Author coledvids Posted March 7, 2018 Author Share Posted March 7, 2018 It sounds like she likes you. I think your plan to find out if she's seeing anyone & proceed from there is sound. When you say you work together is this your career or a job? If it's a job meaning something you are doing while going to school or looking for your "real job" , don't sweat the dating a co-worker thing. This is a full-time position in quite a small group that is going to last for the next two years, at least. For both of us. We've both just kind of started. Yeah, invite her out, ask leading questions, try touch, etc. This is my plan Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 The coffee in this instance was a test, tbh. I'm definitely going to escalate to something other than a coffee in the office canteen... men normally ask me out for dinner.....boys might suggest a movie....i choose the dinner date....dinner for two is never a hang out......deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 , don't sweat the dating a co-worker thing. well it really depends on how much you like your job and paying for things such as rent and food and car 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 coledivds, say to her, " I'd love to (or like to) take you to a great restaurant on 232nd St where they serve kool aid and crackers. They're super good (delish, to die for, whatever your term is) and it's a fun place to go! Wanna go with me Friday night, sevenish?" When she says yes then say, OK, does seven work for you? If you have a little time to talk get her on the subject of food and ask where she likes to eat then say, "I'd like to (or love to) take you there Saturday night, we'd have a blast and get great food, too!" When you say you want to take her somewhere it puts her in a place of being taken care of. Women love to be with a guy who can take over and protect them. A guy who takes care of them makes them feel as if he clues into their femininity. So nice, even for independent women to feel like a woman and feel like you're a man! Not two buddies hanging out together! i.e.. the song, "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman!" That's what most of us want (ok there are exceptions to the rule, but they're rare!) Another way you could ask is if you can get her talking about food, movies, whatever and then enthusiastically say, "Hey, we should go see such and such Saturday night! We'd have a great time, I'll get you popcorn, a coke, a candy bar, more candy, another coke..." Just have fun with the invite if you can. If you're not feeling the vibe to be super energetic and fun don't force it. Just leave it at, "I'll get you some popcorn! We'll have a great time." (the bolded, I'll get you popcorn, etc. is you planning ahead, taking care of her) You are energetically selling her on the place or the activity, not on yourself. But, she will think you're the fun part of it because you'll be talking up the activity, with a very upbeat vibe! Plus, she already likes you! Do not use the word date. If you set up a time with her to take her out, she'll know it's a date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 This is a full-time position in quite a small group that is going to last for the next two years, at least. For both of us. We've both just kind of started. Yeah, invite her out, ask leading questions, try touch, etc. This is my plan Don't do it. Your company is too small. If thinks don't work out you will screw up your job. Things will be awkward & weird & there will be no where to hide. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 well it really depends on how much you like your job and paying for things such as rent and food and car That's why I asked whether it was a job or his career. Certain jobs are fungible & it's easy to get another one. I dated co-workers all the time when I was working my way through college & grad school as bartender. If things got weird, I just moved on to a different bar; it wasn't hard. Once I started my career, I never dated co-workers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author coledvids Posted March 7, 2018 Author Share Posted March 7, 2018 Don't do it. Your company is too small. If thinks don't work out you will screw up your job. Things will be awkward & weird & there will be no where to hide. Alright alright, you got me. It's not a job - it's a place where we see each other but if it doesn't work out, we can avoid each other. She has her own friends and I have mine. I don't want to go into detail about what this place is just in case she sees this (it's unlikely she will, but still). I'm not even necessarily aiming for something to happen - if it doesn't, it's not really a big deal... But you raise a good point - it will be quite awkward seeing her if it doesn't work out. I have no idea how I'd navigate that. My friend said to me "be careful, we've got two more years with her"... which is another reason I'm treading carefully with this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 coledivds, say to her, " I'd love to (or like to) take you to a great restaurant on 232nd St where they serve kool aid and crackers. They're super good (delish, to die for, whatever your term is) and it's a fun place to go! Wanna go with me Friday night, sevenish?" When she says yes then say, OK, does seven work for you? If you have a little time to talk get her on the subject of food and ask where she likes to eat then say, "I'd like to (or love to) take you there Saturday night, we'd have a blast and get great food, too!" When you say you want to take her somewhere it puts her in a place of being taken care of. Women love to be with a guy who can take over and protect them. A guy who takes care of them makes them feel as if he clues into their femininity. So nice, even for independent women to feel like a woman and feel like you're a man! Not two buddies hanging out together! i.e.. the song, "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman!" That's what most of us want (ok there are exceptions to the rule, but they're rare!) Another way you could ask is if you can get her talking about food, movies, whatever and then enthusiastically say, "Hey, we should go see such and such Saturday night! We'd have a great time, I'll get you popcorn, a coke, a candy bar, more candy, another coke..." Just have fun with the invite if you can. If you're not feeling the vibe to be super energetic and fun don't force it. Just leave it at, "I'll get you some popcorn! We'll have a great time." (the bolded, I'll get you popcorn, etc. is you planning ahead, taking care of her) You are energetically selling her on the place or the activity, not on yourself. But, she will think you're the fun part of it because you'll be talking up the activity, with a very upbeat vibe! Plus, she already likes you! Do not use the word date. If you set up a time with her to take her out, she'll know it's a date. amen to this..on repeat....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author coledvids Posted March 7, 2018 Author Share Posted March 7, 2018 But! Let's not forget that her and I have only been for one coffee. I haven't even asked her out again yet and I haven't even seen her again yet...she might not even be into me like that...! Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 I don't necessarily want a serious relationship - and I don't want FWB. What's left? Platonic friends? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author coledvids Posted March 7, 2018 Author Share Posted March 7, 2018 What's left? Platonic friends? Lol, no. What I meant was I'm not on the hunt for a partner, neither am I looking for some sort of hook up deal. If something happens between us that's cool, if it doesn't that's equally as cool. This has all happened by pure accident - I wasn't even looking for anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 Do not use the word date. If you set up a time with her to take her out, she'll know it's a date. What's wrong with using the word date? Please educate me. What I'm picking up on is that he wants something casual with her. He said he doesn't want FWB but that's exactly what I think he wants. Someone he gets to have sex with but nothing serious and hang out and be cool from time to time. Just ask the girl if she wants to hang out doing xyz. She won't think you're trying to be her boyfriend if you say it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 Lol, no. What I meant was I'm not on the hunt for a partner, neither am I looking for some sort of hook up deal. If something happens between us that's cool, if it doesn't that's equally as cool. This has all happened by pure accident - I wasn't even looking for anything. So you ARE okay with platonic friends then? Serious question. It could end up that way if you never make a righteous move. And maybe you won't and you'll be cool and just hang out as platonic friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author coledvids Posted March 7, 2018 Author Share Posted March 7, 2018 What's wrong with using the word date? Please educate me. What I'm picking up on is that he wants something casual with her. He said he doesn't want FWB but that's exactly what I think he wants. Someone he gets to have sex with but nothing serious and hang out and be cool from time to time. Just ask the girl if she wants to hang out doing xyz. She won't think you're trying to be her boyfriend if you say it that way. Define casual? I can't say that I want something SERIOUS at this stage; she may not be looking for that. I reallllllly don't want FWB. No way. I would like it ideally if we became a couple, but at the same time, I have had one coffee with her - I can't then go from that to saying hi I'd like us to be a fully committed couple. We've had one conversation - I don't know enough about her to make that decision. This is the getting to know her phase, if anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author coledvids Posted March 7, 2018 Author Share Posted March 7, 2018 So you ARE okay with platonic friends then? Serious question. It could end up that way if you never make a righteous move. And maybe you won't and you'll be cool and just hang out as platonic friends. I intend to make a move - whether it's touching her hands, telling her she's cute, whatever. I have to find out whether she's even single. We've had one coffee. The next time I see her we will be surrounded by people. I already intend to ask her out this weekend. Can't move it any faster than that 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author coledvids Posted March 7, 2018 Author Share Posted March 7, 2018 Also... she's been pursuing me for a number of weeks. This has ranged from looking at me from a distance, maintaining eye contact... intermittently trying to talk to me/find out my social media, sitting with me, asking me my name... other people have noticed this too... at first I didn't pay much attention until she actually stopped me and asked me for my instagram (this was all she said, once I gave it to her she ran out - you could tell she was nervous/shy). I took the initiative and grabbed her number from a WhatsApp group and asked her out directly; she said yes. We've had one coffee - I'm seeing her twice more this week (not dates) and hopefully she'll say yes to the weekend... At the weekend is when I'll move things forward, in that case. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 Define casual? I can't say that I want something SERIOUS at this stage; she may not be looking for that. I reallllllly don't want FWB. No way. I would like it ideally if we became a couple, but at the same time, I have had one coffee with her - I can't then go from that to saying hi I'd like us to be a fully committed couple. We've had one conversation - I don't know enough about her to make that decision. This is the getting to know her phase, if anything. You're right it is the getting to know her phase, however, men love to say "I don't want a serious relationship". If you know that then you must mean it. I take them seriously at least. Then I find out that what they really mean is that they want to take some time to get to know each other and find out where things will naturally go. That is different than proclaiming "IDONTWANTARELATIONSHIP". Taking the get to know you stance is fine, as long as you're okay with not having sex either, which you said you were. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 What's wrong with using the word date? Please educate me. What I'm picking up on is that he wants something casual with her. He said he doesn't want FWB but that's exactly what I think he wants. Someone he gets to have sex with but nothing serious and hang out and be cool from time to time. Just ask the girl if she wants to hang out doing xyz. She won't think you're trying to be her boyfriend if you say it that way. Because it's so friggin lame. I've never used the word date in my life when asking a girl out. Never. Ever. It smacks of insecurity like you've got to clarify because most women only see you as a friend and you're not confident that her response means she likes you. Lame lame lame. Don't say date. And don't ask her to tag along because you are going anyway. As stated in a previous post, make your intention known that you want to take HER out. Sounds like she digs you. Get in there brother! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author coledvids Posted March 7, 2018 Author Share Posted March 7, 2018 You're right it is the getting to know her phase, however, men love to say "I don't want a serious relationship". If you know that then you must mean it. I take them seriously at least. Then I find out that what they really mean is that they want to take some time to get to know each other and find out where things will naturally go. That is different than proclaiming "IDONTWANTARELATIONSHIP". Taking the get to know you stance is fine, as long as you're okay with not having sex either, which you said you were. Lol, wow. I would have sex if it was part of the relationship deal, but not as FWB alone. Ideally, I would LOVE a serious relationship (with her - she seems so far to my type, very artistic and creative) but I am wise enough to know that it may not materialise in that way. So I am getting to know her. That's what this is. I don't even know her! She's pretty, and we get on (so far) but we might have differing political views or any other number of things that stop us from taking it further. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 Because it's so friggin lame. I've never used the word date in my life when asking a girl out. Never. Ever. It smacks of insecurity like you've got to clarify because most women only see you as a friend and you're not confident that her response means she likes you. Lame lame lame. Don't say date. And don't ask her to tag along because you are going anyway. As stated in a previous post, make your intention known that you want to take HER out. Sounds like she digs you. Get in there brother! What a surprise.... we don't agree on anything. I really don't know why you respond to my posts... The reason why you use the word date is to let the girl know that it's more than a friendly hang out. It's more in HOW you say it. Be cool, be smooth. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 Lol, wow. I would have sex if it was part of the relationship deal, but not as FWB alone. Ideally, I would LOVE a serious relationship (with her - she seems so far to my type, very artistic and creative) but I am wise enough to know that it may not materialise in that way. So I am getting to know her. That's what this is. I don't even know her! She's pretty, and we get on (so far) but we might have differing political views or any other number of things that stop us from taking it further. Perfect! This is good. Popsicle. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 What a surprise.... we don't agree on anything. I really don't know why you respond to my posts... The reason why you use the word date is to let the girl know that it's more than a friendly hang out. It's more in HOW you say it. Be cool, be smooth. I was about to say the same to you You wanted to be educated, I obliged. I would bet that I've got more experience picking up women than you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coledvids Posted March 7, 2018 Author Share Posted March 7, 2018 I was about to say the same to you You wanted to be educated, I obliged. I would bet that I've got more experience picking up women than you. Where's the popcorn.... Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 I was about to say the same to you You wanted to be educated, I obliged. I would bet that I've got more experience picking up women than you. I was talking to the person who made that post, not you. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 Define casual? I can't say that I want something SERIOUS at this stage; she may not be looking for that. I reallllllly don't want FWB. No way. I would like it ideally if we became a couple, but at the same time, I have had one coffee with her - I can't then go from that to saying hi I'd like us to be a fully committed couple. We've had one conversation - I don't know enough about her to make that decision. This is the getting to know her phase, if anything. hmmmmm...you just dont want to mention the word commitment...i feel a big difference between men and boys is they know what they want and they go for it....of course a coupledom doesnt come from one coffee date but what does come is a man and a woman on the same page looking for the same thing...to know that thing....is a good start.... i want a guy i potentially see as more than friends to know what he wants before i date them....fi he is looking for a long term relationship then im might be the woman who is right for him....notice i say might be right for him....time will tell that....the beginning starts with two people moving in the same direction wanting the same thing....if its a view to long term commitment...adults should be able to say that openly and without hesitation....its one of the questions i ask even before i accept a date.... guys that balk and go nothin serious ya know maybe ...down the track if we get along.........whatever you decide....i tell them nicely...im not the one for you.....i ask men outright ....are you looking for a sexual relationship off the bat....again most are honest.....and say yeah im lookin for some fun not really wanting to be serious...then again its no im not the right one for you and i wish them well.... you need to know what you want if you want to find someone travelling in the same direction you are...doesnt mean you buy the ring and propose on a second date.......you just state what you are after when asked and if you are asked...its good to have a decided response in mind so you dont go err ahhh ummm not sure what i want.what ever you want babe......most adults know what they want....and mature minded honest peoples are the ones who should date because they dont waste any ones time money or feelings on a no go..........deb.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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