Feel Like I'm Back to Square One

[olivetree]

Exactly. My makeup is such that it just takes me a good while to detach from someone when I've loved them for so long. And until I do that, they remain my ideal regardless of other factors. I thought I'd done that with Sally but ... obviously not yet. Once I do that and am fully open to being All In with Pam, I think Sally will be a distant memory. I just need to give it time.

 

That is totally normal.

I'd say a lot of what attracts you to Sally is probably her dismissiveness... always being in that anxious, yearning state.

I think acknowledging that (as you probably have) can help you to detach more, because it's not based on true, deep love.

[JuneL]

Exactly. My makeup is such that it just takes me a good while to detach from someone when I've loved them for so long. And until I do that, they remain my ideal regardless of other factors. I thought I'd done that with Sally but ... obviously not yet. Once I do that and am fully open to being All In with Pam, I think Sally will be a distant memory. I just need to give it time.

 

But how do you know you can be all in eventually with Pam?

[KBarletta]

But how do you know you can be all in eventually with Pam?

 

I guess I don't know for sure, but then we've only known each other for 2-3 months. We're dating. That's what dating is for, right? To see if you're right for each other? I feel good about things with her so far. I'm not going to ask her to marry me tomorrow, but I like her a lot and I feel like there's a huge amount of potential there.

[KBarletta]

That is totally normal.

I'd say a lot of what attracts you to Sally is probably her dismissiveness... always being in that anxious, yearning state.

I think acknowledging that (as you probably have) can help you to detach more, because it's not based on true, deep love.

 

There's some truth to that, though I do think my feelings for Sally were/are true and deep, which is part of why it's so hard to detach. If it was just a physical thing it would be way easier to just let go and move on.

 

Part of what attracted me to Sally, to be honest, was that she could have easily been with any guy she wanted and she - for a while at least - chose to be with me alone. That kind of made me feel like the king of the world, which is a small part of why like I said when things were good they were very good. But they were also ****ty much of the time LOL.

 

I do not miss the anxious, yearning state. It was exhilarating at times but also exhausting. I'm much more at peace being with someone (Pam) who is consistently there for me and never makes me question my worth.