Absolutely unconditionally bat sh*t crazy head over heels madly in love with him

[preraph]

I think she desperately needs to be seeing a therapist and that an inpatient program would do her some good. None of this is moderate. It's been obsessive since Day 1. Obsession happens, but it shouldn't last this long under these circumstances. I guess she doesn't have insurance. Most insurance will pay for some treatment.

[Happy Lemming]

She may be terribly obsessed but none of this "borders on stalking".

 

You are entitled to your opinion, I am entitled to mine.

 

We are going to have to agree to disagree.

[lana-banana]

I think she desperately needs to be seeing a therapist and that an inpatient program would do her some good. None of this is moderate. It's been obsessive since Day 1. Obsession happens, but it shouldn't last this long under these circumstances. I guess she doesn't have insurance. Most insurance will pay for some treatment.

 

I don't know where you live that inpatient programs are readily available and accessible for issues other than drug and alcohol addiction. America simply does not have widely available, insurance-covered inpatient programs for psychological problems. It can be hard even if you're rich and famous. Virginia state senator Creigh Deeds couldn't get inpatient care for his son when his son was having a psychotic episode. Even the private treatment facilities were all booked solid. If you pose an immediate risk to your own health and safety you will probably not get a bed someplace; you're more likely to go straight to jail. The idea that MH (who does not have so much as a diagnosis for depression, much less psychosis or a history of violence) could just waltz off somewhere and be treated for anything less than thousands of dollars a day is beyond laughable. MH has told us multiple times she can't afford a therapist even with her current insurance. It shouldn't be that way, but it is.

 

Plenty of young women have dealt with obsessions a lot worse than this. The key is recognizing backsliding and moving forward before it gets any worse. MH, if you keep making an effort and keep putting one foot ahead of the other, you'll do great. You just have to keep moving. It's like they say about dieting: "turn your setback into a comeback."

Edited October 29, 2019 by lana-banana

[LoverOfDance]

MH, therapy is costing you half your pay check. Therapy is not realistic for you right now if you ask me. Google support groups for people experiencing emotional trauma. You need to look for affordable ways to heal. Things are already tough enough. Must you go broke on top of everything you are going through?

 

I have said it more than once that you seriously struggle with being honest. You are not honest with yourself and you aren’t really honest with other people either.

 

I am seriously surprised at how the people on here are treating you. It is good to be gentle with others but I honestly think that the Op needs a bit of a tough hand otherwise she will never heal from this.

 

Op, you need a serious REALITY CHECK. The person you think Jason is, is NOT who he is. Things are not what you think they are. Jason does NOT see you the way you think he sees you. You are not his friend. You’ve never really been. No good person treats a real friend this way. You NEED TO WAKE UP.

 

You really need help Op and I don’t think anyone on here can really truly help you. Join a support group please. Look for real people. The fact that you don’t see things for what they are is NOT GOOD. You need to find REAL people who CAN HELP YOU.

[Madd_hatter]

I haven’t stalked him to the point where I would need psychiatric in-patient stay. So I’ve checked his profiles a few times, and I called and texted him twice In a year, I hardly see that as a threat.

 

I already said I won’t cause him, his wife, or unborn child any problems at all. I’m not thinking of harming myself or anyone else. Never have. As a matter of fact, I want the opposite for myself. I want to feel better, not hurt myself more.

 

What are my plans now? I’ll stay in therapy as long as I can, keep writing, try to keep him out of my mind as hard as I can by keeping busy and doing that’s that make me happy. I’m determined to become myself again. I haven’t been me in a long time. Too long! And it’s time I regain me ground.

 

Happy lemming, not that it matters, but you asked a question so here’s your answer.

 

He had gone out with a few other girls but nothing serious. Just a few dates. His wife was his first real long term relationship.

[preraph]

I hope this latest development truly does make you want to move on and get past this. You are young and shouldn't be living such a miserable existence. You should be out having fun.

[Happy Lemming]

Ok..I’m obsessed with him. I have an unhealthy addiction to him. I’ve been sitting here, looking at all of his social media accounts and sulking for the passed 3 hours.

 

I called him yesterday. He screened me. I sent a text afterwards saying that I miss him. He didn’t reply.

 

I haven’t stalked him...

 

 

Leave him alone... He has a wife, a child on the way and is trying to live his life. He actions are none of your business.

[Beachead]

@MH

 

You're doing fine and you're showing improvement..but don't text that guy again for two reasons:

 

1. His wife might read it and if that happens, it will hurt his marriage. You care about him so I'm sure you don't want to do that right?

 

2. It only hurts you. In your mind, you see him as your world..and now your world is ignoring you, which makes you feel completely abandoned. This only reinforces the fallacy that you have nothing else to live for and are all alone. Such harsh criticisms to yourself is not fair to you.

 

What you need is perspective, love, support, guidance.

 

If there's anything you want to say to him, continue to let it out here on the No Contact thread (It's good you're using it). Use the Coping thread as well as there are some good people on there, going through their own struggles, willing to share and talk with you about their mutually shared pain. It's good to have buddies going through similar struggles that show you that you're not crazy.

 

You can also just click my name and PM me.

 

- Beach

Edited October 30, 2019 by Beachead

[Madd_hatter]

I guess I’m doing better. It was just a rough week. Too much information to learn in such a short time. I needed time to process.

 

People grow apart. Friends sometimes stop being friends. Sometimes there are people who are only meant to pass through your life, and that’s that. He will always be in my heart, no question about that, but I can’t keep holding the torch for him.

 

I’m ok for now, but I know I’ll have another setback.

[Beachead]

MH,

 

Good. You just had a rude awakening is all. Despite your pain, you sound clear which is good.

 

Stay strong.

 

Beach

[HiCrunchy]

Good MH. I'm glad you are feeling better.

 

 

Even though you aren't physically chasing Jason, mentally you are.

Him moving is a blessing. I promise you.

 

You should delete his number so you aren't tempted to reach out again.

Also, block him on social media. You said yourself, he isn't responding to your calls or texts, so blocking him isn't going to hurt his feelings, and it will give you the space you need. You need mental space from him, so no scrolling on social media for 3 hours fantasizing about how great he is. Also, don't say goodbye, he doesn't want contact with you.

 

 

The only way to move on is to mentally decide you aren't going to chase him. But you need to want to make that space.

 

Empower yourself. I know you can do this. We all believe you can.

[Madd_hatter]

Hey all, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’ve been trying to focus on healing. Therapy is going well. I think I like this therapist better than the last one. She seems to be focusing on me a lot more, whereas the last one mostly just talked about...him. I feel like she was more obsessed with him than I am lol

 

My new therapist is helping me understand that the reason I’m unhappy has a lot more to do with me, than it does him. It’s like I’m depending on him to fulfill my happiness instead of actually doing something on my own. No one wants to hear that they’re lazy but I have been thinking a lot about it and it does make sense. I’m not lazy.. but it’s easier to let someone else make you happy than trying to do it yourself.

 

I still feel scared and alone. Like there’s something missing. I don’t know how to fill that void yet.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Great news, MH! I'm so glad you like this therapist better than the last one. It sounds like she really gets you and the issues you're dealing with.

[preraph]

Glad to hear this therapist is better for you. I hope things continue to progress and you start feeling better.

[Beachead]

@MH

 

It’s like I’m depending on him to fulfill my happiness instead of actually doing something on my own.

 

Glad to hear you're beginning to realize that focusing on yourself and your life is what's going to get you out of this rut.

 

Keep going

 

- Beach

[Madd_hatter]

I’ve failed. Big time!

 

Our church made him a going away party (he’s leaving on Monday) and I was invited, of course. I fought myself not to go. I told myself all day there was no reason for me to go. But I started to get ready anyway. Still telling myself I wouldn’t go, while doing my hair and makeup, picking out an outfit. I went. I saw him and his beautiful pregnant wife. He was so happy. He said he was glad I came. We even danced. He held me while we slow danced and kissed my head. His wife was there, it was completely innocent. He told me he was going to miss me. I told him I already miss him, and I swear I saw him tear up. We said goodbye and that was it.

 

I’m beside myself with emotion. I don’t know how I feel.

Edited November 14, 2019 by Madd_hatter

[Happy Lemming]

...He was so happy.

 

Yes, he is happy without you...

 

Now it is time for you to find happiness without him.

[healing light]

I saw him and his beautiful pregnant wife. He was so happy. He said he was glad I came. We even danced. He held me while we slow danced and kissed my head. His wife was there, it was completely innocent. He told me he was going to miss me. I told him I already miss him, and I swear I saw him tear up.

 

Uh.... am I the only one who thinks this is effed given the background?

 

I don't want to say anything to encourage your attachment to this guy because I think you deserve to be happy and he's clearly moving into the next chapter of his life.

 

I am having difficulty reconciling this with someone who shaded your calls just a week or two before. I can see where you feel a hot mess.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Uh.... am I the only one who thinks this is effed given the background?

 

 

I'm surprised a church would even allow this behavior (meaning, that someone didn't step in and remind this guy he is married).

[nospam99]

I’ve failed. Big time!

 

Our church made him a going away party (he’s leaving on Monday) and I was invited, of course. I fought myself not to go. I told myself all day there was no reason for me to go. But I started to get ready anyway. Still telling myself I wouldn’t go, while doing my hair and makeup, picking out an outfit. I went. I saw him and his beautiful pregnant wife. He was so happy. He said he was glad I came. We even danced. He held me while we slow danced and kissed my head. His wife was there, it was completely innocent. He told me he was going to miss me. I told him I already miss him, and I swear I saw him tear up. We said goodbye and that was it.

 

I’m beside myself with emotion. I don’t know how I feel.

 

I do NOT see this as a failure. Yes, your feelings (obsessive limerence) about him are still totally counterproductive for you. Speaking as someone who was in limerence for 18 months, I relate and observe that you are barely past the half-life. BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, your ACTIONS (and his) (feelings don't count here) were totally positive, respectful, and MATURE. You and he treated each other and parted (at least superficially) as friends. If I had to attend a party for my ex-wife, I'd choke on my words to say I missed her (I miss her dog A LOT) and work to not spit in her face if she said she missed me. Now is your opportunity and goal to get back to being open to someone (or something) else on who or which to focus your need to love and be loved. How for you to feel? I hope you can reflect on the events of the party and feel 'closure'.

[Madd_hatter]

To be completely honest, I don’t know how I feel. I can’t really get a grasp on how I’m feeling. It was a very bittersweet moment last night. I was with him, we were talking, laughing, dancing, and he kissed me forehead, that all felt like utter bliss and my heart feels so full, but so empty. He’s leaving,. He was saying goodbye, he’s married, he’s having a baby. It all feels so confusing.

 

As for closure? Yeah, I definitely feel closure. It was better than him ignoring me in the past.

 

I’m exhausted. I’m so emotionally drained. It will feel really good to get back into my church. But I know I’ll be sad without him there, looking at the seat he used to sit in. My mind and heart are all over the place.

 

So so so tired.

Edited November 14, 2019 by Madd_hatter

[Beachead]

Just remind yourself that he was gone a long time ago. From the moment he chose an entirely new person to start a relationship with instead of his childhood friend whom he shared so much history with, it was over. It was just very difficult for you to come to acceptance of that. It should have been a real wake up call for you at that point, that it was never going to be. I say that because childhood to adulthood together is a long time. That's a lot of history; a lot of memories and experiences and conversations. If all that wasn't enough to convince him you were the woman for him, what else is there for you to do? It should have told you, even if things didn't work out with his now wife, he would have ended up being with someone else. If it wasn't that person, then someone else. And if it wasn't that person, it'd be another. Anyone but you.

 

It's good that you realized that you have weaknesses to work on.

 

- Beach

Edited November 15, 2019 by Beachead

[mark clemson]

There's some hope here that, once further contact becomes impossible, your limerence might fade sooner. Not at all guaranteed, but it could happen. I suspect the vast majority of those reading your thread hope it does for your sake.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

There's some hope here that, once further contact becomes impossible, your limerence might fade sooner. Not at all guaranteed, but it could happen. I suspect the vast majority of those reading your thread hope it does for your sake.

 

Amen!

 

OP, we all just want healing for you.

[Madd_hatter]

Thanks for the support. It’s nice to have people cheering you on when you feel like you can’t go any further.

 

I am so tired of being alone. I’m tired of being rejected. I’m tired of people not choosing me. I’m tired of wanted things I can’t have.

 

I just want someone to want me. I want to feel beautiful. I want to feel sexy, special, desired. I want to have someone to come home to. I want someone to sleep with.. I don’t mean that in a dirty way. I want to literally sleep with someone..not just have sex. I just want someone. I’m lonely.