ExpatInItaly Posted June 15, 2018 Share Posted June 15, 2018 (edited) That is so true.I just wanted him to see me different and treat me the way I want to be treated But he didn't. You can't change that, and you couldn't change it then either. It's time to face the reality of the situation, which is that it's over, it's been over for a while and you need to let go. This isn't about him anymore; it's about you and your healing and what you are going to do from here so that you don't find yourself in the same position in the future. Edited June 16, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 15, 2018 Share Posted June 15, 2018 I mean honestly that’s what it seems like. Him lying to me, making me think everything was my fault, and refusing to take responsibility for anything was just my fault. Him talking **** to everyone and breaking into my house to go through my **** and he lying and cheating and blaming me for it and uninviting me to his graduation and then stalking me after when he wanted me back doesn’t sound really really ****ed up? This kind of behavior is mentally/emotionally abusive in my opinion and I'm rather surprised at the posters who are saying otherwise. I think you need to hear that you're not a fault and you didn't make him act as poorly as he has (as he seems to want you to believe). Well I'm happy to tell you that you're absolutely not to blame for his actions. Your ex is a jerk and you better believe that his new girlfriend is in for the same crap he put you through. This is not a good guy. You did not lose somebody valuable or worthy of your love. You didn't lose the love of your life, you were freed from a toxic dysfunctional relationship. Rejoice that you are free of this jerk. Now all that being said, he is not to blame for your behavior just like you are not responsible for his. Everyone is responsible for their own actions and choices. You chose to be this guys doormat. Even when he was treating you like garbage you were clinging to him and bending over backwards for him. He will never have a happy relationship until he fixes himself. Likewise you need to work on yourself before you will find happiness. If you are willing to be mistreated then you will have jerks lining up for their turn at mistreating you. If you don't get some self respect and some standards then the next guy you pick will just be a repeat of this guy. You're someone who would probably do well to stay single for a couple of years so that you can build your confidence and self worth without looking for those things from a man. A man can't give you those things, they have to be cultivated by you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 15, 2018 Author Share Posted June 15, 2018 This kind of behavior is mentally/emotionally abusive in my opinion and I'm rather surprised at the posters who are saying otherwise. I think you need to hear that you're not a fault and you didn't make him act as poorly as he has (as he seems to want you to believe). Well I'm happy to tell you that you're absolutely not to blame for his actions. Your ex is a jerk and you better believe that his new girlfriend is in for the same crap he put you through. This is not a good guy. You did not lose somebody valuable or worthy of your love. You didn't lose the love of your life, you were freed from a toxic dysfunctional relationship. Rejoice that you are free of this jerk. Now all that being said, he is not to blame for your behavior just like you are not responsible for his. Everyone is responsible for their own actions and choices. You chose to be this guys doormat. Even when he was treating you like garbage you were clinging to him and bending over backwards for him. He will never have a happy relationship until he fixes himself. Likewise you need to work on yourself before you will find happiness. If you are willing to be mistreated then you will have jerks lining up for their turn at mistreating you. If you don't get some self respect and some standards then the next guy you pick will just be a repeat of this guy. You're someone who would probably do well to stay single for a couple of years so that you can build your confidence and self worth without looking for those things from a man. A man can't give you those things, they have to be cultivated by you. I am so butthurt hefound someone so quick and I’m having so much trouble finding a decent guy despite people telling me I am amazing a beautiful. I don’t believe it because these girls who seem to have less going for them get guys so quickly and easily where I am here finding no guy good enough or interesting or interested enough. I love being on my own but I am 25 and my time clock is ticking inside me Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted June 15, 2018 Share Posted June 15, 2018 I am so butthurt hefound someone so quick and I’m having so much trouble finding a decent guy despite people telling me I am amazing a beautiful. I don’t believe it because these girls who seem to have less going for them get guys so quickly and easily where I am here finding no guy good enough or interesting or interested enough. I love being on my own but I am 25 and my time clock is ticking inside me This sounds like you are more hurt about not having SOMEONE, not specifically him. That is an important distinction. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 15, 2018 Share Posted June 15, 2018 (edited) I mean honestly that’s what it seems like. Him lying to me, making me think everything was my fault, and refusing to take responsibility for anything was just my fault. Him talking **** to everyone and breaking into my house to go through my **** and he lying and cheating and blaming me for it and uninviting me to his graduation and then stalking me after when he wanted me back doesn’t sound really really ****ed up? Let's be honest, you are not just a tad over dramatic, you are downright reactive and verbally abusive in some of your responses. Stillafool and others have a good point. He is responsible for his own behavior. You are responsible for your behavior. Choosing to stay with a man who cheats on you and is emotionally abusive was YOUR decision - and you need to take responsibility for that! Edited June 15, 2018 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 15, 2018 Author Share Posted June 15, 2018 Let's be honest, you are not just a tad over dramatic, you are downright reactive and verbally abusive in some of your responses. Stillafool and others have a good point. He is responsible for his own behavior. You are responsible for your behavior. Choosing to stay with a man who cheats on you and is emotionally abusive was YOUR decision - and you need to take responsibility for that! How am I abusive in my posts? Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted June 15, 2018 Share Posted June 15, 2018 It sounds like he was not a guy that would make you happy by the way he has treated you. So, let him do whatever he wants. Consider it a win/win. He gets what he wants and you don't have to put up with behavior that doesn't make you happy. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 15, 2018 Share Posted June 15, 2018 How am I abusive in my posts? I quoted an example. Excessive profanity. And an aggressive tone when someone says something that challenges your opinion or that you do not want to hear. Said with kindness, for your consideration into how you present to others... your responses tend to be very reactive and sometimes show a lack of maturity and self control. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 15, 2018 Author Share Posted June 15, 2018 I quoted an example. Excessive profanity. And an aggressive tone when someone says something that challenges your opinion or that you do not want to hear. Said with kindness, for your consideration into how you present to others... your responses tend to be very reactive and sometimes show a lack of maturity and self control. You’re right. I need to work on that. Is that why he treated me bad? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 15, 2018 Share Posted June 15, 2018 You’re right. I need to work on that. Is that why he treated me bad? Riot, you don't seem to grasp that a person who treats another poorly does so because they are not a good or kind person. It's not about how you have behaved. If your behaviour is poor, a guy worth having will simply dump you - not treat you badly because of it. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 16, 2018 Share Posted June 16, 2018 You’re right. I need to work on that. Is that why he treated me bad? Definitely not. As we have said, he is responsible for his behaviour. You are responsible for your own behaviour. If he treats you badly, it’s on him. If he treats you badly, it is because he is not a good or kind person. Nothing you could ever do should cause him to treat you badly. However, your decisions and the way that you conduct yourself is a direct reflection of your character. That is something that you can change. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 16, 2018 Share Posted June 16, 2018 You’re right. I need to work on that. Is that why he treated me bad? He treated you bad because he is a bad guy. He will be a jerk to his new girlfriend too Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted June 16, 2018 Share Posted June 16, 2018 You’re right. I need to work on that. Is that why he treated me bad? He treated you badly because you let him. Ultimately its your decision whether to stay or go, and it was your decision to stay as long as you did in spite of him obviously showing little regard for you. He didnt care for you, simple as that. He treats this new girl well, because he cares for her; he may love her. But you stayed wanting him to love you, and you can't make people love you. No matter what you say or had done differently. This is the same theme every time I read of someone staying with someone in spite of being treated poorly, in spite of the obvious signs that the other person doesnt care. Because ultimately they will find someone who they really do care about, and you will be dumped. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 19, 2018 Author Share Posted June 19, 2018 He treated you badly because you let him. Ultimately its your decision whether to stay or go, and it was your decision to stay as long as you did in spite of him obviously showing little regard for you. He didnt care for you, simple as that. He treats this new girl well, because he cares for her; he may love her. But you stayed wanting him to love you, and you can't make people love you. No matter what you say or had done differently. This is the same theme every time I read of someone staying with someone in spite of being treated poorly, in spite of the obvious signs that the other person doesnt care. Because ultimately they will find someone who they really do care about, and you will be dumped. Is he a ****ty person for not caring about me yet telling me did and blocking me from leaving his place? And breaking into my apartment Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 How many times are you going to ask that? You seem determined to keep asking the same set of questions until you get answers you deem acceptable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Is he a ****ty person for not caring about me yet telling me did and blocking me from leaving his place? And breaking into my apartment OP - you have asked that question ad nauseum. Here and in other threads. And you have gotten plenty of answers. Why do you insist on repeating yourself? What is it you're not grasping? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Is he a ****ty person for not caring about me yet telling me did and blocking me from leaving his place? And breaking into my apartment The thing is people change their minds and feelings after they get to know people better. It happens. You aren't entitled to his love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Is he a ****ty person for not caring about me yet telling me did and blocking me from leaving his place? And breaking into my apartment Stop doubting and questioning your judgement. If we tell you he is a s***** person, then it absolves you from all responsibility - it helps you move on because you are then relieved that it wasn't your fault that he broke up with you. If we tell you he wasn't a s***** person, then you will take full responsibility for why he dumped you. Is that why you keep asking? You still feel that if you were a different person, he would have stayed with you? What are your boundaries? Did you feel that you were treated poorly? Stop asking us what we think -- how do you feel and what are your instincts telling you. It is not a good sign when you can't tell if someone has mistreated you or not, especially when there are clear cut signs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 20, 2018 Author Share Posted June 20, 2018 The thing is people change their minds and feelings after they get to know people better. It happens. You aren't entitled to his love. Well who goes to an ex and speaks poorly of them to their ex and has sex with them when you’re exclusive with the new person? And then tells the ex straight up they won’t workout even if he makes it official. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Well who goes to an ex and speaks poorly of them to their ex and has sex with them when you’re exclusive with the new person? And then tells the ex straight up they won’t workout even if he makes it official. You've just asked the same question in yet another form. I believe the prior posters were trying to get you to answer your own question. Come on, give it a try. It's NOT that difficult! Is he a ****ty person? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Well who goes to an ex and speaks poorly of them to their ex and has sex with them when you’re exclusive with the new person? And then tells the ex straight up they won’t workout even if he makes it official. Are you still thinking about this guy? Get over it already. Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Riot, what kind of person do you think he is? That is all that matters. Our opinions do not. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Well who goes to an ex and speaks poorly of them to their ex and has sex with them when you’re exclusive with the new person? And then tells the ex straight up they won’t workout even if he makes it official. You're going in circles here again, OP. Sooner or later, you have to let it go and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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