stillafool Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Oh for goodness sake, just text him back "Do you wanna have sex with me?" That should get the ball rolling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LindseyKelk Posted August 1, 2018 Author Share Posted August 1, 2018 Since I posted a while ago, he started to invite me out more. At first it was the bike ride, then some events, and so on. I always tell him I’d be happy to go, but he either just asks out of politeness or doesn’t believe I actually would. Because of the work we were doing together, we had a few hour-long phone calls, obviously not about the subject, but about everything else. It was nice to talk to him one on one finally, and he sort of opened up about himself. Anyway, we met about 2 weeks ago. He organized this gathering where everybody was supposed to be (including my parents) and he asked me in advance whether I was going to come. It was a nice evening, we had food and alcohol and so on. I didn’t talk to him much, he sat at the opposite side of the table, but a different friend of ours and I talked for hours. This guy has a lovely, lovely girlfriend who I absolutely adore and who was also there with us. A lot of people came over to talk to me. When he entered the room and saw me he looked at me and asked me whether I came for a party (I was wearing jeans and normal shirt). I was like, ok... rude haha. Towards the end of the night I wanted to show him some picture, so I grabed him by the elbow and instinctively he wrapped that arms around my waist for a few second, then let it slide down across my butt. The next day he asked if we arrived safely and how I was. I joked about the party outfit and when was the last time he went to any party and he said he wanted to say I looked beautiful but it was his defence mechanism. We called again a few times and at one point he mentioned that friend of ours I was talking to and went on a 10 minute long monologue about how he is childish and treats woman badly and so on... I was stunned and had no idea what to say because I thought he liked him a lot. I asked him why didnt he talk to me and he said he made peace with the fact I was very wanted in the group and he doesn’t do second, lol. I don’t know if that’s jealousy or what, but he keeps doing it. Then he asked if I was not going to his town so we could meet for coffee. I said I could come if he told me when. He didn’t really plan anything but we kept chatting for the rest of the week and he made remarks like “it’s such a nice warm summer night and I’m chatting to a beautiful lady on fb”... well, you should have made plans, I agreed to go with you. A few days later he writes to me in the morning and says : hey, do you want to go canoeing with me? I said sounds fun, yeah... then he asked if he could call me and I joke and said it would really be easier to come for that coffee, gas would cost just as much. So he said his friends were talking about it and he really wanted to go but they’re going when he is not available so he thought of me and if I didn’t want to go. He said he can ask some of our friends to go, or I can bring someone. Then I said I don’t have anybody to take but I’m cool with his people, and he replied saying ok, a canoe for two it is then. And apparently booked it too. We never really did anything like this together, one on one activity so it is kind of strange and exciting to me. However, one thing still bothers me. He told me he liked how I looked, and I told him we’ve got a problem because I liked how he looks too. He said it was a problem then. He also says he doesn’t care who knows we’re talking now because he feels like he’s got nothing to lose anymore. So he will protect me and won’t say, but he himself doesn’t care if all of ours friends know. At the same time, if we’re making some sexual jokes, he will still say he doesn’t start things with younger girls; and the other day I was joking about an insect biting me and he said he wished he was the insect.... I joked and asked why you want to bite me? ? and he said “no, I can’t do that” and then “cause they don’t have to do any work”...... but then complimented the **** out of my eyes, how beautiful they are etc..... So when I start to feel he might romantically like me, and I start being comfortable with the idea, he does this. The “no, i can’t” to me signals woah, that implies sexual activity and I’m not up for that.... So I get such mixed feelings from him and I feel like he is messing with my head big time. I guess I cannot ask how he really feels, but I would like to find out somehow so that I don’t put our friendship into risk. Any ideas please? Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 I've 'said' this before... I can't read his mind, only his actions as you report them. He is sending ALL the signals that I (64 y/o) would send if a) I was really interested in a relationship with a younger women but b) I was scared ****less about what my friends, her parents, would think of me. Being a fairly serious person, I would also be very concerned about whether having a relationship would burden the young woman as I aged into lower physical capabilities (not just sex) long before she did. One of you is going to have to 'blink' or you'll both be torturing yourselves for 'ever'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LindseyKelk Posted August 1, 2018 Author Share Posted August 1, 2018 I've 'said' this before... I can't read his mind, only his actions as you report them. He is sending ALL the signals that I (64 y/o) would send if a) I was really interested in a relationship with a younger women but b) I was scared ****less about what my friends, her parents, would think of me. Being a fairly serious person, I would also be very concerned about whether having a relationship would burden the young woman as I aged into lower physical capabilities (not just sex) long before she did. One of you is going to have to 'blink' or you'll both be torturing yourselves for 'ever'. I always like your responses. They give me hope . Well, I am pushing it slowly. It is also difficult for me, with all the “that’s why I don’t start things with young girls” as I am also afraid he is going to tell me he does not want anything to do with me and it will ruin everything between us. But at the same time, I am more bold when it comes to talking to him. We are going out next week, and I wonder if I should be the brave one and gently touch his hand, hold it and stuff so he knows it’s okay. Or whether to just be friendly and let him make any move but I feel he never will.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LindseyKelk Posted August 6, 2018 Author Share Posted August 6, 2018 So we are going out tomorrow. It’s going to be just the two of us for several hours. I am sort of excited, sort of scared. We talked on the phone today for 10 minutes. It seems to me that he is not really able to keep a normal conversation with me again without cracking jokes all the time. It goes like this, lol. Me: hey I wanted to call you earlier but I was stuck working in the hospital Him: what did you do there? Me: ehm... I was working... helping out... it is a holiday season, so its a huge chaos right now Him: haha could you bring me a tube/hose??? Me: yeah, and I can stick it down your stomach Him: because I need one for watering my plants (a hose) in the garden Another one was when I asked how much money does the thing we are doing cost. He says “nothing” and blah blah blah.... I say “I am polite, you’re making me rude” and then he cracks more jokes about the politeness and how you offer people to take your food out of politeness and then they actually do... It is funny and what not, but it’s got no substance. It’s just jokes. There’s nothing you can really say to that. I was wondering whether he does this because he is nervous? It’s not possible that he talks like this to other people. Yet he always does it to me! And everytime I tell a story he laughs nervously and says “really?” or “you don’t say...” which is like.... a) I get really really nervous and have no idea what to say or b) i have no interest in what you’re saying please stop How do I make him more comfortable and how do I make him stop cracking jokes and ACTUALLY talk????? Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted August 6, 2018 Share Posted August 6, 2018 How do I make him more comfortable and how do I make him stop cracking jokes and ACTUALLY talk????? Again, my opinion projecting myself into HIS situation .... You can't MAKE him more comfortable. You are 'forbidden fruit'. And he is 'dealing' with that by cracking jokes. I was going to ask how old each of you actually are before writing. But instead of asking, I went back and read your OP in THIS thread (I think you've started at least one other thread about your feelings for him). My understanding is that you are 24 (sorry Lindsey, unless you are mature for your age, you are still almost a child) and that he is 'twice your age' ... 48? Well, not as 'bad' as it could be. But still in violation of the 'half age plus seven rule'. Correct my understanding about AGE if necessary. But the other, more important question is 'How do you feel about the possibility of a romantic relationship with him?' Committed? Permanent??? You don't have to post your answer. But I think you should look 'in the mirror' and be able to answer to yourself. Those answers can lead you to how you can HELP him become more comfortable dealing with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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