I dont believe in giving up

[Happy Lemming]

So many fun vacations/adventures for the summer planned together down the drain.

 

Why are your "summer plans" down the drain?? Why can't you travel/explore/adventure by yourself?? I've traveled, camped out, hiked, etc. by myself. I've enjoyed so many activities alone.

 

Treat yourself to some fun this summer!! Don't forget your camera!!

[JayHarris]

Why are your "summer plans" down the drain?? Why can't you travel/explore/adventure by yourself?? I've traveled, camped out, hiked, etc. by myself. I've enjoyed so many activities alone.

 

Treat yourself to some fun this summer!! Don't forget your camera!!

 

You're right. I just really wanted to share these experiences with someone special but treating myself to some nice trips can't hurt.

[Goodguy05]

I feel so unsatisfied. Everything I read on here tells you to let the dumper go and do NC. Do it so you can heal and move on because they dumped you for a reason. Have self-respect, why do you want to be with someone that dumped you, there's plenty of fish, etc.

 

We all say these things to protect ourselves but do we ever truly get closure this way? I believe after a certain amount of NC, the dumper begins to completely move on and lose all interest in you. Especially if it's a female dumper. I'm probably going to fail and fail hard but the satisfaction of knowing I gave it 100% will allow me to move on. Love isn't a game. "Oh, if I ignore her for months, she'll run back to me." Let me be the guinea pig. The test dummy for all of you that are scared ****less of reaching out to your ex while missing the hell out of them.

 

Laugh at me, call me an idiot, tell me how it'll set me back, but I feel good about this decision. My EX ended it with me due to reasons that were very fixable. Not with me, but with my work and my living situation. She said she ended it because she didn't want one of us to change because she believes it'd lead to resentment and she wanted our lives to fit perfectly.

 

Do you know how f'n frustrating that is to hear? You all are probably thinking there's a much deeper reason but this girl is a unique case. She's very feminine and ocd. The slightest things set her off and she has a ton of pride. She can't stand when guys hit on her for looks and she chooses to have personal connections with people based on personality traits. I know her well. We had a deep connection and had so much respect and trust. I'm going to pour it all out there. I am going to invite her to meet me at our favorite park and tell her my genuine feelings for her and why what caused the end of our relationship is very fixable and would lead to 0 resentment.

 

Maybe she'll tell me to screw off and leave her alone forever. Maybe she won't come to the park and will ignore my text. Maybe this'll set me back a bit if she rejects me again. Maybe the odds are low. But I feel like I didn't give it 100% to fight for her. If she rejects me after she sees how much I truly love her and what she gave up, I'll have no choice to move on and I won't have to wonder what if

 

Wish me luck. I'll report back.

 

ur on a winner I think ur absolutely correct it will give u closure. I did what everyone advised on here and i haven't had closure and feeling still resurface almost 2 yrs on i say do it

[littleblackheart]

^Thanks.

 

This anxious feeling just needs to completely go away. It ending so soon has me feeling so uneasy. We could have slowed things down and tried to work things out but she just ran away so fast. Ugh. So many fun vacations/adventures for the summer planned together down the drain. It's going to take a long time to completely get over this because she never tried to work things out. And I can't help but feel like i'll never receive a text message from her ever again and i'm stuck in the past.

 

I've received some amazing advice on here and I've given myself some tough pep talks but I'm still so far from being over because I catch myself thinking about her all the time and fantasizing about reconnecting. How do you not sit a person down and try to work things out if you truly cared about them? Man. If we weighed realistic, possible solutions and came to the conclusion that things weren't fixable, I'd get it and accept things better.

 

You're welcome .

 

You really need to spend less time trying to figure her actions out, and more on the finality of the situation.

Ruminating this won't help. In this case, the timing was off. Don't overcomplicate things and put yourself first.

 

You are being very honest with yourself, imo - yes, there is a lingering level of anxiety. This is totally normal but you need to keep things in perspective : you're a bright young man, this is your first heartbreak at the end of a 7 month-long relationship. Odds are stacked in your favour for a happy future.

 

Be gentle with yourself but not too much wallowing! You don't want to be stuck at the 'what if' stage.

[fromheart]

Jay, I frequently read here:

 

Men: She will lose respect for you if you go chasing her.

Women: He didn't fight for our relationship!

 

Both have merit. And at least you'll know you did everything you could. Just don't get your hopes pinned too high.

 

If she wanted to him to fight for the relationship, she shouldn't have dumped him.

[fromheart]

Your not really understanding why a man must take off after being dumped. Most of us have been there.

 

I think you've got to experience this for yourself. Reach out to her, and see if this reconciles the relationship. Use your own judgement.

 

If it doesn't, post again and we'll be happy to advise.

[JayHarris]

Your not really understanding why a man must take off after being dumped. Most of us have been there.

 

I think you've got to experience this for yourself. Reach out to her, and see if this reconciles the relationship. Use your own judgement.

 

If it doesn't, post again and we'll be happy to advise.

 

I was well prepared to try to win her back but I trust what has been told me on here. It'd push her further away and annoy her. At this point, she has probably moved on

 

Right after the BU, I begged and pleaded. She told me she wasn't moving on but can't date anyone right now and that she doesn't want to cut all ties with me. I accepted that and apologized for my weak actions.

 

I think both things were just guilt because she hasn't tried to contact me in about a month now. I initiated contact a couple times in the last month for non relationship stuff that she needed to know and she replied, but that's it.

[JayHarris]

I am not doing well. I know there are many other people with worse problems but I have to voice my feelings. I feel so miserable. I wait for a text every second of the day to never get one. I fantasize about someone taking me out of my misery. Like I'm a deer that got hit and is lying wounded on the side of the road just waiting for someone to come shoot it and put it out of it's pain. I know how weak I sound but it is how I feel. I am simply not wired to handle heartbreak, apparently. I keep thinking about the memories and even the conversations before the breakup. The I miss yous, the I love yous, and all these BS messages when she apparently had 1 foot out the door. A person's heart is not something you toy with and I feel like mine was toyed with big time. I made the weak mistake of viewing her Instagram and she's never looked happier and is now following a bunch of guys. She came onto me so strong and showed me an obsessive love that I thought was everlasting only to end it so quickly and move on like I was a piece of garbage while I lay in deep depression. I constantly read through all of these false hope articles of a potential reconnection with an ex in the future in hopes that'll be me while knowing deep down it won't be me. I know I have to stop but these are the only things keeping me move most days. I hate this world and I hate people. All my life I've been reluctant to give people my heart but they push and push until I give it to them only to leave me in the dust.

Edited June 19, 2018 by JayHarris

[Happy Lemming]

I am simply not wired to handle heartbreak, apparently.

 

Heartbreak and loss are all part of the human experience. If you want to be with someone and care about them, then be prepared for heartbreak, because it will happen.

 

If you are not willing to take that chance, then don't date and just be alone.

 

I've known a couple of people that gave up on dating and chose to be alone.

[fromheart]

I am not doing well. I know there are many other people with worse problems but I have to voice my feelings. I feel so miserable. I wait for a text every second of the day to never get one. I fantasize about someone taking me out of my misery. Like I'm a deer that got hit and is lying wounded on the side of the road just waiting for someone to come shoot it and put it out of it's pain. I know how weak I sound but it is how I feel. I am simply not wired to handle heartbreak, apparently. I keep thinking about the memories and even the conversations before the breakup. The I miss yous, the I love yous, and all these BS messages when she apparently had 1 foot out the door. A person's heart is not something you toy with and I feel like mine was toyed with big time. I made the weak mistake of viewing her Instagram and she's never looked happier and is now following a bunch of guys. She came onto me so strong and showed me an obsessive love that I thought was everlasting only to end it so quickly and move on like I was a piece of garbage while I lay in deep depression. I constantly read through all of these false hope articles of a potential reconnection with an ex in the future in hopes that'll be me while knowing deep down it won't be me. I know I have to stop but these are the only things keeping me move most days. I hate this world and I hate people. All my life I've been reluctant to give people my heart but they push and push until I give it to them only to leave me in the dust.

 

We've all been through it, we all understand. Most of not everyone who's posted here knows exactly what it feels like.

 

That's why we're saying, NC will be the quickest way for you to heal. Scraps from her table will temporary relieve the pain, only for it to be come back and drag out longer.

[fredflint]

I am not doing well. I know there are many other people with worse problems but I have to voice my feelings. I feel so miserable. I wait for a text every second of the day to never get one. I fantasize about someone taking me out of my misery. Like I'm a deer that got hit and is lying wounded on the side of the road just waiting for someone to come shoot it and put it out of it's pain. I know how weak I sound but it is how I feel. I am simply not wired to handle heartbreak, apparently. I keep thinking about the memories and even the conversations before the breakup. The I miss yous, the I love yous, and all these BS messages when she apparently had 1 foot out the door. A person's heart is not something you toy with and I feel like mine was toyed with big time. I made the weak mistake of viewing her Instagram and she's never looked happier and is now following a bunch of guys. She came onto me so strong and showed me an obsessive love that I thought was everlasting only to end it so quickly and move on like I was a piece of garbage while I lay in deep depression. I constantly read through all of these false hope articles of a potential reconnection with an ex in the future in hopes that'll be me while knowing deep down it won't be me. I know I have to stop but these are the only things keeping me move most days. I hate this world and I hate people. All my life I've been reluctant to give people my heart but they push and push until I give it to them only to leave me in the dust.

 

I'm sorry for your pain. I've been there. My divorce was really hard. For years, that affected me. However I think you will recover much faster than I did. My breakups since have sucked but nowhere near as bad as my divorce. Its almost like I'm toughening up. And wising up to the fact that relationships are often a lot more fragile than they seem. People aren't going to tell you they are unsure about you in the early stages of a relationship. They are going to give it their best shot and keep those thoughts to themselves. The key now is to distract yourself with things that are good for you. Get out, exercise, socialize, visit new places, join new clubs, remove all reminders of her, stop checking her social media.

[stillafool]

Jay what you are feeling is normal. You are completely HEARTBROKEN. Don't think anything is wrong with you. Go ahead and grieve and then come to accept it. Once you accept that it is over between the two of you; you will be able to move on with your life. Once you move from the grief stage there will be anger which will push you into acceptance. Then you will start to heal. Keep thinking about this statement when you get weak:

 

I keep thinking about the memories and even the conversations before the breakup. The I miss yous, the I love yous, and all these BS messages when she apparently had 1 foot out the door. A person's heart is not something you toy with and I feel like mine was toyed with big time. I made the weak mistake of viewing her Instagram and she's never looked happier and is now following a bunch of guys. She came onto me so strong and showed me an obsessive love that I thought was everlasting only to end it so quickly and move on like I was a piece of garbage while I lay in deep depression.

 

Really take your time in your next relationship and not fall so fast or give so much. I wish you the best.

[JayHarris]

Jay what you are feeling is normal. You are completely HEARTBROKEN. Don't think anything is wrong with you. Go ahead and grieve and then come to accept it. Once you accept that it is over between the two of you; you will be able to move on with your life. Once you move from the grief stage there will be anger which will push you into acceptance. Then you will start to heal. Keep thinking about this statement when you get weak:

 

I keep thinking about the memories and even the conversations before the breakup. The I miss yous, the I love yous, and all these BS messages when she apparently had 1 foot out the door. A person's heart is not something you toy with and I feel like mine was toyed with big time. I made the weak mistake of viewing her Instagram and she's never looked happier and is now following a bunch of guys. She came onto me so strong and showed me an obsessive love that I thought was everlasting only to end it so quickly and move on like I was a piece of garbage while I lay in deep depression.

 

Really take your time in your next relationship and not fall so fast or give so much. I wish you the best.

 

Thanks for the good advice. I never planned on falling hard but she had such a heavy presence that our short time together felt like years together and everything was so comfortable. There will be no next relationship for me, my friend. It's too scary.

[Mac0908]

I'm giving you a lot of leeway since you are legitimately heartbroken but I gotta say I'm still not sure you completely "get it". It seems like every response you've written straight through this point is thanking the previous posters for their advice and then rambling on about how great she was, how much you miss her and how upset you are.

 

And guess what, that's ok to do, but you also need to realize the OTHER part of this all in that SHE is the one solely responsible for you feeling like you got thrown into a dumpster and had a sh-t taken on you after. You need to stop putting this woman in any form of a positive light. You wanting to be friends with someone who blew you off like this shows just how much you have to learn IMHO.

 

You're not really understanding why a man must take off after being dumped. Most of us have been there.

 

Ain't it the truth. Fortunately the OP is still relatively young at 27 and can learn now. Took me til 33 to completely figure it all out. Sad, I know, but then again never learning at all is , too.

Edited June 19, 2018 by Mac0908

[JayHarris]

I'm giving you a lot of leeway since you are legitimately heartbroken but I gotta say I'm still not sure you completely "get it". It seems like every response you've written straight through this point is thanking the previous posters for their advice and then rambling on about how great she was, how much you miss her and how upset you are.

 

And guess what, that's ok to do, but you also need to realize the OTHER part of this all in that SHE is the one solely responsible for you feeling like you got thrown into a dumpster and had a sh-t taken on you after. You need to stop putting this woman in any form of a positive light. You wanting to be friends with someone who blew you off like this shows just how much you have to learn IMHO.

 

 

 

Ain't it the truth. Fortunately the OP is still relatively young at 27 and can learn now. Took me til 33 to completely figure it all out. Sad, I know, but then again never learning at all is , too.

 

I'm thanking people because they are telling me the truth. They are telling me stuff to avoid me further hurting myself and deep down, I know they are right.

 

It's still hard to shake my feelings since I am heartbroken and I do have a unhealthy habit of clinging onto this false hope that one day she'll reach out and I am trying to get rid of this hope, but I am not at the mental state just yet. It was the first love I experienced and she was everything I wanted in a woman until she threw me out like a piece of garbage. I'm just a shaken up dude with a restless mind who KNOWS the right things to do after being dumped but still has the demons in his head telling him she'll be back in the future which I know is BS and won't happen. Wanting to be her friend with my strong feelings for her is not realistic, I know. I know no contact is best for both parties. But again, it's truly damaging to a person to feel like someone could love you one second and then exit your life forever like it was nothing. Most of my posts on here are ramblings to avoid actually texting her. Without this forum, I would have made an ass of myself already and gotten hurt even worse.

 

I truly suck with girls. I have no game. I'm a quiet dude who keeps to himself and isn't exactly Ryan Gosling in the looks department. I'm not ugly, but I'm just an average Joe. Women usually look at me and think meh, I could get him easily, I want an upgrade. I tried some dating apps and I tried so hard to spark interesting conversations with women only to get 1 worded replies or no reply at all. It's demoralizing knowing you're 1 of 1000 dudes messaging a chick and there's no f'n way you're beating those odds.. I thought I found the "one" and when the one realizes they don't want you in your life, it takes a long time to heal. She had no guy friends and didn't keep in touch with any of her exes. It was a relief.

 

Thanks to this forum, I didn't text or call her this weekend. Thanks to this forum, I know the right steps to proceed because people have experienced what I am going through. But again, it is so much easier said than done.

Edited June 19, 2018 by JayHarris

[Mac0908]

it's truly damaging to a person to feel like someone could love you one second and then exit your life forever like it was nothing.

 

Welcome to my world, dude. Don't believe me? Spend an afternoon reading some of my posts that brought me to this forum just like you. Yes, I too went beta after being blown off and yes, I wanted her back, and yes, my lovesick mind continued thinking of only the amazing times me and this girl shared when together. This is why I'm a little hard on you. Bc I know just how easily a broken heart can persuade you to feel a certain way so I feel being harsh is important. I didn't get much of that when my uphill battle of healing began. I think you've gotten some real quality advice here, better than I did. You'll thank me one day more than you realize. Like I said, be happy you're still young. Geez 27, wish I knew all I knew now when I was your age (I'm 33).

 

I think in the long run you'll be fine, but right now you are absolutely lovesick and heartbroken. She isn't going to fade from your thoughts anytime soon and that's normal. You being upset is NORMAL. But like I said, you also need to welcome the thoughts into your head that this woman hurt you in a pretty drastic way and is not a good person for doing so.

[JayHarris]

Welcome to my world, dude. Don't believe me? Spend an afternoon reading some of my posts that brought me to this forum just like you. Yes, I too went beta after being blown off and yes, I wanted her back, and yes, my lovesick mind continued thinking of only the amazing times me and this girl shared when together. This is why I'm a little hard on you. Bc I know just how easily a broken heart can persuade you to feel a certain way so I feel being harsh is important. I didn't get much of that when my uphill battle of healing began. I think you've gotten some real quality advice here, better than I did. You'll thank me one day more than you realize. Like I said, be happy you're still young. Geez 27, wish I knew all I knew now when I was your age (I'm 33).

 

I think in the long run you'll be fine, but right now you are absolutely lovesick and heartbroken. She isn't going to fade from your thoughts anytime soon and that's normal. You being upset is NORMAL. But like I said, you also need to welcome the thoughts into your head that this woman hurt you in a pretty drastic way and is not a good person for doing so.

 

Just went through some of your old posts. Sorry man, that woman was cruel. You showed a lot of strength by brushing off that match.com moment. Looks like things didn't work out so well for her after blowing off a good dude. Good.

 

I need all the harshness in the world. I'm a total rookie at dating. That's why I went so hard because I lacked experience. I gave 110% because I finally thought life threw me a curve ball. I had wanted a relationship for the longest time and had the worst luck with women. Finally, the "perfect" woman entered my life and I was ready to make her mine forever. It's a tough lesson for me. No relationships are a guarantee and no matter how awesome they may appear, nobody truly knows what one person is thinking on the inside. I know the way I am wired and If I do date again in the future, it won't be for at least 2-3 years. To try to find temporary happiness, I downloaded silly apps like Tinder/Bumble in hopes of meeting an interesting girl and nobody I interacted with could hold a conversation. Women have it so much easier but they also have to weed out the creeps that are just in it for sexual reasons. They can rebound a lot faster but there's a lot of uncertainties that it'll stick because a lot of dudes disguise their true intentions quite well. That is why I was so surprised my ex didn't make a greater effort to work things out with me because she has a ton of trust issues with men and believes that most men are sex hounds. However, I get that she shouldn't settle with the first nice guy she dates just because she thinks most men have bad intitions. I get it.

 

I have so much to learn about dating. At least I don't have any regrets. I treated her great and she may find someone that is a better match than me, but I guarantee she won't find someone that treats her as well as I did.

Edited June 20, 2018 by JayHarris

[JayHarris]

I will get to learn if she is 100% over me in her life for good in a couple weeks. It'll be my birthday and she was very proud of knowing my birthday. If I don't get a text, It'll be a good thing. It'll show she is 100% done with me in her life and I'll have no choice but to stop these stupid thoughts of false hope.

[Marc878]

Yep, living on Hopium doesn't get you much.

 

You should read up on codependency

[Mac0908]

Just went through some of your old posts. Sorry man, that woman was cruel. You showed a lot of strength by brushing off that match.com moment. Looks like things didn't work out so well for her after blowing off a good dude. Good.

 

It was the biggest test for me during my journey in healing, and you too may find yourself battling through things. If you're smart enough and take the advice on here, you will be fine, ultimately.

 

I know you have hope about this birthday text but it really isn't a great mindset to have. You're still hoping something works out and until you get over that you can't begin to TRULY heal. If not getting this bday text is what will kick start it for you, then so be it. I also really hope you have implemented NC as far as social media deletion goes.

[JayHarris]

It was the biggest test for me during my journey in healing, and you too may find yourself battling through things. If you're smart enough and take the advice on here, you will be fine, ultimately.

 

I know you have hope about this birthday text but it really isn't a great mindset to have. You're still hoping something works out and until you get over that you can't begin to TRULY heal. If not getting this bday text is what will kick start it for you, then so be it. I also really hope you have implemented NC as far as social media deletion goes.

Anytime I have a moment of weakness, I wait 10 minutes before acting. By then, I am calm and don't act on my thought. I won't text her. She went from texting me every hour of every day to not initiating contact with me for 3 weeks. She's over me, I'm sure of it. I have decided to block instagram so I can't check up on her. She posted lyrics to Jennifer Paige's crush days after breaking up with me, whatever the hell that means. Out of sight, out of mind. She has no way of seeing me or any of my life updates as I don't use social media. She has a strong support group as she has 10000 female friends so I know that this process has probably been easy for her. I don't expect a text from her ever again.

 

I won't lie. Deep down, I want the Bday text to show she actually gives a **** about me but I know if I don't get it that I have no choice but to give up on her ever contacting me again.

[Romantic_Antics]

Going NC is the most spineless, heartless, cowardly, selfish, and self-centered thing a person can do in the aftermath of a relationship. You're telling them they're less important to you than a stranger and telling yourself you're such a brainless idiot that you once loved this person whom you're trying to treat like less than dirt. NC only works because you break your own heart so badly that you eventually get tired of being broken hearted and move on.

 

It's a strategy for people who will never be in a lasting relationship and will pretend to be relationship experts on sites like these. Sorry if that offends anybody. NC is strictly for the weak.

Edited June 20, 2018 by Romantic_Antics

[JayHarris]

Going NC is the most spineless, heartless, cowardly, selfish, and self-centered thing a person can do in the aftermath of a relationship. You're telling them they're less important to you than a stranger and telling yourself you're such a brainless idiot that you once loved this person whom you're trying to treat like less than dirt. NC only works because you break your own heart so badly that you eventually get tired of being broken hearted and move on.

 

It's a strategy for people who will never be in a lasting relationship and will pretend to be relationship experts on sites like these. Sorry if that offends anybody. NC is strictly for the weak.

 

Hey, I think it's cruel when dumpers act like you never existed but I get the reasons behind NC because it seems like most dumpers are annoyed by the dumpee reaching out. I begged and begged for explanations after the breakup and I could tell my ex was beyond annoyed. I stopped myself in the middle of it to apologize for being weak and carried on with a casual conversation. We talked again a week later after she reached out and then she wanted nothing to do with me at all. I had to text her about a mutual friend who was in an awful situation and she seemed soooo annoyed that I contacted her. Dumpers probably don't want the dumpee to think there's a chance of reconnecting and dumpees can spin any form of conversation into a reconnection while dumpers are annoyed they have to keep talking to the person they decided they didn't want to be with anymore. I totally get NC but it's hard as hell. I think most people here DID contact the dumper and it set them back a lot mentally and led to more pain so they're just trying to save suckers like me from experiencing more pain.

[bathtub-row]

I always admire a guy who fights for the woman he loves, however, in this case, it could well backfire on you. I'm not sure. You would definitely be sticking your neck out.

 

3 months - that's apparently the magic number when an ex is most likely to reach out again. I read that somewhere and it has been my observation that it's true. I'm curious to see what will happen in this case.

 

My thoughts on this is that she has not moved on and is probably hurting a great deal, too. I think the one thing most of us can't do is be patient and let time do its thing. If it all comes down to just having a friendship with this person, that's a possibility after some time has gone by.

 

The one thing that really bothers me with this whole thing is how she blindsided you with this break-up. She should've given you an opportunity to make things right, to talk to her about it, to have some foreshadowing of things to come. I honestly have a true disliking for people who pull this type of thing. It's very heartless.

 

I'd also counter that she's the one who's not geared for a long-term relationship, not you. But people who behave in the way she has have a way of making a sane, reasonable person think they're the ones with the problem. You seem perfectly centered, kind, and warm. I hope you won't write-off relationships forever. Instead, let your heart heal and then make sure that you're with someone who's personality is more in line with yours.

[overcome]

Going NC is the most spineless, heartless, cowardly, selfish, and self-centered thing a person can do in the aftermath of a relationship. You're telling them they're less important to you than a stranger and telling yourself you're such a brainless idiot that you once loved this person whom you're trying to treat like less than dirt. NC only works because you break your own heart so badly that you eventually get tired of being broken hearted and move on.

 

It's a strategy for people who will never be in a lasting relationship and will pretend to be relationship experts on sites like these. Sorry if that offends anybody. NC is strictly for the weak.

 

 

I'm sorry but this post offends me and probably others. NC is not weak or selfish. Quite the opposite. How is going NC to the person who just kicked the other person to the corner, selfish or treating them like dirt? I think you have it backwards. If you read Jay's story you might have written a better post. And no one pretends to be an expert on here. We're here for support and to get other people's take on a situation. Not to bash them for choosing to do something that is best for their well being.

 

Jay - I truly believe NC is the way to go. I also believe that you must eliminate everything that allows you to see how they are doing. Your focus now is to heal. To heal you have to give it time, not beat yourself up, don't dwell on this relationship, and above all else, make yourself a better person for the next girl.

 

On a planet with over 7 billion people, I highly doubt she was the only one for you. You're young and there will be others.