Author Sugarkane Posted January 13, 2019 Author Share Posted January 13, 2019 My husband always wants another child, but how am I supposed to know if he will just sit back and let his parents take away another child and be ok with it? He doesn't like answering this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 16, 2019 Author Share Posted January 16, 2019 ?????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 21, 2019 Author Share Posted January 21, 2019 I just don't know what to do. My parents want me to divorce and my husband wants me to cut off my father. My husband still argues 24/7 about my dad everyday and I tell him everyday, that I don't have the answers. ????????????//???? Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 Not sure what you're looking for. We've already told you NOT to have another child, get counseling, stand on your own 2 feet. What more do you want to hear? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 I don't know whether to leave my marriage. Every hour, every day for the past 2 years, my husband argues about why my dad lied about helping us out. Everyday I tell him- I don't know why and I've tried unsuccessfully to talk to my dad, but my dad cuts me off, threatens me and stands over me. And I tell my husband to ask my dad himself. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 (edited) I don't know whether to leave my marriage. Every hour, every day for the past 2 years, my husband argues about why my dad lied about helping us out. Everyday I tell him- I don't know why and I've tried unsuccessfully to talk to my dad, but my dad cuts me off, threatens me and stands over me. And I tell my husband to ask my dad himself. Your father doesn't owe you an explanation. And your husband doesn't have the right to challenge your father. Fact is, your father can change his mind for whatever reason, though my guess is that he felt that that one or both of you were no longer deserving or there was a falling out of some type. Why is this still such an issue for you and your husband two years down the track? Edited January 25, 2019 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 I disagree, I think he should've explained himself. It's an issue because we lost my SIL apartment and had to move back in with my SIL and my in laws. Then they filed for custody soon after.Your father doesn't owe you an explanation. And your husband doesn't have the right to challenge your father. Fact is, your father can change his mind for whatever reason, though my guess is that he felt that that one or both of you were no longer deserving or there was a falling out of some type. Why is this still such an issue for you and your husband two years down the track? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 I have so much regret. I don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
The Dude Abides Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Sugarkane One thing I have learned after being married for close to 25 years: do everything possible to minimize entanglements with family. My wife and I have made the mistake numerous times and gotten involved to some extant with her family or my family. And it often times has come back to bite us in the backside. Somewhere along the line we wised up and determined we will stand on our own. We feel can face life's challenges together and it makes for an easier way to manage things versus getting bogged down with other people. I haven't read your entire thread so maybe this has already been asked: Can you convince your husband to retract from all these negative interactions, hit the reset button, and resolve that just the two of you will handle things as a team from here forward? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 I disagree, I think he should've explained himself. It's an issue because we lost my SIL apartment and had to move back in with my SIL and my in laws. Then they filed for custody soon after. You and your husband are two grown adults and parents. It's up to both of you to be able to support yourselves and keep a roof over your own head. Nobody owes you anything. Perhaps you disagree with this. But it is what it is and the two of you grumbling and fighting over your father's decision is only going to hold you back. You both need to let it go and stand on your own two feet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 I'm not sure how to convince my husband to do that. Plus I feel betrayed, as my husband promised that his parents weren't going to take custody. He says he didn't know they were going to do it. But I'm not sure. Sugarkane One thing I have learned after being married for close to 25 years: do everything possible to minimize entanglements with family. My wife and I have made the mistake numerous times and gotten involved to some extant with her family or my family. And it often times has come back to bite us in the backside. Somewhere along the line we wised up and determined we will stand on our own. We feel can face life's challenges together and it makes for an easier way to manage things versus getting bogged down with other people. I haven't read your entire thread so maybe this has already been asked: Can you convince your husband to retract from all these negative interactions, hit the reset button, and resolve that just the two of you will handle things as a team from here forward? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 I'm not sure how to convince my husband to do that. Plus I feel betrayed, as my husband promised that his parents weren't going to take custody. He says he didn't know they were going to do it. But I'm not sure. What was the clue that his parents were going to take custody? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Regarding your husband's wish to have children, the answer is simple: "We can have another child when our marriage is stable. When we've got sufficient income to support ourselves and our children, keep a roof over our heads and food on the table (without expecting handouts from dad). When we've proved to the court that our daughter is no longer at risk and we've regained custody" If you haven't ticked all these boxes, you shouldn't be having another one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 Nothing. When we lost my SIL place we had to move back in with them. I was sick and tired of being threatened and screamed at, by my SIL. There was a huge fight and I left at some point. I stayed at my parents for a week. But my husband and my in laws harassed me to come back, saying that they were going to keep my SIL under control and they weren't going to take custody. Then I went back and later received a letter from my in laws lawyer saying they were applying for custody. What was the clue that his parents were going to take custody? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Nothing. When we lost my SIL place we had to move back in with them. I was sick and tired of being threatened and screamed at, by my SIL. There was a huge fight and I left at some point. I stayed at my parents for a week. But my husband and my in laws harassed me to come back, saying that they were going to keep my SIL under control and they weren't going to take custody. Then I went back and later received a letter from my in laws lawyer saying they were applying for custody. You said your husband promised that they weren't going to take custody and you resent him because they did. If this was the first you knew of it, it's likely it's the first he knew of it too. Did he give evidence against you in court? If not, I can't see why you're holding this against him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 I think he does. I only expected help BECAUSE HE PROMISED in the first place. IF I broke a promise to help him, reneged the offer and then gaslighted him and called him liar- he'd be demanding answers from me. I guarantee that! SO why is it ok for him to lie? Your father doesn't owe you an explanation. And your husband doesn't have the right to challenge your father. Fact is, your father can change his mind for whatever reason, though my guess is that he felt that that one or both of you were no longer deserving or there was a falling out of some type. Why is this still such an issue for you and your husband two years down the track? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 (edited) I'm not sure if I can. My husband is a very black and white person and doesn't like people going back on their word. I haven't read your entire thread so maybe this has already been asked: Can you convince your husband to retract from all these negative interactions, hit the reset button, and resolve that just the two of you will handle things as a team from here forward? Edited May 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 I just want answers as to why I was lied too, as my dad makes out he's such an honest person. You and your husband are two grown adults and parents. It's up to both of you to be able to support yourselves and keep a roof over your own head. Nobody owes you anything. Perhaps you disagree with this. But it is what it is and the two of you grumbling and fighting over your father's decision is only going to hold you back. You both need to let it go and stand on your own two feet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 The clue was my husband saw info on my FIL's laptop, from a lawyer about getting custody of our child. Before they took custody. What was the clue that his parents were going to take custody? Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 I always tell my daughters that when push comes to shove, you really have only yourself to rely upon in life. I think you'd be much less resentful if you came to that realization yourself and struck out on your own to forge a future for yourself, and maybe for your child once you show that you are capable of caring for your child's needs on your own. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 (edited) I just want answers as to why I was lied too, as my dad makes out he's such an honest person. Did he actually lie? Or did something happen to change his mind? I wonder if he had certain expectations of you and you failed to deliver. It's like my daughter saving for a car. I told her I'd give her X amount, but only if she got a job and showed savings of her own. Edited March 11, 2019 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 Sugarkane, how is fixating on this issue with your father helping you move forward? You will probably never have an answer you like, so it's best to let it go Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 12, 2019 Author Share Posted March 12, 2019 He did actually lie. And callously said it "was all in jest". Then to make it worse gaslighted me and got my sister- who wasn't there at the time he made the promise, to call me a liar. There were no expectations and I asked my husband- who was there at the time, just in case. Did he actually lie? Or did something happen to change his mind? I wonder if he had certain expectations of you and you failed to deliver. It's like my daughter saving for a car. I told her I'd give her X amount, but only if she got a job and showed savings of her own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 12, 2019 Author Share Posted March 12, 2019 So when my dad one day will expect me to help him, should I make promises, then call him liar and say it was all in jest as well? I know for sure he'll expect me to care and help him when he's old. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 I think he does. I only expected help BECAUSE HE PROMISED in the first place. Why is it ok for him to lie? With respect, you sound like a child throwing a tantrum. I vision you stomping your feet and waving your fists in the air when you say this... If my father went back on a promise - and to be fair, he has done exactly that - I would come to a quick understanding that he is not to be trusted or relied upon for anything... and then,I would find a way to get what I need and make my own way... Your father doesn’t owe you anything - I don’t care what he had “promised” you - you are an adult now and he owes you nothing. Quit wasting your time and stop spinning your wheels... this is an opportunity to grow as a person, develop self reliance, and learn to steer your own ship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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