William Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 Members, repetitive/duplicate/similar threads became an issue here so we put the thread starter on read-only for a few days to see if they can follow our guidelines in the future to prevent duplicate responses and taking up member time. Feel free to offer any further advice on their breakup in this thread and we'll do some further consolidation as found. Thanks! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 To be real frank, the text indicates that you've gotten to be more trouble than you're worth. He kept you around for easy sex. That's all it was, plain and simple. You probably just continued to push buttons emotionally, and the sex wasn't worth it for him anymore. He's done just about everything but punch you in the face, and you're still trying to figure out how you can get more of it. I normally wouldn't be quite so blunt, but I think you might need a little bluntness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 We’ve already talked about this. Nothing has changed but for real mentally you need to let go regardless of what happens. It’s not healthy to hang on like this. I told you that months ago. Forreal just love your life and nothing has changed. Even he is telling you that your behavior is unhealthy and you need to move on... What more is there too understand? Let. Him. Go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 6, 2018 Author Share Posted June 6, 2018 Because talking to him keeps you in the past. It leaves you wondering and questioning about something which is over and prevents you from moving on. Oh, and the fact he's a manipulator and liar is also why you shouldn't talk to him. So seriously, why are you still talking to him? Does he sound like a narcissist? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 6, 2018 Author Share Posted June 6, 2018 Other posters might find this other post relevant to the OP's state of confusion. Riot21, I think your ex was keeping you hanging on as backup option, which is an incredibly selfish thing for him to do. His latest message indicates that he is now backtracking because he can see how invested and upset you are. He doesn't want the drama, so he is telling you to move on. He just wanted a convenient replacement waiting in the wings in case things don't work out with this new woman. I'm sorry you are hurting but you need to hear this. This isn't love and should be unacceptable to you. He is an untrustworthy user. You deserve to be number one, and the right guy will treat you like that, not him. Does he seem like a narcissist? He said he now loves his girlfriend after being so so unsure of her for months. Even straight up telling me he didn’t think they would last now he says he wants to maybe marry her Link to post Share on other sites
goldengirl11 Posted June 7, 2018 Share Posted June 7, 2018 Does he seem like a narcissist? He said he now loves his girlfriend after being so so unsure of her for months. Even straight up telling me he didn’t think they would last now he says he wants to maybe marry her I sympathise with you OP. You appear to be going through rather similar circumstances to myself, which is extremely painful. I wish you well. Link to post Share on other sites
fredflint Posted June 7, 2018 Share Posted June 7, 2018 You have to decide you deserve better, to get better. You also have to believe that it's possible for you to achieve better. You can certainly do better, have no doubt. What you feel for him is residual attachment. Make a decision to move on and put him in your past. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 7, 2018 Author Share Posted June 7, 2018 I sympathise with you OP. You appear to be going through rather similar circumstances to myself, which is extremely painful. I wish you well. He moved on and seems like he loves someone else so quickly and told me for months that she was ****ty and he would be settling if he stayed with her. Jesus. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 7, 2018 Share Posted June 7, 2018 He moved on and seems like he loves someone else so quickly and told me for months that she was ****ty and he would be settling if he stayed with her. Jesus. He's got a history of stupidity. Please don't expect anything other than more stupidity from him. How did you find out that he moved on? You must shut down this source of information. If it's a friend, tell them you don't want any gossip about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 9, 2018 Author Share Posted June 9, 2018 He's got a history of stupidity. Please don't expect anything other than more stupidity from him. How did you find out that he moved on? You must shut down this source of information. If it's a friend, tell them you don't want any gossip about him. I mean he took like over a year of knowing her to make things official. It doesn’t even seem like he really liked her at first. Shocking how people’s minds can change so easily when they won’t want to be alone. I wasn’t even special to him, I was just a time filler Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted June 9, 2018 Share Posted June 9, 2018 Honestly, this whole saga has been tough to follow because of the multiple threads and storylines at play. Even then, I don't think anyone with a head on their shoulders would tell you that this guy is worth hanging on to or putting yourself through the agony you continue to endure. What, if anything, must this guy say or do to make you finally say, "No more." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 10, 2018 Author Share Posted June 10, 2018 Honestly, this whole saga has been tough to follow because of the multiple threads and storylines at play. Even then, I don't think anyone with a head on their shoulders would tell you that this guy is worth hanging on to or putting yourself through the agony you continue to endure. What, if anything, must this guy say or do to make you finally say, "No more." Does he kind of suck as a person? Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted June 10, 2018 Share Posted June 10, 2018 Does he kind of suck as a person? I'm sorry, but how are you still not clear on this? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted June 10, 2018 Share Posted June 10, 2018 Sorry,dear. To me; You sound like the narccist in this case. He's told you multiple times it's over and you refuse to accept it. No matter how you TRY to frame it..it's over and that's not a good/healthy way to go about relationships. Get on with your life. This 'relationship' is over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 10, 2018 Author Share Posted June 10, 2018 Sorry,dear. To me; You sound like the narccist in this case. He's told you multiple times it's over and you refuse to accept it. No matter how you TRY to frame it..it's over and that's not a good/healthy way to go about relationships. Get on with your life. This 'relationship' is over. Eh. He gave me hope for six months. Told me his new girl sucked. She wasn’t quality. He would be settling for her. He did t see them lasting. Said we were amazing. We were so compatible. He would be sad if I married someone else. Would be sad if we never talked again. Said this new girl wasn’t that great and was not as great as I thought she was. But then his actions didn’t align. Finally took him telling me the actual truth that she is amazing and he wants to marry her for me to understand. I have a tendency to believe whatever he says even though something inside me tells me it’s wrong but I give him the benefit of the doubt. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 10, 2018 Share Posted June 10, 2018 Eh. He gave me hope for six months. Told me his new girl sucked. She wasn’t quality. He would be settling for her. He did t see them lasting. Said we were amazing. We were so compatible. He would be sad if I married someone else. Would be sad if we never talked again. Said this new girl wasn’t that great and was not as great as I thought she was. But then his actions didn’t align. Finally took him telling me the actual truth that she is amazing and he wants to marry her for me to understand. I have a tendency to believe whatever he says even though something inside me tells me it’s wrong but I give him the benefit of the doubt. Then believe him when he's says she's amazing and he wants to marry her. Your relationship with him is over, kaput and done. You will find someone else to love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 10, 2018 Author Share Posted June 10, 2018 Then believe him when he's says she's amazing and he wants to marry her. Your relationship with him is over, kaput and done. You will find someone else to love. It is actually liberating to know she is amazing and great. And for me to know he lied and was an ******* to me until he figured out this girl was the one for him? Or the one for now to give him attention. Either way he is a narcissist who doesn’t give a **** about anyone’s feelings and just wants to avoid an argument and will lie and cheat to do so and to avoid taking blame Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted June 11, 2018 Share Posted June 11, 2018 It is actually liberating to know she is amazing and great. And for me to know he lied and was an ******* to me until he figured out this girl was the one for him? Or the one for now to give him attention. Either way he is a narcissist who doesn’t give a **** about anyone’s feelings and just wants to avoid an argument and will lie and cheat to do so and to avoid taking blame It shows progress that you see this now. Good that you can now move on Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 11, 2018 Share Posted June 11, 2018 It is actually liberating to know she is amazing and great. And for me to know he lied and was an ******* to me until he figured out this girl was the one for him? Or the one for now to give him attention. Either way he is a narcissist who doesn’t give a **** about anyone’s feelings and just wants to avoid an argument and will lie and cheat to do so and to avoid taking blame Good you realize this. Now you can move on. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 11, 2018 Share Posted June 11, 2018 I'm sorry this isn't working out. Look, I read the first paragraph and until the last sentence, you sounded much more like his mother than anything else. You did his homework? You pushed him to work out? You did everything for him as if he was 9? Okay, Mommy. Listen, you put yourself in the role of his mother, and that's not sexy. Once you put yourself in a parental role, the thrill is gone. No one wants to be romantic with their mother. He's told you he's reached the end of his feelings, and you need to just not repeat these mistakes with future men. He was wrong for cheating. He should have broken up with you instead, but he had it too good. You were doing everything for him. You need to expect some mutual care out of a man, some reciprocation. They will respect you more. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 11, 2018 Author Share Posted June 11, 2018 I'm sorry this isn't working out. Look, I read the first paragraph and until the last sentence, you sounded much more like his mother than anything else. You did his homework? You pushed him to work out? You did everything for him as if he was 9? Okay, Mommy. Listen, you put yourself in the role of his mother, and that's not sexy. Once you put yourself in a parental role, the thrill is gone. No one wants to be romantic with their mother. He's told you he's reached the end of his feelings, and you need to just not repeat these mistakes with future men. He was wrong for cheating. He should have broken up with you instead, but he had it too good. You were doing everything for him. You need to expect some mutual care out of a man, some reciprocation. They will respect you more. Good luck. But he still isn’t a great person overall. If he truly gave a **** he would be happy I gave so much of myself to him. He even told me his gf doesn’t push him to be his best self and he is always helping her become the best version of herself. If I really thought I was that great he would have reciprocated. I don’t ever want to do nice **** again because I’m afraid I will be taken advantage of. How do I give myself to the person I love while still commanding respect? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 11, 2018 Share Posted June 11, 2018 (edited) I don’t ever want to do nice **** again because I’m afraid I will be taken advantage of. How do I give myself to the person I love while still commanding respect? First, you can't command respect. Respect is given when earned. And, if someone doesn't treat you with respect, you need to vote with your feet. Second, you need to pick a better partner next time. The simple fact is, you trusted a man who hadn't earned your trust. You let him into your life and he took advantage of you. Not all men are like that. If you can manage to find a better man who will not use you in the way this man did, you will want to do nice things and give of yourself to him. The question that you should be asking is, why didn't you see the red flag he was waving and why did you allow him to stay in your life for so long... Just because one man treated you badly, don't let it change who you are or how you look at future relationships. Just, be smarter about who you trust and allow into your life. Edited June 11, 2018 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 11, 2018 Share Posted June 11, 2018 But he still isn’t a great person overall. If he truly gave a **** he would be happy I gave so much of myself to him. He even told me his gf doesn’t push him to be his best self and he is always helping her become the best version of herself. If I really thought I was that great he would have reciprocated. I don’t ever want to do nice **** again because I’m afraid I will be taken advantage of. How do I give myself to the person I love while still commanding respect? Set some standards and boundaries and expect them to be met or don't go any further. One of the main ways you messed up is giving too much when it was clear he didn't give back. It's usually just better to let the man set the tone and that way you see what he'll do and who he is rather than you stepping out and doing a lot for him and then what you have, at best, is him reacting to that pressure by feeling obligated or if he reciprocates. You want to see what a man will do without pressure from you, and that pressure includes bending over backwards to wait on him. The sad fact is that people, whether friends or lovers, will sometimes keep a "giver" around even if they aren't feeling it because they're getting some perks or whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 12, 2018 Author Share Posted June 12, 2018 Like emotionally abusive? Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 You have a whole load of posts & threads - which one describes several examples of several things that happened? Or perhaps you could help us out by writing some incidents that happened in this thread? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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