Anyone left a marriage out of boredom?

[ICEMAN69]

Try asking your wife if she is trying to escape reality with her smartphone.

 

Most addictions are partly about running away from something.

 

I can certainly ask Betty but if she was running from me or our relationship she'd likely never admit it. Remember, conflict avoidance?

 

My opinion is she's bored and this is her method of fun several hours daily. Which is a form of escape as well I guess.

[Jack Be Nimble]

Reinvent your marriage and time spent together. Set 2 days a week. 1 item something new the both of you have never tried but would do together. Bingo, painting, dancing, bowling or a bucket list item . Second, just have a date night based on things you might have done back when you first dated. Dinner out, movie, etc. Key here - take turns each week planning the item...one week you plan it, next week she could plan it - no interruptions, no phone, no talking about work, kids, etc. While i can't comment much about the addiction, I think I can shed some positive light on how to deal with the boredom/routines of being married for quite sometime. Been there, done it and doing it.

[pepperbird]

I'm going to throw this out there.

 

 

I read all your posts, and I can't help but notice that there is as little connection between you and your wife as you feel there is between her and you. In my observation, limited as it may be, these situations are rarely one sided. If you are feeling like she has drifted away, then she may well feel the same way about you.

 

 

 

That can happen. It's easy for spouses to get lazy in a relationship, and if she were asked her opinion of your input into the relationship, what would it be?

 

 

 

It's okay for you to tell her she needs to put the phone down and that you feel it is intruding into your marriage. It's also okay for you to tell her that you are worried about her health and weight.

 

Talk to her about these issues, and give her an equal chance to discuss her feelings. You can outright tell her you notice she is distant and you want to know what is going on.

[Fugu]

Yeah, we've done the romantic get away's and she's fine at that particular point. But she returns to the same pattern quite quickly when we're back to reality. My other concern is just the sheer inactivity. She's at the office all day, comes home and sits with a smart phone or the TV. Clearly not a healthy lifestyle and I've made comments (nicely) and even shared health-related articles about how inactivity leads to so many ailments. Didn't have any impact I'm afraid.

 

 

I'm not saying I would do this but...maybe start doing your own thing, on your own time. Imagine that you're single. What would you do? Just do it and see how she reacts. If she doesn't react at all...your marriage is in deep ****.

[ICEMAN69]

I'm going to throw this out there.

 

I read all your posts, and I can't help but notice that there is as little connection between you and your wife as you feel there is between her and you. In my observation, limited as it may be, these situations are rarely one sided. If you are feeling like she has drifted away, then she may well feel the same way about you.

 

That can happen. It's easy for spouses to get lazy in a relationship, and if she were asked her opinion of your input into the relationship, what would it be?

 

It's okay for you to tell her she needs to put the phone down and that you feel it is intruding into your marriage. It's also okay for you to tell her that you are worried about her health and weight.

 

Talk to her about these issues, and give her an equal chance to discuss her feelings. You can outright tell her you notice she is distant and you want to know what is going on.

 

 

I think she'd probably admit that I do more to bring us together. She'd likely admit that she needs to work on it more.

 

I agree that it's "okay" for me to tell her those things. But I'm at this weird mental crossroad right now where I just don't feel inclined to discuss it with her. Call it mental exhaustion or whatever. That may change, but for now I just need to back away from the whole issue and live my life for me and if she figures it out on her own wonderful. Or, I may address it if the right time comes along and I feel like I'm up for a deep discussion about it.

 

I really appreciate your advise!

[ICEMAN69]

I'm not saying I would do this but...maybe start doing your own thing, on your own time. Imagine that you're single. What would you do? Just do it and see how she reacts. If she doesn't react at all...your marriage is in deep ****.

 

 

You know Fugu, right or wrong, that's the way I've been leaning lately. Not to be vindictive or difficult, but just for my own sanity. For my own peace of mind. I've already lined up a bunch of things that I'm doing with friends and others over the next few weeks, and I'm even planning two or three brief get-away's for JUST ME.