Infuriated..

[OatsAndHall]

It's fine for a woman to have guy friends. But unfortunately, in many cases the term "friend" is very loose cause it's just used to disguise orbiters and ego-boosters. So it comes down to a woman enjoying the attention and being out of reach while giving just enough for them to think there still might be a possibility to smash. Like spending the night after a concert. Or spending two nights in a secluded cabin. Maybe OP's ex gf really didn't have sex with her male friends those two times. But the fact that she has such loose boundaries while in a relationship is what's keeping those orbiters motivated.

You don't normally spend a weekend alone with a regular male friend while totally ignoring your bf. You maybe go grab some drinks or do some hobby related activity together (like going to a concert... And then going home! Your own home.)

I know to the OP it's the sudden change of communication that was the indicator, but I think it shouldn't be the only one.

 

 

Oh trust me, I wasn't ignoring the fact that she two nights alone with another guy at the cabin. Between that and the crap communication, decided to call it off the after one night of that. I don't need that drama.

 

 

 

I'm not hesitant to date a woman who has a lot of male friends as long as there's a solid mix of female friends as well. I have dated women who had very few female friends or struggled to keep female friends but were surrounded by males who were friends. I know that there are platonic friendships in there but I also know that there are a great many orbiters hanging around. And, with social media, it's not difficult to pick out most of the orbiters from the actual male friends.

 

 

 

However, some (not all..) of the women I have seen with many male friends either don't see the difference or choose to ignore it and that is something that I'm not okay with.. I'm not going to explain why I'm irked that you're going out to dinner with a guy that hearts and posts "you're gorgeous" (or something along those lines) on every pic you post.

[TheFinalWord]

It is absolutely unacceptable to go stay the night out of town with a member of the opposite sex without clearing it with your partner first.

 

That and you have to wonder, why would she even want to do this in the first place?

[TheFinalWord]

Oh trust me, I wasn't ignoring the fact that she two nights alone with another guy at the cabin. Between that and the crap communication, decided to call it off the after one night of that. I don't need that drama.

 

I'm not hesitant to date a woman who has a lot of male friends as long as there's a solid mix of female friends as well. I have dated women who had very few female friends or struggled to keep female friends but were surrounded by males who were friends. I know that there are platonic friendships in there but I also know that there are a great many orbiters hanging around. And, with social media, it's not difficult to pick out most of the orbiters from the actual male friends.

 

However, some (not all..) of the women I have seen with many male friends either don't see the difference or choose to ignore it and that is something that I'm not okay with.. I'm not going to explain why I'm irked that you're going out to dinner with a guy that hearts and posts "you're gorgeous" (or something along those lines) on every pic you post.

 

I guess it depends what kind of woman you are into. I'm more attracted to very feminine women. All the women I've dated with mostly male friends, tended to have male friends because they were masculine by nature. I don't want to date a guy.

[rightondude]

I'm not going to explain why I'm irked that you're going out to dinner with a guy that hearts and posts "you're gorgeous" (or something along those lines) on every pic you post.

 

Ugh. That's the worst. Oh he's just a "friend!" Yeah ... just a friend that thinks you're fine as hell and would do anything to have a chance to hit that. Like a tiger in a cage with a gazelle right on the outside and the latch's just right outside of paw's reach...

[Eternal Sunshine]

I guess it depends what kind of woman you are into. I'm more attracted to very feminine women. All the women I've dated with mostly male friends, tended to have male friends because they were masculine by nature. I don't want to date a guy.

 

This is sooo true! Even though I look feminine, I have more of a masculine personality and interests. If you put me in a random room with groups of people, I will have much more interest in the conversation topics men have. The older I get, the more this is pronounced. Any female friends that I end up having are typically tomboyish.

[OatsAndHall]

I was reading over your thread and from the beginning, I felt that breaking things off with her was the right thing to do. If it were me, I would have broken up with her immediately. A girl that spends the weekend with another dude while she is with you is not relationship material, period. I'd have ended things as soon as I found that out. She's most likely banging that guy anyway.

 

 

In my experience, older women (I'm 37) tend to have more male friends than those that are younger and it just seems to come with the territory of middle-aged dating. And, I do mean friends; guys that they have a platonic relationship with. Some of the younger women I have dated have male "friends" in their lives but it's fairly obvious that they're orbiters.

 

 

 

I wasn't comfortable seeing women with male friends when I was jumped back into the dating scene but that was because I was carrying some baggage from my divorce. As such, I've become more open when it comes to a woman's choice in social contacts.

 

 

 

With that being said, I still keep my eyes and ears open when I meet a woman that has male friends. I scrolled through this woman's Facebook page when she brought up her "guy friends" and it appeared as if the males she was hanging out with were truly platonic friends. They weren't gushing over her and their interaction didn't raise any red-flags. I dated a woman briefly during the winter who is about ten years younger than me and she also had many male acquaintances. But, I called it off quickly with her after I looked at her FB page and these "friends" or hers were flat-out hitting on her over social media. She told me she couldn't meet up one night as she was going out for coffee to "catch up" with a guy my age who was continually using the terms "hot" or "sexy" on her pics. I didn't make an issue out of it; I just told her that it wasn't going to work between the two of us and we went on our separate ways.

[Ruby Slippers]

Most intelligent and self assured women realize this and keep those guys at a healthy distance, while some others relish that attention and cat and mouse game as it gives them an ego boost...

Seriously. This is clearly a dangerous game. I would never spend time alone with another man while in a relationship, and would never tolerate it from my man.

 

You absolutely did the right thing. You can see how effective your move was. Trying to get through your block via a friend is so desperate. Let her suffer. She deserves it for treating you like some chump.

 

She's clearly proven herself to be useless for a meaningful relationship.

[TheFinalWord]

This is sooo true! Even though I look feminine, I have more of a masculine personality and interests. If you put me in a random room with groups of people, I will have much more interest in the conversation topics men have. The older I get, the more this is pronounced. Any female friends that I end up having are typically tomboyish.

 

Good point. I should have mentioned that each women I dated like this tended to be extremely physically attractive (like ES!) and a lot of them primarily wore dresses. Maybe masculine isn't the right word...more like alpha female. Care more about career than settling down and independent by nature. Nothing wrong with it and I tend to have a great time drinking, watching a game, and talking about work with these types of women, just doesn't work out relationship-wise for me.

[2much4]

I am a woman with quite a few male friends. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, as long as you're able to distinguish real friends from orbiters. The fact she told you "she knew you'd be upset" combined with her drastic change in behaviour says it all. She knew she was doing something that might upset you and decided it was easier to just brush over your feelings. Thats very inconsiderate. You're better off without her.