I caught feelings while flirting and it ruined everything

[LindseyKelk]

Thank you for your long answer Maxi!

 

Here’s a little update. We met yesterday. I am terrified of interacting with people who I know like me because I am afraid I will never be able to fulfill their expectations. The anxiety gets especially crippling when they seek out a conversation with me. I can interact with people easily (for the outsiders) and am able to have witty or smart conversations (according to them) but I always wonder why they are really talking to me. I do not feel that I am particularly interesting, clever or that I’ve ever accomplished anything great in my life yet. Sometimes I think they’re only talking to me because I’m young and good-lookig, and it makes me feel even worse. And yes, I am aware I have issues and I am slowly discovering where they’re coming from - mostly my own parents and never feeling like whatever I do is good enough. I am trying to work on it, but it is difficult.

 

There was an awkward moment when he asked me something and I reacted in a very shy way. But then a minute later I pulled myself together and started talking normally, asked a lot of questions. Somehow I managed to relax, because other people were there, too. We were talking a lot again, and at one point he turned to me and said so when are we going to walk the dogs together (my name)? after that we spent another 2 hours laughing and talking, and there were times when it was just me and him, too.

 

later on in the evening he wrote to me and we had conversation like we used to before. all of a sudden he told me “you know, I’m missing out on a lot when we don’t talk...” to which I said “you don’t talk to me, but I did miss it” and I made up my mind and told myself no games. I am not going to have jokingly flirty conversations with him anymore. I want to know how he feels and I want to show him how I feel.

 

That being said, I still have no idea how I would survive a face-to-face meeting, just the two of us. I think my heart would explode from the stress. I want to know, or to feel, that he indeed likes talking to me and likes me for who I am. He has no idea that I have anxiety. It’s not something I’d tell people so I just put on a brave face and do what I have to do. I have no idea how I am supposed to do this.... It’s much easier for me to talk to people who I feel have no expectations from me. This is different and makes me feel like I’m suffocating at times.

 

Anybody has any tips on how to overcome this crippling fear? Or should I really just ask “hey, why do you like me?” so that I can relax a little bit? lol

[stillafool]

Well, thank you for taking the time to read both posts.

 

I do not see how having a boyfriend would help anything. It’s not that I am actively seeking out these guys. If I had a boyfriend, the poor dude would get hurt. Also I would never start dating someone unless I’m sure I REALLY want to be with that person. I take relationships seriously. I don’t want to hurt people unintentionally.

 

Here’s the thing. I am NOT looking for a relationship. Which means I avoid flirting with guys my age because I know they want more than I am willing to give them. With these dudes, I was simply being nice and felt pretty safe to joke around them, because one is unavailable and the other one I never thought liked me like that (and has a gf). I suffer from horrible anxiety and I never assume people like me, although to other people it’s obvious. I am completely oblivious to the signs someone is flirting with me, especially if I think there’s no way they could like me. I know I am making a mistake, but I usually notice when it’s too late already.

 

I don't understand. If you aren't looking for a relationship why do you care and get caught up in if a guy is flirting with you or not? What difference would it make it that is something you aren't looking for. You obviously want something or you wouldn't make these threads.

[LindseyKelk]

I don't understand. If you aren't looking for a relationship why do you care and get caught up in if a guy is flirting with you or not? What difference would it make it that is something you aren't looking for. You obviously want something or you wouldn't make these threads.

Because I obviously care for the guy. And because I care for how he sees me.

[stillafool]

So you do want a relationship with this guy.

[LindseyKelk]

So you do want a relationship with this guy.

dude... if I don’t think about all the BS around it, then the answer would be yes. I would very much be with this guy. It took me long to figure it out, but yeah. I would.

[nospam99]

dude... if I don’t think about all the BS around it, then the answer would be yes. I would very much be with this guy. It took me long to figure it out, but yeah. I would.

 

I keep asking... is this the older guy who is friends with you parents? If not, ignore the rest of what I'm writing. If yes, I strongly suggest you have a one on one talk with him about it. Tell him what you just told us. Have an honest talk about the obvious concerns about the age difference and the friendship with your parents. FWIW, I'm 64 and EVERYTHING you've written about what he's said to you screams 'I want to rob this cradle but I'm afraid of how other people, including her, will react.'

[stillafool]

dude... if I don’t think about all the BS around it, then the answer would be yes. I would very much be with this guy. It took me long to figure it out, but yeah. I would.

 

Okay dude.....then knock off the "I don't want a relationship" bull.

[LindseyKelk]

Okay dude.....then knock off the "I don't want a relationship" bull.

hahaha my apologies, the dude was an exclamation to myself

 

I said I was not LOOKING FOR a relationship. I am not actively looking for anybody. I just happen to like this person who I know I shouldn’t like. No need to be rude.

[LindseyKelk]

I keep asking... is this the older guy who is friends with you parents? If not, ignore the rest of what I'm writing. If yes, I strongly suggest you have a one on one talk with him about it. Tell him what you just told us. Have an honest talk about the obvious concerns about the age difference and the friendship with your parents. FWIW, I'm 64 and EVERYTHING you've written about what he's said to you screams 'I want to rob this cradle but I'm afraid of how other people, including her, will react.'

Thank you very much for this.

 

I did not think anybody would go to such lenghts to just flirt with someone, but I also did not want to admit he liked me because I knew I’d have to take some action and I guess I was not ready at all. I am somehow scared of how he’d react if I brought it up, though. Sometimes I have the feelings he is just as nervous around me as I am around him. Most importantly, I am worried he idealized me in his head and does not really see me for who I am and that when he finds out it will be painfully awkward for both of us.

[nospam99]

Thank you very much for this.

 

I did not think anybody would go to such lenghts to just flirt with someone, but I also did not want to admit he liked me because I knew I’d have to take some action and I guess I was not ready at all. I am somehow scared of how he’d react if I brought it up, though. Sometimes I have the feelings he is just as nervous around me as I am around him. Most importantly, I am worried he idealized me in his head and does not really see me for who I am and that when he finds out it will be painfully awkward for both of us.

 

The most likely answers to the bolded above are 'yes' and 'yes'. May/December (or July/October ) may not work. But I suggest you won't have peace until you both determine whether this is two hearts or two sets of gonads calling out to each other (or both - my disclaimer is I love My Fair Lady .... for the love story, Lindsey, not for the slippers).

[LindseyKelk]

The most likely answers to the bolded above are 'yes' and 'yes'. May/December (or July/October ) may not work. But I suggest you won't have peace until you both determine whether this is two hearts or two sets of gonads calling out to each other (or both - my disclaimer is I love My Fair Lady .... for the love story, Lindsey, not for the slippers).

He wrote again yesterday night, just to say hi. I asked him how his day was and bam, it went straight into compliment mode. The funniest thing is we both do it in such different ways and I have a real hard time picking up on his flirting! I really really want to end this torture because it is not getting us nowhere and it just seems that neither of us is sure whether we actually can say those things so it feels like an awkward tug-of-war game.

 

All of a sudden he tells me he knows I’m sporty and that the guys around must struggle with that (not so subtle) and I say, in my woman mind thinking wait I don’t care about other guys “I don’t know I’m not interested in them” and then he says he looks at girls, but guys also... because “all girls have guys”..... I was like what???? A male friend of mine was beside me and he just facepalmed and told me he is trying to find out if you’re single!!! I brushes it off because I was like why are you telling me you’re looking at girls? cool. And in return I guess my responses come off as aloof to him, because I am not sure how far I can go.

 

I completely do not see it at all. I do not get these types of conversations, or their point. I am way more straightforward, if I find you attractive I’m simply going to say that. If I want to know if you are single I’m going to ask that. I don’t go around the bush.

 

I am looking for a way to politely tell him I do not really want to have to keep guessing anymore. Not recognizing his flirting is making me feel the exact oppposite of smart, and I do not like feeling that way at all. I would also very much appreciate if I knew where I stood with him, so that the conversations would not have to be only about complicated flirting.

 

I am also TERRIFIED of making that decision to tell him that. He could either say he feels the same way and it could make him feel more sure about my behavior; or he will freak out and say it was all just a game to him or whatever. I am at that point where I just want to know finally after so many months.... Knowing you like each other does not have to mean you have to do anything about it. You’ll just have better understanding of what the person means when they talk to you.

 

Bad idea?

[nospam99]

He wrote again yesterday night, just to say hi. I asked him how his day was and bam, it went straight into compliment mode. The funniest thing is we both do it in such different ways and I have a real hard time picking up on his flirting! I really really want to end this torture because it is not getting us nowhere and it just seems that neither of us is sure whether we actually can say those things so it feels like an awkward tug-of-war game.

 

All of a sudden he tells me he knows I’m sporty and that the guys around must struggle with that (not so subtle) and I say, in my woman mind thinking wait I don’t care about other guys “I don’t know I’m not interested in them” and then he says he looks at girls, but guys also... because “all girls have guys”..... I was like what???? A male friend of mine was beside me and he just facepalmed and told me he is trying to find out if you’re single!!! I brushes it off because I was like why are you telling me you’re looking at girls? cool. And in return I guess my responses come off as aloof to him, because I am not sure how far I can go.

 

I completely do not see it at all. I do not get these types of conversations, or their point. I am way more straightforward, if I find you attractive I’m simply going to say that. If I want to know if you are single I’m going to ask that. I don’t go around the bush.

 

I am looking for a way to politely tell him I do not really want to have to keep guessing anymore. Not recognizing his flirting is making me feel the exact oppposite of smart, and I do not like feeling that way at all. I would also very much appreciate if I knew where I stood with him, so that the conversations would not have to be only about complicated flirting.

 

I am also TERRIFIED of making that decision to tell him that. He could either say he feels the same way and it could make him feel more sure about my behavior; or he will freak out and say it was all just a game to him or whatever. I am at that point where I just want to know finally after so many months.... Knowing you like each other does not have to mean you have to do anything about it. You’ll just have better understanding of what the person means when they talk to you.

 

Bad idea?

 

You quoted me (again) so I wonder if this is becoming a dialog. Not a problem if it is.

 

I'm not sure which idea you're asking if it's bad so I'll babble ...

 

I/we at LS only have your side of the story. I forget how old you and he are. The size of the age difference may make a difference. Maybe not. As an older male, I can only make observations based on projecting myself into his situation as you've described it. I would be VERY nervous about a young daughter of friends. I would assume she was a friendly, flirty girl. I would assume that because of the age difference there would be no reasonable hope for a relationship. But I would tease myself with flirting back at her and enjoy the give and take. I would worry about what I could possibly bring to a relationship with this young woman that could make it work. It would take a very clear 'go for it' signal from the young woman for me to feel okay to express interest. The exact age difference would make a difference. I'm 64. I'd be a LOT more comfortable approaching a 40 y/o woman under these circumstances than a 30 y/o.

 

I understand your reluctance. I hope you understand what is likely to be his reluctance. Who can or will 'break the ice'? Either way you both risk embarrassment. If you have the courage to approach him, great. At least that way you control the communication and KNOW that the two of you will be talking about a relationship. If no courage, see if you can send some 'signal' to him to suggest that he can safely bring up the question. This is less likely to get to the point because your signal could be misinterpreted.

 

As an aside, if you've read many of my posts you know I'm a hopeless romantic who would love to see a 'happy ending' to this story.

[LindseyKelk]

You quoted me (again) so I wonder if this is becoming a dialog. Not a problem if it is.

 

I'm not sure which idea you're asking if it's bad so I'll babble ...

 

I/we at LS only have your side of the story. I forget how old you and he are. The size of the age difference may make a difference. Maybe not. As an older male, I can only make observations based on projecting myself into his situation as you've described it. I would be VERY nervous about a young daughter of friends. I would assume she was a friendly, flirty girl. I would assume that because of the age difference there would be no reasonable hope for a relationship. But I would tease myself with flirting back at her and enjoy the give and take. I would worry about what I could possibly bring to a relationship with this young woman that could make it work. It would take a very clear 'go for it' signal from the young woman for me to feel okay to express interest. The exact age difference would make a difference. I'm 64. I'd be a LOT more comfortable approaching a 40 y/o woman under these circumstances than a 30 y/o.

 

I understand your reluctance. I hope you understand what is likely to be his reluctance. Who can or will 'break the ice'? Either way you both risk embarrassment. If you have the courage to approach him, great. At least that way you control the communication and KNOW that the two of you will be talking about a relationship. If no courage, see if you can send some 'signal' to him to suggest that he can safely bring up the question. This is less likely to get to the point because your signal could be misinterpreted.

 

As an aside, if you've read many of my posts you know I'm a hopeless romantic who would love to see a 'happy ending' to this story.

Well, ha ha thank you for answering anyway. I really appreciate your input.

 

I am not sure how to interpret what he is saying, because up until now I was just trying to see it as “something he does” and did not want to think about it a lot, because it was very confusing. When we stopped talking I was sort of relieved that I did not have to deal with that uncertainty anymore and I stopped thinking about it when we did not see each other. I never stopped liking him, I think, I just got to the point where it was too much to handle and had to try to move on.

 

If he was guy my age, I would certainly think he is interested. But he is not so I feel like I will never know what his intention is. Of course I would not pursue a relationship with him, but it would be a relief to know he feels the way I did. Otherwise I am stuck in the constant anxiety around him, and I feel tense and uncomfortable. I don’t know why he tells me stuff he does, or why he is always around me when we meet. I am not saying he would ever want to have a relationship with me, but if this is some kind of past time activity for bored men, I would like to know.

 

But he never really opened up about how he feels. He did tell me I’m his weak spot and similar stuff, but I’d be happier with complete honesty. If he however feels that it is wrong to say it, he’s not going to give me any answer and rather he will just start avoiding me. So I’m kinda lost here.

[maxi105]

hiya LK.....having read bits and pieces after the meet up, I think you are doing fine....

 

 

I also think that in many ways it is easier to put your feelings out there when others are not present, especially if you are shy; you don't get the whole thing of them being in a space where they are looking on as friends (however lovely and relaxed you feel) they sound like good people, but it also takes away any fear that might be in the background if you are worrying for them as to what they might think if....

 

 

I sometimes think things go quite differently if they are given an intimacy.

 

 

no I am not suggesting anything sordid, I just mean in the talking stake...if you get with this guy you are going to want time with him on his own and are probably going to enjoy every minute that other people are not around!!!! hahah.....so may taking things to the next step and meeting for that coffee out of town or going to somewhere nice or a shared interest just the two of you I think would be a bit of progress.

 

 

im sure as ive said before, he is going to be as nervous in his own way as you are so if you go someplace that gives you something to also talk about it can help with the shy silences or nerves.

 

 

daytime also will take a lot of the pressure off you too in terms of after...what happens next!!!!! (that's the time you don't want to be offered COFFEE!!!! LOL....

 

 

its great that you are still talking to this guy, you obviously have a great bond going on here.

 

 

it sounds like you are doing all the right things here...keep going with it.

 

 

I would say though if you do go for a meet up with this guy, maybe only tell your folks for safety, and tell your close friends (if you wish to "after" the meeting) as you want to get to chat without the phone going and people asking how its going, or other people saying hey...did you know LK is dating so and so....

 

 

you don't want stuff like that going round if his intentions are not ready yet, as it will interfere with the proper course of things and may make him feel awkward...remember: you don't actually know what he properly thinks and feels....so I think you'd be wiser to find that out from him first before others start giving you their feelings on you or him.

 

 

things are often best sometimes with just the people involved taking a start to it all to discuss things and how they would like to move forward or discuss if they are happy with others knowing their business...otherwise you might get complications, people interfering (even in a well meaning way) and all this is no good for the situation....and what you want to find out (if you get along, if he would like to date you, if he's ok with those around you, would you be comfortable around those around him (if they are older etc...) whatever..

 

 

I wish you good luck with this, and I think the quicker you can hook up in a week or two the better. it'll give you something to look forward too (and that might help your nerves if a bit of time has passed so you can talk about fresh stuff).

 

 

hopefully, if you do take courage..and I really really hope you will do yo are over half way there on this situation...) if you meet up it will give you the chance to get some answers, him too, enjoy each others company but without getting too heavy and just see how the day goes.

 

 

treat it as a day out rather than a date and hopefully it will go well.

 

 

you have made great progress already, so don't worry about what he might think or feel...only he can tell you that and im sure he would love a chance to talk to you on your own for a short time...especially if he is older than you.

 

 

the friends you have im sure are lovely people, but it can be hard to talk maybe if you are older around younger people, and even if you are the same age, being with someone you likes OLD time (long term) friends can also be a bit excluding too..not intentionally...its just the way it is...

 

 

same as if your marry or date for a long time, you have another family in the mix...its no different, so think maybe how it can help him really say what maybe he needs to, positive or negative.

 

 

it will help you both to know where (if) this is really moving and can move in a good way.

 

 

GOOD LUCK ...it great to hear your news....keep it goin.... maxi

[LindseyKelk]

Oh my god guys. This guy..... So we were talking on the phone yesterday for the whole day. It was really nice and finally he opened up and he asked me some personal questions, too. We literally spoke for hours when sometime around midnight he asked “how is such a beautiful girl like you single?”...... and so we had a brief talk about that but I did not really want to go further, so I said we’ll talk about it some other time, because it was getting too serious for messenger. So I explained why I am single and okay with that and then I just said “well but if you were 30 id be happily taken” with smiley faces. he replied “30?” and went to sleep...... I added “ballpark. i actually wouldn’t care about the age.” I said this because it’s exactly what he told me once (I’d date you if I was younger or you were older)

 

this morning he wrote to me. all of a sudden he just goes “I’d never have anything with a young girl” and I was like wow where did this come from.... I never really thought he did. So I said “you’re like the guy who tells everybody he’s taken all the time, just to prove his point” ....”and he says “but I don’t, because I’m single and free.... depends on the age of the girl” .....so I’m like jesus are you kidding me, I get it, you don’t want me, enough... so I say “okay well I’ll tell you how I tell those guys... no, I don’t and didn’t think that you would have anything with a young girl”..... to which he says you’re fun this morning... and now I jokingly added, cause I just accepted the fact “you’re fun this morning... jesus... I’ve never been rejected like this this early in the morning by someone saying “hey lady just so you know I DO NOT WANT you in case you’d ever start to think otherwise” ......and he says “you were not this funny yesterday”

 

he still throws in the age thing, and for a while I thought I’d tell him that I was kidding yesterday, it was just a joke and I wouldnt actually date him if he was 30.... but I feel like he’s saying this to make sure I get he would not have anything to do with me. So I guess there’s that

[maxi105]

hi L/K, im a bit confused by your post and the emoji's, so I dont really know if its still going ok for you or its skewed a bit but still jokey and friendly.

 

but my real feeling about this is maybe cut down on the games and flirting on phones, social media and meet this guy face to face as its going to make things clearer for both of you.

 

talking of something someone said a while back only works if they remember it as they read what you've written, otherwise it can make people feel a bit odd or awkward and question what is going on and if you are serious...what you want etc...

 

I don't know you or this guy, but you do sound pretty good and it might be a shame to ruin such good progress on still game playing.

 

I think your best option is to meet him and talk properly.

 

if you like this guy, would like to give things a chance with him then I think its better to meet up and take this away from the safety of not having to deal with this...

 

the longer you cant deal with this then you'll send messages that you may not be that serious a prospect for him, and older person is likely to prefer actually talking and getting to the core of this and he may not value the games....it is bringing age into this for him and it will force him to look at your age and question if he might not be better with someone his own age.

 

he obviously likes/liked you from what ive read, but I think this flirting without talking is damaging his view of you,the situation and the behaviours that seem to me to be a bit of fear on your part, it seems like your a bit scared of approaching him and dealing with this.

 

if you are a bit scared and you like him, be honest with him and if he likes you he will want to help to sort things, if you are not sure now, then maybe cool it with the games and tell him you are not as sure...only you know for sure what is going on here and what you feel...and like I said before, he seems a nice guy, so I feel you would be wiser to deal with this soon and show him you have some integrity and you are respectful of his feelings and are not looking to rely on games, backtracking, not being able to say you are joking or whatever it is you need/you want to say.

 

it still reads in places that you both need to talk and not guess what the other thinks or feels...talking will cut out all the bull and get to the honesty that you both need (whether this goes on to more or not)...its about being fair if you know or suspect someone likes/liked you...

 

maybe I don't get the age thing and parts of your last post or where your real intentions are coming from anymore cos I don't know your sense of humour and this seems to be changing a bit (and I think it as I said before is in parts because of the way you are handling this and how things are getting communicated)...but I really do wish you well with this...it is still salvageable if you still like this guy. im hoping the smiling and winking emoji is that youre happy and still like this guy and you are still positive for what might / could be...I just think you need to get away from your fear of taking the next step and just take it...otherwise I fear you will come away with nothing and he could see you as a nice person, fun, but a bit too immature for him in terms of a potential relationship.

 

 

not sure if that helps you any...but GOOD LUCK with this one. maxi.

[JDJ]

What Maxi said! Just meet already. Otherwise everything is getting lost in the up/down, back/forth, wink/smirk that's going on in your texts.

[Versacehottie]

I think you both will act on this someday, it's just a matter of when---and it won't matter if it's a good idea or a bad idea or worrying about what others think.

 

Right now I think you "like" all this worrying and anxiety as a measure of feeding your anxiety and excitement about him. It's actually building the need to 'do something about it", which one of you will take a step toward doing at some point. That's what i think. I also think you enjoy long, almost obsessive worrying, to the point that the rest of your life is not being lived. Like you have a crush, unexpressed at the moment therefore amp'd up mainly because it feels different and somewhat forbidden

 

Also check out limerence. It's a little much all this dissecting. Just do something.

[SmartDude]

He is twice your age and so he may feel like a creep making a move on you. Is there any way you can lure him into some sex? Once you make it ok for him, he might open up a lot more to you.

[LindseyKelk]

Here’s what happened.

 

Over the past few weeks he has asked me to do little favors for him. We are going to be organizing an exhibition soon and I offered my help. He does not normally like people helping him, but then he called me one day and said it would be nice if I could do this and that. I became something like his assistant. Because of that, we spent a lot of time talking on the phone (he’d call me and the call lasted for like an hour each time). It usually started with what we are supposed to do, but that lasted for like 3 minutes and the rest we just spent chatting away. Normal stuff. Sports, pets, family, people etc. We would laugh a lot.

 

In between, we’d message each other. Usual stuff, plus a lot of compliments.

 

We were talking every day for the past few days. We also met a few days ago and chatted briefly, other people were there also. He did not seem overly interesged or whatever. I guess.

 

And I am glad I never said anything about my feelings towards him. He said something that could be interpreted as quite sexual to me, and I said woah you’re not like this when we meet. And he said.... “I’m like that. I get bold over messages but if I’m expected to show something in real life, I chicken out .” He basically told me he is all talk, no action. I said... “what, are you shy?” and he said “me??? shy??? i dont have anything to be shy about (a lot of emojis)” bummer.

 

So I’m thankful for not saying anything to him. What he essentialy told me is that he just talks like that but never takes it into real life. What a tool. But I’m grateful he told me this. At least I know he cannot be serious and finally move on.

 

I’m not sure, though, whether I should say something about it. It hurts people, and it’s not nice to do. People do not like people like that. I certainly do not at all.

[stillafool]

What did he say that seemed quite sexual to you?

[nospam99]

OP, maybe he is not 'a tool' and is simply afraid, like any DECENT older man would be, of surfacing feelings that other people, including his friends, your parents, would react negatively to.

 

Rather than explicitly telling him how you feel, have you ever considered saying something to him like

 

In spite of our age difference, I consider you to be one of my best friends. Sometimes you say things to me that suggest you have a romantic interest in me. I'm not trying to put you on the spot. But I'd appreciate it if you let me know if you do, in fact, have those kinds of feeling about me.

[SmartDude]

And I am glad I never said anything about my feelings towards him. He said something that could be interpreted as quite sexual to me, and I said woah you’re not like this when we meet. And he said.... “I’m like that. I get bold over messages but if I’m expected to show something in real life, I chicken out .” He basically told me he is all talk, no action. I said... “what, are you shy?” and he said “me??? shy??? i dont have anything to be shy about (a lot of emojis)” bummer.

 

So I’m thankful for not saying anything to him. What he essentialy told me is that he just talks like that but never takes it into real life. What a tool. But I’m grateful he told me this. At least I know he cannot be serious and finally move on.

 

I’m not sure, though, whether I should say something about it. It hurts people, and it’s not nice to do. People do not like people like that. I certainly do not at all.

 

Maybe he just panicked in that one moment and he is not like that all the time. Perhaps he is a dud and you sniffed him out. You don't know yet?

 

If I was in that situation I would really be looking at the woman to give me clear signals on if she wanted me or not. All this friendly joking plus the parinoia of people thinking it is an innapropriate affair would drive me nuts.

 

Its almost like the rules are reversed and it is you who has to be bold and make a move. He may ghost you soon and all this fun "friendship" will go with it.

[stillafool]

i don't believe in guessing. I believe when someone tells you something about them to listen.

[LindseyKelk]

i don't believe in guessing. I believe when someone tells you something about them to listen.

 

Honestly, I’m the same. The only problem with what he said is that he either meant a) I don’t mean what I say when I write to people, therefore I can say bold things which I don’t actually mean IRL or b) I say these things over a message but as soon as I’m with you I’m not half as brave as I should be

 

This is strange to me, as I usually say exactly the same things in person as I do in messages. To me, it is just as difficult as it would be for him to confess my feelings. I like him and respect him a lot and would not want to lose him. And because he says things without taking any action, I assumed he is just joking and was the all talk type of person.

 

I honestly don’t know how to say I like him without making it awkward between us. I cannot just approach him and say “hey, dumbass, I like you don’t you see?”

 

He texted me today and we had a very brief convo. He invited me to a group gathering this weekend. I asked if he was able to go because he usually has things to do, and he said I will if you will. Then I said really? are you being serious now? ...and he goes, yes im serious.... so I finished it by saying okay, I’ll believe you when it actually happens, not just words this time and told him we were going to see each other.

 

So, yeah. I need to find a way to have that talk with him, but there has to be a place and time for that to happen.