Infuriated..

[Purrrfect]

This woman is drama. Most women have mail friends ( like me) but I put those friendships on the back burner if I’m dating someone. I think it’s weird she hangs out with so many guys when she’s dating you.

 

She doesn’t know boundaries and doesn’t have much respect for your relationship. I’m not sure I would waste any more time on her.

[Marc878]

Two months and you're going ape**** trying to control this?

 

Cmon, just dump and move on

[act00]

I would just remind readers that the OP says they've only been together "the better part of 2 months." That's a lot of expectations for someone you've only dated a few weeks. Most people wouldn't even have committed to exclusivity by then.

 

The OP also stated that they had a discussion about being exclusive and this girlfriend consistently texts on a regular basis, and he and her communicate a lot via text. The OP also states that during the times the OP has had to travel all of four hours, his girlfriend is not only expecting him to communicate to her upon reaching his destination safely, she wants a couple updates in between...on a four-hour drive. The OP isn't unreasonable in his expectation, and up until now, the feeling was mutual and the communication was mutual. The girlfriend is the one dropping off the grid and changing all the rules...this causes serious anxiety of which I think the OP is justified.

[kendahke]

She needed to decide before she left on this car trip if she was single and living that life or in the beginning of building a new relationship---and acting accordingly.

 

I'm sorry, but spending the night with a guy in a cabin (who, I take it, isn't gay) when she's supposed to be in a relationship with you is a firing offense. She can do whatever she wants, but she'll do it without me in her life.

 

If she's blowing up your cell phone while you're on your hours-long driving trip and expecting you to respond in a timely fashion, then I don't see how she suddenly flips into someone who basically drops off the face of the earth and doesn't give a crap that the man she's building a new relationship with is left flapping in the wind over where she is, then has the nerve to cop an attitude over it. As I always say: "the guilty always make the most noise concerning their innocence".

 

This isn't a controlling boyfriend issue--this is a common courtesy issue and she has none as far as OP is concerned.

[OatsAndHall]

Well.. I heard back from here late this morning with a text asking "are you mad?". This was odd given that I only sent one text over the weekend, asking her if she was alright and I've never raised my voice or been rude to her in any manner.

 

 

 

Anywho, I had already decided to call it off with her given the amount of drama going on over the last two weekends. I really didn't want a fight on my hands, so I told her that I wasn't angry (which is true) but that things weren't working out between the two of us, I wanted to go our separate ways and wished her the best. And.. Then the bombardment of text messages began. Long story short, I'm jealous and possessive and she spent the weekend alone with "Matt" at his cabin.

 

 

I kept telling her that I wasn't going to fight about any of it, that it was her life to do with as she pleased and wished her well. I finally told her I was done talking to her and stopped responding to her texts.

 

 

 

A lyric of one of my favorite songs came to mind: "Don't go away mad.. Just go away.."

[Art_Critic]

Nice boundaries.. any other and you would have been a door mat...

 

BTW, If Matt is only a friend and you are dating then she should have spent the weekend with you not Matt...

I think you are right about your suspicions...

[guest569]

Well.. I heard back from here late this morning with a text asking "are you mad?". This was odd given that I only sent one text over the weekend, asking her if she was alright and I've never raised my voice or been rude to her in any manner.

 

 

 

Anywho, I had already decided to call it off with her given the amount of drama going on over the last two weekends. I really didn't want a fight on my hands, so I told her that I wasn't angry (which is true) but that things weren't working out between the two of us, I wanted to go our separate ways and wished her the best. And.. Then the bombardment of text messages began. Long story short, I'm jealous and possessive and she spent the weekend alone with "Matt" at his cabin.

 

 

I kept telling her that I wasn't going to fight about any of it, that it was her life to do with as she pleased and wished her well. I finally told her I was done talking to her and stopped responding to her texts.

 

 

 

A lyric of one of my favorite songs came to mind: "Don't go away mad.. Just go away.."

 

Thanks for the update, I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I think you did the right thing. The barrage of texts that followed is probably a taste of what it would have been like for the next few weekends / months/ of these inappropriate “friendship” activities while she blames you for being jealous and can’t see how crappy her behaviour is. Saved yourself a lot of heart ache and headaches I think.

 

I don’t think you were unreasonable at all. 2 months is significant enough to have such expectations. I still think the notification of whereabouts is odd (I don’t even know 5-6 people to text when I’m on the road, lol. And I like down time and space) but since it seemed to be the norm for your both, you were right to be worried.

 

Not everyone takes 6 months or 1 year to become exclusive and get to know someone, and in this case I think it’s for the best that it was only 2 months. I can’t imagine many partners who would accept her behaviour no matter how far into a relationship they are.

[guest569]

With my ex, I don’t think anything was going on, but he always said he was doing x,y,z with “friends” but it often turned out to be just “her” again. And I was apparently jealous and possessive too, and his behaviour was totes appropriate. Stupid me, fought and hung in there until I was emotionally exhausted.

[salparadise]

Ah yas, the benefits of open-mindedness with respect to not-so-creative avoidance of those damn gendered pronouns. English is such a pain in the arse sometimes. Next time just ask hir to take the affirmative gender neutral quiz before first dip to make sure zirs is truly sophisticated.

 

Ne/nem/nir/nirs

Xe/xem/xyr/xyrs

Ze/hir/hir/hirs

Ze/zir/zir/zirs

[Highndry]

I don't believe for one minute that this "Matt" is a platonic friend. You dodged a bullet with this lying cheater.

 

Edit: I should have said "ate a quick bullet" instead of dodging one completely, but you're better off without her. I don't know any loving, honest, respectful woman who would pull the kind of nonsense she just did.

Edited July 9, 2018 by Highndry

[Noproblem]

Ok, I still believe she wasn't cheating!

 

but ok, I think that escalated too quickly, ending a relationship over the first rock on the road, people are picky these days!!!!!

 

Next time, someone tells you they have male friends just be honest and tell them that you can't accept that kind of progressive behavior!

 

In all reality, Matt and she could have been high and that's why she never replied.

 

or Matt could be her gay friend!

 

Or Matt and Her could have been playing Xbox in the cabin.

 

 

 

But that's in the past now!

 

We will never know!

[Noproblem]

Nice boundaries.. any other and you would have been a door mat...

 

BTW, If Matt is only a friend and you are dating then she should have spent the weekend with you not Matt...

I think you are right about your suspicions...

 

Not all people leave their friends just because they have gf/bf.....

Some people try to keep their friendship even after "Finding a gf/bf"

 

Matt is her concert fun guy

she goes with him to concerts and to have fun

 

I don't know what they did in the cabin, but sex could not be the only fun activity that they engaged in!

 

We shouldn't decide people cheating just because!

 

Where is the proof of her being a cheeter?

[guest569]

Not all people leave their friends just because they have gf/bf.....

Some people try to keep their friendship even after "Finding a gf/bf"

 

Matt is her concert fun guy

she goes with him to concerts and to have fun

 

I don't know what they did in the cabin, but sex could not be the only fun activity that they engaged in!

 

We shouldn't decide people cheating just because!

 

Where is the proof of her being a cheeter?

 

I think it’s irrelevant whether or not she is having sex with him or cheating. It is inappropriate and she was going hot and cold and lying. I would hardly call this picky!!

[Noproblem]

I think it’s irrelevant whether or not she is having sex with him or cheating. It is inappropriate and she was going hot and cold and lying. I would hardly call this picky!!

 

but they are still new in this relationship.

Things will always happen, you can't have your perfect match right away!

There has to be a compromise on both parts.

and we don't know her motives. maybe she was having some issues at work or something that causes her to change that has nothing to do with Matt.

 

anyway, you can imagine how ridiculous this story is if we omit MATT

 

Boyfriend broke up with me because I didn't communicate with him during my trip to the concert!

 

Like I said previously, I would be worried sick if my bf or loved one didn't answer and I will be extremely mad and will not speak with that person for a day or two, but to end the relationship over this is just too much!

 

He does not trust her!

 

He does not trust her because of his past relationships, not because of her exactly.

She was honest from the start, she told him she had male friends.

 

Male friends mean to her:

 

Sarah = Matt

 

Male friends to him mean:

 

Matt= Sex behind his back in the cabin.

Edited July 9, 2018 by Noproblem

[Marc878]

Not all people leave their friends just because they have gf/bf.....

Some people try to keep their friendship even after "Finding a gf/bf"

 

Matt is her concert fun guy

she goes with him to concerts and to have fun

 

I don't know what they did in the cabin, but sex could not be the only fun activity that they engaged in!

 

We shouldn't decide people cheating just because!

 

Where is the proof of her being a cheeter?

 

Very naive. She's not relationship material

[Els]

Not all people leave their friends just because they have gf/bf.....

Some people try to keep their friendship even after "Finding a gf/bf"

 

Matt is her concert fun guy

she goes with him to concerts and to have fun

 

I don't know what they did in the cabin, but sex could not be the only fun activity that they engaged in!

 

We shouldn't decide people cheating just because!

 

Where is the proof of her being a cheeter?

 

 

It doesn't matter if they had sex or not. IMO, spending the night 1 on 1 with someone of the opposite sex is disrespectful if you are in a heterosexual relationship, unless both people have agreed that they're OK with that. If a partner ever did that to me, I'm gone. I don't care if they "really just played cards" or whatever, still disrespectful and makes me really question their personal boundaries. Obviously, I'd never do that to him, either.

 

 

 

This is why I agree with the OP leaving. Leaving because someone didn't text you immediately when they got to their destination is somewhat excessive, but leaving due to this behaviour is perfectly normal and fine IMO.

[Eternal Sunshine]

My dad gave me a great advice for these types situations in early dating:

 

 

 

95% of the time you will be right and there is something dodgy going on, the other 5%? They are just not worth the stress.

[Zippy2000]

You asking she got there safely and then got home safely? Don't sound too insecure because women can detect this.

 

 

Relax, let her enjoy herself.

[Lorenza]

but they are still new in this relationship.

Things will always happen, you can't have your perfect match right away!

There has to be a compromise on both parts.

and we don't know her motives. maybe she was having some issues at work or something that causes her to change that has nothing to do with Matt.

 

anyway, you can imagine how ridiculous this story is if we omit MATT

 

Boyfriend broke up with me because I didn't communicate with him during my trip to the concert!

 

Like I said previously, I would be worried sick if my bf or loved one didn't answer and I will be extremely mad and will not speak with that person for a day or two, but to end the relationship over this is just too much!

 

He does not trust her!

 

He does not trust her because of his past relationships, not because of her exactly.

She was honest from the start, she told him she had male friends.

 

Male friends mean to her:

 

Sarah = Matt

 

Male friends to him mean:

 

Matt= Sex behind his back in the cabin.

 

There's nothing trustworthy about her. The times she's missing in action coincide with the times she's spending the night with some male friend.

Sometimes you have to trust your partner, other times you'll be a fool if you do. And this is one of those times.

 

Matt (or whoever else) = lack of transparency = not trustworthy

[OatsAndHall]

I wasn't looking at the tangibles (i.e. who she was spending time with and where) as much as I was the drastic change in behavior and communication.

 

 

A few weeks ago:

 

 

"Hey, I'm going to have dinner with my friend Zach, I'm looking forward to catching up with him!" And then she proceeds to text me while she's out with her friend. I didn't ask her to do so and had no issue with her having dinner with a friend. And, she was also the one in the relationship that communicated continually, not me. "Good morning" and "Good night" texts each day, four or five texts before lunch, four or five after, etc.. etc.. Again, this was common place and nothing that I demanded of her. If anything, it became a little bit exhausting.

 

 

Last weekend:

 

 

"I'm going to go clean a friend's cabin."

"I'm at the cabin, I'll text as I can."

 

 

Then.. Cricket.. Cricket... Cricket.. For two days.

 

 

 

I will admit, as much as I don't take issue with a SO having male friends, spending two nights alone with another guy at a secluded cabin is certainly pushing that limit. I can't honestly say that I have dated a woman that would be okay with me doing the same.

[thefooloftheyear]

She wanted a dummy to be sitting around waiting for her, when her "fun" time didn't pan out...

 

Don't be the dummy...

 

How old is this girl/woman??

 

TFY

[OatsAndHall]

She wanted a dummy to be sitting around waiting for her, when her "fun" time didn't pan out...

 

Don't be the dummy...

 

How old is this girl/woman??

 

TFY

 

 

She's 32 but apparently not exceptionally mature for her age: she just had a friend text me and ask me to unblock her.

 

 

 

Nope.

[Highndry]

She wanted a dummy to be sitting around waiting for her, when her "fun" time didn't pan out...

 

Don't be the dummy...

 

How old is this girl/woman??

 

TFY

 

 

Exactly. This gal wanted her cake and to eat it, too. She thought she could just screw other guys and he'd be waiting in the wings for her like some puppet. And then when he kicked her to the curb she had the audacity to turn it around and try to blame him. Her reaction alone screamed guilty.

 

This thread was almost unbelievable in that this woman must be a complete ignoramus when it comes to dating. No self-respecting man or woman would put up with such disrespectful, disgusting behavior.

 

I absolutely refuse to date women who have a bunch of guy friends. Sorry, not interested.

[guest569]

I absolutely refuse to date women who have a bunch of guy friends. Sorry, not interested.

 

I think it can work just fine for some people if they actually treat them as platonic friends. I wouldn’t rule out people based on the gender of their friends alone. But I lose patience fast if they lack boundaries and spend excessive amounts of solo time with them or go for overnight trips without telling me. Was born some time before yesterday!

[Highndry]

I think it can work just fine for some people if they actually treat them as platonic friends. I wouldn’t rule out people based on the gender of their friends alone. But I lose patience fast if they lack boundaries and spend excessive amounts of solo time with them or go for overnight trips without telling me. Was born some time before yesterday!

 

 

The kind of women who love to be surrounded by men are not the kind of women I like. They're attention whores, among other things...