3) you should expect that someone like him may not be reliable. Again, you are quick to point out his negatives but you have no issues feeling entitled and having these expectations that he support you. You really need to find your own independence. There’s a reason why you are in this situation. It’s because of the bad choices YOU have made. In that sense, it’s your responsibility and only yours to fix them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted December 31, 2018 Author Share Posted December 31, 2018 (edited) Really feel like I've lost attraction to my husband, as he was fine with my in laws refusing to give our child back. I've never cheated on anyone, but I've sure been tempted to now. Edited December 31, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 31, 2018 Share Posted December 31, 2018 (edited) You shouldn't be tempted to cheat.. how is that going to solve anything ? You should be tempted to divorce him though.... And his comment about wanting to get you pregnant.. OMG.. make sure you are on BC and in charge of it, don't you dare trust him to put a condom on and it not have a hole in it... Edited January 9, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted December 31, 2018 Author Share Posted December 31, 2018 I guess it wouldn't solve anything. There's just so much resentment. The fact that my husband didn't seem to care at all they were treating me like damn child and telling me I must be "supervised" with my own kid. And being threatened and verbally abused by my sister in law on a daily basis, while my in laws did nothing. And I still get NO ANSWERS from them about this, why they lied about taking me for custody. When I'm the one who was being threatened and verbally abused? You shouldn't be tempted to cheap.. how is that going to solve anything ? You should be tempted to divorce him though.... And his comment about wanting to get you pregnant.. OMG.. make sure you are on BC and in charge of it, don't you dare trust him to put a condom on and it not have a hole in it... Link to post Share on other sites
L0nely Posted January 1, 2019 Share Posted January 1, 2019 I've been trying everything to fix this situation and I can't stand the 24/7 fighting with my husband. Still struggling financially but he doesn't want me to get another job. I've really been suicidal. no, i don't think you deserve to have your child back yet. Even any thoughts of suicidal is no joke, let alone to have a child with you. I'm afraid you might take the child "down with you" when all else fails. I've heard terrifying stories of that already. This subject is no joke. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 13, 2019 Author Share Posted January 13, 2019 I would never hurt my child. I'm just sick and tired of living with hell and having to be supervised with these people. no, i don't think you deserve to have your child back yet. Even any thoughts of suicidal is no joke, let alone to have a child with you. I'm afraid you might take the child "down with you" when all else fails. I've heard terrifying stories of that already. This subject is no joke. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 13, 2019 Author Share Posted January 13, 2019 I just don't know what to do. My parents want me to divorce and my husband wants me to cut off my father. My husband uses our time with my daughter, just to complain about me the whole time. My husband still argues 24/7 about my dad everyday and I tell him everyday, that I don't have the answers. Link to post Share on other sites
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