How can you tell if a girl likes you? (Humour me)

[coledvids]

Hey man! Thanks for sharing here! Simple question:why do you ask her on a date and tell her straight up that it is a date? Whatever answer she gives you will be a good indicator of whether she likes you or not! if she does not, you can still have a civilized and decent relationship at this place. Just be honest and avoid confusion and you'll know right away!Keep moving forward!

 

Hey - hope you're good.

 

It's not really 'in' me to ask people out on 'dates' as such. I feel that it's slightly immature and lacks confidence.

 

"Hi, would you like to go on a date?" - I think some women and men think this is a good idea. Women say they'd like to hear this and men say you should ask this.

 

IRL it seems to be the case that women are surprised when they hear the word 'date', and often freak out because they think you're either trying to marry them immediately or have sex right away. The women I've asked on dates in the past have ALWAYS turned me down and fizzled out after the word 'date' was mentioned. So it's a no from me.

 

Men seem to think it's some sort of alpha trait, lock her down, let her know you're a big bad caveman, etc. It doesn't really work, life isn't a Corey Wayne video.

[coledvids]

Well after some thinking and based on how she was interacting with me yesterday/today, I'm not really sure I should pursue this... she didn't seem that interested in me yesterday and would come online and not reply and just...didn't seem into it.

 

I'm unsure then if I want to keep approaching her - I also said I had a nice time with her and made a joke similar to the ones we were making and she replied to everything but that comment - no, "so did I" or anything like that - So...

 

I'm thinking maybe I said or did something during the coffee to put her off, as such. I'm not sure. She's messaged me a couple of times this morning (about someone else) and I debated asking her to go get another coffee but I'm not sure if that's appropiate..so... maybe I will, maybe I won't.

[newyorker11356]

Hey - hope you're good.

 

It's not really 'in' me to ask people out on 'dates' as such. I feel that it's slightly immature and lacks confidence.

 

"Hi, would you like to go on a date?" - I think some women and men think this is a good idea. Women say they'd like to hear this and men say you should ask this.

 

IRL it seems to be the case that women are surprised when they hear the word 'date', and often freak out because they think you're either trying to marry them immediately or have sex right away. The women I've asked on dates in the past have ALWAYS turned me down and fizzled out after the word 'date' was mentioned. So it's a no from me.

 

Men seem to think it's some sort of alpha trait, lock her down, let her know you're a big bad caveman, etc. It doesn't really work, life isn't a Corey Wayne video.

 

If they freak out, it likely means they're not into you.

 

It's not bad to use the word "date" when asking a girl out. How else are they supposed to know it's going to be a date? Lol..

[coledvids]

If they freak out, it likely means they're not into you.

 

It's not bad to use the word "date" when asking a girl out. How else are they supposed to know it's going to be a date? Lol..

 

Both the women I spoke about have acted interested. Excessive messaging, compliments, playing with my hands, giggling - all the signs you'd associate with interest.

 

There are a myriad of other ways to convey interest. Using the word 'date' doesn't suddenly change the context or dynamic between two people. My last two relationships were both two years long and I never uttered the word 'date' once.

[newyorker11356]

Both the women I spoke about have acted interested. Excessive messaging, compliments, playing with my hands, giggling - all the signs you'd associate with interest.

 

There are a myriad of other ways to convey interest. Using the word 'date' doesn't suddenly change the context or dynamic between two people. My last two relationships were both two years long and I never uttered the word 'date' once.

 

Sure, there are different ways to go about it, but to me (and my experience), saying it's a date at the start helps to set the tone.

 

That's just what I think, though.

[coledvids]

I messaged her and asked her if she wanted to go out over the weekend and she said "I can't, I've got stuff to do this weekend, maybe another time :)" - I didn't reply to this message, as it echoed what she was saying to that other guy about being "busy" when he'd asked her for coffee, and I didn't want to be the subject of chat between her and her friends.

 

After that I saw her - she wasn't really engaging with people and was in her phone and was with her friends - I was with mine so I just carried on talking to them. As she'd already turned me down I didn't really feel like approaching her again, plus I'd feel annoying doing so in front of her friends and I didn't actually have anything to say.

 

Seems quite a departure from how she was acting on Tuesday. I really did enjoy her company and her personality seems really fun, but at the same time I'm wary of the situation and the context of where we both have to go three times a week, so am trying not to create awkwardness.

 

 

 

- I saw her at the end, sitting in front of her for around an hour (we couldn't actually talk because we were watching something) she tapped me on the shoulder and asked me about some event I'd been to and how it went, and we exchanged a couple of jokes but we couldn't chat much because we were not supposed to be talking in that room. When that session ended she just got up and left, didn't really seem very chatty, didn't say bye and didn't look up from her phone as she was walking out. I'm guessing she was talking to someone/didn't feel that sociable.

 

I've messaged her a few times this evening, just talking about things that happened today. She seems a bit reserved, I'm not sure. It's mainly me carrying the conversation.

 

So I'm not really feeling the same levels of interest after Tuesday... which is disappointing, but hey. Maybe I misread it.

[coledvids]

other than that; I actually would like to chat to her and hang out again, but I'm not sure how to ask again after being turned down, and also how I'm meant to get through those people she hangs around with. Like at every break they go out together (I don't know where to) and they all leave together at the end. It would mean that I literally run out after her which yeah, no I'm not doing.

 

I can't sit with her because that would just be odd - I don't sit with that group of people and she doesn't sit with mine.

 

In terms of hanging out again - I like her personality and if she's not into me that way, that's cool - but I genuinely would like to get to know her as a person as we had a lot in common... just not sure how to do that, really.

[BarbedFenceRider]

Well, you played your hand and kept it cool. Bravo. Things will materialize if there is anything there. As for the follow up date. You have messaged her enough. (Just like I said).

 

But the plus here..(yes there is a big plus) Is that you now know what you like with the friendliness and casual behavior from the opposite sex. This can be taken to the bank. Also, it will fine tune your skills when approaching others.

 

Big thing here is...Don't do the staying up at night wondering "what if"...It will ruin ya!

Take what you can and want...Dump the rest. Move along.

 

But I'm guessing that she will show up yet again, with a tap on the shoulder and a generalized comment....Then when you have her face to face, you can kinda throw the ball into her court. "I thought you didn't really want to talk.."

[coledvids]

Well, you played your hand and kept it cool. Bravo. Things will materialize if there is anything there. As for the follow up date. You have messaged her enough. (Just like I said).

 

But the plus here..(yes there is a big plus) Is that you now know what you like with the friendliness and casual behavior from the opposite sex. This can be taken to the bank. Also, it will fine tune your skills when approaching others.

 

Big thing here is...Don't do the staying up at night wondering "what if"...It will ruin ya!

Take what you can and want...Dump the rest. Move along.

 

But I'm guessing that she will show up yet again, with a tap on the shoulder and a generalized comment....Then when you have her face to face, you can kinda throw the ball into her court. "I thought you didn't really want to talk.."

 

Thank you for your comment, friend.

 

Yes. After a very rough year and a very bad break up, I was left wondering if I'd ever feel anything for anyone again - even slight attraction, I was convinced I couldn't feel it again. So this has shown that I do and can like others and that I'm also able to chat and entertain women...

 

Yes, I kept my distance and didn't want to look overly persistent. She sees me all the time so we will no doubt cross paths again.

 

I think she's lovely but at the same time, I am not about to do that whole "what if/what does that mean?" thing... just let life take its natural course, I suppose.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Thank you for your comment, friend.

 

Yes. After a very rough year and a very bad break up, I was left wondering if I'd ever feel anything for anyone again - even slight attraction, I was convinced I couldn't feel it again. So this has shown that I do and can like others and that I'm also able to chat and entertain women...

 

Yes, I kept my distance and didn't want to look overly persistent. She sees me all the time so we will no doubt cross paths again.

 

I think she's lovely but at the same time, I am not about to do that whole "what if/what does that mean?" thing... just let life take its natural course, I suppose.

 

Sounds to me as if you've handled this all very well! I agree with you that now isn't the time to ask her out again after her last response. You never know what could be going on in her heart/mind right now that could change in a few months. However, I would definitely move on while still being friendly. The tap on your shoulder was a nice touch (excuse the pun) to keep your relationship with her open and friendly (I cringe to use that word, don't mean it in the "friend-zone" sense!)

[coledvids]

Sounds to me as if you've handled this all very well! I agree with you that now isn't the time to ask her out again after her last response. You never know what could be going on in her heart/mind right now that could change in a few months. However, I would definitely move on while still being friendly. The tap on your shoulder was a nice touch (excuse the pun) to keep your relationship with her open and friendly (I cringe to use that word, don't mean it in the "friend-zone" sense!)

 

True - I liked that she did that. I was unsure of how she was going to be with me and I was relieved that she did that. You just never know what people are thinking/going through, so I won't persist and make her feel uncomfortable. Unfortunately I do have a crush on her, now - ah well! That's always the way, right? Haha.

[Aiuta le mani]

Hey - hope you're good.

 

It's not really 'in' me to ask people out on 'dates' as such. I feel that it's slightly immature and lacks confidence.

 

"Hi, would you like to go on a date?" - I think some women and men think this is a good idea. Women say they'd like to hear this and men say you should ask this.

 

IRL it seems to be the case that women are surprised when they hear the word 'date', and often freak out because they think you're either trying to marry them immediately or have sex right away. The women I've asked on dates in the past have ALWAYS turned me down and fizzled out after the word 'date' was mentioned. So it's a no from me.

 

Men seem to think it's some sort of alpha trait, lock her down, let her know you're a big bad caveman, etc. It doesn't really work, life isn't a Corey Wayne video.

 

Thanks for your reply! I see your point! I also see that things have changed a bit! As others said, there will be opportunities for interaction in the future! If there's anything left, you'll get your chance. After negative experiences is always good to be open for friendship while being intentional. You already made a move. Now you can be open for friendship and keep your cool! Keep your heart and eyes open and you will find your opportunity for a great relationship! If you are still hurting or need support in any way, we are here for you man!

[coledvids]

I saw her yesterday - my friends weren't in, so I took this chance to sit with her and her friends... I was nervous at first, but ended up just chatting normally with her and her friends.

 

After everything had finished her and I walked to the station together and chatted a bit more. I bought up the subject of meeting up, going to a gig or something and she said "just to clarify, this is as friends, right?" - this could have been awkward but I turned it into a joke (and referenced the other guy that kept asking her out) and said "why, because you're just so hot no one can resist you, right?" she laughed a lot and the awkwardness was gone. But I said yeah, friends, of course.

 

I was a bit put out that she just wants to be friends BUT I'm also glad I know and I'm happy to be friends with her, she's funny and cool and you can't have too many friends. So we're probably gonna meet up still but yeah, as friends...

 

I've still got a bit of a crush on her but that's up to me to navigate, I guess.

 

I'm kinda disappointed tbh - we get on SO well and our sense of humour together is just on point. But that's just life, I don't feel bitter about it. I've experienced people leading me on and then telling me they want friends only so I'm glad it was set out from the start

Edited March 14, 2018 by coledvids

[Maggie4]

Well, now you know. This girl just took the bulls by the horn and clarified. Good job. If she hadn't, you'd still hang out with her under the assumption that she knows it's dating. Reading signs is difficult.

[coledvids]

Well, now you know. This girl just took the bulls by the horn and clarified. Good job. If she hadn't, you'd still hang out with her under the assumption that she knows it's dating. Reading signs is difficult.

 

Actually, my aim was to get her to hang out a second time and then find out myself - asking her if she was seeing anyone and going from there. This was only the second one on one I have had with her, I haven't been hanging out with her with the assumption we were dating. I never said I thought we were dating, lol. The point of this thread was to see if she was interested in me so that I could make the progression TO dating, if that were the case. Think you've misunderstood the point of the thread. I barely know her, I didn't think we were dating.

Edited March 14, 2018 by coledvids

[LoverOfDance]

OP - I haven't read the entire thread but I read the last few posts. You clearly like this girl quite a lot. I think you're trying to handle this as maturely as possible. I commend you for that.

 

I met a guy two years ago and after our first meeting, I told him I was only interested in a friendship unfortunately. He continued to message me from time to time and even though he told me he was ok with just being friends, I knew he wasn't and was hoping that maybe one day I would give him a chance. Through out the years, I felt really bad because I knew nothing would ever change. A few months ago, I lied to him that I met someone and got married. He congratulated me and I never heard from him again after that conversation.

 

I think that if you don't meet someone else, you'll always hope that things will one day progress with this girl. Women are different so maybe she might change her mind one day but I'd say you should proceed with caution so that you don't get hurt. Make sure you're dating others and don't focus too much on someone who isn't really interested.

[coledvids]

OP - I haven't read the entire thread but I read the last few posts. You clearly like this girl quite a lot. I think you're trying to handle this as maturely as possible. I commend you for that.

 

I met a guy two years ago and after our first meeting, I told him I was only interested in a friendship unfortunately. He continued to message me from time to time and even though he told me he was ok with just being friends, I knew he wasn't and was hoping that maybe one day I would give him a chance. Through out the years, I felt really bad because I knew nothing would ever change. A few months ago, I lied to him that I met someone and got married. He congratulated me and I never heard from him again after that conversation.

 

I think that if you don't meet someone else, you'll always hope that things will one day progress with this girl. Women are different so maybe she might change her mind one day but I'd say you should proceed with caution so that you don't get hurt. Make sure you're dating others and don't focus too much on someone who isn't really interested.

 

Hey, thanks for replying.

 

Yes, there's no point me embarrassing myself/making her uncomfortable so I have to just try my best to navigate this. I wondered if it would be a good idea for me to hang around with her while I feel like this... I do like her quite a lot. I liked her slightly before, but since speaking to her and getting to know her a little bit more it's kind of grown. Like, I'm always checking to see if she's liked things of mine on IG, for example - lol.

 

I think you could be right. We tend to get stuck in crushes and hope that if we act like this, or do this for them that they'll suddenly turn around and want to date us... but that rarely happens. I do feel like that, I can't lie. But I recognise that it's just the nature of the beast, so to speak. Perhaps she could even tell, hence the "just friends, right?" comment.

 

Wow, I don't know what to do now, lol. I don't want to get too close to her - she already made comments about coming over and playing some music together, etc. It's tempting to accept this and go along with it, but yeah... I don't want to get hurt. Whether that's feeling overwhelming feelings and confessing that I want to date her, or watching her meet someone else.

 

Wow lol. I wish I'd never spoken to her now!

 

I think yes perhaps a question of distancing myself slightly and trying to date others. That's really helpful advice, thank you.

Edited March 14, 2018 by coledvids

[WomenWubber]

At this point I would make up an excuse and not meet her at all. To meet her under the pretense of friendship would be kind of dishonest Imo. Also what's the point since she has already rejected you and it doesn't seem like she wants to be your friend tbh with you.

 

I'd keep being being "friendly"/cordial to her but keep my distance. Anyting not work related would be off limits.

[coledvids]

At this point I would make up an excuse and not meet her at all. To meet her under the pretense of friendship would be kind of dishonest Imo. Also what's the point since she has already rejected you and it doesn't seem like she wants to be your friend tbh with you.

 

I'd keep being being "friendly"/cordial to her but keep my distance. Anyting not work related would be off limits.

 

I mean, she seems willing to meet up and was suggesting different events that we could go to, stuff like that. I think deep down what you're suggesting is probably the right thing to do.

 

While I don't really like the word 'dishonest' (to me that implies a negative aim) - I see what you mean. I am trying to build my friendship circle up a bit (had a rough break up, came out of abusive relationship with no friends) and it does feel good to be social.... but I get where you are coming from and I don't disagree.

 

She'll be around tomorrow so I think I'm going to just try and keep a bit of distance at this stage. I'll say hey and stuff, but... yeah... lol.

Edited March 14, 2018 by coledvids

[LoverOfDance]

I honestly don't know what you should do specifically. I didn't actually say you should keep your distance. I said you should proceed with caution, that is, don't nurture your feelings. They will only grow if you nurture them and I don't think you should do that with someone who is either not interested or lukewarm about you.

 

You never really know with this kind of situation. Life is not a straight line and there are no set rules. If you want to hang out with her, hang out with her. You never really know where things might end up. A good way to manage your feelings and avoid nurturing them, would be to divide your attention - date others and if you have something you're passionate about, focus on that as opposed to focusing a lot of energy on her. Hope that makes sense..?

[coledvids]

So...

 

Yesterday we spent the whole day together and she told me that she does like me, and that she said the 'friends' thing because she knew I was trying to ask her out on a date (which I knew she knew) and at that time she felt too shy to agree as a date.

 

So yeah. We've also just spent three days together in a row which is a total jump from not even really speaking much.. we seem to really get on (which I knew from the first coffee, anyway) and it's fun being around her. I make her laugh a lot and she tells me that she hasn't laughed like that in a long time.

 

She hasn't dated/been with anyone for two years and is very hesitant to do so - not sure if she's been hurt or what but... from what she talked about with me, I see that she's worried about getting into something with someone new.

 

This is one of the strangest situations I've found myself in lol. I think she's incredibly sweet. I'm amazed I've managed to hold her attention for such a long time, lol.