Ex GF chose rebound over me

[CrazyKatLady]

it's just a fact, it hurts right now, but know that it will get better. It just takes time. I think you should go full NC since you want karma to get her...you need time to heal is what it sounds like...i feel ya though...it took me 3 brutal months of intense pain and despair feelings to get through my ordeal last year...sorry you are hurting...feel better soon. hugs.

[Beachead]

It just sucks. Im in the anger phase right now thinking of all the ****ty things she's done, and I lowkey don't want her to be happy. I would wish her all the happiness if she was genuinely a good person, but her manipulation and lies make me feel about her otherwise. Is that normal?

 

 

It's normal. Anger is recruited by the brain to help you cope with overwhelming pain. I suggest writing all those crappy things about her as a journal entry to remind yourself of who she was during the days you feel weak and miss her again. It'll help because you'll cycle between anger, sadness, and feeling nothing at all for a long while. The good news is it means your mind is dealing with things which means it's doing exactly what it should be doing.

 

- Beach

[brokenheart901]

Thanks for the replies.

 

This is about to get long, but something I need to get off my chest.

 

Like I've mentioned before, right when i wake up in the morning, the pain is the worst. Her words keep replaying in my head when she said, "He did make me feel more respected in a month than you did in a year". And all the comparisons that she was making saying he made her feel special and I didn't. Makes me feel really low. Makes me feel like I didnt do enough and that she's having an amazing time in her new relationship and doesnt even give two damns about me. I constantly keep comparing myself to the new guy, and keep thinking that she probably did forget about me cause this new guy is making her feel so special. I just feel like I could've done more. But on the other hand, I feel like if she really was enjoying time with this guy, she wouldnt have cheated on him multiple times with me. She also initially told me that he was very clingy, controlling, and "didn't have a life". So it just baffles me what happened. Not that it should matter to me, as that doesn't discount the fact that she still chose him over me, but still says something. She once told me that she just can't be alone. So i feel like she's in a relationship, just to be in one, and is afraid to be alone. And since its a new relationship, their probably in their honeymoon phase and has GIGS. But like i said, it shouldn't matter because I have to accept that it's over.

 

Maybe, i didn't treat her as well as the new guy. But one thing I know is that we had a connection and a spark. Even after two months of NC and meeting up again, everything felt so normal and comfortable. Like our insides jokes, sense of humor, etc. I miss our friendship, and I legit feel like she was the female version of myself, which is why i miss her. We were able to finish off each other's sentences, and were comfortable with each other. I know there's no going back, but its just those memories that hit you the hardest. It's weird that the mind plays tricks on you. It just hurts that she doesnt even think about me and here I am thinking about her. I know many will say that then I should stop thinking about her too. Trust me, I am, but some words leave a mark, and its only been a week since she left me for him and straight up told me she was. I still have her on snapchat and instagram. She hasnt deleted me and I havent deleted her. I know ill find someone, but after this experience, I feel like i wont be able to give a girl my all and i ownt be able to develop a connection so easily as I did with her.

 

Sorry for the long post

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Thanks for the replies.

 

This is about to get long, but something I need to get off my chest.

 

Like I've mentioned before, right when i wake up in the morning, the pain is the worst. Her words keep replaying in my head when she said, "He did make me feel more respected in a month than you did in a year". And all the comparisons that she was making saying he made her feel special and I didn't. Makes me feel really low. Makes me feel like I didnt do enough and that she's having an amazing time in her new relationship and doesnt even give two damns about me. I constantly keep comparing myself to the new guy, and keep thinking that she probably did forget about me cause this new guy is making her feel so special. I just feel like I could've done more. But on the other hand, I feel like if she really was enjoying time with this guy, she wouldnt have cheated on him multiple times with me. She also initially told me that he was very clingy, controlling, and "didn't have a life". So it just baffles me what happened. Not that it should matter to me, as that doesn't discount the fact that she still chose him over me, but still says something. She once told me that she just can't be alone. So i feel like she's in a relationship, just to be in one, and is afraid to be alone. And since its a new relationship, their probably in their honeymoon phase and has GIGS. But like i said, it shouldn't matter because I have to accept that it's over.

 

Maybe, i didn't treat her as well as the new guy. But one thing I know is that we had a connection and a spark. Even after two months of NC and meeting up again, everything felt so normal and comfortable. Like our insides jokes, sense of humor, etc. I miss our friendship, and I legit feel like she was the female version of myself, which is why i miss her. We were able to finish off each other's sentences, and were comfortable with each other. I know there's no going back, but its just those memories that hit you the hardest. It's weird that the mind plays tricks on you. It just hurts that she doesnt even think about me and here I am thinking about her. I know many will say that then I should stop thinking about her too. Trust me, I am, but some words leave a mark, and its only been a week since she left me for him and straight up told me she was. I still have her on snapchat and instagram. She hasnt deleted me and I havent deleted her. I know ill find someone, but after this experience, I feel like i wont be able to give a girl my all and i ownt be able to develop a connection so easily as I did with her.

 

Sorry for the long post

 

Ok dude, I feel you.

 

Do this:

 

Step 1) Look up daily mantras for 30 days. 30 different mantras. Every day, all day, pick a mantra to repeat to yourself. Examples would include this quick google search I did for you: 40 Powerful Mantras to Help You Think Positive

 

If you think of her, start chanting your mantra. After 30 days, you'll notice a difference.

 

Step 2) Get a gym membership. Work out every morning for 1 hour. Don't do this 3-day crap. Do 5 day, 1 hour workouts that target different parts of the body. Hire a trainer if you have to, or do some googling for Stronglift's 5x5 beginner workout if you need guidance. If you'd like you can do 4 day workouts and just do a full body workout on the 5th day.

 

Step 3) Set up online dating profiles. She made sure to let you know you weren't good enough for her. No problem, go find some women looking for a guy like you. There's plenty of them!

 

Step 4) Reconnect with friends, go do things by yourself (all the while chanting your daily mantra) and go hiking, go camping, go clubbing, go to some music festivals, do whatever you want! You're free, you're single, and there are plenty of women that are looking for your future self, so get in shape and get prepared!

 

Step 5) By this time, a month should have passed. Your mantras should have you feeling really great. Your dates / hangouts with friends / solo adventures should have your confidence building back up! You should be thinking of her less and less until gradually, you'll be asking "who?" while you're driving to pick up a gorgeous woman and take her out on the overnight Dinner Cruise you originally had planned for your cheating ex.

 

Step 6)

[Mac0908]

It just hurts that she doesnt even think about me and here I am thinking about her. I know many will say that then I should stop thinking about her too. Trust me, I am, but some words leave a mark, and its only been a week since she left me for him and straight up told me she was. I still have her on snapchat and instagram. She hasnt deleted me and I havent deleted her. I know ill find someone, but after this experience, I feel like i wont be able to give a girl my all and i ownt be able to develop a connection so easily as I did with her.

 

 

I feel you man, bc I was there too. Not in the exact same scenario, (I was actually the rebound!) but I feel you. I had an amazing (albeit short) time with a girl who I felt was going to be something serious for sure, and then boom, it was over, and it was as if I was dealing with a sociopath who didn't have a care in the world for my feelings. Read my previous threads. You'll know what pain can be. I understand you're feeling it right now and the last thing you need to hear is "It will be get better". What you need to simply do is take action. That action of course begins with nothing else except for NC. From there, you can move forward with the rest. You need to accept the fact that you were hurt, and that its ok to be sad, mad, and everything else. In time, you will come out the other side like I did and like many others on this board did. I promise.

[confusedfille]

I’m hurting too. It’s only been a day.

 

Keep busy. Talk to people who care about you. Cry if you need to.

 

She doesn’t care about either one of you. I’m sorry.

 

May I ask how old you are?

 

Hugs.

[brokenheart901]

I feel you man, bc I was there too. Not in the exact same scenario, (I was actually the rebound!) but I feel you. I had an amazing (albeit short) time with a girl who I felt was going to be something serious for sure, and then boom, it was over, and it was as if I was dealing with a sociopath who didn't have a care in the world for my feelings. Read my previous threads. You'll know what pain can be. I understand you're feeling it right now and the last thing you need to hear is "It will be get better". What you need to simply do is take action. That action of course begins with nothing else except for NC. From there, you can move forward with the rest. You need to accept the fact that you were hurt, and that its ok to be sad, mad, and everything else. In time, you will come out the other side like I did and like many others on this board did. I promise.

 

Mind me asking how long you guys were together? She legit got in a relationship with him a month after breaking up with me, and no he wasnt in the picture when she broke up. She found him online. A month of their relationship and she cheated on him with me, which is what confused me. On top of that, i know this guy and we have each other on social media. Also, I have her on social media. Should i delete her or just keep her to show that im not that affected? I wonder if sometimes she misses me too

[brokenheart901]

I’m hurting too. It’s only been a day.

 

Keep busy. Talk to people who care about you. Cry if you need to.

 

She doesn’t care about either one of you. I’m sorry.

 

May I ask how old you are?

 

Hugs.

 

Been trying. But eventually, i have to be alone and deal with my thoughts sooo there's that. Why do you say she doesnt care about either of us? What are her intentions? And both of us are 22

[Beachead]

Been trying. But eventually, i have to be alone and deal with my thoughts sooo there's that. Why do you say she doesnt care about either of us? What are her intentions? And both of us are 22

 

It's in her actions.

 

If she cared about you, she would not come back to screw with your head because she wants you to be happy and knows she can't be the person to give you that and you deserve that. Therefore, she would also understand that in order to get there, she needs to be out of your life so that you can heal. Instead, she does this.

 

She's doing the same exact thing to him. Said a lot of crap about him to you and then returned to him after leaving him the first time. And guess what, she's probably talking a lot of crap about you to him now. When things get inconvenient or boring, she'll bounce to someone new. I guarantee it.

 

Because she's the type of person who doesn't know how to be alone. She uses men and relationships to validate her insecurities. She's irresponsible with others' hearts and she's irresponsible with her life. People like her will struggle to be happy or satisfied with anyone because they're fractured inside themselves. She'll keep bouncing around from partner to partner looking for completion that won't be found because it's in the one place she isn't looking..within.

 

- Beach

Edited June 8, 2018 by Beachead

[brokenheart901]

It's in her actions.

 

If she cared about you, she would not come back to screw with your head because she wants you to be happy and knows she can't be the person to give you that and you deserve that. Therefore, she would also understand that in order to get there, she needs to be out of your life so that you can heal. Instead, she does this.

 

She's doing the same exact thing to him. Said a lot of crap about him to you and then returned to him after leaving him the first time. And guess what, she's probably talking a lot of crap about you to him now. When things get inconvenient or boring, she'll bounce to someone new. I guarantee it.

 

Because she's the type of person who doesn't know how to be alone. She uses men and relationships to validate her insecurities. She's irresponsible with others' hearts and she's irresponsible with her life. People like her will struggle to be happy or satisfied with anyone because they're fractured inside themselves. She'll keep bouncing around from partner to partner looking for completion that won't be found because it's in the one place she isn't looking..within.

 

- Beach

 

I never get why the dumper talks smack about their ex. I can understand the dumpee doing it but the dumper, idk. Im at point right now, where I wanna delete everything, but I wanna have some dirt on her incase my name is spread around in a negative way. I know it may seem very low and childish, but the stuff this girl has put me through really angers me. And if she further goes and tells this guy false stuff about me and if that spreads, it's dooms day for her then. As far as you said about her not being happy, i agree. Often times she would tell me she's bored and would act all distant even though i tried to make things better. She got everything handed to her and was essentially her dad's "princess". A red flag i majorly ignored but i didnt know better, since it was my first.

 

I just feel played. I feel like she got the last laugh out of this and probably shares with her friends how dumb and foolish I was to fall for her lies and big red flags. Thats whats getting to me the most and i cant get past that.

[ExpatInItaly]

You need to stop worrying about what other people think of you, OP. Worry about taking better care of yourself.

 

Don't let this girl be the measuring stick of your self-worth. It's obvious from your posts that she is ridiculously immature; so yes, she might say things about you, but you know what? In a few weeks, nobody will paying attention to that anymore. Adding fuel to the fire by spilling the beans on her is going to make that worse, I promise you.

 

And for what it's worth - dumpers who are mature and respectful don't go around "talking smack" about their dumpees. That happened here by virtue of the girl you chose to keep going back to: someone who is selfish, immature and mentally still in high school.

[brokenheart901]

You need to stop worrying about what other people think of you, OP. Worry about taking better care of yourself.

 

Don't let this girl be the measuring stick of your self-worth. It's obvious from your posts that she is ridiculously immature; so yes, she might say things about you, but you know what? In a few weeks, nobody will paying attention to that anymore. Adding fuel to the fire by spilling the beans on her is going to make that worse, I promise you.

 

And for what it's worth - dumpers who are mature and respectful don't go around "talking smack" about their dumpees. That happened here by virtue of the girl you chose to keep going back to: someone who is selfish, immature and mentally still in high school.

 

Im not worried about others. Its just I live in a place where the community isnt that big and word gets around. The last thing I want is for false rumors to start circulating. Knowing how immature she is, this is always in the back of my mind. That's why I want to keep everything JUST INCASE. Im not going to go out of my way to spill the beans, NO. Only if i hear something false about me being circulated around is when I'll defend myself.

 

And you're right. She probably did talk smack about me. Hell, she used to talk so much smack about her ex-best friend that she knew for a good 4-5 years. Now that I think about it, she talked smack about anyone she didn't get along with. She didnt even spare her friends. I know I dodged a bullet, but now its just anger at myself for getting played the way I did and not calling her out on her crap. I just hope she's not laughing with her friends by telling them how dumb I was and playing me. Its just always in the back of my mind

[ExpatInItaly]

What sort of false rumours are you worried she will spread, exactly?

[brokenheart901]

What sort of false rumours are you worried she will spread, exactly?

 

It could be anything tbh. Nothing specific, but knowing her she'll probably talk mad smack about me like she has about the new guy, her ex best friend(s), etc. i also feel stupid for letting her play with me. I just feel like she gets the last laugh knowing i missed so many red flags and still was with her

[brokenheart901]

Sorry for posting so much, but I just need to let my thoughts out.

 

Today, I feel very played. I feel like i invested more in the relationship than she did. Not to mention, i was reflecting on the relationship and realized i missed sooo many easy red flags. Yet, i still stayed with her and gave her the benefit of the doubt. I feel like she probably thinks im a joke (though it shouldnt matter what she thinks) and laughs with her friends about how much she played me and made me believe her lies. I dont know how to overcome this. This is the only thing preventing me from fully healing.

[Mac0908]

We've all been there. You're not alone. It's the power of love, or simply being lovesick. We overlook some negatives and even some red flags to get a chance at something amazing. Love doesn't come without serious risk of being hurt. That's just reality. Right now you are hurt, but in time, unfortunately a lot of time, you will heal.

[Beachead]

Sorry for posting so much, but I just need to let my thoughts out.

 

Today, I feel very played. I feel like i invested more in the relationship than she did. Not to mention, i was reflecting on the relationship and realized i missed sooo many easy red flags. Yet, i still stayed with her and gave her the benefit of the doubt. I feel like she probably thinks im a joke (though it shouldnt matter what she thinks) and laughs with her friends about how much she played me and made me believe her lies. I dont know how to overcome this. This is the only thing preventing me from fully healing.

 

We've all been there. I know I have.

 

I don't think she's thinking/doing these things but even if she was, that really just tells you what kind of a piece of trash she was and that you dodged a bullet.

 

You're going to feel like this for awhile and it unfortunately won't be something you can easily think yourself out of. You spent a significant amount of time with her and you got used to life with her. Well, life is different now but your brain is still neurochemically wired for that old life. It wants to return there. It wants to return to familiarity and comfort but it won't be able to. That's why we can't help feel the way we do. It's also why we want to return to someone or a situation we know is bad for us. It can't switch off so suddenly. It adjusts over time. Breaks down old circuitry and constructs new ones for the new life. Over time, it's going to adjust and that disconnect and emptiness you feel will start to disappear. It'll be slow and gradual.

 

Take it day by day. Feel the pain. Let the tears flow, get pissed, feel numb, journal out your thoughts, talk to a trusted friend, keep posting here, talk to a therapist etc.

 

At the same time, don't give up on yourself. I know there are others out there that love you. It may not be romantic love or the kind of love you desire, but it's still love. Lean on them and keep them close. You need to be reminded that you're worth it. The most powerful gift you got is yourself and the world needs what you got. But first and formost, you need yourself. Set goals, get after your passion, and strive to get better everyday. And do it for you.

 

Get back to being you.

 

- Beach

Edited June 10, 2018 by Beachead

[Mac0908]

Mind me asking how long you guys were together? She legit got in a relationship with him a month after breaking up with me, and no he wasnt in the picture when she broke up. She found him online. A month of their relationship and she cheated on him with me, which is what confused me.

We dated for just about 2 months straight which I know in the grand scheme of things sounds like and IS nothing, but this was heavy dating with communication every single solitary day before the first date on, with everything crammed into our time together that you could cram in. Photos of us posted on social media by her, going to her work christmas party, sleeping over my place every single weekend, went back on birth control for me, she bought new lingerie to show me, told her entire family about me, told me deep/intimate stuff about her family and appreciated how much I was there for her, she told me I could see her new apartment when it was furnished a month away, we exchanged Christmas gifts, she came to a party and met my friends which she knew was a bit of a big thing for me, told me she really liked me a lot, told me the sex was the best ever, the whole nine, etc. We were never "official" but we both did delete our online dating profiles 1.5 months in(I did first) and it was known that we weren't dating other people. Shortly thereafter she then blew me off out of nowhere the morning of New Years Eve (when we had a party planned that night with all my friends) with close to ZERO emotion in her voice to go back with some secret on and off ex she'd been involved with for 1.5 years just before me. Forget the embarrassment with my friends, it was the most shocking and most surreal moment of not only my dating life but my life in general. The next day she came back saying she thinks she may have made a bad decision. For the next 2 weeks we spoke on and off with her going push/pull on me and saying she just needs "time" before she blew the ex off for me, with me subsequently making the mistake of putting pressure on her to come back as i wanted no part of the drama and waiting around which I knew was just the equivalent of being on the backburner. Putting pressure on her was a mistake and pushed her away of course, as I later learned, but ultimately, everything worked out for the best as she was in NO position to be back with me and was still going to be hung up on this guy. She eventually split with the ex again a few weeks later and told me she felt like things would be too hard for us going forward. Around this time I found her back on the dating site we met on, new profile pic, new profile description and all. It was as if I was just a completely random Joe Schmo who was in and out of her life. Oh, and just last month I saw her post a pic of her and her ex to social media, back together again

 

And this is just a FRACTION of the entire fiasco, with a million little tidbits left out of the post blowoff situation. So believe me, again, I feel you. You can't necessarily always stop yourself from getting your heart destroyed like I did all those months ago, but you can certainly learn to prevent it in the future. That's why I'm glad you're here.

 

On top of that, i know this guy and we have each other on social media.

Lol, say WHAT?? Dude, all I can say is MOVE. ON.

100% no contact is what needs to happen.

 

Also, I have her on social media. Should i delete her or just keep her to show that im not that affected? I wonder if sometimes she misses me too.

In your particular case she must be deleted immediately. What is the point of playing the "Show her i'm not affected" game when it's over? And make no mistake, unfortunately, this is over whether you want to accept that reality or not. I said it above and I'll say it one last time, the only way you will begin to get better is by starting NC and that means deleting ALL evidence of her from your life. Texts, photos, videos, and yes, social media. Anytime she posts something it will trigger all the emotions in your heart and you will be hurting all over again. You don't want that and you don't need that.

 

One last thing I'll say is, no offense, but at 22, these kinds of child's play dating fiasco's are common. Be happy they are happening now at 22 and not 33 like I experienced months ago. Like I told my ex(fling) to her face when she came back to me the next day all teary eyed after the whole ex-bf was revealed and my emotions were all over the place, I said, "I'm too old for this sh-t". You're still technically getting started with girls, with dating, and with everything else. One day, I promise you, there will come a day when you look back at this and laugh/cringe.

Edited June 10, 2018 by Mac0908

[brokenheart901]

Update:

 

She texted me randomly yesterday after 2 weeks, asking me to delete a "dirty" picture we had taken on my phone, saying it made her uncomfortable. I can understand where she was coming from, but I thought it was odd that she texted after two weeks just to say that.

 

Have been feeling decent lately. Still think of her and the new guy being together, but then I keep reminding myself she made her choice and chose him over me, so i'm not gonna throw my self respect out of the window. I keep reminding me of her bad qualities and it somewhat helps.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

If your ex chose someone else, rejoice, for you have a new life to live and enjoy!

Go out and be free, find a new woman who chooses you over some new boytoy!

Find a woman who can't be without you, who forces you to see her beauty in kind,

Someone who would never in a million years choose a new dude and leave you behind!

[brokenheart901]

Quick update:

 

She texted me happy birthday and very short small talk. I cut it short. The next day she snapped me a couple of times and texted me again. Her texts were playful and she was sort of being flirty and was talking like how she did when we were together. Small talk again through text and then at 2 am she calls me (she wasnt drunk) but i didnt pick up. She said she wanted to talk for a bit cause she was bored, but i just said "i cant right now". She just responded with "no problem" and we havent talked since. Why would she wanna talk to me so late at night?

[Marc878]

Quick update:

 

She texted me happy birthday and very short small talk. I cut it short. The next day she snapped me a couple of times and texted me again. Her texts were playful and she was sort of being flirty and was talking like how she did when we were together. Small talk again through text and then at 2 am she calls me (she wasnt drunk) but i didnt pick up. She said she wanted to talk for a bit cause she was bored, but i just said "i cant right now". She just responded with "no problem" and we havent talked since. Why would she wanna talk to me so late at night?

 

She told you.

 

She dumped you for another guy and he wasn't available so she thought you could entertain her.

 

Aren't you worth more than her breadcrumbs?

 

You should be no contact. Your actions make you look weak/needy. That will get you nothing.

[ExpatInItaly]

She told you.

 

She dumped you for another guy and he wasn't available so she thought you could entertain her.

 

Aren't you worth more than her breadcrumbs?

 

You should be no contact. Your actions make you look weak/needy. That will get you nothing.

 

This. OP, you have to stop letting her play games with you.

 

This girl is very immature and she is not going to be the great love of your life. She treats you like a toy.

[brokenheart901]

I feel sooo bad guys. I was driving last night and a song we both enjoyed listening to came on, on the radio. I was stupid and decided to snapchat her the song while driving. we had like 2-3 messagea exchanged and and she cut the convo short. Later during the night she posted a selfie on instagram. I accidentally liked it, then unliked it, but im sure she got a notification saying i liked her post. I feel so bad. I feel like i came across as needy and weak, and she probably thinks that too. I feel like i gave her validation and alleviated her guilt, as she's still with the other guy and doesnt want me to hate her. I have muted her from IG so her posts dont show up on my newsfeeed.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Find a good looking date, snapchat to her your fate,

Show her you're not bothered, respond to any messages late,

She wants to play games with you, so return the favor if you must,

For No-Contact seems to be impossible for you and is a bust.