I dont believe in giving up

[fromheart]

She called him, gave him a song and dance, cried, sounded remorseful. If she saw his reaction to that as weak, then she’s a first-class jerk. Sorry, he did nothing wrong in saying he would be willing to meet. She’s the one in the wrong in every sense of the word. She’s selfish, uncaring and cold. He didn’t know that for sure until now.

 

 

I'm not implying he's done something wrong at all, and I agree she's being very cold.

 

Back in the days before I discovered NC and self respect, I'd reach out to dumpers. Their reaction was always to show me a cold, nasty version of themselves that I never knew existed. One girl I reached out to, actually warned me that there's a nasty side to her. Didn't know it existed until I reached out to her a second time, 'just for a chat.'

 

Perhaps from the womans point of view, she's asked for space when she's dumped.(Understatement)

 

Reaching out not only shows weak, needy behavior but violates an express wish for space. She never thought he'd act needy when they met, perhaps he's about to turn into a stalker, a womans worst nightmare. He's definitely disappointing her, as part of her would maybe like to be proved wrong, about her earlier dedication to him. In this case she reached out to him, granted. But the fact that he hasn't moved on and is crying, reinforces her beleif in him being weak. A false judgement on her part, but the only thing such a person responds to, is being treated harshly. 'Anyway, I'm on a date Miss ex, speak to you another time.' That would win her back, until she got abusive and left him again. Such a person isn't worth dating.

 

 

I'm not implying OP has been weak and needy, he just doesn't know as many of us also didn't in the past.

Edited July 6, 2018 by fromheart

[bathtub-row]

I'm not implying he's done something wrong at all, and I agree she's being very cold.

 

Back in the days before I discovered NC and self respect, I'd reach out to dumpers. Their reaction was always to show me a cold, nasty version of themselves that I never knew existed. One girl I reached out to, actually warned me that there's a nasty side to her. Didn't know it existed until I reached out to her a second time, 'just for a chat.'

 

Perhaps from the womans point of view, she's asked for space when she's dumped.(Understatement)

 

Reaching out not only shows weak, needy behavior but violates an express wish for space. She never thought he'd act needy when they met, perhaps he's about to turn into a stalker, a womans worst nightmare. He's definitely disappointing her, as part of her would maybe like to be proved wrong, about her earlier dedication to him. In this case she reached out to him, granted. But the fact that he hasn't moved on and is crying, reinforces her beleif in him being weak. A false judgement on her part, but the only thing such a person responds to, is being treated harshly. 'Anyway, I'm on a date Miss ex, speak to you another time.' That would win her back, until she got abusive and left him again. Such a person isn't worth dating.

 

 

I'm not implying OP has been weak and needy, he just doesn't know as many of us also didn't in the past.

 

Understood. Well, from a female’s point of view who has done her share of ending relationships, not in a million years would I dream of treating someone the way this woman treated him, or the way some have treated you in the past. Unless a person is abusive, I’ll hear them out. And I know it hurts when something ends so I did my best to soften the blow. What this girl did is inexcusable. I don’t buy into this crap that just because she’s a female she gets to behave any way she feels like it. That’s total crap. Men have hearts and feelings and it completely pisses me off when they treat a perfectly nice guy like crap.

[JayHarris]

Thanks for the support. I feel god awful. To have your heart stomped on so viciously is a hard feeling to describe. I’ve crawled back into a deep depression and keep fantasizing about someone ending me and it makes me smile. I know how pathetic that sounds but this experience has destroyed me from the inside to outside. I feel like living is torture. I won’t ever engage in conversation with her again, I just want someone to take me out of my misery.

[bathtub-row]

Thanks for the support. I feel god awful. To have your heart stomped on so viciously is a hard feeling to describe. I’ve crawled back into a deep depression and keep fantasizing about someone ending me and it makes me smile. I know how pathetic that sounds but this experience has destroyed me from the inside to outside. I feel like living is torture. I won’t ever engage in conversation with her again, I just want someone to take me out of my misery.

 

But you’re going to get past this and the pain will stop. Please don’t lose sight of this because it’s a fact that has been proven over and over again. We’ve all been hurt and most of us have been trampled on. It’s not fun by any stretch of the imagination. But there is light at the end of that dark tunnel. I promise you that.

 

Cry, scream, wail, sleep - whatever it takes (within reason). One day, you’ll look up in shock and realize that she hadn’t crossed your mind in a long time and she has no power to hurt you. That day isn’t today but it will happen and you won’t hurt anymore.

[HumanMachine]

Jay I hope you’ve learnt your lesson. I trust is blocked/unfollowed etc. on ALL forms of contact ????

[overcome]

I'm sorry Jay.

 

I've been there. Believe me I've been there big time. I thought my world was over several times in the past. You will get past this like all things in life. You're young and there will be plenty of others that come and go in your life. It's just the way things usually work out.

 

This is a lesson to be learned for sure. You're not a fool for trying. The heart wants what the heart wants. But you have to choose wisely when you break NC. She def convinced you that she was worth reaching out to but once you learned the truth of the matter, I think that would've been game over. She lied about the dogs.

 

In my opinion, this girl has some serious issues and had you two both gotten back together, it only would have resurfaced at some later point in your relationship with her.

 

I know this probably doesn't offer you a lot of comfort right now but you dodged a bullet. One day you will realize this. Not today, not tomorrow, and probably not in a month. But one day your heart will stop aching and you will see that happiness is in the cards for you.

 

Stay strong. This will pass...I promise.

[Marc878]

You just don't get it.

[CaliBabe]

Jay, we have all been there and I am sorry you are hurting. Many posters here warned you not because we are cruel but because we have been in your shoes and wanted to spare you the pain we have walked through. You gave her the ego boost she was looking for, she knew she could have you if she wanted and boom she was gone, you were still on the hook. She got her ego boost and tossed you aside. You deserve to be treated so much better than that. You seem like a wonderful person who treated her well.

 

Do not ever give her the pleasure of hearing your voice ever again or the pleasure of getting any response from you. No energy, no communication, no nothing.

 

Silence is the real killer.

[fromheart]

Thanks for the support. I feel god awful. To have your heart stomped on so viciously is a hard feeling to describe. I’ve crawled back into a deep depression and keep fantasizing about someone ending me and it makes me smile. I know how pathetic that sounds but this experience has destroyed me from the inside to outside. I feel like living is torture. I won’t ever engage in conversation with her again, I just want someone to take me out of my misery.

 

 

As everyone will say, we know exactly how it feels. So you're not alone in this.

 

I know you feel like doing nothing, but if you start doing things it will really help to take your mind off things and speed up the recovery process.

 

I really, really recommend getting involved in a gym, or sporting activity. Do you have an good friends you can work out with?

[BC1980]

I truly am stupid.

 

I asked her to meet and talk about it and she blew it off and said she had a moment of weakness and realized her first decision to end it was still best.

 

How heartless can a human be? I should have stayed NC :(

 

I haven’t read your entire thread, but definitely stay NC. Don’t beat yourself up. People usually have to make the mistake of breaking NC to really appreciate how important it is.

[preraph]

Thanks for the support. I feel god awful. To have your heart stomped on so viciously is a hard feeling to describe. I’ve crawled back into a deep depression and keep fantasizing about someone ending me and it makes me smile. I know how pathetic that sounds but this experience has destroyed me from the inside to outside. I feel like living is torture. I won’t ever engage in conversation with her again, I just want someone to take me out of my misery.

 

I don't like you tearing yourself down over this. You just remember she's the messed up one. You're not pathetic. She is. I told you, if she can't love dogs, she can't love anybody. She's got no heart. That's not your fault. She fooled you. Now block her and be done with her for-ever and find yourself a nice woman at the dog park!

[JayHarris]

Thank you all for the support. I took some time off from work to try to recover mentally. I'm in a sunken place.

 

I hope my life gets better sooner.

[overcome]

Jay,

 

Don't take too much time off. Being alone is tough when you're trying to deal with this.

 

Talk with friends, family, a therapist. Anyone. Don't let the depression spiral. It will eat you from the inside out.

 

When you start to recover from this, start hitting the gym. I don't know if that's something you like but there are so many benefits (both mental and physical) that will help you get past this.

 

Try not to sit around. Trust me when I say it only makes it worse.

 

Keep us posted on your recovery.

[bathtub-row]

Yeah, it may not be good to spend too much alone or to get too far away from your regular routine. I'm really sorry, Jay. It's so hard going through this stuff. Please keep us posted on how you're doing. Vent here if you need to.

[N2017]

Hi Jay! I have a LOTTT to say about this topic so I'm gonna tell you my story.

 

I was seeing this guy for quite a while. It started in 2016, and we started getting more into each other in the summer of 2017. Basically, he abruptly ended things by blocking me on text/snapchat because I wanted to wait to sleep with him. However, at the time he didn't even have the courtesy to tell me that, I found that out months later. Now imagine how frustrating that is! At least she had the courtesy to give you an explanation.

 

I cried everyday for 2-3 months. I sent him long emails telling him I'm sorry (when I really shouldn't have been sorry) in hopes he would at least give me an explanation and hopefully start talking to me again. I am ashamed to say this, but I started to think of compromising on sleeping with him because I just wanted him to talk to me and come back.

 

What resulted from this was an on-and-off thing between him and I that went on up until June 2018 where we'd stop talking and either I'd miss him and message him or he would send me something and we'd start talking again. As soon as any conflict came about, or if I had a concern or asked him to do something or wanted anything more than what he was offering, his ass would hightail it out the door and he'd block me even if I wasn't messaging him. And it all ended a month ago because he did something so disrespectful that I couldn't tolerate it anymore. I told him off exactly how I felt without caring whether he stayed or not and of course he did the same old routine of saying "bye" and blocking me (this is after I left him on read and didn't message him for days).

 

I guess my point is that I do understand why you want to message her and don't care how it makes you look. But I'm telling you to do everything you can to avoid messaging her because if you don't you are going to get even more hurt. If she doesn't turn you down again, I can guarantee this girl will not be faithful to you. The more you let her back in, the more pain she will cause you until you have no choice but to cut it off.

 

The explanation you say she provided you is lame. Almost as lame as the one I eventually got from this guy. She's literally telling you that she doesn't like your personality and who you are. You can't try to be a certain person because you think it will appease her. You have to tough out these few months and learn to love yourself. That's the truth. You're putting your value on her. Take this as an opportunity to be single and have fun doing things you like and with other people.

 

If you don't, you'll just have to go through a lot of frustration like I did until you have to painfully learn you're worth more than begging for someone and learn that this person is an energy and time sink. I'm not messaging or begging for this guy back now that he left because it's not worth it. He cut the chord, and I know he'll regret it. Just like your girl will, because they both have themselves to blame for losing a person who cared about them in their lives.

 

Anyway, that's my story. Best of luck to you.

[JayHarris]

Do you all think it would be unhealthy to see about being put on an antidepressant? I am thinking of setting up a doctor appointment but is this an unhealthy way to try to get over it? I feel so dead on the inside each day just because of the harshness of everything. I bring her up all the time in hopes someone bashes her so I can feel a little better about not being with her. It's so unhealthy. I am making friends/family/coworkers miserable and I am slipping.

 

Are antidepressants just a temporary escape or something that can help me return to normal if taken in a healthy manner?

 

Just the other day I was at the mall and had a panic attack. I saw all the happy couples holding hands and kept thinking about her and I had to sitdown. I kept seeing so many great gifts that I would have loved to buy her and kept thinking about her in an unhealthy manner when I know she's a thing of the past. It's like I know there's no chance we ever get back together but I still fantasize about moments with her in the future. It's awful.

 

I am trying, I promise. I have read all the advice here and tried just about everything, I promise. I just can't get the hopelessness out of my system. Really, it's the harshness of it. That someone could flip a switch so easily and rush to kick me out of their life permanently stinks. Then to comeback and toy with me just to know she had me hooked when she seemed so genuine is so mean. I know I miss the person I thought she was and realize the person she is now is not worth having in anyone's life.

[HiCrunchy]

Then I made the cruel mistake of checking her social media to see she's in a DIFFERENT STATE-she's 8 hours away. She was never serious about meeting up or getting back together. She's posting a bunch of sexy selfies with friends on a mountain hike and who knows if guys are with her.

 

What a mean joke. I apologize to this forum for looking like such a pathetic loser and believing this woman actually wanted me back. She just ended up hurting me even more than she did the first time. I seriously can't sleep and can't get over the mean tease.

 

Let me be the example for everyone here: STAY NC!!!!

 

Wow. She is a bitch...

 

Um don't even worry about it. You didn't do anything wrong, she sounded like she was honest and remorseful. I wouldn't kick myself over it. I don't think you lost much based on her behavior. And she is supposed to be much older than you right? She sounds emotionally immature....NEXT

[overcome]

Hey Jay,

 

Keep hanging in there.

 

Just an FYI, I suffer from GAD or general anxiety disorder and I take medicine for that. Anxiety and depression are usually linked. In order to be properly diagnosed, you would need to speak with a psychiatrist or your doctor.

 

That being said, there are few things you should know about anti-depressants. First off, they can help but they take time. SSRI's (as they are commonly known) can take months to build up in the brain. Also, there are a lot of different ones out there because everyone's brain chemistry is different. Some work well, others do not. It's trial and error. So if you want to look into that option, your healthcare professional will probably make you aware that it will take weeks/months to feel the full effect.

 

SSRI's can also cause more anxiety and depression. While this seems to be counterintuitive, it can happen. Not trying to scare you away from them as they help me but it took years for me to find the right combo as I take two different types of meds.

 

As for panic attacks and anxiety in general, there are meds that are fast acting. Obviously Xanax is the most popular for people with chronic anxiety/panic attacks but you have to be careful as they are addictive. A better choice is Klonopin. It's in the same class of drugs (Benzodiazepines) it's longer lasting, and you don't get the same type of high from Xanax. Anything that changes your mood or is mood altering can be addictive.

 

If you speak with your doctor/psychiatrist he or she will want to know how long you've been feeling depressed and what the cause(s) are. I don't know what they will say if it's from a broken heart. While a break-up does cause depression and anxiety, time is normally the best way to heal yourself. Bare that in mind if you decide to speak to someone.

 

I know you're hurting. Everyone here does as we have been down the same road. Interesting fact. Scientists did an MRI of the brain of a person who was experiencing heartache from a break-up and from a person who was going through withdrawal from heroin. The parts of the brain that experience the withdrawal from both situations, lit up. In other words, going through the withdrawal you are is chemically no different than a heroin addicts withdrawal. It's real. It's painful. It has physical side-effects.

 

This is normal (unfortunately) but even the withdrawal for a heroin addict passes. It will for you too. You just need to remind yourself of this everyday.

[preraph]

By all means talk to a doctor about an antidepressant for the short-term. I have done it just to get through things like putting a parent in a nursing home.

 

I agree with others that you do need time to mourn, but that you should also make yourself stay busy with friends some and also just doing things that make you laugh. I used to watch Leave it to Beaver because it made me laugh, or watch videos of cute puppies and kittens. Whatever. But make yourself seek out joy. Go walk your dogs. Keep moving, but by all means see about getting something. It won't obliterate you but may make it easier to just keep your routine going.