Boyfriend told me I should lose weight. How should I respond?

[OldSoulB]

If you are indeed on the fatter side, you might as well start working on losing some weight. It's a win-win situation really. You're doing it for yourself as well as your partner.

 

I don't see the problem. At least your partner is straightforward with you on what he thinks. Would you rather he kept it hidden from you and start losing attraction/becoming cold towards you and for the relationship to go downhill?

Edited June 26, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude ~T

[OldSoulB]

I am shocked by the majority of these responses.

 

If my boyfriend would ever say something like this, i would definitely never ever call him again. He’d be a goner.

 

Are you sure this guy even loves you?

He sounds like a complete psychopath.

 

Why? If you're my GF and I think you're gaining weight and it's making you look unhealthy, I'd tell you to start working on your weight, and vice versa.

 

If you really care for someone, you do/say stuff that may not be nice but need to be said because it's actually good for them and you care.

[Babeindawoods]

If I was in this position... I would hand my boyfriend a copy of Fight Club with a bar of Castille soap and just watch his micro expressions for a quick minute.

 

Then I would ask him if he wants to tango with my thighs for real.

[Adiron]

There are clearly lots of varied and opposing opinions on this thread by many people.

 

 

They range from "dump this insensitive loser" to "he's being honest, and if you are truly that fat then it's good to lose the weight".

 

 

If this thread continues for another 100 pages nothing new is going to be posted, only more votes. You can tally up the scores and go with the majority or you can figure out what works for you.

[heavenonearth]

Why? If you're my GF and I think you're gaining weight and it's making you look unhealthy, I'd tell you to start working on your weight, and vice versa.

 

If you really care for someone, you do/say stuff that may not be nice but need to be said because it's actually good for them and you care.

 

There are ways to express concern about someone's health, and there are ways to make someone feel worthless, to belittle someone and put them down. That's what OP's BF was doing with the way he expressed himself.

As I mentioned earlier, I suspect OP's BF has put her down before in other ways, and will continue to do so.

A loving partner will not talk down their significant other they supposedly love like this.

[GreenTea937]

I am shocked by the majority of these responses.

 

If my boyfriend would ever say something like this, i would definitely never ever call him again. He’d be a goner.

 

Are you sure this guy even loves you?

He sounds like a complete psychopath.

 

Psychopath???! wow thats so over the top. We cant start calling people psychopaths when they are insensitive or rude. Psychopaths are less than 1% of the population. This is a slightly immature man who is superficial more than most. He comes from a more blunt culture. But I reserve psychopath for people who are abusive, abusive to the children, and just lack empathy. He might be thinking he is trying to help but he needs to work on his social skills and sensitivity. I'm thinking what if you are married to a man and have kids with him and he tells you you are fat. Will you leave a husband of 20 years b/c of what he said once?

[JuneL]

OP: Are you there? So did you end up dumping your bf, or have you been secretly losing weight?

[Adiron]

As I mentioned earlier, I suspect OP's BF has put her down before in other ways, and will continue to do so.

A loving partner will not talk down their significant other they supposedly love like this.

 

 

A loving partner will be honest when a situation arises that provides a good opportunity to discuss the hard truth even if it's going to be somewhat hurtful. Just because the guy has issue with her weight doesn't mean he treats her poorly or demeans her in other ways.

 

 

I too have discussed the few extra pounds my girlfriend has put on, she knows it bothers me, she's working on it with diet and exercise and I commend her for it. If I said nothing she'd probably continue her unhealthy lifestyle choices and I'd become less and less attracted to her.

[kendahke]

Why? If you're my GF and I think you're gaining weight and it's making you look unhealthy, I'd tell you to start working on your weight, and vice versa.

 

Looking unhealthy and being unhealthy are two different things.

 

Gaining weight isn't in and of itself unhealthy. In women, weight fluctuates due to menstrual cycles and water retention. If she is within 10lbs of her ideal weight, then that's so negligible it borders on being petty.

 

If she is +30lbs, then yeah, it's something that's worth addressing.

 

There are plenty of very thin people with eating disorders and other maladies who may look good in clothes, but their health is suffering.

 

The most important weight is the weight that her body tacks towards naturally and her metabolism can maintain.

[anduina]

He is big on communication and now that I think of it I think I'm the one who opened the floor to talk about my weight. Ive mentioned to him on multiple occasions how fat I was getting.

 

Last week I sent him a pic of my belly and butt and told him I was gaining weight.

 

So after all of this maybe it's hypocritical of me to feel upser.

The lesson for you is to be careful what you ask for. Guys can be blunt.

[MaleIntuition]

Looking unhealthy and being unhealthy are two different things.

 

Gaining weight isn't in and of itself unhealthy. In women, weight fluctuates due to menstrual cycles and water retention. If she is within 10lbs of her ideal weight, then that's so negligible it borders on being petty.

 

If she is +30lbs, then yeah, it's something that's worth addressing.

 

There are plenty of very thin people with eating disorders and other maladies who may look good in clothes, but their health is suffering.

 

The most important weight is the weight that her body tacks towards naturally and her metabolism can maintain.

 

We are just using the word weight to be polite. Everyone (should) understand from context that we are really talking about excessive body fat. And the point some of us are trying to make is that, although 10 lbs of extra fat, in itself isn’t the issue. The problem is that obesity is a gradual transformation that once where just 10 lbs. It is much better to make healthier choices now rather than later.